Like a Love Song

by Nikita Singh

  When she came back to the room after her shower, Siddhant was lying on his stomach, his arms sprawled above his head. It reminded Maahi of the dead man outline. She sniggered and hunted for her clothes. She gathered them from around the room and quietly got dressed. Packing her laptop and charger in her handbag, Maahi looked around for anything else she left behind.

  She wanted to say bye to Siddhant but didn’t want to wake him up again. He’d barely been awake the last time. She smiled, wondering how he even managed to find the energy.

  Just as she turned the doorknob, she heard his muffled voice, ‘Maahi?’

  ‘Shh, go to sleep,’ she spoke softly. ‘It’s only seven.’

  ‘Come back here.’ Siddhant raised his head from his pillow and blinked.

  Maahi dropped her handbag to the floor and went to him. She bent down to kiss him lightly on his cheek. She spoke softly, ‘I’m going to go now. You get some rest, okay?’

  As she moved away, Siddhant held her hand and pulled her back. ‘Don’t.’

  Maahi sat down on the bed next to him and he pulled her face closer to him, holding her by the back of her neck. He rested her head on his shoulder and closed his eyes.

  ‘Siddhant?’ Maahi whispered when he didn’t say anything. She was half sitting up, awkwardly, with her legs dangling over the bed, on the floor.

  ‘Just don’t go, Maahi.’ That’s all he said.

  Maahi paused for a second, wondering what that meant. He was in a weird mood, and it wasn’t just that he was sleepy or under rested. She kicked off her sneakers and snuggled under the covers with him. ‘Is everything okay?’ she asked after a minute.

  Siddhant turned towards her. They lay on their sides, facing each other.

  Maahi touched his face. ‘You look sad.’

  ‘I don’t want you to leave.’

  ‘I’m here.’

  ‘No. Not just now. I … don’t want you to leave,’ Siddhant repeated. His eyes reflected the sunlight coming in through the window.

  Maahi’s breath got caught in her throat. ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘Do you remember that time, right after the first time we hung out—our Mario Kart date?’ Maahi nodded. Siddhant continued, ‘Do you remember I was weird around you for a couple of weeks after that? I never told you why that was, did I? And I don’t really expect you to understand … and I’m also not saying that this is how I felt it was with you … What I’m trying to say is that it wasn’t about you. It was all me.’

  ‘Tell me,’ Maahi insisted. She wished he didn’t look so forlorn. She didn’t like seeing him like that.

  ‘Growing up, I always faced a lot of pressure from home to work hard. I was never given an option to not top a class, not get into AIIMS, not be a doctor. And I’m not saying that that hasn’t helped me get where I am. You know I love what I do. I’m grateful to my parents and my brother for pushing me so hard. But I can’t say it wasn’t tough. They all studied at AIIMS and work there now. My path was predetermined. I never had time for anything—to go out, have friends, anything other than studying.’

  Maahi nodded, waiting for him to continue.

  ‘I didn’t get into AIIMS the first time around. I had to drop a year. And it might be unfair to say this, but it was because of a girl. Because I was seventeen and I fell in love and that took over my life. She was all I could think about. I wanted to spend all my time with her and when we weren’t together, I was thinking about her. I guess it was good—it felt great at the time. My first experience of love. But that was exactly why I didn’t get into AIIMS. Hell, I didn’t even make it into any decent college through AIPMT.’ Siddhant dropped his eyes to her neck and pursed his lips. ‘I’m not proud of it, but I blamed it on her. It wasn’t her fault. I was the only one responsible. But I still put the blame on her. And she left. At that time, I was glad that that’s how it worked out—that she left me, not the other way around. Saved me the guilt of leaving her, at least. I took the whole year to myself, studying. This time, I didn’t even apply for AIPMT. I knew I was going to get into AIIMS.’

  ‘You did.’

  ‘I did. It only got much more difficult after that. Getting in is a tiny anthill when compared to the mountain you have to climb in these five-and-a-half years. It was a conscious decision to not get involved in anything else, with anyone else. It was easy for the first four years; I was lucky I didn’t meet anyone I liked. And then I met you.’

  ‘You don’t have to be so grim about it,’ Maahi said, mostly to lighten things up.

  Siddhant rested his palm on the side of her waist. ‘I’m not. It’s the best thing that happened to me in a long time.’

  Maahi smiled, looking into his eyes. ‘I’m glad.’

  ‘It’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.’

  ‘Now that’s just exaggeration. You never learn where to stop, do you?’

  But Siddhant wasn’t smiling. ‘It’s not funny. I could see that you were going to be trouble. I knew that from the very beginning. I liked talking to you and spending time with you so much that it scared me. I barely knew you, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I started coming to the coffee shop even when I needed to be studying or catching up on sleep. And it really scared me, Maahi. You have no idea what you were doing to me.’

  Maahi touched his face. Her fingers rested on his jaw, and her thumb rubbed his stubbly chin. ‘And that’s why you stopped talking to me. You didn’t want me to come between you and your career,’ she said quietly.

  ‘Shitty as it sounds, yes. Trust me, it was hard. I had only been talking to you for a little over a month and you were taking over my thoughts already. If something went wrong, I didn’t want to end up hating you for something that wasn’t even your fault. I do that—I try to find something or someone to shift the blame on when the blame comes on me. That’s the easiest way, I’ve found, in my life full of expectations that I’ve tried my best to meet, but ended up failing sometimes, regardless.’

  ‘I know all about that. My parents haven’t exactly been pleased with me these last few years. But that’s an unfair comparison. Growing up, the pressure on me wasn’t half as bad as your. Not even close. I’ve only recently learned to disappoint my parents.’

  ‘Oh, I’ve done that all my life,’ Siddhant said, his eyes glazed.

  ‘You’ve done so well. You’re not a disappointment; you can never be. I feel so proud of you—even though I wasn’t even a part of your journey for the most part,’ Maahi said. ‘When I think about the long hours you put in, the hard work you do, how much you study—I could never do that. Not everyone can do what you do, Siddhant. It’s high time you start seeing that.’

  He breathed out with a smile. ‘I feel the same way about what you do! It takes major guts to deviate from viable career options, not once, but twice, and do what you really want to do. I could never do that. With so little support, just a dream … all for your passion. You’re seriously talented. And I’m glad that you see that enough to take this leap.’

  ‘Or I’m really stupid and am heading down a path to disaster.’

  ‘Or that, yes.’

  ‘You’re so mean!’ Maahi punched his shoulder lightly.

  Siddhant clutched her hand. ‘You know I’m only kidding. I think you’re amazing. You changed everything. I was so caught up in the medical world, from school to hospital—my friends, my roommates, my family … It was so refreshing just talking to you. You were like a breath of fresh air to me. I wanted to talk to you after a long day. Sharing with you made me feel so much better. I was so much happier since the day I met you. You’re silly, and hilarious, and so talented and passionate. In all this time I have known you, you’ve always been there, you’ve always cared—from day one. I don’t know how you even do that.’

  ‘Come on, it’s not like you don’t care about me! You’re always there for me too. You always listen to me, help me vent. You give me advice; I turn to you every time I have a crisis or panic attacks—which is plenty now
adays, trying to get Cookies + Cupcakes started.’

  ‘Well, I—’

  ‘I’m not finished!’ Maahi cut him off. ‘And you’re a doctor, so that comes in handy for cuts and scrapes.’

  ‘Yeah, a personal cardiologist at your service for first aid.’

  ‘Exactly. How many people can boast of having that? Also, you’re pretty hot, so that helps.’

  ‘True.’ Siddhant shrugged. ‘Seems like you’re all set.’

  ‘Yep.’ Maahi nodded fervently, relieved that he didn’t look as sad or serious as he did earlier.

  ‘I’m set too.’

  ‘Right. Because I’m awesome.’

  ‘Yes, you are,’ Siddhant said quietly. ‘And I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay.’

  Maahi paused. ‘Forever?’

  ‘If that’s okay with you.’

  Maahi sat up, turning away from him. She rested her elbows on her folded legs and covered her mouth with her hand.

  Siddhant got up too. ‘What is it?’

  Maahi looked at him, her mouth still covered, her eyes wide.

  Siddhant examined her face intently. His expression reflected confusion at first and then he pursed his lips. He nodded ever so slightly, looking away. His voice was low when he spoke. ‘It’s okay. I thought you felt the same way … But okay.’

  ‘No, it’s not that!’ Maahi said, removing her hands from her mouth to hold his face. ‘I do feel the same way. It’s just that … I’ve known … I don’t know what to…’ She shook her head, trying to clear it. ‘You don’t know how happy you make me.’

  ‘Then what is it? I love you, Maahi. We have never said that to each other, and I think that’s amazing because we never needed to. I always thought you knew, and just in case you didn’t—I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can’t imagine waking up and going through a day without you in my life. I just … can’t. It’s not possible.’

  ‘Siddhant…’ Tears flowed down Maahi’s cheek.

  ‘No, please, don’t. I can’t…’ Siddhant shook his head, his expression pained. ‘I hate that I’m doing this to you. Please don’t cry.’

  Maahi got goosebumps. She was scared to take the leap. She was in love with him. She had known that for a while now. But the last time she had fallen for someone, it had ended up destroying her. She looked into Siddhant’s eyes, so sincere and full of devotion, and she derived strength from them. ‘These are happy tears … mostly. I love you too. I thought you knew that, but just in case you didn’t—I love you.’

  ‘Hey, that’s my line!’

  Maahi sniffed and giggled. ‘Sorry. But there’s nothing you can do about that. Now that you’ve asked me to spend the rest of my life with you and all…’

  ‘So, does that mean … Is that a yes?’

  She wiped the tears off her cheeks and narrowed her eyes at him. ‘What do you think?’

  ‘I think it’s a yes,’ Siddhant said, throwing a punch in the air, with a muttered yes.

  Maahi laughed quietly, before Siddhant shut her up by kissing her. He held her by her shoulder and with his other hand, tilted her chin up. His mouth rested on hers and Maahi could feel his excitement in his warm breath. ‘God, I love you so much,’ he whispered before taking her lips captive.

  15

  Maahi and Laila sat in the waiting area, Maahi wearing a charcoal skirt suit and Laila dressed in a crisp white shirt with tapered black trousers. Maahi thought Laila looked like a runway model—sleek, skinny, dressed to kill, her curls stylishly messy, framing her perfectly made-up face. She wasn’t kidding.

  Maahi could barely keep the silly smile off her face and it was driving Laila crazy. She tried to stop herself, it was no fun being around Laila when she was in a bad mood, but every time her mind wandered to Siddhant, she couldn’t help but smile stupidly. And her mind wandered to Siddhant a lot.

  ‘Seriously, I’m going to punch you in the nose,’ Laila said through gritted teeth.

  ‘This is your fifth threat to me today. Why are you so violent?’

  ‘Because you refuse to concentrate! I’m saying something to you. I made changes to this section—revenue model. You have to catch up.’

  ‘I saw that. You already told me about it. Relax! It’s a good day!’ Maahi exclaimed.

  ‘Don’t tell me to relax. You stop relaxing and start taking this seriously. This is important,’ Laila said. ‘Have you looked over the changes in traction and validation?’

  ‘In the business plan? Yes, I did. But aren’t we here just to pitch?’

  ‘They might ask us to show them the business plan too. Maahi, look alive!’

  Maahi sighed. ‘I’m going to go sit over there until we’re asked to come in,’ she said and walked over to the seat farthest from Laila. She sat opposite her, with ten feet worth of distance between them. She was in great spirits, but Laila was really starting to bring her down. She wasn’t sure they could afford that. Nothing she could do or say seemed to improve Laila’s mood, especially since she seemed so annoyed by Maahi.

  She got a text.

  Rohit: How’s it going?

  Maahi: We’re waiting outside.

  Rohit: All set?

  Maahi: I guess… SO nervous!

  Rohit: True. Uncle asked to tell you there’s a typo in your updated pitch…

  Maahi: WTF! Where?

  Rohit: JK

  Maahi: Don’t joke about shit like that! Literally just gave me a heart attack!!

  Rohit: I’m just bored

  Maahi: Why, where’s Ruchika?

  Rohit: Waiting for her outside her house. She’s taking foreverrrrrr

  Maahi: So you’re just passing time with me?

  Rohit: Yep

  Maahi: Loser.

  Rohit: Kthnxbai she’s here now

  Maahi: Have fun.

  Maahi slipped her cell phone back in her bag. They were at the offices of a consultancy company, to meet the CEO, Mr Jindal, who was known to angel invest in start-ups in the Delhi/NCR, and was an old acquaintance of Rohit’s uncle and their mentor, Anil. He had shown interest in them and offered them fifteen minutes of his time. Laila insisted they get there an hour early, just in case Mr Jindal had more time and wanted to give it to them. Maahi thought Laila watched too many movies.

  She looked at her from across the room, wondering why she was being so crazy lately. The role reversal was not only weird and unsettling, it was also taxing for Maahi. She was used to relying on Laila for support. She wasn’t very good at holding up the fort by herself. She needed her partner, her best friend.

  Maahi walked back and sat next to Laila. ‘Do you want to show me the changes you made in the revenue model once again?’ she asked quietly.

  ‘Okay,’ Laila said.

  They went through their pitch deck again. They had a one-page version and a longer one with eight slides. They went through both. Over-preparing tended to overwhelm and stress Maahi, but she realized that Laila needed to do that in order to relax. And it was a good day for Maahi—her stress threshold was much higher that day.

  ‘Maahi Kothari and Laila Kapoor?’ the middle-aged woman at the reception called.

  ‘That’s us,’ Maahi jumped up and said.

  ‘Chill,’ Laila whispered to her as they collected their things and rushed to the reception.

  ‘I’m here to convey Mr Jindal’s apologies. He has to be somewhere and won’t be able to meet with you today,’ the woman said. She was wearing a blue sari with black horizontal stripes. ‘I’m really sorry, but something just came up.’

  ‘What? But we have had this meeting scheduled for ages!’ Maahi exclaimed, pressure bursting her calmness.

  ‘Literally five weeks,’ Laila added. ‘Is there any way he can meet us? Even for just five minutes? We have a shorter version of the pitch prepared…’

  ‘There is no need—’ the receptionist began but Maahi cut her off.

  ‘What the f—!’

  ‘Maahi!’ Laila pulled her back and k
ept a hand firmly in front of her to ensure distance from the receptionist. ‘I’m sorry. I hope you understand that we’re frustrated. We’ve been preparing for this meeting for a long time,’ she explained.

  ‘I understand,’ the receptionist said, looking from Laila to Maahi. She turned back to Laila and said, ‘As I was saying. There is no need for a pitch presentation, Mr Jindal says he definitely likes you and Cookies + Cupcakes. You presented this pitch to Bharat Bhardwaj, he said. Mr Bhardwaj recommended you to Mr Jindal.’

  ‘Seriously?’ Maahi and Laila cried together. Maahi’s hand slipped from Laila’s stomach to her side, clutching her hand.

  ‘Yes. Mr Jindal would like to see the business plan sometime this week. We can schedule a meeting?’

  ‘Oh my God, I love you!’ Maahi screamed. ‘I’m so sorry about being rude before. I can be a bitch sometimes but it’s definitely my bad.’

  ‘That’s alright. How’s Thursday around noon for you? Say 12.30 p.m.?’

  ‘That’s perfect!’ Laila said, her hand still holding Maahi’s tightly.

  ‘Thank you so much!’ Maahi said.

  ‘Yes, thanks!’

  ‘You’re welcome. See you Thursday,’ the receptionist said and left.

  ‘Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!’ Laila squealed.

  ‘Right?’

  ‘It is a good day. You were right!’

  ‘I told you,’ Maahi said, as Laila smothered her in a tight hug.

  ‘You did. I’m sorry for being such a bitch!’

  ‘You promise to never be a bitch again?’

  ‘Umm.’ Laila pulled back and bit her lip.

  ‘That’s what I thought. Sorry about my little outburst earlier. I don’t know what happened. She said Mr Jindal called off the meeting and I just couldn’t deal. I need to find my chill. Do you want to go out for a movie or something? I need popcorn. Or we could—’