by Shauna Allen
I lifted my eyes.
“You’re more than that to me,” she finally whispered.
Gently, I cradled her jaw, breathing her in. “I want to be everything to you, Carissa,” I murmured against her mouth as I tasted her sweet lips, though I had no idea where the words came from.
We settled into the kiss like we’d been born to do it. Lips and teeth and tongue, our moans floating across each other’s like mist and swallowed whole.
I cupped her hips and ground her against my erection, letting her know in no uncertain terms how much I wanted her. Needed her.
She writhed and pressed her body against me, straining for more.
I raked my fingertips up her back, beneath her T-shirt, feeling her soft skin, scraping her spine and caressing her ribs.
She sucked in a breath and drew back, her grip strong on my biceps. Her cheeks were flushed when her eyes finally fluttered open to meet mine, though they were dazed.
“Go out with me,” I blurted.
“What?”
Reluctantly, I slid my hands free of her shirt and rubbed her arms, letting my body cool its jets a bit. “I know our relationship has been a bit unconventional, but you are my girlfriend, right?” I smiled at her blush. “Well, I’d like to take my girlfriend out on our first real date before we become parents, if that’s all right.” I smiled and traced her bottom lip with my thumb. “You know . . . dress up, go eat someplace nice, maybe take you dancing or to the movies. A date. Whatdya say?”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” I couldn’t help myself. I kissed her again. “Tomorrow night?”
She nodded. “That sounds nice.”
“Awesome.” I tapped her butt. “But how about I take you out for an ice cream tonight?”
Her grin was priceless. “You sure do know the way to a pregnant girl’s heart.”
I winked. “I try.”
Saturday morning, Carissa had to work at the café, then she wanted the afternoon to finish settling her things into the condo, so I gave her some space. I told her to make herself comfortable and she could have her way with the place, and other than putting anything pink or frilly in my bedroom, she was golden. She giggled, rolled her eyes, and promised to do just that with glitter.
I made myself scarce, going for a workout at the gym and a long jog to keep myself busy. As I ran along the beach, I thought of my own parents. Now that fatherhood was coming upon me, I couldn’t help but wonder, did my own dad ever think of me? Did he give a shit at all, or was I just some unfortunate mistake that he’d been happy to get away from? I slowed to a walk as I remembered all the sacrifices my mom had made when I was young because she’d been forced to do it all alone. I’d been unjustly angry because my father had walked away, unfairly judging her. I was a pissed off kid and I hadn’t been fair to her, but she’d loved me anyway.
My breath was beginning to normalize as my heart rate slowed. I pulled out my cell phone and hit my mom’s number.
She answered on the second ring. “Hello?”
“Hey, Mom.”
“Cody! Hey, sweetheart! How are you?”
“I’m good, Mom. How are you doing?”
“Oh, I’m fine. It’s so nice to hear your voice. Is everything all right?”
A pang of guilt hit me in the chest. I didn’t call her nearly enough, even though I knew she worried. “Everything’s fine. I’m great. Just out jogging and thinking about you.”
“Oh.” I heard her voice light up. “That’s sweet.”
“So, what’s new with you? Anything?” I passed a young couple pushing a stroller, and it made my heart catch. My mom was going to get some big news today that she was not expecting.
“Not much. Just working and going to church. Same old, same old. I did go to lunch with your Aunt Beth yesterday. She says to tell you hello.”
“That’s nice. Tell her hi and give her a hug from me.” Aunt Beth had moved to be close to my mom just a few years ago, and I was glad she had somebody.
“I got the money you sent,” she added. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know. I wanted to.”
“Well . . . thank you, sweetie.”
“You’re welcome.” I sat on a bench to watch the waves roll. “So . . . Mom . . .”
“Yes?”
“You sitting down?”
“Why?” The alarm in her voice made me cringe. I’d given her way too many reasons to be nervous in her life, from my reckless ways as a teenager, to my job as a Marine. “Are you deploying again?”
“No. Not yet anyway.”
“Are you hurt? Sick?”
“Geez, Mom, no. Calm down.”
“Sorry, son. I worry.”
“I know you do. I guess I can’t do anything about that.”
“Part of being a mom.”
I thought of Carissa. “I guess.”
“So . . . I’m sitting down. What is it?”
I leaned my elbows to my thighs and pressed my phone tightly to my ear as I took a breath. Why was I suddenly so nervous? This was good news, right? Right. “You’re going to be a grandmother.”
Silence.
Dead silence greeted my announcement.
“Mom?”
“I’m sorry, I thought I heard you say I’m going to be a grandmother,” she finally said, her voice soft and emotional.
I bit back a smile. “I did. You are.”
“Is this some kind of joke, Cody Andrew?”
“No, ma’am, it’s not.”
“A baby?” I think she was crying.
“Yes.”
“Really?” she squeaked. She was definitely crying.
“Really, Mom. My girlfriend, Carissa, is pregnant. She’s having my baby—she’s about twenty-four weeks pregnant now. She moved in with me this weekend, and you’re gonna love her. She’s amazing.”
“Oh, my word. Cody. Wow.”
“That’s exactly how I felt when I found out.” I smiled into the briny breeze.
“Tell me everything.”
And, so I started talking—until I was interrupted by two consecutive texts from Tito . . .
Tex got a hit on Brianne’s location . . . El Progreso, Honduras. But the fuckers are onto us and they’re on the move again so we sit tight.
Then: Canadians contacted us. Mahiir is dead. Hung himself in his cell. Motherfucking coward.
Carissa
I got unpacked and settled into Cody’s condo then took my time getting ready for our date. Our first date. What a strange thought that was. Still, I wanted to look nice for him, so I took an extra long shower, spent extra time on my hair and makeup, and wore the nicest dress I had that I could still fit into.
I’d had a great week at work (no Pete, great tips), I felt better than ever since the morning sickness was basically gone, and Cody and I had a great week together. Living together had been more natural than I could’ve imagined. Conversation flowed, we laughed, we ate together, and it felt like we were truly friends who shared a common interest in our baby along with a few moments of explosive chemistry that left me weak and wanting because he never took it further than a touch or a kiss, no matter how many signals I tossed his way that I was willing.
God, he was frustrating.
Just as I was dabbing on some perfume, he slammed in the front door. My heart began to beat just a little bit faster, and I willed it to slow down.
He made his way down the hall and paused by my open door, his eyes stormy and troubled as he took me in. He was still in his workout clothes, his hair windblown, his muscles glistening with sweat. God, he was magnificent.
“Hey,” I croaked. “You okay?”
“Yeah.”
I knew he was lying, but I also knew he had trouble saying what was on his mind without prompting. I padded his way. His gaze was unreadable as he watched me walk over. I placed my palm to his chest to feel his steadily beating heart. “Tell me.”
He cupped his hand over mine. “I can’t.”
�
��Work?”
He nodded.
“Okay. As long as it’s nothing to do with us.”
“No. We’re good.”
I met his dark blue gaze. “Just promise me you’ll always talk to me if something’s on your mind that’s not top-secret work stuff, okay? I’m a big girl. I can handle it. Especially if it’s about us.”
“Of course. I promise.” He tipped my chin up. “Where is all this coming from?”
“Nowhere. I’ve just seen one too many relationships fall apart because of stupid miscommunications. I don’t want that to happen to us.”
He tilted his head, as if seeing me for the first time. “Same here. And we’re good. I just got some bad news about work which put me in a bad mood, but I’m better now that I’ve seen your pretty face.” He brushed a kiss to my lips. “Let me shower then we’ll get out of here. Gimme ten minutes.”
“Okay.”
I watched him lope off toward the bathroom and listened for the shower, imagining, as I always did, him soaping up all those muscles under the spray of hot water.
True to his word, he was ready quickly, then treated me to a very romantic dinner at a steak restaurant then live music and dessert at another, smaller place right on the beach.
“You like chocolate?” he asked, eyeing my double chocolate mousse cake.
“Nope,” I deadpanned, scooping up another bite. “Hate it. But baby loves it.”
His brows curled down in confusion, making me burst out in laughter before offering him a bite. He took it good-naturedly. “So, what else do you like?” he asked. “Besides chocolate and pretzels and milk?”
I frowned at him.
“I see you eat that stuff by the gross at home.” He tilted his head at me. “Let me guess. Baby Wilbanks loves that, too?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. And oranges. And popcorn. And the smell of books and Gain laundry detergent.”
“This is getting weird.” He laughed at me again and took a bite of his own dessert.
“Hey, I’m the one with an alien invader in my body, taking over my taste buds.” I sat back after I licked my spoon clean. “What about you? What do you like?”
“I’m not picky.” Something crossed his expression, but I couldn’t read it.
“I’ve gathered that. But surely you have favorite things.” I waited. “Something? Anything?”
His eyes met mine across the table, glowing in the candlelight. “This.”
“This?”
“Being able to go out and buy a nice meal. We couldn’t afford that growing up, so I don’t take a good steak dinner with a beautiful woman for granted.”
My heart melted. He hadn’t told me much about how he grew up, but I’d pieced together that he’d been raised by a single mother, and they’d barely scraped by most of the time. The way he cleared his plate every night made me wonder if he’d ever gone hungry, but I didn’t dare ask.
“You ready to get out of here?” he asked.
I nodded, and he paid the bill then led me out onto the beach, where he took my hand and we began to walk. We talked about everything and nothing for what seemed like hours as we strolled along the shoreline.
“I called my mom today,” he said out of the blue. “I told her about you and the baby.”
I turned to him in surprise. “You did?”
“Yeah.”
“How’d she take it?”
“She was shocked, of course, but happy.” He smiled and glanced over at me sheepishly. “She cried.”
“Oh.” A pang hit my heart, sudden and fierce, that I didn’t have a mom to share this with, to ask questions, or to simply talk to about Cody. I was walking this alone except for him and my Aunt Linda.
“She can’t wait to meet you, and she wants to come when the baby’s born if that’s okay with you.”
“Of course, that’s okay. She’s your mom.”
He nodded, and we kept walking, circling around to head back near a piece of driftwood.
“So, I—,” he was cut off by his cell phone chiming in his pocket with a text. “Sorry.”
I didn’t get angry. I was fully aware who my boyfriend was, and though I didn’t know the ins and outs of his job, I knew he had to be reachable at all times for work.
We paused, and he pulled out his phone to glance at the screen. He looked up at me then back down as if confused. “What the . . .?” He typed something back then waited for a response.
It chimed again almost immediately.
“Well, I’ll be goddamned.” His face slowly lit into a huge grin.
“What?”
He turned his phone so I could see. It was a photo of his friend, Lucky, and his girlfriend, Grace, both of them smiling from ear to ear. She was holding up her left hand directly in front of them, complete with a gigantic diamond ring.
I lifted my eyes to Cody for an explanation.
“That sneaky fuck ran off to Vegas and eloped.”
I looked back at the screen. She was in white. A delicate ring of pink flowers in her hair. There was Elvis in the background. “Well, it certainly looks like it.”
“They’re falling like flies,” he mumbled, looking again at the photo.
“Sorry?”
“Nothing.” He typed something else to his buddy then slid the phone back in his pocket. “I can’t believe he did that. Crazy bastard.”
“Well, good for him. I hope they’re happy.”
He laughed. “Me, too.”
We linked hands and strolled back toward where he’d parked the truck. Sadly, I realized my bladder wasn’t going to hold out that long. I tugged him to a stop at a gift and surf shop about halfway there. “I need to run inside for a minute.”
He got my meaning. “Okay. I’ll wait out here.”
Inside, I scooted to the back and found the restroom, heaving a sigh of relief. Pregnancy was so fun sometimes. When I was done, I made my way out and down an aisle, slowing when the baby swimwear caught my attention. I stopped to take a peek.
“Adorable, aren’t they?”
My gut clenched at that familiar voice, and I gently placed the tiny suit down. No. No way. Not here. Not now.
I pivoted to face Pete, my gaze sliding down to his employee nametag. What were the fucking odds I’d stop to pee in the store he worked in? I wanted to cry, but I held myself in check. Trying not to be obvious, I let my eyes roam over his shoulder to the huge glass windows. Cody was still outside, oblivious, playing with his phone. I sighed with relief and faced Pete again and moved to step around him.
“Where are you going? Don’t you want to get something for your little one?”
“No, thank you. Just looking.” I took another step.
He moved again. Glowered. “What’s wrong, Carissa? Miss me? I’m sorry I’ve been busy and haven’t had time to make it by the café. But I’ll be back soon.”
I nodded and took one last giant step around him then raced for the door, thankful he let me go. I shoved out the door and nearly toppled into Cody.
“Whoa.” He caught me. “You okay?” He looked me up and down.
“Yup. I’m good. Just clumsy.” I grabbed his arm and pulled. “Let’s go.” I started to walk away, giving him no choice but to follow.
“What’s wrong?” He looked back, but we were already past the shop.
“Nothing. I’m just tired and ready to go home now.” No way was I ruining our perfect night by telling him about Pete. He’d go back there and do God-knows-what and then our entire night would be shot. I was not about to give that asshole that kind of power. Screw that and screw him.
Cody
I knew something was up with Carissa as we walked back to the truck, but she never would say. Women.
Even then, we had an amazing night and the more I got to know her, the more I realized what a special girl I’d ended up with. No matter how I’d gotten here, I was pretty blown away by her and that she’d give me the time of day.
Pretty soon, another week rolled by and we f
ound ourselves entrenched even further in our routine, and I found myself even crazier about her. We’d even started shopping for stuff for the nursery, though she wouldn’t let me go to overboard until we knew the sex.
Which was going to be today.
If I thought I was excited about the last appointment, I was pretty much beside myself this time. I didn’t even care what they told us, I just wanted to know and to lay eyes on something that resembled a baby.
Her bump was getting bigger, and that only made her more beautiful in my eyes. She let me kiss her and she was sending out all the right signals, but for some reason I’d held back from taking things further between us. Maybe because I didn’t want to cross a line we couldn’t come back from. I think I knew that once I made love to her again, I’d be a goner.
Hell, who was I kidding?
I was already a goner for that woman.
Her little mannerisms, her crinkly-nose smiles, the way she’d laugh so hard she’d snort, her weird sense of humor, her sweetness . . . everything about her. It was like she’d been tailor-made for me. Still, I had a hard time letting go of the last vestiges of my fear and doubt. I hid it well, denied it, avoided it, generally pretended it didn’t exist most of the time . . . but sometimes, usually when I least expected it, like in the middle of the night, or when I was alone with my darkest thoughts, it crept in to torment me.
You’re not ready.
Who do you think you are, thinking you can be a good father?
She’s too good for you.
Do them both a favor and walk away now, before it’s too late . . . just like your old man.
You. Are. A. Loser.
I firmly tucked that weak shit away as I got dressed. I shot Tito a quick text, reminding him about our appointment and that I’d be late to HQ.
Tito: I remember, brother. We’re placing bets. Boy is winning.
I grinned at that.
Me: I’ll let you know soon.
Tito: Roger that.
I found Carissa in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal, heavy on the milk she loved so much. She glanced up when she heard me, her dark eyes lighting up. “Good morning,” I said.
