Falling in Love

by Gudrun Frerichs

  Still drowsy, Anna smiled and cleared her throat. “Did you guys have a pleasant time?”

  “We did, and the boys said Hello, they’ll be over tonight for a BBQ.” Thea sat on the bed and watched Anna sitting up. “You look much better than this morning. Got more life in your eyes.”

  “Thank you, sweetie. The flight was horrendous. I felt nauseous from Athens to Auckland, blaming it on the smelly person next to me. But that wasn’t fair. I’m one of these people blessed with a double dose of morning sickness that hasn’t got the memo it’s supposed to stop after the first trimester.”

  Thea winked at her. “Poor baby, I know what you’re talking about.”

  At that moment Christine and Claudia burst into the room.

  “Are we having a meeting here?” Claudia jumped on the foot end of Anna’s bed. “You missed a magnificent morning. The water was gorgeous.”

  “I’m surprised you noticed the water at all. Howard was all over you today. He’s caught the love bug, or he has a guilty conscience. Any idea what got into him?” Christine joined the other three with a wide grin on her face.

  They all laughed, but Anna knew the invisible elephant in the room, and it was up to her to chase it away.

  “Listen, I’m very sorry. The hardest thing about this pregnancy is that I am disappointing you. We’ve made all these wonderful plans about what to do after Uni. Our plans for this flat, our trip to India, and buying a beach house…” Anna paused and rubbed her forehead. “I won’t be able to pull my weight. You guys will have to do all that without me. I won’t have the money. I have to find a way to study, work, and look after the baby.”

  “You could always have an abortion.” Christine raised her eyebrows.

  “That’s not an option.”

  “I’m not saying you should. I’d never say that. We always talked about having kids and stuff. Thea always dreamed of being a mother, but you wanted a career first. It seems you jumped the gun by a few years.” Christine folded her hands behind her back and leaned against the wall. “So how did it happen?”

  “How it all began? After the conference, I hitchhiked down the Italian coast with this Australian girl, Leonie. We’d met in Vienna. Her university had sponsored her as well to attend the conference. It was the most mind-blowing experience meeting the world’s most famous…”

  Claudia interrupted. “Tell us about the conference later. Stay with the baby story, please, or I’ll explode from curiosity.”

  “Sorry. Yes. So here we are, hitchhiking to Venice and from there down the coast. In Lerici, a charming little seaside village in Tuscany, the guys who gave us a lift invited us to a beach party.”

  “Beach party? You? That’s very suspicious. Were you on something?” Christine tossed her head back and laughed so hard, she banged her head against the wall. “Ouch.”

  “Serves you right. I’m not as stuffy as you make me out.”

  “Shall we take a vote to find out?” It looked like Christine couldn’t stop laughing.

  Anna yawned and closed her eyes. “If you keep interrupting me, I’ll go to bed again.”

  “Please, don’t. I have to go home soon,” Thea said and sent Christine a frown. “Behave!”

  “At the beach party I met a young Italian; we danced and drank and had a jolly marvellous time. He was gorgeous and a sensational kisser. And I mean sensational with a capital S. We spent the entire night together. Dancing, talking, singing, having sex. It was magical. It was romantic. It was out of this world. The earth moved. What can I say? We didn’t exchange names. It was more exciting that way, and I didn’t give a hoot about conventions.”

  “You?” Thea asked. Gripped by Anna’s story, she almost slid off the bed. “Mrs. Proper and always going-by-the-book? Playing the carefree spirit? Was that you or your rebellious alter ego?”

  “I don’t know, guys, traveling changes people. There were no rules to live by. There was just the moment. I didn’t even think to question anything. You’ve got to understand, there was nothing sleazy or unsavory about it. It was just out of this world romantic.” Anna let out a blissful sigh, and her gaze drifted to a place in her mind only she could visit.

  “I’d give my left foot to have seen that.” Christine got up and squinted at her friend as if she looked for any signs of the new Anna. “I love you, but you are as stuffy as they come. You and a Tuscan affair? That’s hard to swallow.” She shook her head. “I’m getting another drink. Does anybody else want something from the kitchen?”

  “I’ll have a glass of water, please.” Anna waited until Christine came back.

  “Two days later Leonie and I took the train to Rome. That was it. For the next few weeks, I toured Rome, Naples, Pompeii, Amalfi Coast, and crossed the Adriatic Sea from Bari to Greece. I got sick on the boat but put it down to seasickness. When the sickness didn’t stop after two weeks, I went to a doctor. I was five weeks late. He confirmed I was pregnant.”

  “You continued the tour as if nothing happened? How could you do that?” Now it was Thea’s turn to regard Anna with disbelief.

  “I had already paid for it. Letting the money go to waste? I’m not that stupid. Who knows if I can travel ever again? So, here I am. That’s it. That’s all!”

  “Oh. My. God. You talk as if it’s a weather report.” Thea stared at her, aghast. “What about the guy, the father of the child? What about love?”

  “Love? Thea, get real. I met this lovely guy. Yes, there was chemistry, but love? You’re reading too many romance novels, dear. Real-life doesn’t work like this. I’m seventeen weeks pregnant. That’s the gist.”

  Claudia leaned over to Anna. “Have you told your parents?”

  “No. I’d rather tell them in person than send a letter saying I’ve been knocked-up by an eighteen-year-old Italian. Anyhow, you know my parents are not at all interested in my life and me. They didn’t even blink an eye when I told them I won the sponsorship for the conference.”

  “Eighteen years?” Claudia almost fell off the bed.

  “How was I to know how old he was? He looked much older. I only found out the day I left. Imagine me almost leaping out of my skin. I’m not known for picking my boyfriends out of the playground. I couldn’t catch the train quick enough.”

  “What a colossal mess. What are you going to do now?” Christine looked shaken.

  Underneath all that bravado, Christine was just as conservative and ambitious as Anna. She knew she had to give her friends some time to let the news sink in.

  “Good question. Trust me, if I had any idea, I would be in much better shape. I have about six months to find the best way forward. I need to finish my studies so I can earn a living for Blueberry and me. I’ll see how I go.”

  “Blueberry?” Claudia looked surprised around the room. “Who’s that?”

  “That’s my working title for this little one.” She patted her tummy and tried to crawl through her friends to get off the bed. “When I saw the doctor in Greece, he said the fetus was the size of a blueberry.”

  “What a mess. I didn’t see that coming.” Christine vaulted off the bed and paced the room, both hands fisted at her sides.

  “Hey, guys, don’t be so negative. We survived my becoming pregnant. And you all fell in love with Barbara the moment she let out her first cry.” Thea’s voice had a slight tremble and Anna could have kissed her at that moment, for trying to keep their little family intact.

  Christine turned around, almost angrily. “Yes, but Graham married you and provided an income. You were in Seventh Heaven with your bulge and the prospect of playing wife and mother. Anna doesn’t have the same luxury. At worst, she has to make ends meet on a benefit of $200 a week.”

  “Please guys, don’t panic. If other young mothers can do it, so can I. I want to enjoy the pregnancy as much as I can. I know there are things to sort out, but most of all; I don’t want to look at it as a problem, but a blessing. I made a promise. Whatever happens, this baby will be the most loved child on the planet.�
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  Even though Claudia had turned her back and was leaving the room, Anna would bet twenty dollars that Claudia was rolling her eyes. Her friends didn’t know what it meant to grow up feeling unwanted and unloved. Her child would have a different experience even if she had to put her career on hold. She rested her hand on her tummy. I won’t let you down, Blueberry.

  Chapter Four

  Returning home from the girls’ flat an hour later, Thea slammed the door on the muggy heat that stretched its fiery talons out to her and turned even the simple act of breathing into hard labor. In the dark hallway, lit only by the sun’s rays streaming through stained glass transom lights, she threw her bag on the chair. A sheen of perspiration glistened on her skin and her hair stuck to her damp neck. If they had a swimming pool in the backyard, she could cool down. But their budget hadn’t stretched far enough when they bought this cottage.

  Graham had promised her a swimming pool, a modern kitchen, and an en-suite bathroom with the next house, but she had to be patient. It was hard saving money for a bigger house, living only on one income.

  She gasped for air as she walked through their small three-bedroom-house and opened the windows in every room. It was hot for December. So hot, her dress stuck to her back and the usually lush green grass in her front garden had turned to hay even before it was cut.

  She pushed the straps of her summer dress off her shoulders and let it drop to the ground. That was better. After a brief hesitation, bra and knickers followed suit. Who was there to judge her? As long as she was alone at home, she would do whatever she wanted. No husband looked at her with disdain and called her slutty. No well-meaning parent gave her a lecture about appropriate conduct. Walking around naked and soaking up every hint of a breeze that stole in through the open windows was bliss.

  She’d revert to the demure housewife and mother as soon as Graham showed up in the driveway. Till then, she was free. The word rolled off her tongue. Freedom. What Freedom? As sad as it sounded, it was true. She’d given up on freedom the moment she’d agreed to marry Graham. She didn’t know it then, but she knew it now.

  Loud music blasted over from the neighboring house. She sighed and went into the kitchen. The breakfast dishes glared at her from the kitchen counter. More evidence that she was neglecting her part of the marriage deal. She rinsed a glass and filled it with iced tea from the fridge, gulped it down, and refilled it. Then she did the dishes.

  Otherwise, Graham would have a fit. As much as she would like the whole soul mate and happy ever after myth to be real, it was just a trap to keep young women in line. And in line meant staying at home, waiting on hubby, and raising the child.

  She picked up her glass, walked through the French door out to the back porch, and dropped into her mother’s old wicker chair. Apathy sank like a dense fog over her. Every time she came back from the girls’ house the loss from not living with them anymore cut deep. Combined with the trap her marriage had turned out to be, it threatened to crush her.

  A tear stole down her cheek. She would love to talk to her friends and her parents about the disaster of her marriage, but she couldn’t. If she kept it secret, she could pretend her life wasn’t a total train wreck. What was wrong with her? She wasn’t one of these battered women who didn’t dare to breathe without their husband’s permission. Graham never laid a hand on her.

  Anna had come back from her vacation being pregnant. Anna would deal with it. She had options. She didn’t let parents or people’s opinions pressure her into something she wasn’t ready for.

  “I am such a loser.” Thea’s whisper drowned in the sounds of Van Halen’s Pretty Woman, floating over from the neighbor’s house, caressing her like a lover’s breath.

  She shivered. A flurry of clouds nudged in front of the sun, casting a shadow over her backyard. She rose and went into her bedroom. Her nudist moment was over. She pulled a sarong out of the drawer. A reminder of happier times spent with Graham on vacation in Fiji.

  But first, she would have a long shower. On her way to the bathroom, she stopped in front of the full-length mirror. Even though she was only twenty-four years old, she felt old and worn out. With her fingers, she followed the lines on her stomach the pregnancy had left. With that thought came a gush of warmth. She had no right to be envious of Anna. Raising a child by herself, studying, and making it on her own might be right for Anna. Thea knew it was never something she could have done.

  All she’d ever wanted was to be a mother and take care of people. She’d never dreamed of a high-powered career. She’d even chosen to become a teacher with future children of her own in mind. Only Anna and Christine took the academic path and dreamed of successful careers. She felt the closest to Claudia who would be an excellent nurse once she’d finished her training.

  Thea stepped into the shower and winced as the icy stream of water stung her hot skin. Once used to the cold, she spread shower gel over her body, massaging it into her legs and arms and smoothing it over her chest. A content sigh escaped her lips as she inhaled the luxurious scent of vanilla and coconut that filled the small shower cubicle.

  As always, the smell evoked images of their vacation in Fiji two years ago. That was the last time she could remember feeling at ease around Graham. Something had happened after that and damned if she knew what it was. Whenever she brought it up, he raised his eyebrows and told her with effortless superiority that she imagined things and made a fuss about nothing.

  The sound of the garden gate closing tore her out of her thoughts. She froze. Then her breath came in gasps, and her heart hammered. Graham was early. Her hands trembled as she grabbed her towel for a quick dab before she slung the sarong around her body. Her mind raced through her list of chores. The house was clean, she’d done the dishes, she’d put away Barbara’s toys, and she’d prepared the Beef Wellington he ordered for dinner.

  She was ready for him. Just breathe!

  Chapter Five

  Thea watched him walking up to the house with a mixture of fear and something else she could only describe as an acidic lump in her throat that wouldn’t budge. He stopped at the white rose bushes, frowned, and broke off a handful of dead flower heads. When he spotted her standing at the front door, he dipped his head to the roses and shrugged. She knew then she should have done some gardening instead of wasting time sitting on the porch if she’d wanted to avoid another argument.

  People who met Graham for the first time found him quite dashing. Christine, with her sharp tongue, called him baby-face. The more surprising it was when his blue eyes turned hard as steel. She shivered. He didn’t look pleased, and the heat didn’t help. Her husband, always so proud of his immaculate appearance, looked tired and hot.

  His white shirt tucked into his dress jeans showed dark splotches around his armpits where sweat had soaked it. He raked his fingers through his thinning hair. At thirty-four, he already fought the daily fight with hair-growth-products. Thea bit back a grin. Good to know he wasn’t one hundred percent perfect.

  “I haven’t stopped you from visiting your friends,” Graham said. “But I will do so when you neglect my home and my family. Our deal was, I go to the office, even on a Saturday as you can see, and you keep the house in order and look after Barbara.” He pushed past her into the house and went straight into the bedroom. He didn’t even wait for her response.

  “Good afternoon to you too,” she whispered as he closed the bathroom door.

  She perched on the wide, steel surrounded armrest of the black leather couch and towel-dried her wet hair. Even though they’d lived here for almost five years, the house didn’t feel like her home. Graham had chosen all the furniture. She would have gone for comfort, playfulness, and warmth. With a curt this is not a kindergarten; he’d dismissed her choices and went for furniture he thought would impress the clients he sometimes brought home for dinner parties.

  Tired of the constant verbal battles, she gave up fighting for what she wanted. She hated herself for her cowardice. A crashi
ng sound and loud cursing coming from the shower put her on edge. She held her breath and listened.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Bloody shower gel is empty. You took the last bit. Is it so difficult to replace it?”

  She didn’t quite hear what he said after that, but it sounded very much like dumb cow. Of course, it was her fault. Like everything else that went wrong in his life. He probably held her responsible for the heatwave too. Hey, why stop there. Why not throw in global warming and the hole in the ozone layer?

  If only she had the guts to walk away. Pack her bag, her daughter, and just walk away. Or maybe he could be run over by a car? No, no, she didn’t wish him any harm, just wanted him to disappear out of her life. She could move back with the girls and breathe again. Live again.

  And make the same mistake all over again? Falling for a smooth-talking, good-looking misogynist? The voice in the back of her mind made her cringe. Would she make the same mistake? Falling for flowers, boxes of chocolates, and passionate declarations? Because that’s what happened. She’d met Graham after she started teacher’s college. He’d swept her away in a wave of enthusiastic and loving courtship. Tada! Drum roll. Witness the start of the most romantic love story ever written.

  Yeah right.

  When she fell pregnant, he proposed, and she was in heaven. Not just any heaven. Heaven with a capital H. She had what she always wanted. A family, a husband, and a child. She snorted. She’d even pitied her friends who drifted from one meaningless relationship to another. How stupid was that?

  Graham was right calling her stupid. She took years to wake up and smell the roses. When they met, she wore the mother of rose-colored glasses, while he had a cunning plan. And it worked, didn’t it? He made partner in her father’s law practice the day Barbara was born. Houston, the Eagle has landed. Mission accomplished. Not a giant step for mankind but a giant leap for Graham.

  “Where is my blue Lacoste T-shirt?”