by Liwen Y. Ho
Brows drawn together in suspicion, she took the shoebox he handed her. She lifted the lid and gasped. “Mikey! You bought the heels for me? I can’t believe it. I’m so happy I could kiss you right now. Thank you!”
Micah’s heart skipped at the thought of her mouth on his. As unexpected as the idea was, it also sounded wonderful. He puckered up his lips in anticipation when she threw her arms around him. Her mouth landed on his cheek though, sending a deep surge of disappointment through his body. Never mind. It was better this way, he tried to convince himself as they separated. “You’re welcome. Consider yourself special. I’ve never given shoes to anyone before, you know, because of that Chinese saying.”
“What saying?”
“My grandparents told me when I was young that if you give shoes to someone, they’ll walk away from you.”
“I didn’t think you were superstitious.”
“I’m not. I have too much faith in God to believe in superstitions, but that saying always stuck with me for some reason.”
“Maybe because of what your parents went through? Their separation really impacted you. It makes sense that you wouldn’t want to do anything to jinx a relationship.”
He nodded. “You have a point. That’s a good analysis for someone who’s not a counselor.”
She planted a hand on her hip. “I’m your sister, Mikey; that’s better than being your counselor. I know you better than most people. I might even know you better than yourself.”
Her cheeky grin tugged on his heart. How he wished she knew his heart’s desires. “You do know me pretty well. I’m happy you like the shoes. I hope you’ll put them to good use.”
“Don’t worry, I will.” She hugged the box against her chest and squealed. “Thank you, Mikey. You’re the best.”
If her words were true, then why did he feel second-rate? If only she felt the same way about him as she did this pair of shoes.
* * *
Present Day (December)
Knock, knock.
Micah looked up from his desk to find Lucy standing in the open doorway to his office. Her expression mirrored those of the students who got referred to him for counseling: unsure and wary. He expected that kind of reaction from his teenage clients, but not from his longtime friend. But the way he’d been treating her lately didn’t resemble friendship. They’d grown apart again, and he had no one to blame but himself.
He couldn’t be around Lucy and pretend everything was okay. Things weren’t okay. He hated that she had another man’s ring on her finger. He’d been avoiding her, but staying away wasn’t the solution either. If he really cared for her—if he loved her like he knew he did—he had to do more. He couldn’t sit by and let her marry John.
“Hi Mikey, do you have a minute?”
“Yeah, sure, come in.” He closed a client file and shoved it into the bottom drawer of his desk. “How are you?”
“I’m okay.” She entered and paused by the chair across from him. She held a small flat box wrapped in silver paper and tied with a blue ribbon. She set it on his table and pushed it forward. “I wanted to give this to you in case we don’t see each other over break. Merry Christmas.”
“Aren’t our families getting together next week?”
She twisted the engagement ring on her left hand. “I won’t be able to make it to brunch. I’m taking the rest of the week off and flying to Kauai with John. We’re checking out some vendors we want to use for the wedding.”
This was news to him. “You’re getting married in Kauai?”
“Probably. It was my idea. I was going to do all the planning online, but John insisted we see the places in person. He got a few days off, so we’re going.” She gave him a small smile as she gestured toward the box. “Anyways, I thought I’d drop your gift off. Open it.”
The last thing Micah wanted was to open his present. Shake some sense into her? Yes. Declare his love for her? Maybe. Instead, he took the gift and undid the bow. “I haven’t finished my shopping yet,” he began to apologize when she cut him off.
“It’s okay. I didn’t expect anything. I just wanted to give this to you.”
He ripped away the wrapping paper and opened the box inside to reveal a silver 5x7 frame. Inside the frame was a picture of the two of them at their first dinner together. They sat at the kiddie table in his parents’ house, both smiling over their plates full of half-eaten pot-stickers. He’d been on the cusp of adolescence and remembered staring at himself in the mirror that morning, searching his upper lip area for traces of a non-existent mustache. Lucy had her hair held back in a long French braid that hung over one shoulder. She had dyed it recently back to her original color, so that it resembled the auburn shade in the photo. Even at the age of ten, she’d been so beautiful, and they had looked so carefree. He swallowed past the lump growing in his throat. “I forgot we took pictures that night. Where did you get this?”
“My mom was looking through some old photos to find inspiration for a painting and she found it. It’s nice, isn’t it?”
He met her gaze. “It’s … perfect. Thank you, Lucy.” He propped open the stand on the back of the frame and set the photo on his desk. “I love it.”
“I’m so glad. I didn’t really know what to get you this year, but I thought you can’t go wrong with a good memory.” She glanced over her shoulder at the open door. Most of the students had left campus by now, but there were still a few office staff walking around. When the hallway cleared up, she approached his desk and leaned against it. Her brows knit together as she spoke. “I hope this picture reminds you of how much our friendship means to me. I know we’ve been going through some changes and will probably go through some more after I”—she swallowed—“get married, but you’ll always be my friend. You’ll always be one of my closest friends, Mikey, my best friend. Please know that.”
His hands clenched tightly in his lap until he could feel the blunt tips of his fingernails digging into his palms. That was the problem; he didn’t want to be her best friend. Plus, he doubted John would be okay with him keeping that title after they got married. He wanted more, a lot more. “I know how you feel and I appreciate what you’re saying. But ... I don’t think I can stay friends with you. In fact, I know I don’t want to be friends—”
“Don’t!” She sprang to her feet. “You don’t need to say anymore. I get it.”
“No, Luce, you don’t understand, that’s not what I meant.”
“It’s okay, Micah, you don’t need to explain. It’s not the first time things have changed between us, but I was hoping we could weather through it like we have in the past. But I guess maybe we can’t.” She turned on her heels. “I need to go. Have a good break. I’ll see you around.”
Lucy was out of his office before he could wrap his head around what had happened. Why hadn’t he come out and told her how he felt? Why? Because there was so much at stake. Not only would he be breaking her and John up, he would be putting their friendship on the line. Even worse, what if she rejected him? Lucy was right; rejection could be a terrible consequence of bravery. The two were the sides of the same coin; without the fear of rejection, one wouldn’t need to be brave.
He sighed as a Bible verse from 1 John 4:18 came to mind: There is no fear in love. That was the bottom line. If he loved Lucy, he had to let go of his fears. For the sake of their friendship and their future, he was going to do just that. He prayed it wasn’t too late.
Declaration
December - 1 year ago
Lucy
“This is amazing, Luce. Thank you. I feel like a celebrity.”
The look on Micah’s face when they arrived at the Curran Theater in San Francisco had been worth all the trouble she’d gone through. Using some old connections of hers, she’d managed to get tickets to the Bay Area premiere of Chris Pratt’s newest movie. It was the perfect evening and she had the perfect date at her side. Micah looked so handsome in his tux; she’d caught several women in the crowd gawking at him. Bu
t he was all hers tonight—in a strictly platonic sense, of course. “You’re welcome, big bro. One perfect Christmas gift deserves another. Plus, it gives me the chance to wear these awesome heels you got me. Don’t they go great with this dress?”
He gave her an appreciative once-over as they stood outside the roped-off entrance. “You make anything look good. Just try not to fall. Those extra four inches make you look like you’re walking on stilts.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve had plenty of practice.” She presented her photo ID and the email confirmation on her phone to the security guard. He unhooked the rope and allowed them to pass. Lucy glanced over her shoulder as she stepped onto the red carpet. “Come on, Mikey! This is it, my favorite part of the night.”
He caught up to her, his eyes open wide. “Are we supposed to pose or something? I have no idea what to do.”
“Just smile and have fun. If we’re lucky enough to get our picture taken, don’t look directly at the flash. Keep your eyes focused on the black hole of the camera lens. Just a tip I picked up from my last premiere.”
“How many have you been to?”
“Just two.” She took the arm he offered her as they began walking. “Tonight is more special though. I didn’t have a special accessory to hold on to last time.”
Micah touched the lapel of his tuxedo jacket near his heart. “Ouch. That’s all I am to you—an accessory?”
She laughed at the exaggerated hurt in his voice. “Would you prefer the term arm candy instead?”
“Hm … as long as you like me for more than my looks,” he winked. He reached for her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers.
Her mind immediately went blank. So much for coming up with a witty comeback. Her skin tingled from her fingers straight up her arm. Could this be a romantic gesture? No. He was just being nice and brotherly … right? And likely feeling overwhelmed by the fleet of paparazzi on either side of them. Although the cameras weren’t pointed in their direction, the accumulation of flashes going off around them was as blinding as a snowstorm. Squeezing his hand, she quickly led him to the auditorium doors. They handed over their cell phones at the security checkpoint and went through the metal detectors before heading inside.
“Is the concessions stand open?” Micah asked. “We can’t watch a movie without popcorn.”
“You and your popcorn. You’re in luck.” She pointed to the counter across the way and pulled him over. “These are all free. Take your pick.”
“No way. I need to come to more of these events.” He grabbed a large bucket of butter-laced popcorn. “What do you want to drink?”
“I’ll have water. I don’t want to risk getting soda on this dress.” The floor-length off-the-shoulder gown she’d rented had set her back a bit, but it was still cheaper than buying one. With her hair in a fancy updo, she felt as glamorous as a movie star … or a girl at her prom. An old memory surfaced of Micah coming to rescue her so many years ago. He was such a good guy, always watching out for her. She was happy to be able to treat him tonight. “How about you?”
“Water for me, too.”
She grabbed two bottles of water with one hand since the other one was still happily in Micah’s possession. They strode into the theater and climbed the stairs together. When they reached their row, Micah let her choose a seat first, then sat down beside her. He promptly let go of her hand to balance the bucket of popcorn on the arm rest between them. Darn. That one action snapped her back to reality. She needed to stop reading into his actions. She grabbed a handful of popcorn, ready to focus on something else. “Thanks.”
He flashed her a giddy smile. “This is so cool. This movie got really good reviews.”
“Yeah, well, unfortunately, the showing for Ice Queen was all sold out,” she drawled with sarcasm. “This was the only choice left.”
“Ice Queen? Is that a real movie?”
“No, Mikey, it’s a joke. Remember how you took me, Lexi, and Hope to watch Ice Princess?”
“That’s right, I forgot about that. I might’ve repressed the memory since it threatened my manhood.”
“Ha ha, very funny.”
Micah turned in his seat to face her. “Do you remember how insistent you were that day? You’d just turned thirteen and said I had to buy you an adult ticket. You wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
Of course, she did. That was also the first time she’d kissed Micah. Granted it had been a quick peck on the cheek, but that moment had been a turning point of sorts. That was the day she felt like more than Micah’s little sister—exactly what, she wasn’t sure, but it was something more. “I remember. I was trying to abide by the rules. What kind of example would I have been setting for our sisters if I’d gotten away with paying for a child’s ticket?”
“Sure, that was your motivation,” he chuckled. He then leaned close and lowered his voice. “Hey, I always wanted to ask you something about that day.”
“What?”
“Why did you get upset at me?”
“Upset? I was upset?”
“Remember how there was a girl from my class who sat with us?”
“A girl—oh yeah, what was her name? Betty or Bella?”
“Becca. You didn’t like it that I shared our popcorn with her.”
“What?” she feigned innocence. Rehashing her immature behavior from a dozen years ago was not her idea of a good time. “I had no issues with that. You must be remembering things wrong in your old age.”
“No, I remember what happened pretty clearly.”
“Nothing happened.”
“If you say so. I always wondered though … did you have a crush on me?”
“What—no,” she insisted, trying to keep her tone calm. “Don’t flatter yourself.”
He shrugged. “It’s okay if you did. Feelings like those are normal, especially when you reach puberty and the hormones start kicking in—”
“All right, thank you, Mr. Chan,” she cut in. “You don’t need to go into counselor mode on me. I’m good. I heard that talk plenty of times from my dad when I was growing up.”
“I bet you did. I’ll spare you the details then.” He cleared his throat, his expression turning serious. “Honestly though, I would’ve been flattered if you had been interested. Any guy would be lucky to have you look his way. Whoever you end up with is going to be one happy man.”
There was such a longing in his dark brown eyes that she wondered if he was talking about himself. Stop dreaming, she chided herself. It was definitely wishful thinking on her part. “I feel the same about you. You are definitely crushable, as the kids like to say.”
“As crushable as arm candy?”
“Sure. You’re crushable arm candy. How do you like the sound of that?”
He laughed. “It works.”
Their conversation was cut short when a middle-aged man appeared at the front of the theater to announce the movie. Micah turned his attention to the screen, leaving Lucy to stare at his profile in the dimming light. His words played over and over in her mind as a pit formed in her stomach. Maybe they were too close or life was too complicated for them to be anything other than friends. God help her because it was time she faced the truth. She had long given her heart to Micah, but he would never give his to her.
* * *
Present Day (December)
Lucy squinted and lowered the sunglasses resting on the top of her head. She and John had arrived on Kauai yesterday morning and had already checked out several venues: a plantation, a winery, and two hotels. They had spent most of the day talking to vendors, then retired to their separate hotel rooms at night. She knew the agenda for today would be just as crammed with visits to a bakery, a floral shop, and a photography studio.
With their return flight in two days—on Sunday, Christmas Day—it was a whirlwind of a trip. She didn’t mind the busyness though; it kept her from being alone with John who’d been pushing her to set a wedding date. And too occupied to think about Micah.
Sh
e couldn’t believe how cold he’d been when she stopped by his office to drop off his gift. It was one thing to say he didn’t want to spend one-on-one time with her, but to end their friendship? That was cruel. Sniffling, she tried to push him out of her mind.
“You okay?” John set down his mug of coffee and reached across the breakfast table for her hand. “Is it allergies?”
“Maybe. There are a lot of flowers here.” She simply nodded and hid behind her shades. She’d rather blame the colorful plants that surrounded their table on the patio than tell John the real reason for her tears.
John wiped his mouth with a napkin and pushed back his chair. “We should get going. Our appointment with the bakery is at nine.”
“Sure, let’s go.”
They drove their rental jeep from their resort by the Lihue Airport and headed west on Highway 58. Less than ten minutes later, they arrived at a small bakery situated in a strip mall. The cloying scent of sugar mixed with fruit greeted them as soon as they stepped into the shop.
Lucy spotted the display case and smiled for the first time that day. She pressed her hands against the glass and peered inside. Malasadas. The small fried balls of dough rolled in sugar brought back the best memory of her trip to Hawaii seven years ago. After she and Micah had a disagreement by the pool, he’d tried to patch things up. He’d shown up at her hotel room that afternoon with a dozen malasadas. She still remembered the contrite look on his face when she opened the door.
“Hey, Luce, can I come in?”
She motioned him inside and they both sat down on one of the double beds. An hour had passed since she returned to her room, enough time for her to calm down and think things through. Even though she wouldn’t admit it, Micah had been right. Her flirtatious behavior had been out of line. If only she had listened to him, she’d still be enjoying herself outside instead of being stuck indoors. At least he was here, and with a peace offering to boot. “What’s that?”
