by Lacey Silks
“Will you let me have a look at them?” I asked.
She nodded, gently lifting her skirt higher. Her dress was torn at the side – I assumed from the fall. I had a closer look at her knees. The wounds weren’t as deep as I’d thought they would be; they didn’t match the level of her distress.
“This blood came from your knees?” I pointed to the thicker drops on the patio, catching sight of smeared blood over her inner leg as well. It wasn’t a lot, but still, it didn't look like that much blood could have oozed out of the wounds on her knees, and definitely wouldn’t have traveled up her leg. There was a painful nagging in the back of my mind, but Molly distracted me when she pulled in another sniffle.
“Why don’t you come with me to Doctor Burke’s office, and we’ll get you checked out? Look, his lights are still on.” I pointed down the street to where the only doctor’s office in town was still open.
“I… I don’t know. My father—”
“Let me talk to my dad. He’ll make sure your father’s okay with it. All right?” Then I remembered an incident with Doctor Burke, right on this porch a few a few days earlier, and I added, “And if he’s not, we’ll sneak away. He won’t even know it.”
She nodded.
I quickly went inside. Chaos was spread across the floor in the form of broken glass, splintered wood that used to be part of a chair, and spilled beer. The culprit of it all, Molly’s father, stood smack in the middle of the mess. He was surrounded by eight brawny men, including the sheriff and my father, and was holding a gun, pointing it to his own head.
Shit!
“Carter, get out of here.” My father’s voice, deliberately stern, was like any father’s would have been if their child came into a room where a madman was holding a gun.
“Molly scraped her knees. I’m going to help her clean them off.” There was no way I would mention Doctor Burke in front of Mr. Fowler, especially when he was holding a gun.
“That’s fine, son. Walk her home and go tell your mother that I won’t be home until dark.”
“Sure thing.”
I backed out of the pub, wary of the way Mr. Fowler was giving me the side eye. I was afraid that if the door hadn’t been close enough, he would have turned the gun on me. With fear crawling over me, as soon as I stepped outside, I exhaled; and avoiding the window, I crawled on all fours to Molly.
“What’s going on in there?” she asked.
“Nothing. They’re just trying to get your father to have some water. He had a few too many drinks.”
She didn’t seem to believe me but didn’t ask again as we made our way over to Doctor Burke’s office. When we entered, he smiled, and his glasses slowly slipped lower onto his nose, the way they usually did when he tried to look over them instead of through them. His thick curly hair bounced as he cocked his head to the side, but that initial smile faded as soon as he assessed that Molly had been hurt. Doctor Burke shot off his chair and rushed toward us, taking Molly under his arm. He was right. Now that I saw how Molly was limping and walking weird, I was afraid that her fall might have been worse than I’d assumed.
“What happened?” he asked.
“I fell,” she said, batting the long lashes of her brown eyes. I’d never noticed how big her eyes were before. And her freckles, they were more prominent when she cried. They reminded me of Daisy’s sprinkled face.
“Fell?”
“Yes. Carter says my knees should be looked at. Can you look at them in the back room?” she asked.
I wanted to go with her. I wanted to hold her hand and assure her that the scrapes would heal quickly, but I also wanted to respect her privacy.
“Yes, of course we can.” Doctor Burke took Molly under his arm and gave me a disapproving look.
What did I do?
“We’ll chat when we’re done, young man.”
“Yes, of course.” I nodded. I’d help Molly with anything she needed. She was a friend. A good friend, in fact.
I sat at the front of the office, tapping my fingers on the side table. The glass top echoed with each bounce of my pads. Beyond the front windows, the sun began setting, and I wondered whether my father had been able to get that gun out of Mr. Fowler’s hand. I hadn’t heard a gunshot yet, so he must have not fired.
With impatience growing in my body, I stood up and paced the waiting room, slowly reading each poster about vaccines, viruses, and bacteria. Then I moved onto advertisements to quit smoking, lose weight, and try new medicine for diabetes. When I was done with those, I ventured further into the hallway and peeked into one of the patient rooms, where the posters were much more interesting.
On the first one around the corner, there was an anatomical picture of a man, with his penis and testicles in fine detail, including veins, skin, and hair. I reached between my legs, wondering when I’d grow that big. To be honest, I didn’t have that far to go. I grinned and moved onto the second poster, where a similar version of female anatomy was shown. I put my face closer to the picture. This was probably as close as I’d get to a vagina for a long time.
Maybe I should ask Max about it? My older brother already had a girlfriend, and I’d caught them making out more than once. In fact, I was sure they’ve been having sex at least twice each week. From the way my bookshelves, which were on the sidewall adjoining his room, swayed back and forth and back and forth, they were like too bunnies in the spring. Except spring for those two lasted all year long. Max had yelled at me to knock in the future before I came into his room. Actually, he’d forbidden me to come in at all when Annie was over.
Examining the posters, I now understood why Doctor Burke never took kids into this room when we were getting our vaccines or our throats swabbed.
Molly and Doctor Burke didn’t come out until the sun had disappeared beyond the horizon. I heard them well before I saw them, chatting, and Molly sounded more upbeat. I quickly scooted out of the patient room and back into the waiting area.
“I’m telling you, Molly, I know you have it in you. Your grades are great, and you’re very smart.”
“Do you think I could come over here to study sometimes? It gets a little crazy with the baby, and my mamma’s patience is thin these days.”
“You’re more than welcome to come here anytime you’d like. Nothing would make me happier, that spare room in the back would finally be of some use.”
“Thank you, Doctor Burke. For everything.”
“You’re welcome, Molly. And like I said, I’ll keep what we discussed to myself.”
“I really appreciate that.”
Molly’s legs were clean and her knees bandaged. She also looked happier than when we’d come in, and I felt relief in my heart that I’d taken her to see the doctor. Doctor Burke lifted his head slowly and gave me the most disapproving look I’d ever had — from anyone — as if I were the one who’d tripped Molly.
“Carter, these are for you.” He reached underneath a counter and passed me a square box. When I saw that he’d given me a pack of condoms, I felt my cheeks grow hot. Had he seen me looking at those posters? Was there a hidden camera in the room I wasn’t aware of?
“You’re a teenager now, and teenagers who are sexually active should be safe. Has your father had a chat with you, or do I need to remind him to do so?”
“No, we’re good. I mean, we’ve talked.”
“Good. Now make sure you come back here if you need more – though at your age, you shouldn’t need that many just yet. People get hurt, Carter. Sexual activity can have severe repercussions for teenagers.”
“Yes, sir. Of course.”
That was the moment I knew that I would never come back to Doctor Burke for condoms. In fact, I promised myself to drink a lot of orange juice and tea with lemon and honey to stay healthy and out of his office for a while.
I took Molly under her arm and walked her home. We didn’t speak much until we reached her front door. As the pack of condoms in my pocket jutted into my thigh, I was reminded about my conver
sation with Doctor Burke.
“I don’t think Doctor Burke likes me.”
“He’s just getting old. But he’s a good doctor.”
“He is. Do you know why he gave me condoms?”
I saw Molly blush from the side. “I bet he gives them to all the boys – you know, he just wants to make sure that everyone stays safe.”
“Then girls should carry condoms as well. Maybe I should give you some, so you can stay safe.”
“Oh, I’m fine. Thank you. I’m not planning on having sex anytime soon.”
“Well, I wasn’t planning to either, and here I am, stuck with rubber that will expire before I get to use it.”
Molly chuckled and I grinned.
“So, you’re sure you’re okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“What were you two talking about for so long? You want to study at his office?”
“Well, I’m thinking that I might become a nurse, so I can help others the way Doctor Burke does.”
“That’s a great idea.”
“And he thinks I have it in me.”
“Well, he’s a smart guy, and I agree with him. You do have it in you.”
“Thanks, Carter. You’re a really good friend.” She looked nervously at the door behind her. “I should get going. Mamma’s going to be worried if I’m not in soon.”
“You sure you don’t want me to come in and explain the knees?” I knew from experience that if something happened, it was always better to come in with a friend. Parents had a harder time laying into you with a friend at your side.
“No. I’m sure Nathan is sleeping. And I don’t think father will show up for a while.”
I wondered whether she knew about the gun and what her father had been up to at the pub.
“Carter, can we keep what happened tonight between the two of us? I don’t want anyone at school to know about him.”
“You mean your father—”
“—drinking.”
I nodded. “Yes, of course we can.” Maybe she didn’t know about the gun after all.
“I mean, can we actually never mention it again? You know, I don’t want anyone making fun of me for falling.”
“How are you going to explain those scraped knees?” I asked.
“I think I might stay home until they heal.”
“No way. Everyone’s going to miss you at school. It’s year end, and we don’t do much work. And Mr. Simmons promised us a few movies. They’ll ask questions if you don’t show up.”
“It shouldn’t take longer than a week to heal.”
“Doesn’t matter. Blame me for your knees. I don’t mind. Just don’t miss out because of a silly fall.”
She lowered her head.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you. If you want, you can stay home and I’ll come over to keep you company,” I offered.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea. My mom doesn’t like it when boys come over because she’s so busy with the baby. And I’m not too sure where father will be this week.”
In jail, I thought.
“Well, if you need anything, I’m here for you. I mean that, Molly.”
A glimmer of hope sparkled in her eyes, followed by concern that creased her forehead.
“Carter? I thought you liked Daisy.”
“I do. But I like you as well. It’s nice to talk to someone who’s level-headed. And I like being your friend.”
“Thanks. I really like being your friend as well. Please don’t ever change.”
“I won’t. Same goes for you.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you around, then?”
“Goodnight, Molly.” I hugged her tighter than I normally would have, giving her some reassurance. I wanted her to know that she could count on me for anything.
Mr. Fowler never pulled that trigger. I knew that to be a fact because he was alive the next day, sitting in a jail cell. Mrs. Fowler changed the locks on their house, and apparently, Mr. Fowler wasn’t going to be allowed inside for a long time.
I wanted to visit Molly the next day, but when I called, her mother said that she was ill. The day I took Molly to the doctor to get treated for her scraped knees was over, and although we never spoke about it again, it was imprinted in my mind.
I’d remember the pain I saw in her eyes when I found her on that porch for the rest of my life.
MOLLY, AGE 16
I pushed my dresser against my bedroom door, blocking it, which drove Father insanely mad.
“Come on, Mols, open up. It’s your last night at home, and I can’t let you go without saying goodbye.”
I didn’t understand what he was doing back home. My mother was out, doing some last minute shopping for Nathan, as my three-year-old brother seemed to have outgrown his pants again. She should have been back already, but I knew that she wasn’t. If she were, she’d never have let Father into this house while I was here. While we never spoke about the way Father treated me, I knew that my mother wanted to protect me. With his violent streak, it wasn’t an easy task.
“Go away!”
“Come on, is that a way to talk to your daddy?” he asked.
I wanted to tell him to fuck off. I wanted to scream that I wished he weren’t my father and that I never wanted to see him again, but that would have infuriated him, and he’d only get more pumped up. Father wouldn’t give up until the door separating us was gone.
“Does Mom know you’re here?”
“Ah, come on, baby, it’s just a friendly visit.”
Friendly my ass. He knew that he was forbidden to come here, though my mother’s threats didn’t seem to be working as well as I had hoped. If I never had to see him again, I’d choose the option with my eyes closed. Hell, I’d sell my soul to the devil if he’d grant me that wish. Better yet, I wished my mother would finally leave him. I didn’t understand why she hadn’t already.
“I’m not letting you in.” I double-checked that the dresser had secured the door permanently, and turned up the volume on my radio. I wasn’t supposed to leave for our high school camping trip until tomorrow, but knowing that Father would eventually find a way to crash into my bedroom, the way he had in the past in the middle of the night, there was no way that I was going to wait another twenty-four hours in this house. I grabbed my bag full of clothes that I’d packed this week and threw it out the window, and then I climbed down myself. Father was too clumsy and too fat to get up to the second floor, so at least I had an escape route. Pressing my back flat against the wall of the house, I stepped sideways to the right, where the path toward the forest was shorter. I reached the corner and flexed my legs, prepping them for a sprint, but a hand grabbed the back of my head.
He yanked me by my hair. My scalp burned from his tight grip, and I forced my elbow back, right into his ribcage. He grunted in pain as I screamed, “Let me go!”
“You didn’t think you’d leave without a proper goodbye, did you?”
I managed to free myself, but when I tried to leave, he caught me by my hips and, using all his weight, pulled me down to the grass. I grasped at the lawn, desperate to free myself, until sod filled my fingernails. It didn’t help. I twisted my body, flipping on my back. Father was about to straddle me. My defense mechanism surged, and I kneed him in his crotch, and then punched him in his face. As he fell to the side, yelping in pain, I used the opportunity to get up and run away. And I ran until my legs hurt and lungs couldn’t handle an extra breath.
Fifteen minutes later, with the bag over my shoulder, I settled into a sweaty pace of quick steps through the shrubs and bushes. As soon as I slowed down, the crunching of branches echoed from behind me. He wasn’t giving up and I was afraid that he never would. Hunching over, I snuck behind one of the thicker trees and climbed down a small escarpment. There was a rock overhang above me, and a few dozen feet lower, the gentle waves of Pebble Lake folded in at the shore. I remembered this path from when Carter and I had tried to make it home by my curfew, and I prayed that fathe
r had no idea about this trail. I hopped into the concave escarpment, hoping it would hide me, and waited.
When the steps approached quicker than I had expected, I realized how close I’d come to getting caught. I pressed my back against the wall of soil and rock as Father stood at the ledge above me. His heavy breath filled the air, and his anger vibrated between the trees. Below, the tip of his bald head was reflected in the water. I didn’t move. It had been a long year of healing since he’d last touched me that way; three hundred and seventy-one days, to be exact. Nights of hiding, lying, too many close calls to count and too many questions from my mother I didn’t want to answer. Then there were those nights when I hadn’t been successful, when he’d snuck into the house and his hand clasped over my mouth. I’d closed my eyes and pretended that it was only a nightmare. I didn’t count those days. I didn’t want to remember them. But I wouldn’t give up now. I had to remain safe because I had a nagging feeling that one day he’d catch me, lock me up, and never let me go. That day was coming; I knew it.
The minutes he stood there felt like hours. The entire time, crouched in a fetal position, I held my breath as Father lurked above me. I wasn’t sure how long it took until he left, but it must have been at least an hour later that I found the courage to move. I stretched the cramp in my legs and walked along the lake’s shore, slowly making my way around to town the long way.
Near the beach that would take me to the town’s main road, I heard voices and crouched again to the forest floor. Carter and Daisy were sitting on the rocks at the shore, talking. I couldn’t hear them, and didn’t really want to eavesdrop, but just as I was about to leave, they started kissing. And it wasn’t just French kissing. It was a deep and penetrating kiss that you would have been afraid to display in front of anyone.
My cheeks heated.
Great timing!
I wanted to leave and give them privacy, but when Daisy leaned back onto the pebbles and Carter towered over her, I felt stuck. He’d see me if I moved, and so I stayed in my spot with my mouth opened wide as I watched their make-out session unfold about fifty feet away. Carter kissed her deeply, his mouth swallowing her lips. He reached down with his hand and traced the dip in her waistline before lowering it to her thigh. Daisy was wearing a dress today; one that was being slowly scrunched by Carter’s fingers as he aimed to gain access to her panties, and I had to look away.
