I’d given in and collapsed onto my floor against the wall, thinking of how to end it all. The one candle in my room didn’t offer me much light, so when he entered, I had to squint through the darkness to even make him out. But of course it was him. Who else would it have been?
Even if there had been any doubt of his identity, it was chased away when he opened his mouth. “Are you feeling better?”
I’d expected him to come back. I’d planned for this. Xian’s face came into view when he stepped forward again. The candlelight danced off the planes of his face softly...deceptively so. He almost didn’t look like the monster that he’d proven himself to be. But looks were deceiving. I doubted I looked as determined as I felt. I’d returned to my assault on the wall, periodically throwing myself into the wood, sapping all my strength. A sheen of sweat covered me, sending hot and cold sensations coursing over my skin.
“Leave me alone.” My voice cracked.
Xian didn’t respond, rather took another step forward so that he towered above me, and then dropped to the floor beside me. The new angle only made him look that much more harmless, but I tensed my muscles and scooted away from him in protest. My head felt heavy on my shoulders.
“You don’t look well.”
“I’m dying.” I snapped. “You’ll have to forgive me.”
“I can end it.” He grabbed my hand. “This suffering can stop in a heartbeat.”
“No.” I wiped sweat off my forehead, took a rattling breath, and flicked my tongue over chapped lips.
“You’re dying. The werewolves mark is killing you.”
“It’s not that. I just…I’m starving.”
He raised his eyebrows in an attempt to look passive, but he could see the opportunity. “I get the feeling you want something more than a grilled cheese?”
“Blood. It’s the only reason I’m still alive.” I lied. “I’m an addict, but it keeps me going.” I let my eyes flutter closed. “I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. I’m nothing like you. I won’t kill for it.”
That made him laugh. “You’re more like me then you’ll ever know.” He placed the back of his hand against my cheek; I shrugged away. “You’re burning up, exhausting your blood supply for energy. You need to drink.”
“I’m not like you.” I protested.
“You could be.” His voice rippled with excitement. “I can save you right now, but I won’t do it if you refuse to admit what you are. I can’t have you running around wild, like an unbroken horse.”
“I won’t.”
He shook his head. “You have to admit what you are. You have to surrender to me, or I can’t help you.” He let those words roll over me and then brushed a hair off my face. “It would be too dangerous for you otherwise.”
I was silent, contemplating his words, when he stood to go. I grabbed his hand between mine, allowing the desperation to eke out of my voice. “Please… please if you care about me at all, you won’t do this to me.”
He shook me loose and moved to the door before turning around. “I don’t think you understand, Lilith,” He said calmly, “how important you are to me.”
“You don’t love me!” I screamed. “You never did!” He didn’t contest it. “What am I still here for?”
Xian smiled, his lips peeling back to reveal a perfect row of white teeth. The sight of his fangs sent a shiver down my spine as I remembered his earlier sentiment about trying to change me.
“Me.”
He slammed the door behind him. The candle flickered, its light fading, burning bright one last moment, before it went out.
Evan wavered over me when I opened my eyes later. He offered me a hand and hoisted me up. When he released me, I wobbled, letting the wall hold me up. I blinked at him, letting my eyes adjust, and looked past him. “I want to see Xian.”
“Are you sure?” He was obviously hesitant.
I swallowed, trying to soothe my dry throat. “I don’t want to die.” My voice was barely more than a whisper, the best I could manage.
Evan nodded and looped his arm through mine. I allowed myself to lean on him more than was necessary. “I’m not sure he’s back yet, but I don’t think he’d mind you waiting in his room.”
“Back?” I asked. “Back from where?”
“I…” His voice faltered. “I’m not sure.”
As we passed through the hall, I began to get a sense of things. First, the silence. I looked to Evan slowly, trying not to betray the glimmer of hope that lit up in me. “It’s night time already?”
“Just about.” He confirmed, without much of a second thought. He glanced at the watch on his wrist and licked his lips nervously.
I took a shaky breath, hoping that would disguise the increased rate of my heart. The sun would be up soon. This was a lucky break. But Evan was behaving suspiciously. Here I was trying to shuffle Xian into a trap of my own making, but he very well may have been planning the same thing. I tried not to imagine that. If he was, the worst he could do was keep me from accomplishing what I’d set out to do. And if he did, at least I wouldn’t have to live knowing that I’d failed.
We had almost reached the staircase when Xian called out my name from behind us. We stopped, and I turned, hoping I looked desperate and weak; it wasn’t such a stretch. Xian’s face was impassive, but there was something like excitement brewing up storm clouds in his eyes. “Lilith?”
“She’s had a change of heart,” Evan bowed his head as though looking at Xian at the same time as speaking to him was simply too intimidating. “You said to let you know when she broke...”
Xian didn’t remove his eyes from me as he came to take my hand, “Yes,” He smirked. “Thank you.”
Recognizing his dismissal, Evan nodded and backed away, leaving me alone with Xian. Our proximity was unnerving, but I fought to maintain some sort of composure. “You were looking for me?”
“I’ve had a while to think,” I said slowly, “and each day I get closer and closer to dying. I’m scared.” My breath hitched in my chest, caught somewhere in my lungs. “I don’t want to die, Xian.”
His expression was almost tender. “You don’t need to fear anything, Lilith. I can turn you.”
“We’ve tried so many times before. What if it doesn’t work?”
He cupped the sides of my face, framing it in his cold hands. “I’m sure of this.”
I shook my head, not willing to believe it. Xian drew me closer to him, and I heaved a sigh against his chest. A svelte finger tipped my chin upwards, so that we could see eye-to-eye. “Trust me.” His voice was feather light.
I allowed myself a few moments of doubt to consider why I shouldn’t trust him—he’d literally stabbed my father in the back, he’d murdered Calista, and butchered innocent humans. That was only the tip of the iceberg and yet, he could offer me salvation… I nodded.
Xian smiled and moved toward the steps, bringing me alongside him. “Everything is going to be ok, Lilith. Finally, everything is going to work out.”
I smiled, suppressing my doubts, and continued down the steps. I didn’t flinch when his arm snaked around my waist.
I curled my fingers up against my wrist, reaching for the small box I found there, a source of comfort. The book of matches burned against my skin, desperate for me to use them. I forced myself to stand a little straighter, and Xian turned, stopping on the steps all together. I drew in a breath, feeling transparent, like he could see my thoughts. His eyes stared into mine, his grip on my wrists just a bit too firm for me to be comfortable.
“You need a drink.” He mused.
“Yes,” I said, grateful. Aside from the champagne I’d been plied with at the funeral, I hadn’t drank in a while. But my nerves were on overload, and maybe taking the edge off was exactly the thing to do.
“I’ve got the perfect thing for you,” He grinned, turning towards my father’s room.
He’d wasted no time in making the place his, different even than what I’d seen when he’d brou
ght me here before. The cavernous, formerly-barren room was now made lavish with a couch in the far corner, set before a bear-skin rug. Art decorated the walls—paintings that I had read about by Rembrandt and Gericault and even some that I didn’t recognize. A bed that was easily three times the size of my father’s took up the middle of the chamber, a heavy red bedspread tucked perfectly at the corners and topped with a mountain of pillows. Bookshelves lined the long wall, each perfectly covered in countless books.
I sat down and watched as Xian lit a few candles on his bedside stand, the glow illuminating the far reaches of the room. He gestured for me to sit down on the bed, and I did so tentatively, unable to keep from fidgeting despite already having come to terms with what I was about to do.
Xian retrieved a bottle from the table in the corner along with two short, crystal glasses. He set them on the stand next to his bed and handed the first to me as he poured another. I sniffed it tentatively. The alcoholic tinge made my eyes burn, but I closed them and swigged it down; It would make what I was about to do easier. Xian looked pleased when I set it down, and immediately poured me another. I stared into the amber liquid, watching it swirl around the bottom of the glass.
He sat next to me, placing a heavy hand on my thigh. I resisted the impulse to push him away and turned to face him instead. It was time to put my acting skills to the test. “I know now, that I can’t exist without you.” My words were true. The intentions behind them were not. But Xian didn’t have to know that. “I ran away to escape my Father’s tyranny, and that required me to leave you behind. But the whole time I was gone, you haunted me.”
Xian stood. “Oh?” His lips were pursed together in an attempt to tame the smile spreading across his face. And just like that, there it was. The charm he could turn on and off like a light switch, manufactured to conceal the darkness within him. I’d fallen for it time and again; he was counting on history to repeat itself.
I stood up and clasped his hands, pulling myself up so that he could look into my eyes. I prayed he couldn’t see my deceit in them. “We had something once, and it was tragically beautiful.” I looked down. Even after all we’d been through, we’d never spoken this candidly. I’d been too afraid of what he might do. Now, I was finally telling him the truth, and even then he didn’t get it because he would hear it the way he wanted to hear it.
“All you have to do is ask.” He said the words slowly, his lips moving inches from mine. I smiled, because I would not ask if my life depended on it, which it kind of did. He stood still, waiting for me to close the gap.
To kill Xian, I had to catch him off guard. I had already come to terms with the realization that I would do whatever it took to get rid of him, no matter the cost.
I hesitated, but he did not. He pressed into me enthusiastically, so that personal space was practically non-existent. He was tempting me, testing me. If I didn’t make the first move, he would know. I hated myself, maybe even as much as I hated him, for what I was about to do. But I wouldn’t have to suffer with it for long. I closed the space between us, letting our lips meet again. They fell into a familiar pattern, the intensity picking up rapidly. We’d been together so long…we’d done this so many times that our bodies fell in sync.
I saw the soft candle glow from the corner of my eye, and jerked him even closer, taking a few steps back. He followed, moving towards me like a magnet, and I jumped on him. Though surprised, he moved quickly enough to catch me, wrapping my legs around him so that I couldn’t slip. He set me on the edge of the nightstand, moving with such zeal it almost reminded me of a young boy, getting the thing he’d been pining after.
I kissed him back, each second seeming to turn into a minute, and each minute turning to what felt like an hour. I knew that in reality it was nowhere near that long. My skin crawled, eager to be free of his touch, but I forced myself to remain still until his lips moved from mine, trailing slowly towards my neck. I hadn’t planned it out past the distraction, and now I was stuck here as he moved to my weak spot, the one area that would shut me down. Breathe, I reminded myself. But his lips were on my neck now, his teeth grazing over the scars that he’d left there in the past, a permanent reminder of the twisted relationship I’d thought was acceptable. But it wasn’t. This wasn’t.
Suddenly it was like none of the past year had ever happened, like I was the same foolish girl who thought that maybe he wouldn’t hurt me again, that this time would be different. His fangs twitched against my skin, the temptation swelling throughout him.
A small gasp escaped me and I threw my arm back, found the candle, and slid it off the stand. It wasn’t how I’d expected to do it, but I couldn’t let this go on any further. Xian jumped at the sound, tearing away from me to look at the spot on the ground where the wax was already beginning to pool. The flame had landed on the bottom edge of the burgundy bed skirt, and began to pour over it, spreading quickly up the side. I jumped up, grabbed my untouched glass from behind me, and smashed it against the burning ground. The flames leapt up, forking quickly in opposite directions. I looked up just in time to make eye contact with Xian. He stood motionless for just a moment, and then he found the betrayal in my eyes.
“Lilith?” He hissed. I turned, running for the door, but he caught my arm and dragged me back, the force of which sent me to the floor. I backed away from him, the angry glint in his eyes enough to send me running. But I had him where I wanted him, I just needed him to come closer. And he did, towering over me with an incredulous sort of fury. “What were you trying to do?” He sneered. “I didn’t have you pegged as the type of girl to use sex as a weapon. Did you learn that from your new friend?” He laughed, just a short sound that turned into a deep chorus of laughter when he decided he’d just amused himself. “You want me to burn?”
He blocked my way to the door, and the fire was spreading more quickly still over the bed, devouring whatever it could. The fire would kill him, but it would take me with it. I could already feel the sheen of sweat creeping up on my skin; the heat was almost unbearable. I made a move for the door, but Xian side-stepped, holding out his hand. I stared at him a moment, before making the decision that he’d never touch me again. I dove for the bed, aiming to toss myself right into the heart of the flames.
He grabbed me by the shoulder and braced me a few inches away from him so that he could, apparently, try and figure out when I’d gone insane or suicidal. I expected him to punch me, to move his hand across the back of my face. I didn’t expect him to drive me against the wall, moving with me so that his body pinned mine in place. He stared at me another moment, the unbridled fury searing in his eyes, and then pushed my chin up with the palm of his hand. A split second was all it would take to snap my neck, to behead me, and that’s what I expected. But he didn’t. Instead, he moved his mouth to my neck like a hungry predator, and tore into my skin. I cried out in agony, but stood motionless, my body paralyzed with the surprise attack. I summoned Calista’s strength, the image of her standing stolid and unmoving even as he killed her.
My lungs ached and burned with the fire, the acrid black smoke that poured into them, and the scream that managed to escape from the back of my throat. Face death with dignity, I reminded myself. But the agony continued for longer than I’d have thought possible; this was endless. Death wasn’t coming.
I pushed at his shoulders in an attempt to dislodge him, to get a little room for leverage. But it wasn’t successful in the least; he leaned into me harder, his weight crushing my chest, grinding my skull against the wall. I couldn’t move my head to see, so I whipped my arms around madly, hoping to disengage him, or at the very least get in a jab to the nose. Instead, my fingers found purchase. The bottle of alcohol, just a little bit out of reach.
By some miracle, I was able to stretch for it. Xian was so consumed he did not notice my movement was something other than a frantic attempt to get away, refusing to be distracted. I could feel myself growing weaker, deflating like a balloon. He was going to kill me, I thou
ght. But at the same time, I knew that was not the goal. My feverish thoughts connected with my panicked vision, which was made faulty by the heat and the pain and the loss of blood, but my fingertips grazed the bottle, and in the next breath, I was able to wrap my hand around it. It was so heavy I nearly dropped it.
Xian tore away just in time to see the bottle before it hit him on the head. He staggered, but otherwise seemed unaffected. The bottle, however, shattered, splintering into several jagged pieces on the ground. The contents met with the fire on the ground, and it took on a whole new life.
The sound of it roaring in my ears was like a scream, a hot cackle as the fates laughed at my attempt to bring him down.
Xian dragged me away from the wall, and I struggled to maintain control of my limbs, but the effort was beyond futile. Even at peak performance, Xian was stronger than me. He dragged me with him from the room, away from the fire and the heat. The inferno was blazing and roaring…if only I’d been able to distract him a short while longer, I might have succeeded.
We’d barely even crossed the threshold into the hallway when Xian threw me away from him. My head collided with the wall, and I sank to the ground trying to get my bearings. My temples were pounding, my world spinning, so when I looked up I was surprised to see him towering above me, his head bent. A thin trail of my blood marked his lips, which were set into a tight line. And yet, for all the cold neutrality his stone-face possessed, his eyes held fire…enough to rival the flames pulsing in the other room.
“I’ve tried so hard to save you.” He said slowly, a shake of his head punctuating his disappointment. “You’re all I want Lilith, what I’ve always wanted. And I’m not letting go.” He knelt down before me, and I retracted as far into the wall as I could, until I could move no further. His fangs found their purchase once again, and I closed my eyes, finally letting go. I’d failed.
The Celestial Kiss Page 29
