Why Do Men Have Nipples?

by Mark Leyner

  There are several studies found in urology literature that look at the effect of male circumcision on male sexual satisfaction. These studies found conflicting answers.

  The effect of male circumcision on the sexual enjoyment of the female partner was also examined in a study in the British Journal of Urology. The authors concluded that “women preferred vaginal intercourse with an anatomically complete penis over that with a circumcised penis.”; Interestingly, the authors of the study also wrote and published a book entitled Sex As Nature Intended It. They also recruited some of their volunteers for the study from an announcement in an anticircumcision newsletter. We mention this not as circumcised males but as impartial interpreters of the medical literature.

  Interesting circumcision facts:

  The twelfth-century physician and rabbi Moses Maimonides advocated male circumcision for its ability to curb a man’s sexual appetite.

  Male circumcision was introduced into English-speaking countries in the late 1800s as a method of treating and preventing masturbation.

  Male circumcision, the most commonly performed surgery in the United States, removes 33 to 50 percent of the penile skin, as well as nearly all of the penile fine-touch neuroreceptors.

  DOES THE KIND OF UNDERPANTS MEN WEAR AFFECT THEIR FERTILITY?

  Everyone has a preference.

  President Clinton revealed on MTV that he preferred boxers.

  Kramer on Seinfeld said, “I need the secured packaging of jockeys. My boys need a house!”;

  The question is whether or not there is any science behind making this decision.

  It was originally thought that wearing tight underwear could lead to infertility in men as it may raise testes temperature to a point where it interferes with sperm production.

  In 1998 in The Journal of Urology, Drs. Robert Munkelwitz and Bruce R. Gilbert analyzed semen samples from ninety-seven men with fertility problems. Half of them wore briefs, the other half wore boxers. The researchers measured the men’s scrotal, internal, and skin temperatures, both while the men were wearing underwear and again when they were going commando. They found no significant differences between the two groups of men in scrotal temperature, sperm count, sperm concentration, or sperm motility.

  The purpose of the scrotum is to maintain the testes at a temperature of approximately five degrees less than the rest of the body (about 93.6 degrees F). It appears as though the scrotum does its work whether you are in boxers, briefs, or free ballin’.

  So you can make your own fashion choice and your sperm won’t know the difference.

  IS THERE REALLY A G-SPOT?

  An article in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology in 2001 called the G-spot a sort of gynecologic UFO. Well, the authors of that article may want to start readying themselves for space travel. That is, after they read this paper from Cairo University: “The Electrovaginogram: Study of the Vaginal Electric Activity and Its Role in the Sexual Act and Disorders.”; In this paper, the authors investigated the hypothesis that the vagina generates electric waves, which affect vaginal contraction during penile thrusting. They found electric waves could be recorded from the vagina. They also postulated that there was a vaginal pacemaker that seems to represent the G-spot, which is claimed to be a small area of erotic sensitivity in the vagina.

  So what is this vaginal Loch Ness Monster?

  The G-spot is simply a small area located on the upper wall of the vagina, toward the belly, about two to three inches from the vaginal opening. The G-spot was named in honor of Ernst Grafenberg, a German physician who, in the 1950s, wrote an article that mentioned an erotic zone on the anterior wall of the vagina that would swell during sexual stimulation.

  There are various opinions on the best way to find the G-spot. Some women say that being on top during intercourse works best. Others swear by rear-entry as the best way to hit the G-spot. Some even say that because of its location, a shorter, smaller penis may actually be more effective at reaching the G-spot. A clue to its location may be that some women feel a sudden urge to urinate when their G-spot is touched—not surprising since the G-spot is located right near the urethra.

  DO KEGEL EXERCISES REALLY WORK?

  For those of you who have never heard of Kegel exercises, don’t expect to see a class offered at your gym.

  Kegel exercises were originally developed as a method of controlling incontinence in women following childbirth. They’re named after Arnold Kegel, the Los Angeles doctor who promoted their development in the 1940s. The principle behind Kegel exercises is to strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor, or the pubococcygeus muscles. These muscles run from the back to the front of your pubic bone and encircle the openings of the vagina and rectum. Strengthening them helps improve the urethra and rectal sphincter function.

  These exercises are recommended for women with urinary stress incontinence, but many others do Kegel exercises for more fun reasons.

  Advocates believe that there are several benefits for a woman who exercises her vagina. They claim that it makes it easier for her to reach orgasm, makes orgasms stronger or better, and makes the vagina more sensitive.

  CAN HOT TUBS MAKE YOU INFERTILE?

  Heat is damaging to the sperm, and theoretically can affect male fertility to a certain extent. But, there is no clear scientific evidence that implicates hot tubs. There may be a temporary reduction in sperm function after a soak, and prolonged repetitive use could cause problems, but none severe enough to avoid the occasional dip.

  Saunas do not appear to influence fertility either. A few studies have reported decreased sperm count or decreased sperm movement after sauna use, but in Finland, where saunas are most common, men have high sperm counts and no apparent fertility issues.

  DO MEN NEED SEX MORE OFTEN THAN WOMEN?

  Men are often told that they have sex on the brain, and it appears as though this may be true.

  In one recent study in Nature Neuroscience, a team of researchers had twenty-eight men and women look at erotic photographs while an MRI took scans of their brain. The subjects looked at arousing photographs of heterosexual couples engaged in sexual activity, sexually attractive nudes of the opposite sex, and at pictures of men and women in nonsexual situations. When analyzing the MRI results, researchers found that two areas of the brain, the amygdala and the hypothalamus, were more activated in men than in women when viewing identical sexual stimuli.

  So, do men have sex on the brain? Of course, and do bears shit in the woods?

  We really didn’t need a team of researchers to answer this one.

  CAN A MAN EVER RUN OUT OF SPERM?

  What a nightmare. The well running dry. Could it be possible?

  The answer is no, but there is some bad news.

  A woman is born with all the eggs she will ever have, but a man’s supply of sperm is renewed throughout his life. This sounds great, but researchers have found that men over thirty-five have more abnormalities in sperm movement and sperm with more seriously damaged DNA than younger men. It also has been found that over time, average sperm counts have been decreasing. The World Health Organization guidelines say a normal sperm count consists of twenty million sperm per ejaculate, with 50 percent motility and 60 percent normal morphology. This is different than twenty-five years ago when the normal count was near one hundred million.

  ARE THERE ANY SPECIFIC THINGS THAT AFFECT THE SCENT OF A WOMAN?

  My wife’s “friend”; once told her that eating pineapple made you smell good “down there.”; The friend had heard this from a call girl. It doesn’t get more evidence based than that.

  There is, however, no scientific research on this sensitive subject. People do believe that you are what you eat, so what you ingest, ladies, can affect the smell and taste of your womanly secretions. Foods that are often mentioned as having the potential to cause problems “down there”; are asparagus, garlic, and curry.

  CAN A WOMAN EJACULATE?

  There have been many claims about female ej
aculation, but this was always dismissed as urination during intercourse. More recent evidence has found that higher levels of a compound, prostatic acid phosphatase, has been found in patients who claim to have female ejaculation. This compound is also found in high levels in male ejaculate and originates in the prostate.

  Researchers have taken an anatomic approach to the issue of prostatelike components in female ejaculate. They believe that if women ejaculate a fluid that is not urine, then it must be coming from someplace other than the bladder. The most likely source was thought to be the female paraurethral glands or Skene’s glands.

  Autopsy tests of Skene’s glands have found substances identical to those found in the prostate. Some experts now call these glands the female prostate. So, it seems highly likely that some women can, in fact, ejaculate, but causing that to happen may be as tough as finding the G-spot.

  WHAT IS A HICKEY?

  A hickey is a bruise that forms when a person sucks and lightly bites an area on another person’s body, causing the blood vessels under the skin to break. It is also a badge of honor for horny fifteen-year-olds all around the world.

  CHAPTER 4

  CAN I TREAT IT MYSELF?

  I look at my watch and I can’t believe that it is only 12 A.M. I answer the last of the sex questions and quickly scan the room to make sure that my path is clear to the bathroom. I see an opening and rush off hoping to avoid any more questions.

  The door is slightly ajar and I push it open tentatively to find our hostess, Eloise, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Leyner is clutching the massaging showerhead and is directing a cold stream of water on her burned and blistered cheeks. As it turns out, Eloise, ever the impeccable hostess, had joined Leyner and Cinderella in their laboratory to see if they needed their glasses refilled. Leyner then insisted on slathering her with his spicy balm. Little did he know that Eloise had had a deep-cleansing facial peel just a few hours before the party, leaving her skin ultra-vulnerable to any corrosive ointments. It was comforting for me to see that in the heedless anarchy of the moment, Leyner had actually done the right thing and was correctly caring for her burns.

  There are two venerable maxims that rule the professional classes. For doctors it is do no harm, and in the world of jurisprudence it is anyone who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. So, if you must be your own physician, do no harm and don’t be a fool.

  CAN YOU TAKE THE TETRACYCLINE MEANT FOR FISH TANKS?

  A patient came to the ER one day for treatment of an infection on her scalp. She had tried to treat it at home by taking the tetracycline for her fish tank. As it turns out, she actually didn’t need antibiotics for her rash. Was this self-medicating ingenuity or insanity on her part?

  I wouldn’t exactly call it ingenuity, because the other great idea she came up with was to rub toothpaste on her head. As for the fish tank tetracycline, it seems as though those tablets often contain the same dosage as your over-the-counter tablets, but I certainly cannot vouch for their purity. Logic says to stick with the stuff you get from the pharmacy.

  DOES CRANBERRY JUICE CURE URINARY TRACT INFECTIONS?

  Maybe. A study in JAMA, or The Journal of the American Medical Association for all not in the know, demonstrated a significant reduction in the rate of urinary tract infections in older people who drank cranberry juice daily. We don’t know exactly why, but the most likely answer is that some chemical in the juice prevents bacteria from sticking to the wall of the bladder. I know some people don’t like cranberry juice, but since urinary tract infections can happen after sex, it’s probably worth it to drink a little bitter cranberry juice instead of smoking a cigarette.

  WILL YOGURT CURE A YEAST INFECTION IF YOU PUT IT “INSIDE”?

  Yogurt may have some role in helping prevent yeast infections, but only when you put it in the correct orifice—your mouth.

  Yogurt does have some very interesting health properties. Some women find eating one cup of yogurt a day while taking antibiotics is helpful in preventing the yeast infections that often follow such treatment; however, yogurt alone will not cure vaginal yeast infections that are already in full bloom.

  DOES CANDLE FLAME REMOVE EARWAX?

  Excessive amounts of earwax can cause decreased hearing or pain, but this is no reason to start lighting your head on fire. “Ear candling,”; or coning, involves placing a cone-shaped device in the ear canal and, with the help of smoke or a burning wick, removing earwax. The companies that make these devices claim many other health benefits. The FDA and the Canadian government disagree, and both have come out against these fraudulent claims. In most cases earwax will come out on its own, and if not, you should see your doctor. Avoid these silly products and save the cones for your ice cream.

  IS IT SMART TO PUT BUTTER ON A BURN?

  No. Save the butter for breakfast.

  Butter is the wrong thing to put on a burn. It will trap the heat in the skin and prolong the pain. Use cool water instead.

  I do have to say that there are some kitchen supplies that may be useful for the pain of a burn, straight from the medical literature in India: boiled potato skins and honey.

  Why honey? Honey is sometimes used for its antibacterial effects. Boiled potato skins may seem to be an unusual treatment, but they maintain a moist environment.

  The best thing to do when you grab a hot pan is to cool your burn under running water, and only after it has thoroughly cooled, apply an antibiotic ointment. For severe burns you should go to your local ER.

  DOES MELATONIN WORK FOR JET LAG?

  Here is one for all the world travelers. Melatonin may be an effective solution for your problems with jet lag.

  A review of ten studies on the use of melatonin concludes that two to five milligrams of melatonin taken at bedtime after arrival at your destination is effective and may be worth repeating for the next two to four days. This should be done in conjunction with nondrug measures—such as avoiding dehydration and alcohol, engaging in exercise and activity during daylight hours, eating well, sleeping well, and adjusting to the local time schedule—for fighting the dreaded jet lag.

  SHOULD YOU PUT A STEAK ON A BLACK EYE?

  Ice is hardly as dramatic as a carefully placed porterhouse, but it does the same job. There is no magic in the beef, just cold and a little pressure. Keeping your head elevated and avoiding aspirin or ibuprofen, which can affect the ability of your blood to clot, also helps. The best idea is to avoid getting punched in the first place.

  WILL TOOTHPASTE GET RID OF ZITS?

  There are many home remedies for skin ailments, and I’ve seen patients come to the emergency room covered in all sorts of creams and potions. Some common antizit home remedies people try concocting include baking soda, vinegar, coffee grounds, Mercurochrome (a red substance no longer sold in this country), iodine, hemorrhoid cream, sugar, salt, and toothpaste.

  It is commonly believed that toothpaste on zits is an excellent home remedy. There are no scientific studies that I could find on the use of toothpaste for acne but it may work to dry out those troublesome blemishes.

  But if you go the toothpaste route, there are some things to look out for. Perioral dermatitis is an eruption of discrete papules and pustules on an erythematous scaling base around the mouth (fancy description for “acnelike”;). It occurs almost exclusively in women between the ages of twenty and thirty-five. The cause is unknown, but some people think that fluorinated toothpaste may be a factor.

  Fragrance allergies are also a danger with the toothpaste method. Balsam of Peru is an ingredient that has been known to cause allergic reactions and cinnamic aldehyde in toothpastes has also been a common culprit. We say to stick with Clearasil.

  IS IT DANGEROUS TO POP ZITS?

  In an unrelated but truly bizarre story, one night I was working in the ER and a patient came in with a bandage over her jaw. I asked her what happened and she was very timid in responding. She said she was embarrassed because she had picked her face over and over, which
had caused an infection. I tried to calm her, told her that this was common, and asked her if I could take a look. When she removed her bandage, she revealed a 4 by 4-inch hole all the way down to her jawbone. She received some antibiotics and a careful psychiatric evaluation and at no point did anyone say, “Didn’t your mother tell you not to pick at your face?”;

  As for zit popping, it definitely can lead to some complications. Squeezing pimples can actually push the zit-causing bacteria farther into the skin, causing more redness and swelling. It is also the most common cause of acne scarring.

  There is one more deadly complication from zit popping, which is called cavernous sinus thrombosis, a blood clot in the sinus cavity that runs between the sphenoid bone, the large bone at the base of the skull, and temporal bone located near the temple. The real danger zone for zit popping is an area that some people refer to as the triangle of death, an area stretching from the bridge of the nose to the corner of the mouth to the width of the jaw. The veins in this area drain into the cavernous sinus and any severe infection in this area can cause cavernous sinus thrombosis. Squeezing zits in this part of your face can cause an infection and start this dangerous process.

  IF SOMEONE IS CHOKING AT A DINNER PARTY, CAN YOU DO A TRACHEOSTOMY WITH AN OYSTER KNIFE?

  Our friend Kim can do pretty much anything. She was like Martha Stewart before anyone had seen her bake her first cookie. Add to that a rugged edge that allows her to take on any project. She wanted to know the answer to this one, and we realized if anyone could do this, it would be her. She also wouldn’t allow the procedure to interrupt her dinner party.