Space in His Heart

by Roxanne St Claire

“Have you talked to Tony about the Emerging Technologies plan yet?”

  Jessica closed her eyes, wanting to forget the whole conversation she’d had with Carla Drake. “He blew me off and I haven’t had a chance to call him. I was hoping it would go away.”

  “It’s not going away. Rita just slipped me a copy of a draft org chart that Carla sent down to Tony for review.”

  The fact that Rita Ross, her loyal secretary, was working for Carla while she was in Florida cut a jealous edge into Jess. “What did it say?”

  “She wants to formally announce your new position as head of Emerging Technologies. And hers as General Manager. She got the promotion, Jess.”

  A white light popped in her head and the old throbbing in her temples started immediately. “I’ll call Tony. And I’ll be there in a week, Jo. I’m going to fight her on this. I will not be shuffled off to no-name accounts and stripped of everything I worked for. There’s no reason.”

  “The Today show was a reason. Not that he didn’t pull it off, but you know she’s saying it should never have happened.”

  “Damn it, Jo!” Jessica fought to control her temper. “She knew about the rumor—I told you they called before the interview and she deliberately let me get crucified.”

  “Just watch your back. She might want you gone altogether. And, puhleeze, don’t give into any hormonal urges with the rocket man. She’s already suggested no woman could keep her panties on around him. Even St. Jessica.”

  Snow kisses. “Jo. Really. I’m not stupid.”

  “I know that, but I have no desire to work in Regurgitating Technologies, so ignore what I said before and be a good girl.”

  Jessica closed her eyes. “Always.”

  “Listen, are we on for a Christmas celebration? I have something that is no less than extraordinary for you this year.”

  Jessica reached for her calendar. “I’ll be there all week. I’ll need you more than ever, honey. I’m counting the days.”

  * * *

  “Good afternoon, Commander Stockard.” The attractive receptionist in the lobby of the Press Facility Building smiled brightly as Deke entered the waiting area. “It’s always a pleasure to see our newest star in here,” she added with a flip of frosted blond hair.

  He nodded in response. He sure didn’t like being anyone’s star, but at least his presence at the press facility required no explanation. Since he certainly didn’t know why he was there when he had so much to do before leaving for Houston.

  He fought a smile. Aw, hell. He knew why.

  Because it felt like a lot more than six hours since he last saw Jessica.

  His rubber-soled shoes made no noise on the linoleum floor as he approached the corridor of Public Affairs offices. A few feet from her door, he heard the music of her laughter in a one-sided conversation. He slowed his step, taking a moment to savor the sound and not wanting to rudely interrupt again.

  Then he heard the endearment. Honey.

  “Okay, I promise. Absolutely nothing will change this, Jo. We will be together on Friday.”

  He’d cut in on her conversations with this guy before.

  “I’m not worried about what’s going to happen to us.” He heard the soft note in her voice. “I’ll be home for good in February and this will all be behind us. I miss you so much and I know I’ll love whatever you got me.” She paused again, then laughed. That mysterious, wondrous laugh. “You seem very excited about this gift, Jo. Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll love it. No one in the whole world understands me like you.”

  What the hell was he thinking? That a girl like Jessica Marlowe wouldn’t be involved with someone? Why didn’t she just tell him that? It would have saved him a trip across the Space Center. And the hours he had wasted thinking about her, messing up the order in his mind. Without making a sound, he turned and headed back down the hallway. He barely acknowledged the pretty receptionist’s goodbye.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The following week, Jessica sipped a glass of Chardonnay and inhaled the salty ocean air that permeated the Driftwood. Nestled among the cluster of casual bars and restaurants at the end of Cocoa Beach Pier, the place pulsed with NASA and Cape employees who’d planted themselves around long wooden tables laden with draft beer and popcorn.

  Along the back wall, the Public Affairs department joined their spouses and dates, toasting their own victory and enjoying a private celebration of the news they had received. But Jessica wasn’t celebrating like she should.

  On the contrary, the news from L.A. and her impending trip home had both filled her with dread instead of glee.

  The day before, she’d had her long-awaited conversation with Tony Palermo and made a little, but not enough, progress. He seemed bewildered by her belief that Carla Drake had been aware of the NASA rumors and was way too defensive of his golden girl. He only agreed to look into the matter and urged Jessica to consider the Emerging Technologies position.

  Escaping to Boston at least eliminated the task of telling Deke that Sydney Lynn Lancaster had agreed to have him escort her to the premiere of Lost Hero. The media would be out in full force for the premiere and the result would be international coverage for Deke Stockard and NASA.

  She absolutely dreaded his response.

  “So?” With an unmistakable twinkle in her blue eyes, Wendy Rosen leaned over to Jess to ask the inevitable question. “When are you going to tell Deke the news?”

  Stuart’s longneck froze mid-sip in anticipation of the answer, but Jessica feigned surprise. “Is it my job? Sorry. I’m leaving on Sunday afternoon.” Pointing to Stuart, she said, “Your husband may have the pleasure.”

  “Hey, it’s your coup, Jess,” Stuart insisted. “You should have the honors.”

  Shaking her head, Jessica disagreed. “No way. It was the Hollywood contingent. I didn’t convince Sydney Lynn to accept the offer. They did.” She leaned back in her chair. “You tell him on Monday.”

  Wendy looked across the bar to the Driftwood entrance, then grinned at her husband. “Or you can both tell him right now.”

  Jessica’s gaze followed Wendy’s. A breath caught in her throat as she locked on Deke’s deep and intense gaze. Her stomach flipped at the sight of him, but within seconds, she composed herself and shot a glare at Stuart.

  “A coincidence?”

  “I couldn’t wait to share our good news.” He smiled and waved at Deke who made his way, along with Debbie and Jeff Clark, to their table.

  Jessica let the rush settle before she turned directly to Deke, ready to meet the challenge head on. No one, including Deke Stockard, would know the thumping in her heart was drowning out the pounding repetitive chorus of Cher singing “Believe” in the background.

  He had been out of sight in Houston for the past few days, but not off her mind. The peaceful truce they’d reached on the trip to New York had melted into far too many unprofessional fantasies. At her quietest, most secret moments, Jessica admitted to herself that she’d developed a full-blown crush on the man. She had to hide it. From him and from anyone else.

  He ran his hand through his hair as he approached with Jeff and Debbie. As always, the sight of him lit a fire in her stomach… and lower. Would kissing him in the sand have the same effect as the snow? Desire warred with her conscience, and deep in her heart, she knew that desire could win.

  Deke pulled a chair from the next table, turned it around and leaned on the back, his favorite way to sit. He nodded to Stuart and greeted Wendy… but barely acknowledged Jessica.

  “How was Houston, Commander?” Stuart asked after they ordered beers.

  “Tense.” The look he exchanged with Jeff Clark gave the impression they had just been discussing the very subject. “Not as festive as this group. What’s goin’ on?” He still didn’t look directly at Jessica, but addressed Stuart. “I smell PR trouble.”

  Jessica’s tried to swallow. He wouldn’t blast her in front of all these people, would he? It wasn’t as though she was asking him to do
something painful.

  Like the Today show interview.

  Everyone but Deke looked at her.

  She took a deep breath. “As a matter of fact, Commander, we’re celebrating your enhanced social life.” He finally met her gaze when she spoke, which sent the usual thrill through her until something distant in his look caused a vague, sinking sensation to steal the pleasure. She passed the buck quickly. “Don’t make the poor guy sweat, Stu, fill him in on the details.”

  Deke leaned forward, his arms crossed over the back of the chair, his feet hooked in the bottom. Didn’t he ever get ruffled? “What’s up, Doctor?” he asked Stuart.

  “Well, it seems the ever-impressive Ross & Clayton has set you up to be a personal escort to the star of Lost Hero in Orlando.”

  “Personal escort? To whom?” Deke still didn’t look at Jessica, but everyone else did, obviously expecting that it was her place to share the news.

  “Sydney Lynn Lancaster,” Jessica replied. “Have you heard of her?”

  Jeff Clark let out a whoop that quieted the whole bar for a moment, and the reaction of nearly a dozen Cape employees resonated through the room. Deke was silent, but then a slow and maddening grin spread across his face as he shook his head in slight disbelief.

  “Really.” He raised his eyebrows and half-smiled at Jeff. “I guess worse things have happened to me.”

  She never expected compliance. Silence and the piercing stare of disbelief, maybe, but never easy consent. A ping of jealousy shot through her, the last swallow of wine turning sour in her stomach.

  She listened as Stuart explained the premise of the movie and why Deke was the ideal choice for the celebrity date. “They thought about having O’Grady there, but apparently, Universal felt you were a bigger name.”

  Deke nearly choked on his beer. “What a crock. The guy gets shot down, comes face-to-face with the enemy, and lives on bugs till he’s rescued. I flew over twice during the search and wasn’t even around the day they found him.” He shook his head. “And I get the girl.”

  “You do have to work, Stockard,” Jessica said.

  “Work?” His gaze was on the bottle in front of him.

  “Yep.” She wanted to reach out and grab his face. Look at me. “Smile for the cameras, look like you’re having fun, and pay undivided attention to the lady.”

  Jeff laughed and smacked Deke’s shoulder. “Tough assignment, buddy. Why do I think you can handle it better than anybody I know?”

  The comments and jokes flew and Jessica wondered if anyone realized that he hadn’t actually acknowledged her presence yet. Was he punishing her for the added assignment or had he simply forgotten the intimate moment they’d shared in New York?

  Jessica leaned toward Wendy and Debbie to get in on their conversation. The subject turned to Endeavour and whether or not it would be ready.

  “Ready or not,” Wendy said, “it’ll have to fly.”

  At the comment, the spark disappeared from Debbie Clark’s eyes.

  “Don’t worry.” Wendy laid her hand on Debbie’s arm. “At least Jeff isn’t on it.”

  “Someone’s husband is, though,” Debbie said with a sigh. She glanced at Jessica. “It’s hard to live with risk your whole married life. I wouldn’t trade Jeff for anything, but I wouldn’t mind if he’d picked a career that was a little less stressful on me.”

  Jessica thought again of Deke’s mother and her fears. As if she read Jessica’s mind, Debbie continued in a whisper, “I know that’s why Deke has never gotten seriously involved with anyone. Jeff told me they talked about it. He wouldn’t put anyone through the terror.”

  A hoot of laughter from Jeff grabbed their attention. He held his hands out in an animated replay of the simulator training that he had just completed with Deke.

  “It was hairy, that’s for sure,” Jeff said. “Took about five years off my life and that was in the sim. Next time, I’m wearin’ a diaper!” At Deke’s smirk, Jeff playfully punched him. “Hey, even you were white as a ghost on that landing.”

  “They were training for an emergency landing with no backup computers.” Stuart explained to Jessica. “It isn’t something we want to experience.”

  “No one talks much about the landing,” Jessica said. “It’s always the launch.”

  “There’s your PR for you.” Deke rolled his eyes and spoke sarcastically. “The landing’s fifty times more dangerous than the launch. And most people don’t even know that it’s happening, except the few who hear the sonic boom when the orbiter breaks the sound barrier.”

  Her heart dropped at his condescending tone. When a few people started leaving, she seized the opportunity to escape the deep freeze. Deke got up to talk to some engineers at the bar, and she gathered her purse and said quick good-byes, aware of a threatening sting in her eyes.

  She had to get away from him.

  Deke stayed at the bar long enough for her to make a slow and dignified exit without even catching his eye. As the Driftwood door closed behind her, she increased her speed to a run, narrowly avoiding the tourists and bar hoppers moving in packs. All around her, the incongruous sound of a recorded version of Joy to the World battled to drown out the sound of crashing waves. The twinkling of pathetic white lights hanging on palm tree fronds swam in her watery vision.

  Christmas in Cocoa Beach. What a miserable concept.

  * * *

  Standing at the bar, Deke watched Jessica leave without so much as a nod in his direction, a slow burn of desire and regret igniting him. Had he imagined the happiness in her eyes when he walked in? Maybe it was just surprise, but he’d seen a glimmer there. But he wasn’t going to explore the possibility. She had a boyfriend and a well-documented preference for another state. Any attention she shot his way had to be some kind of tease. Or part of her tireless, harebrained campaign.

  Still, he knew her well enough to know she was hurt when she walked out. But, good God. What did that woman expect from him?

  He walked back to the table with a sigh.

  The week in Houston had been hell from beginning to end. He’d been in a bad mood when he got there, mostly because his plans for Jessica had been shot down before they were even formed. The Endeavour crew was testy and tempers were hot and the whole week culminated with a goddamn emergency landing in the simulator that he and two other pilots nearly blew.

  “Hey, Deke, we’re going for some Chinese. You up for it?” Jeff asked, breaking his train of thought.

  He answered without thinking. “Yeah, sure.”

  “I think Jess is relieved to be off to Boston this weekend,” Stuart commented to Wendy.

  “I don’t think she’s too thrilled with the landscape down here,” Wendy said.

  Deke took a sip of his beer and set the bottle on the table with a thud. “She makes that pretty obvious.” The look on Stuart’s face made him realize how cold that sounded, so he added, “I mean, it can’t be easy for her to be yanked away from her regular job and her boyfriend and all.”

  Stuart looked puzzled. “She doesn’t have a boyfriend.”

  “She does,” Deke replied. “Some guy named Joe she’s always on the phone with.”

  Stuart shook his head as he finished his beer and started to push back his chair. “No, no. That’s Jo Miller. J-O. Works at R&C. I think she’s Jessica’s best friend. You ready to go?”

  As the Clarks and Rosens gathered up their lightweight jackets, Deke didn’t move. J-O. Jo. Jesus, what an idiot I am.

  He flipped some money into the pile on the table and stood up. “You know, it’s been a helluva week. I’m gonna pass on dinner.”

  * * *

  By the time Jessica arrived home, her eyes stopped stinging and she no longer felt like crying. It wasn’t her style to get worked up over a guy, she reminded herself as she unlocked the front door. A couple of men had grabbed her attention in the past few years; one or two even moved her to consider serious relationships. But when they split up, she was relieved, not heartbroken.
r />   They all got in the way of work.

  But this one? No, she couldn’t remember feeling quite like this in a long, long time. How did that man get such a hold on her? It was all lust.

  In the bathroom, she flipped the faucet to burning hot and poured some lavender gel.

  Since he had kissed her, she had thought entirely too much about where that kiss could have led. The thought made her legs watery and weak and she felt like laughing out loud at her schoolgirl fantasies.

  After lighting a few scented candles in the bath and living room, Jessica picked an appropriately bluesy Anita Baker CD and filled her tiny home with the jazzy sounds of a woman in love. Getting lost in her ritual of bath, candles, and music, she poured a glass of wine, slipped off her clothes and clipped up her hair. The sound of a passing car engine outside caught her attention momentarily as she walked back into the bathroom in her underwear. Then a car door slammed. Unmistakably. In her driveway.

  A tingling fear shot up her spine and weakened her knees. She closed the bathroom door to grab a short silk robe that hung there and waited for the next sound. Anita Baker crooned in the background, but Jessica tried to hear over her.

  The doorbell rang. Rapists and murderers don’t ring doorbells. Slowly, she opened the bathroom door and came around the corner, still unable to see the front door, which was blocked by the entry wall.

  “Who is it?”

  “Deke.”

  She stopped mid-step as apprehension melted into something far more shocking to her system.

  Turning the corner, she peered through the three glass panels in the front door. Was he drunk? He’d barely touched one beer and she’d left the Driftwood less than an hour earlier.

  She inched the door open and searched his face. He studied her and his gaze moved beyond her, taking in the flickering candles and soft music. His attention moved back to her, down the robe that barely covered her.

  “I—um—are you alone?”

  She bit her lip. “As far as I know.” The adrenaline rush left her shaky and she leaned against the doorjamb for balance.

  “Could I come in?” He looked unsure, uncertain. She’d never seen him this way.