What Remains

by Sarah Brocious

Right now I just wanted to be in this moment. I just wanted to let him protect more than my body. I wanted him to protect my heart.

  “So, you want it?”

  I looked over at him as he said these words. “Huh?”

  “This.” He looked around him.

  I smiled. “I love it,” I admitted. ”Give me time to think about it. ” I softly requested. “I like the new memories already.”

  He grinned. “Oh, we’ll make more. For now, I need to get you safely home…unscathed.” He took my hand, turned my wrist and raised it to his lips, kissing the butterfly there. He lifted his eyes to mine and chuckled at my dazed expression.

  Damn him and his magic eyes.

  Chapter 11 Demons of the Past

  Logan was in town. There was no more guessing games. There was a message waiting for me when Max dropped me off. He’d arrived this afternoon. He hadn’t wanted to call the house and bother my mom. I knew my parents had spoken of dinner and a set down, but I wanted this over as soon as possible. I invited him over.

  I was glad Terry was still out. Ana hopefully was distracting him. I liked the thought of the two of them together. She was a hometown girl as much as he was a hometown boy. She wouldn’t leave him for bright lights and big cities like Deb had.

  It would just be my dad, mom, Logan, and myself for the talk, at least at first. I knew there would be other things Logan would want to speak privately about. I just hoped this visit would get me out of his system.

  I answered the knock at the door. My heart pounded in my chest and I prepared myself before looking up.

  There he was as handsome as ever with his tall frame, bright blue eyes, and flawless smile. He held a bouquet of flowers, as if he had come to call on me. He knew what romantic gestures did to me. He would have already executed how he planned on this going. That was who Logan was. He always needed to be in control, and it would appear that he was expecting a favorable outcome from me.

  “Hey, darlin’,” he said gently. He held the flowers to me and leaned in for a kiss.

  I gave him my cheek and took the flowers with a polite, “Thank you.”. This he did not care for. I could tell by the glacial set of his eyes. The warmth had evaporated. I stepped aside to let him in.

  “I thought we’d go for a walk,” he spoke hesitantly. I knew he didn’t want to face my dad. “Just you and me.”

  I cleared my throat. “Logan, you wanted to talk, so we will talk, but I am not going for a walk with you, and there is no you and me. Remember those papers we signed?”

  I saw the set of his jaw. My words did not make him happy. He gave a nod. “Well, I did come to speak to you. I would like this between us, okay? I really don’t want the audience of your parents.” He reached for my hand and gently tugged. “Come out on the porch and we’ll sit and talk. Give me at least that much.”

  I looked up into the pleading blue eyes. They were eyes that once made me melt when he flashed me that flirty look I loved. It was doing nothing for me now, but I gave in. “Okay.”

  “Hadley,” my dad called. I could hear the edge of concern in his voice.

  “We are going to sit on the porch, Daddy.” I swallowed hard. “Won’t be long.”

  My dad stepped into the foyer then. He was standing taller than usual and he gave Logan a long stare. “Logan,” he nodded.

  “Marcus, good to see you,” Logan greeted, holding out a hand to shake. He pulled it back quickly when my dad made no effort to shake it.

  “You keep it civil,” my dad said with authority.

  “Yes, sir,” Logan murmured.

  My dad squeezed my arm. “I’ll be right in here.”

  I smiled up at him. “It’ll be okay,” I said softly and stepped toward the door and Logan. I still held the flowers, but set them on the bannister as Logan and I took to the swing.

  “You look beautiful,” he started out. “But you’re always beautiful.” He grinned and tapped the tip of my nose with his finger.

  I smiled politely.

  “Town hasn’t changed much,” he continued, laughing. “Still as backward as ever. I can’t believe we grew up here. Can you? I’d never want to come back to stay.” He looked to me pointedly. “We just don’t belong here anymore.”

  I lifted my shoulders. “I love it here.”

  He frowned. “Really?”

  I nodded.

  He tugged at a strand of my hair. “You can’t be thinking of staying.”

  I tilted my head. “Why not? My family is here and many of my friends. I already have a job.”

  His brow furrowed. “You would make this decision without consulting me?”

  I looked at him with surprise. “Logan, I think I have the right to make my own decisions.

  “I don’t think you are making the right decisions.”

  I shouldn’t have been surprised at his thoughts. This was the Logan I knew. It was always about him.

  “So, you made these decisions when? Before you left me, or after you saw Max?”

  I drew in a breath. “That is none of your business. Why should you be bothered by that?”

  He held up his hands in defense. “Whoa now, darlin’ I’m not here to fight.”

  And there he went, always acting as if I started it all. It was always my fault. The times he had grabbed my wrists too hard or shoved me with more force than was necessary, or raised his voice, those had always been my fault.

  “I’m not fighting,” I spoke calmly. “I’m just wondering why you are suddenly so concerned with my choices.”

  He chuckled and tipped my chin with his fingers. “You’re so cute when you get worked up. Your eyes get all shiny and your cheeks flush.” He grinned knowingly. He leaned and frowned when I leaned away.

  “What is it that you want, Logan?”

  He recovered his calm façade and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. “Hadley, you now what I want. I want you to get over your little hissy fit and come home. I want my wife.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not your wife. I did not throw a hissy fit. I signed a divorce decree. This was not last week, Logan. You’ve had time to let it digest…”

  “I know you only did that because I wasn’t paying attention…”

  I held up my hand and laughed. He hated being laughed at, but I couldn’t help myself.

  His nostrils flared a bit.

  “Logan, I moved back in with my parents to be away from you. You think I want your attention? I would say that is a pretty clear sign that I don’t want anything to do with you.”

  His jaw tightened and his pupils dilated. “Excuse me?”

  I felt a slight chill run through me. He often used that phrase right before a blow up. “We have had this discussion before,” I said softly. I tried to moderate my tone to gentle him. “You didn’t have to come all this way to talk.”

  He swallowed and the hands resting on his knees bawled into fists. “You didn’t allow me to explain myself.”

  “Explain yourself? Logan, I walked in on you with another woman. You were in my bed. I don’t think there needs to be any explanation,” I snapped.

  “But I still love you,” he whispered.

  “You love you.” My eyes held his steady. He was on the brink of a melt down. I read it and I recognized it for what it was.

  His hands were trembling with effort to control his anger. I reached over and touched his hands. The last thing I wanted was a tantrum from him. I wanted to be honest and get this over, but the flush in his cheeks spoke volumes.

  He looked down at my hand and pulled in a breath. “I need this,” he said softly.” He bowed his head further and the trembling stopped. “See how easily you calm me?” He lifted my hands to his lips and kissed them.

  I pulled them back. “That is very selfish of you. So I’m supposed to give up my life and allow you to treat me like that, just so I can be there to calm you down? Sounds like a great set up for you.” I couldn’t help my sarcasm. “I don’t want that life anymore.”

  He
frowned and looked away from me. His jaw flexed and he bit down on his back teeth, as if trying to control himself. He turned back and the was a new malevolence there. “Let me guess. You want a life with Max now, huh? Trade one cheater for another?” His eyes flashed dangerously.

  I felt that chill again, but pushed past it. I could not give in and continue to allow this to happen. “I know the truth,” I growled.

  He lifted his brow. “The truth?”

  “I know all of it, Logan. I know about Bethany. I know about the baby. I know that you lied to me and you used me.” I shook my head. “Max told you to man up.”

  He licked his lower lip. “Right, okay, Hadley. You saw the proof…”

  What I saw was the lies and you manipulated the truth to suit you.” I felt the adrenaline start to pump and drew in a breath to control myself. “What Max said to you, what he did by taking responsibility, hurt your pride so much, you had to take what was important to him.”

  He laughed with derision. “Well, look who thinks so highly of herself! You think you are such a prize?” He shook his head.

  “I’m prize enough that you traveled here at the first sign that I may be with him. I’m prize enough that you just said you loved me and that you needed me. Did you not just ask me to come home? Thinking pretty highly of yourself to believe I would want to come back to someone like y…” I cried out in surprise, as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me roughly toward him.

  “Watch your words,” he breathed out menacingly. “You understand me?” He shook his head. “Tread very lightly, little bitch.”

  I frowned and tugged my arm back. “You watch your words,” I countered. “I allowed you over here to end this once and for all, Logan. I’m done. Do you understand me?” Again I threw his words back a him. “I’m not revisiting this each time you decide to come home. I have seen you for who you are and I’m done.” I was so proud that my voice remained steady.

  “So that’s it?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “You’re gonna live in this crap down?”

  I nodded. “I love it here,” I admitted. “I hadn’t realized how much I missed it until I pulled into town.” I shrugged. “And I will never let anyone try to convince me to go anywhere else. My heart is here”

  “And what about him?” His voice held venom.

  “Max? What about him?”

  He frowned. “You know what I’m asking.”

  I stared down at my hands and decided to bite the bullet. “I love him,” I whispered. “I should have stayed. I shouldn’t have let your lies work on me. I should have been here with him all that time.” I met his gaze. “You stole that from me. But I was the one that let you steal it.”

  He watched me carefully.

  “I’m not going to let anyone steal from me this time. I’m keeping what’s mine and I’m finally going to get what I want. It’s my turn to be happy.”

  He rose to his feet. “That’s it? You done? This is your decision?”

  I nodded.

  He rolled his shoulders. “Good.” He turned, walked down the steps and strode straight for the Brandon’s.

  I looked up and then noticed that Max was in his drive, leaning against the Shelby. He’d been standing guard, though I doubt he heard our conversation. His arms were crossed now and he was staring straight, without fear, at the man striding toward him with dark intent.

  I covered my mouth and hurried to the railing. “Logan, don’t,” I ordered. “Just go home.”

  Logan was rolling up his sleeves and Max was straightening from his leaning position.

  It was Logan who threw the first punch. He didn’t even hesitate, so Max had no time to prepare. But he didn’t remain subdued. He, instead of counteracting with a return punch, did something that surprised me, and Logan, too. He grabbed Logan’s arm, twisted it behind him and slammed him to the ground with such force, I heard the “oof” of air extracted from Logan’s lungs.

  I hurried down the stair. I was no longer afraid for Max. It wasn’t Logan’s safety I worried for either. I was concerned for the trouble Max would be in if he seriously hurt this man.

  Max’s face was a mask of concentration, as he held Logan’s arm in place. His knee was pressed to the spine and his muscles were trembling as he controlled his strength.

  “You had something to say to me, son?” Max growled.

  Logan’s face was pressed to the pavement. The rage was evident in his red face and gritted teeth. He struggled to right himself, but even if he was taller than Max, he was not stronger.

  “Max, don’t hurt him,” I said softly. “He’s not worth it.”

  Max looked up at me. He saw the red on my wrist where Logan had grabbed me. He drove his knee deeper. “I’m going to let you up,” he muttered. His voice was deep dark and full of malice. “But you’re going to hear this; if you touch her ever again, I will not hesitate to break both your arms.” He shoved the arm he held higher, so he would feel the tension of bones, muscle, and tendons at their breaking point.

  Logan cried out with rage and pain.

  “Do you understand?”

  Logan gritted his teeth. “Get off me!”

  “What the hell?” Those words came from my brother, as he came running up the sidewalk. He had his arm around me protectively in an instant, but then started laughing at Logan’s predicament. “Hey there, Logan,” he barked. “Looking good.”

  I elbowed him in the ribs and hid my smile.

  Neither Max nor Logan acknowledged him.

  “What happened?” Terry whispered, but I hushed him.

  “I asked a question and I expect an answer,” Max muttered, his tone ended in a growl. “Do you understand me when I say that you’re going to leave Hadley alone? You’re not going to touch her, talk to her, or even think of her. Got it?” He allowed more of his weight on the pinned man and was rewarded with a yelp.

  “Yes! Yes! I understand,” Logan shouted.

  Max immediately released him, grabbed my hand, and pulled me behind him.

  Logan was trembling, but scurried to his feet. His face was red with utter rage. He opened his mouth to speak.

  “Don’t say something you will regret,” Max warned. “It won’t end well for you. I promise.”

  “I’ll second that,” Terry agreed.

  Logan’s countenance fell. His pride was deflated. He rubbed his shoulder, gave me one last glance, and started walking away.

  Terry laughed and punched Max in the arm. “Dude!”

  Max rolled his shoulders. “Its nothing,” he mumbled.

  I could see the muscles of his back flex and relax with the tension he’d been holding in them. Defending me. It was the sexiest thing I had ever witnessed. I grabbed his hand, turned him about, reached up around his neck, pulled him down, and kissed him hard. My fingers were in his hair, my body against his, and control was all mine. Best feeling of my life.

  Max had no time to react to my attack, before I was letting him go and heading back toward my house. My body hummed, my heart was pounding, and I couldn’t help my smile.

  “Hadley,” he called after me. “Get back here.”

  I laughed and shook my head. I didn’t turn back to him until I was safely up on my porch. He stood there, hands on his hips, staring after me with a crooked grin. I could see the mark under his eye already reddening and swelling. It made him even sexier. “Slow and easy, sweetheart. Right?” I called down to him.

  He tilted his head and then his eyes lit. “Yeah?”

  “If I don’t distance myself now, I’m going to break that rule.”

  His mouth opened in surprise and then he was laughing.

  My brother was looking all kinds of disgusted.

  I was feeling nothing but happiness.

  Chapter 12 What Remains

  What do you do when the truth reveals the lie? How do you deal with the reality? Even if the reality is so much better than the lie, how do you shift gears? I went for eight years believing a lie that killed
me on the inside. This lie created a wound so big that it was impossible to heal. Suddenly, every good and wonderful thing you once believed come rushing in. How do you deal with the enormity of those emotions?

  That’s where I’m standing now; on the corner of “what the hell” and “why the hell not?” Why can’t I take back what’s mine? Why can’t I reclaim what was stolen from me? What is stopping me? (besides my absolute fear of rejection)

  He said he loved me. He promised me more. He waited for me! Why was I suddenly so scared he would reject me? After all of this, why couldn’t I believe in the rightness of this? It was almost unbelievable.

  It had been three weeks now since Max’s altercation with Logan. Three weeks of little to no contact. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see the man with the magic eyes. No. I was afraid to see him. I was afraid he had suddenly come to the realization that I wasn’t worth the fight. My insecurities tended to get the best of me. As a grown adult woman, I knew these feelings were ridiculous, but that eighteen-year-old girl sometimes cropped up.

  He said hello to me at the café when he came in for lunches or dinners, but never pushed for more. He came to Sunday meals along with his mom and the mischievous Mady. He teased my mom, smoked cigars with my dad, and went to shoot hoops with my brother. He didn’t push me. Was he dealing with the same insecurities? I wondered.

  I’d spent days wondering this. I was tired of wondering. I wanted facts and I was going to get them.

  My appearance at the shop surprised both Terry and Max. Their reaction was instant concern because I had been avoiding this place.

  “Ley,” what’s wrong?” Terry was already wiping the engine smudge from his hands.

  “N-nothing,” I laughed nervously. My glance hit and bounced off Max, who stood quietly, and back to my brother.

  “Hey, Hadley,” a little voice chirped.

  I looked over to see Madeline perched on my old stool. She held her doll close and looked at comfortable as could be right where she was. She gave me a big smile. My nerves instantly melted. “Hey, Mady.” I returned her smile and drew in a breath.

  Max had moved to the sink and was washing the grease and grime from his hands. He peeked over at me. He knew why I was here. He knew I was ready to talk. He flicked droplets from his fingers and towel dried his forearms and hands, still watching me carefully.