I succumbed, realizing that these were my last seconds and they were going to be spent in agony. I wouldn’t be present for this…I’d much rather remember the good, which was brief but the sweetest of things I could imagine: Janna’s laugh, her father’s unfailing trust in me, James’ kiss, his eyes, his gentle touch…
I was fading fast; the world was turning black as my body grew cold despite still being sticky with sweat from the heat. I closed my eyes, holding onto thoughts of James.
Suddenly, the agony ended, and Xian’s weight disappeared. I felt myself lifted up and realized it was over. My soul was separating from my body. I sighed, torn between being sad that this life was over and happy that my captivity had ended. I decided to go with the latter, and I breathed in, relishing it for a few moments before opening my eyes to face whatever Hell I’d been banished to.
The face that peered down over me was not the one I’d expected. My vision was hazy; I couldn’t be sure it was him. “Julius?” I asked. Not the worst Hell imaginable; what was he going to do, push me around and throw out snarky comments? I’d take it over Xian any day.
“It’s okay, Lilith.” His voice was much gentler than I recalled, and I rolled over to see what else Hell had in store for me. And then I realized I wasn’t dead. Unless this was some kind of combination of Heaven and Hell, some in between world reserved for the inhuman, with Julius and Xian and James. Bittersweet though it was, I didn’t think that was the sort of afterlife I’d be granted.
“James?” I tried to say his name, but my voice was raspy. I sounded like I’d been swallowing rocks, but I realized it was the smoke, which had thickened. James may not have heard me; he didn’t look at me. He was consumed with Xian, whom he had backed against the wall.
Julius and I moved past James towards the front door, which had been left open to allow the morning light in. Julius stepped out into the blinding morning, but it still felt too hot, even with the wind whipping around us. I winced, barring my eyes from the assault, and turned to look at the receding shape of my father’s home as Julius carried me away. Through a confused haze, I saw glass burst as the fire ravaged Xian’s room, the curtains consumed in their hunger, flames licking the outside of the house.
I wasn’t convinced I wasn’t dying. I wanted to call out to James, to know that he was okay, but talking seemed like a colossal waste of energy, particularly when he was so far, so I sighed.
There was a wrought-iron bench in what remained of the wasted gardens, somewhere underneath the sun. Julius deposited me there. “You’re safe out here, Lilith.” He assured me. “So just stay put.”
“Julius?” I tried. But even I didn’t know what I meant to say, fortunately, since he paid me no mind. He made his way back to the house in long, powerful strides.
I leaned my head back over the armrest and closed my eyes, in no position to argue.
A few deep breaths later, I opened my eyes again. I stood slowly, allowing the world to shift back into place and took a step back to see the damage. Before me, the great doors were still open, effectively cordoning off the first floor so that there was nowhere to run.
Something in the air alerted me to their approach. The ground trembled with the force of their feet on the ground. Upon turning, I saw the pack of wolves running for the house. I stayed still a moment, watching them, taken aback by their numbers, wondering who among them I knew. And when they ran past me, a thunderous blur, I followed them.
At first, I could barely set foot in front of the other, but with each step, the world shifted back into place, my vision becoming steady and my balance returning to me. By the time I had reached the door, I was able to run, just in time to see a werewolf lunge at Xian, pushing him towards the flames on the wall. I looked around, regaining the last of my wavering breath, watching the wolves invade my former home. They ran up the steps, cornering some vampires that had come downstairs to see what the commotion was, and engaged in combat with my brothers.
Everything had taken on a new clarity, a precision that hadn’t been there before. The way that everyone else moved, every little action so full of intention and purpose, the way they looked as if a gauzy sort of film had been stripped away, the way I could smell their fear, their hatred, and their dismay. A jolt of electricity pulsed through my veins as I realized what had happened to me. I’d gone from the brink of death to more alive than I’d ever felt in just a matter of minutes. A ferocity, a desire that rivalled anything I’d ever felt, tore through me. Xian had succeeded. He’d turned me.
I raced for the staircase, certain of what it was I had to do. I’d set out to bring Calista back, and that was exactly what I intended to do. I didn’t doubt that Xian had left her body in the house, somewhere that he could use it against me if I gave him occasion. He wouldn’t have expected me to break so soon, or to turn the tables on him. No, I was certain that he’d have left her body somewhere among us. I ran to my room, expecting he’d had her laid there after I’d left. I didn’t expect to see her lying on my bed, posed as though she were sleeping. She looked serene, just as graceful as she had been in life, except for the dried blood that webbed over her delicate skin like ink on a page.
Her hands were clasped on her chest, but underneath them she held something. I drew closer, cautious, but paused when I stood at her side. The sight of her made my chest ache in a way I didn’t understand. Moving her seemed wrong. But that edge of paper that poked out from under her delicate hands intrigued me. I moved slowly, the way I would have if I feared she might spontaneously come back to life and kill me. It wasn’t her I was afraid of—it was the possibility of what I would find on that paper.
My own face looked back at me. Or rather, I thought it was my face… It looked identical, right down to the high cheek bones. But the woman in the phtogoraph was not me. When I looked closer I could see that her hair was several different shades of blonde. And her eyes…they were green.
I didn’t realize I had stopped breathing until I let it all out of my lungs in one crucial moment of revelation. I was looking at my mother.
Despite never having seen her (at least not in my conscious memory), I realized I’d know her face anywhere. I didn’t know how we could look so much alike, and yet she was so much more beautiful than me. But I saw it in her face, in the way her eyes caught the light and her lips were parted in something between a smile and a laugh: she had been happy.
I looked around for something more, but I was alone and everything seemed to be still in its place. Why would Xian have put this picture here, and where had he gotten it? Was it possible that my father had kept it for all those years? Had he really been able to make her as happy as she had been in that moment, alive and full of joy? I stared at the picture, lost in those thoughts, until I heard a floorboard creek somewhere outside the room.
I had just shoved the picture in my pocket and turned around when a man stepped into the door frame. He was tall and imposing; his arms were covered by a brown leather jacket, but I suspected that underneath that, it was pure muscle. “Lilli?” He spoke with an accent. I couldn’t have guessed whatever it was, but I knew well enough that he wasn’t from around here. I also knew that I’d never seen him before.
I braced myself, prepared for the attack that was sure to come. But he only stared at me. It wasn’t even in a way that I could describe; there seemed to be some kind of shield around him, like he was impervious to any emotion. That made him all the more frightening. “I don’t know you.” I managed to choke out.
His dark eyes were heavy on me. He seemed to be debating something. “It really is you?”
I straightened, remembering Calista’s form as she had faced Xian. She’d had to be scared, and yet she’d remained impassive. I would do the same. “You’re on the losing side of the war.” I warned him, still coiled for attack.
He laughed, flashing perfectly white teeth. It made him look less cruel then he’d been just moments before. “I’m on your side.” He laughed again. “Holy fuck.”
/> Something about the way he regarded me took me off balance. I openly scrutinized him, and he didn’t seem to mind. He wasn’t a vampire; that was obvious. He was lacking all of the hallmark signs. But the possibility of him being a werewolf was even less likely, though still possible. Something told me that wasn’t it, though, which left only one thing: a hunter.
I tried to say something—it didn’t matter what, since he doubtless didn’t care—but my stammer was drowned out by the sound of a horrifying scream. It resonated in my bones, ate through to my very core. Without giving it a second thought, I pushed past the man in the doorway and sprinted through the hall until I found the source of the cries.
Janna was on her knees, so small against the backdrop of arching cathedral ceilings. Her back was to me, her hair hanging over her face as she leaned forward, sobbing over a body.
I stopped, suddenly terrified to move. I imagined what sight would greet me on the other side of her, and it was one I couldn’t prepare myself for. Even after all the death I’d witnessed, hearts ripped straight from the chest and necks spun at impossible angles, after all the blood I’d ever seen—oceans of it—I couldn’t ever be ready to face that. I grabbed hold of the wall, suddenly breathless and dizzy. Janna’s cries became the only sound I could hear, and even they were muted. The corners of my vision dimmed, and I was sure I would faint.
And then somebody grabbed me, dragging me backwards down a narrow hallway with one cold hand over my mouth, the other tight around my neck. I knew it was him. Xian dragged me a short distance before shoving me into the wall and leaning in close. I fought wildly against him; I thought my grief alone could kill him, but his anger proved to be stronger. He was always stronger. He pinned my arms above my head and ground me into the cold stone with his chest. “I’m really sick of your games.” He hissed. I noticed the deep scratch mark that spanned across his formerly delicate cheek. It made me swell with satisfaction. “This is your official last chance. Quit with the childish charades, and maybe when I’m done with you I will kill you. That’s what you want, Lilith, isn’t it? It’s what you’ve always wanted!” His voice, though meant to be a whisper, was sharp and dripping with unconcealed venom. His chest rose and fell rapidly, despite the fact that he had been centuries without the need for air.
The anger that I’d caused him, the rage that had built up under that façade of nonchalance, was cracking him. He was losing everything he’d fought for, everything that had led him from his humanity to this. I’d thought I wanted him dead. Just this morning, I would have given nearly anything for that. But now, I realized the delicious gravity of what I could do to him. Everything he’d ever done to me, every well-aimed kick, every agonizing bite, every little thing he’d ever said that had made me feel worthless. None of it was anything, compared to what I was doing to him right now. This was the most delicious form of revenge I could imagine. And despite the fact that I knew he was dangerous like this, so close to the edge, I couldn’t help the warmth that took over me, a potent mix of retribution and malice that flowed through my veins like honey, thick and sweet.
“No.” I laughed, drunk on the feeling, the intoxicating power of it. “Death isn’t what I’ve always wanted. What I’ve wanted, what I didn’t even know I wanted until this very moment, was to see you like this. Broken.”
Xian tightened the hand around my neck, but it didn’t faze me. “You’ve taken everything I have.” I continued. “You broke me, and every time I put myself back together, you broke me again, throwing stones at me when you knew I was fragile. I’m not anymore. You are.”
His nails tightened against the skin of my neck, slowly digging into the scarred flesh there, but the pain didn’t wash away my bliss. I smiled still. “You’ve taken everything from me.” I told him. “Go ahead.”
I could feel him, flexing his hands against my neck in an unsuccessful attempt to leash his fury. And it made me even happier, if that were possible. I had foolishly believed that he had meant to use me as a scapegoat, an excuse to wage war, whether because he wanted to be seen as a romantic or a martyr I’d never decided. I’d thought he was bent upon having me back to prove a point. I’d thought he just enjoyed torturing me so much, he would do anything to continue.
Now, it was glaringly obvious. He’d had a thousand chances to kill me, years ago while I’d slept in his arms unaware of his true nature and more recently while I’d been looking the other way. It wasn’t beyond him to stab someone in the back, after all. But I was alive for a reason. He needed something from me. I didn’t know what, but he needed me alive.
If I could provoke him, get him to kill me now, like this, it would ruin whatever he intended. My death would undermine everything he’d been planning, probably from the minute he’d laid eyes on me. Getting him to kill me now, laying those past two years to waste, would be the sweetest form of revenge, a mix even more heady than this. Not that I would enjoy it once I was dead.
His nails pierced the skin; I tried to keep back my pained moan, but it managed to find its way out of my soul, twining with my sense of triumph so that it became a sort of laugh. He stopped immediately, loosening his grip. I refused to take my eyes from his, silently daring him to do it, even when the thunderous sound of footsteps echoed in my ears. Xian stood, unflinching, unspeaking, until the last second when his hand released me entirely. He was gone before I even sank to the floor, still smiling stupidly.
“Lilith!” My own name sounded like thunder in my ears, an indecipherable sound. A hand moved to my neck, applying pressure, but I stared at the spot where Xian had been just seconds before. The euphoria that coursed through me distanced me from everything: the faces, the words they spoke, the sound of the footsteps that crashed off in pursuit of Xian. It wasn’t until James grabbed my face in his hands with eyes full of worry that I crashed back into myself.
“James?” I breathed his name, afraid saying it loudly would break whatever spell this was.
“I’m here. It’s ok. Julius will find him.” James promised me. “Are you ok?” He looked at the blood that seeped out from under his hand, sticky and warm against my skin. It seemed a strange question, but I knew he meant it as a question of my mentality. It was the first I’d seen him since I’d left, and though it couldn’t have been more than a day or two ago, it seemed like it had been a lifetime.
I nodded and threw my arms around him. James reciprocated, folding me into him, my arms still looped around his neck. I’d been so sure he was gone. The way Janna had cried, like she’d lost a loved one… But James was here, and this was real. It had to be; you couldn’t feel pain in dreams.
My unspoken question was answered when we emerged into the main corridor. It was Olias who lay on the ground, cold and empty, not unlike I’d last seen him. And Janna kneeled still at his side, his hand pressed between hers, dark hair forming a curtain that obscured her face. But I could hear her sobs; her cries still echoed in the empty space of my memory. “Janna…” Her name wasn’t much more than a mumble on my lips. If she heard it, she didn’t pay any attention to me.
“Let her grieve.” James told me, his voice subdued. He turned his head to nod at someone, a wordless command: stay with her. Desmond nodded his understanding, though he hadn’t looked like he was going anywhere to begin with.
“I don’t understand.” I mumbled. But my words disappeared in the plume of black smoke that billowed out around the staircase, choking the air upward. James paused just long enough for me to see—or rather, not see—the whole downstairs obscured in the black clouds. I choked on it, felt it burning through me, but James descended the stairs with me still in his arms, undaunted. I trusted James; it was why I allowed myself to relax into him even as we disappeared together into the thick of it. I tried to keep my eyes open but it burned, so I screwed them shut until the air lightened, taking on the smell of leaves and the wind.
It was cold outside, but not unpleasantly so, and when I opened my eyes it was to the mild sun, hanging low in the crisp pink sk
y. Even as it neared sunset, the sky burning bright and blood orange, I knew he’d escaped. When it had been a church, the building had offered sanctuary from persecution. It had once been a safe haven for all. I remembered playing in those tunnels, imagining the people that had hidden there until it was safe to leave. And though I’d never found it, I knew there was an exit, a way to escape persecution.
. Over time, I’d sort of forgotten the tunnels existed, but why wouldn’t they? The whole city was built around them. They spanned from the werewolves den to different locations in the city, the woods, even by the sea. I understood, now, how Xian had been coming to us in the past few weeks. Underground, time had no meaning. He could taunt us in daylight or night, if he was careful. He’d been slipping out, literally right under my father’s nose.
I watched the house now, as James carried me away from the mess and the chaos. Windows were shattered, bodies lie charred on the ground, a last desperate attempt to escape the werewolves. A chorus of screams seemed to pulse in that house, as though the very walls were finally letting loose, lamenting on all the horrors they’d witnessed over the years. And as the fire raged and we made our escape, I couldn’t help feeling victorious despite my failure. Xian was gone…Julius could chase him, but he wouldn’t find him. And Janna was still in there, though the people James had charged with her care would ensure she got out alive. The queen was dead, my father was dead, Olias was dead. I didn’t know who else was. Dozens, at the very least. It had been a blood bath severe enough to paint the walls, and yet a sense of pride flickered in me, faint as my pulse, while I watched the walls crumble.
The ashes that flew through the autumn air, drifting on the heat of the fire, made me lighter. At last, that house was gone. And as I watched my prison burn, I knew that despite the chain of circumstance that tethered my future, I was finally free.
Chapter Twenty Two
“We have to go after them!”
The Celestial Kiss Page 30
