Without a Mother's Love

by Catherine King

  The master did not appear. Perhaps he had listened to her protests and thought better of his actions. But the night after that she was in despair when she discovered she was wrong.

  The winds across the moor were wild that year and Olivia woke with a start. The salt and the wet on her face were not from the sea of her nightmares but her own tears. She wanted her mama, but dared not call out for Uncle Hesley was at home. If her crying woke the household and Uncle Hesley was disturbed he would beat her and tell her that it was seven years now and she must stop these night-time disturbances. Then she remembered that Miss Trent was next door and she lay still in the dark and listened. She could hear the ship’s timbers creaking, the groaning and crying . . .

  But this was not the ship, it was her bedchamber, next to Miss Trent’s and the schoolroom. Miss Trent would never beat her. Not even when Uncle Hesley insisted. The wind spattered rain on her window. She licked at her tears and wiped her face on the sleeve of her nightgown. She knew it had been the bad dream again and that she had woken from it, but she still heard the creaks and the groans. The noises were coming from Miss Trent’s chamber. She lay awake in the dark, frightened and alone, and eventually the sounds stopped.Then there was silence. Until the crying began, a muffled, choked sobbing that made Olivia forget her own sadness.

  She slid out of bed, walked barefoot to the door and opened it a fraction. A candle burned low on Miss Trent’s washstand. It was not one from the schoolroom. It was in a tall brass candlestick from downstairs.

  ‘Go back to bed, Olivia.’ Miss Trent seemed to be choking.

  ‘Don’t make me. Please don’t make me. I’ve had a nasty dream.’

  ‘Your nightmare again?’ Miss Trent struggled to sit up, pulling down her nightgown under the tumbled bedding. It looked to Olivia as if she’d been crying too, but she held out her hand, smiling in the flickering light.

  ‘Don’t cry, Miss Trent.’

  Miss Trent wiped her face with the sheet.

  ‘It won’t be so bad in the morning.’ She took her governess’s hand. ‘That’s what you say to me.’

  ‘Dear sweet child, you mean more to me than anything.’

  ‘Can I climb in beside you?’

  Miss Trent nodded and held up the sheet. The sheets were very wrinkled and - she sniffed - they had that ‘Uncle Hesley smell’. Had Uncle Hesley been here? Uncle Hesley only came to the schoolroom to punish her when she was wicked.

  Olivia wrinkled her nose. ‘Uncle Hesley’s been here, hasn’t he? Is that why you’re crying? Did he beat you and make you cry?’

  ‘No, of course not,’ she whispered.‘What an imagination you have.’

  ‘He did. He was here, I can smell him.’

  ‘Hush, child. It was all in your dream.’

  ‘It wasn’t! He’s made you cry and you’ll go away! Oh, please don’t go away and leave me.’

  ‘Quiet now, Olivia,’ she soothed. ‘You’ve had one of your nightmares, that’s all. It isn’t real.’

  ‘Oh, it is! It happened when I was seven. I was on a ship with Mama and she drowned. Papa too.’

  ‘I know, my dear. We have something in common, then, for I am an orphan.’

  ‘Uncle Hesley says I’m lucky to have a guardian and I must behave or he will send me away and I would have to live in a place worse than Blackstone. Blackstone isn’t very nice, is it? It’s always cold and they eat only porridge and broth, and bread and dripping.’

  ‘I won’t let him send you away. I promise.’

  Olivia snuggled into Miss Trent’s warm soft body and tried to ignore Uncle Hesley’s smell. ‘I’m lucky to have you, Miss Trent,’ she whispered finally.

  She was almost asleep when she heard her governess’s soft voice above her head. ‘No. I am the lucky one. I have found you. You are worth any amount of humiliation and hardship and I shall not leave you. The Lord will give me the strength to stay.’

  As Olivia drifted off to sleep, Miss Trent was praying. She could hear soft murmurings about forgiving her sins. She must have behaved badly and her uncle must have beaten her, for she winced and gasped when she changed her position in bed.

  Olivia thought that Uncle Hesley’s smell never really went away from Miss Trent’s chamber. Now it was not her nightmare that woke her. It was Uncle Hesley knocking over a chair in the schoolroom, or Miss Trent’s anguished pleading for him to leave. But he did not heed her. Neither did he beat Miss Trent in the same way he did Olivia. Miss Trent’s punishment was different. When she was woken by the noise, Olivia crept out of her bed and opened the door a fraction to watch.

  Uncle Hesley did not use his cane on Miss Trent. He beat her with his body. The bedding was thrown back and he was stretched out on top of her in just his shirt. His legs were bare, long, white and hairy, and he made noises like a pig as he punished her, making the bed creak as the ship’s timbers did in her nightmare.

  In the light of the candle by her head, Miss Trent’s frightened face peered out over Uncle Hesley’s shoulder and tears spilled down her cheeks. When he had finished, he climbed off her, picked up his boots and breeches and lumbered away through the schoolroom. Olivia knew it was punishment because Miss Trent always cried afterwards.

  When Miss Trent saw her she became angry.‘Close the door, Olivia. Don’t you know it’s wicked to spy on others?’

  ‘I wasn’t spying!’

  ‘Well, you must not talk of this to anyone. No one. Not even Mrs Cookson. Promise me.’

  ‘I promise.’ Olivia meant it. She did not want others to know that Miss Trent had had to be punished. Miss Trent was her friend, and Olivia could keep a secret when she had to.

  Chapter 11

  ‘Before my grandson leaves for the West Indies he will marry. Is that not a good idea, Miss Trent? For a young gentleman like Hesley to have a wife?’

  ‘Yes, sir.’They had been summoned to the library.The master and his grandson were there, scowling at each other.

  ‘Olivia?’ he prompted.

  ‘Yes, Uncle Hesley.’

  ‘Good. Then we are agreed.’ He raised his voice slightly. ‘Are we agreed, Hesley?’

  ‘Yes, Grandfather.’

  ‘You must sail soon after the wedding, while the weather is fair. I would not wish you to suffer the same fate that befell Olivia’s mother and father. It follows, therefore, that the marriage will take place quickly. Within the month.’

  ‘Yes, sir,’ young Hesley muttered.

  ‘You will see to all that is required, Miss Trent.’

  ‘See to what, sir?’ Uncle Hesley looked irritated with her and Olivia clutched her hand tighter. ‘Is Olivia to be a bridal attendant?’ Miss Trent added.

  ‘No, Miss Trent. Olivia is to be the bride.’

  Olivia’s eyes flew wide. ‘What do you mean, Uncle Hesley?’

  ‘You’re to marry your cousin Hesley.You will be his wife.’

  ‘But I don’t want to!’ Alarmed, she turned to her governess. ‘I don’t have to, do I?’

  ‘Sir!’ Miss Trent had paled.

  ‘Yes, Miss Trent?’ Uncle Hesley was glaring at her.

  ‘She - Olivia - is still a child, sir.’

  ‘Nonsense. She is of marriageable age.’

  ‘But she is still young. I mean, she is not a full-grown woman yet.’

  ‘She is old enough, and I see the signs of womanhood already.’

  ‘You cannot do this to her. May I speak alone with you, sir?’

  ‘No, you may not. If it is about Olivia, it is now my grandson’s affair.’

  Miss Trent turned to her. ‘Go upstairs, Olivia, and finish copying your Bible passages.’

  ‘Olivia, stay where you are! You are to be married within the month. Do you understand what that means?’

  Olivia held her breath, then spoke in a rush. ‘Yes, and I don’t want to marry Hesley. I don’t like him.’

  ‘You will do as I say or I’ll see you in the asylum.’

  Olivia and Miss Trent responded together: ‘No
!’ they cried. Olivia was truly frightened and she had never heard Miss Trent so angry. Her governess’s eyes were filled with fury as she faced both men.‘You will not do this, sir. I shall send word to Olivia’s aunt. She will not allow it.’

  ‘You dare to threaten me?’

  Miss Trent was fidgeting and her breathing sounded laboured.

  ‘But why must I marry him?’ Olivia pleaded.

  ‘It is your duty,’ he snapped.

  She saw Miss Trent swallow. ‘Duty. I see. It is an arrangement for your convenience.’

  ‘For all of us, if we are to prosper.’

  ‘Then there is no need to consummate the union.’

  That was a new word for Olivia and she listened intently.

  ‘Of course there is,’ Uncle Hesley answered sharply. ‘And make sure you do, Hesley. I don’t want any of your aunt Caroline’s lawyers and physicians claiming annulment before you return.’

  ‘Sir, she is too young. She is not ready,’ Miss Trent pleaded.

  ‘Then you will prepare her.’ Uncle Hesley gave her a long, level look that ended in a sneer, as he added, ‘I know you have the necessary knowledge.’

  ‘Sir!’

  Olivia had never seen Miss Trent so flustered. She was looking from Uncle Hesley to her cousin and back again. A distinct blush was rising in her cheeks.

  Cousin Hesley’s head shot up quickly at Miss Trent’s indignation, and he turned it back and forth between her uncle and her governess, smiling broadly.‘You are an old rogue, Grandfather.’ He laughed. ‘So that’s why I had to stay away from her. You want her for yourself. I suppose you’ll be keeping her on after the wedding, then?’

  ‘What do you say to that, Olivia? Would you like Miss Trent to stay on after your marriage?’

  If Olivia was repelled by the idea of becoming Hesley’s wife, she was terrified at the thought of losing Miss Trent and nodded silently.

  ‘There you are, Miss Trent. We all want you to stay. But you may go back to Blackstone, if you wish. I shall be happy to talk to the principal about your services here. Perhaps you will find special favour with him on you return.’

  Miss Trent’s face became even redder in the firelight.

  ‘He can’t really send me to the asylum, can he?’

  In the privacy of the schoolroom, Harriet allowed herself to hug Olivia.The child was being brave, but tears were threatening and it broke Harriet’s heart to think of her future with Hesley.

  She had seen it happen at Blackstone and she knew how ruthless the master could be. ‘I believe he would,’ she replied quietly, and heard a suppressed sob. ‘Perhaps it won’t be so bad once Hesley is overseas. I shall be with you.’ She tried to sound confident.

  ‘You will stay, won’t you?’

  ‘Of course. He will be away for at least two years, I am sure.’

  Olivia tried to smile. The relief in her eyes made Harriet want to cry with her.

  The banns were read the very next Sunday in the small church up the hill to a straggle of a congregation that included Olivia and Harriet.The curate who visited from the other side of the moor exchanged a few words with Harriet as they left. ‘You have done well with her. I was so worried she would grow up wild and uncontrollable and have to be confined to an institution. And to make such a good match for her, too! I shall perform the ceremony myself.’

  ‘You will not ask your vicar?’

  ‘Of course not. He has no interest in Hill Top, and he will not travel across the moor in any weather. No one ventures here without reason. It will be a small affair, will it not?’

  ‘I believe so, sir.’

  ‘Excellent. She will be a wife and out of harm’s way before we know it. Good day to you.’

  It was only then that Harriet believed the master meant the marriage to take place. They went back to Hill Top House for Sunday dinner in the dining room, which she and her charge ate with the gentlemen when they returned from their ride. Wine flowed freely and Harriet realized that Hesley and his grandfather were going to drink themselves into a stupor for the afternoon. She excused herself and Olivia as soon as she could, sent Olivia to read her Bible in the schoolroom, and went to the kitchen to talk to Mrs Cookson.

  ‘Olivia is to be married to her cousin Hesley at the end of the month.’

  ‘I’d heard as much, though not from you.’ Her tone was scolding, as though Harriet should have told her. ‘So I sent one of the stable lads to church this morning.’

  ‘We did not see him.’

  ‘No, you wouldn’t, you being in the front pew and he having to leave sharpish to help Matt with the horses.’

  ‘Are you not surprised at the news?’

  ‘I’d guessed. Stands to reason. Mind, I thought they’d wait till she were a bit older.’ She shrugged. ‘Nothing this family does surprises me any more. The pit is on its last legs through lack of attention and this is the only way the master can get his hands on real money.’

  ‘You mean Olivia’s inheritance.What do you know about it?’

  ‘I suppose I may as well tell you.When Miss Olivia’s grandfather inherited the pit from old Samuel he married well, a lady from Bristol whose family had sugar. It was in a trust so her husband couldn’t get his hands on it. Not that he would’ve frittered it away like this one does. Young Mr Samuel was a fair-minded man. It’s only this lot are the bad ’uns.’

  ‘Young Samuel was the master’s late brother?’

  ‘Aye. His daughter was Miss Olivia’s mother. Lucinda, she were. Nice little lass. She married a lawyer man from Bristol. Not exactly gentry, his family were jacks of all trades, but he were a charmer.And what with the government stopping the slave trade, they were going out to the West Indies to see what could be done when - well, you know the rest.’

  ‘I don’t see why Olivia has to marry, though. The master is her trustee.’

  ‘He only gets the income. He can’t sell the plantation. And without the capital to invest in the pit, it’ll close. Matt told me. When she marries, her husband gets the lot straight away. So if she weds young Master Hesley, old Hesley will keep control.’

  ‘If he does as his grandfather tells him.’

  ‘Oh, he will. He wants to make sure nob’dy else gets their hands on it. Once she’s married, it’s safe. And don’t you forget that means you and me are safe an’ all. Where would we go if he had to sell up?’

  Where indeed? Harriet thought. A life on the road as a tinker’s wife, like the scullery-maid they talked of? She felt uneasy.As wife and mistress of the house, Olivia would have no need of her as a governess.The master had only agreed she might stay for reasons of his own. For how long? She was just a convenience for him. She had no illusions that he cared for her. With Olivia’s money he could invest in the pit and feel safe again. He would return to keeping a mistress and discard her without further thought.

  ‘Is there much work for women in the town, Mrs Cookson?’ she asked.

  ‘Not for the likes of you and me. If they’re lucky some lasses are taken on at the pithead, sorting coals and lodging with a miner’s family. If they’re not so lucky they end up in a tavern or on the streets.’ Mrs Cookson twisted her head to look directly at her. ‘You could do a lot worse than the master, Miss Trent, and the child relies on you.’

  Oh, how could Harriet stay here? She was desperate to get away from this house. But what would happen to Olivia if she left? Harriet was in anguish at her dilemma. ‘No, I would not leave her,’ she said. ‘She still has much to learn. Perhaps you might help me with her.’

  ‘You’re the governess.’

  ‘But you have more experience of - of married life than I. It’s just that Miss Olivia is so young for marriage and I only have a few weeks to prepare her. I wondered, Mrs Cookson, if you would talk to her about some of her - her more personal, wifely duties. You were married once. You are better placed than I to explain—’

  ‘Don’t play the innocent maid with me, Miss Trent. I know what’s been going on between you and
the master.’

  Harriet looked at her feet and blushed. ‘Does everybody?’

  ‘Course we do! But there’s no need to be ashamed of it in this house.You’re not the first and you won’t be the last.’

  ‘I do not serve him willingly,’ she said.

  ‘Well, I’m sorry about that, lass, but he is the master and since he’s taken up with you he doesn’t disgrace himself in town any more.That’s a blessing if ever there was one. But he’ll never marry you and chances are you’ll not fall for a babby wi’ ’im. The Mextons may be a name in the Riding, but none of ’em’s been up to much at making babies.’

  ‘His sister has three children.’

  ‘Ah, but she’s only a half-sister. Anyway, they say it’s the men. Weak seed.Which is as well, considering how they put it about.’

  Harriet did not enquire where Mrs Cookson had gained her knowledge. But she guessed it must be true, for his demands on her body had been regular and there was no sign that she was with child. She had believed her prayers had protected her. When she begged the Lord to forgive her sins, she prayed also that she was barren. His visits to the schoolroom would have to stop now, for soon Olivia would understand. Surely he would listen to reason, for the child’s sake.

  Her priority was Olivia and she began her instruction the day after on their nature walk.They rested on a dry-stone wall and saw the rabbits mating on the moor.

  ‘It’s what married people do. And when Hesley is your husband, you will share his bed and he will lie with you. He will - you will be as one person with him. You must not be frightened of him, Olivia.’

  ‘Why? Will it hurt?’

  ‘All married people do it and you will become used to it.’

  ‘But will it hurt?’

  ‘Perhaps a little. At first.’

  ‘It will hurt, won’t it?’

  ‘No, not really.’