by Lacey Silks
“It wasn’t meant to be a come-on.”
“Then what did you mean?” He shifted closer, his hands resting beside mine on the curved part of the tub, way too close for comfort. My breaths became quicker and I was running out of air. “Because I could definitely use a good dose of distraction.” He licked his lips as if he’d just tasted a piece of me and wanted another bite.
“I… I don’t know. You… confuse me when you look at me like that. And I will never want to be that kind of a distraction for you. I’m not that kind of girl.”
He’s going to think that I’m a prude.
But I didn’t care at this moment. I just needed to get away from him before we both did something stupid.
Carter looked confused, and still those butterflies in my stomach wouldn’t ease. He concentrated on my nipples, which were beginning to ache, and I wondered whether it was time that they felt a proper man’s touch.
“I should leave before I say or do something stupid. I’m not ready for this, and neither are you.” His response shook me awake. He was right. We weren’t ready.
“I think that’s the smartest thing you’ve said tonight.” I stood up and stepped out of the tub, dripping water over the white tiled floor, and wrapped myself in a towel.
He grabbed my wrist, stopping me.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why is that the smartest thing?” His brows narrowed in confusion.
I slipped out of his grip and held the dry fabric around me as if it were going to keep me intact – because on the inside, I was beginning to fall apart. I could feel a meltdown coming on, and Carter didn’t need to witness that. “Because I found you drunk and passed out in a frozen field for the sixth time this winter. I’m sure some of those cells in your brain are still frozen, so I’m surprised that your ability to think has thawed.” I couldn’t allow what we both knew we weren’t ready for. I had to push him away. This wasn’t a good time for him… or for me.
“Well, shit, aren’t you a blessing? You’re the one who came onto me, remember that? Next time, don’t touch me unless you’re ready to follow through on your intentions.”
“Fuck you, Carter.”
“I didn’t know that you had a dirty mouth, Molly. For a virgin, you’re pretty fucking crude.”
“Again, fuck you! You think I want to do this? You think I want to drag your sorry ass into this house, of all houses, each time you’re drunk? I’ve had enough drunks in my life, and you don’t know shit! You don’t know what it takes for me to be here, to help you. I think I’ll do everyone a favor when I let your ass freeze out there next time you’re not man enough to deal with life.”
I jerked back, inhaling a sharp breath. I pulled my hand up to my mouth, covering it. My body was trembling with shock. I felt the tears build up in my eyes but I refused to blink. I wouldn’t give him the benefit of seeing me cry. I watched the pain on his face twist at my words and his head fall.
This wasn’t our first fight. In fact, we usually ended our little get-togethers this way. We hurt each other because it was less painful than staying together. Our problem was not seeing the solution that was right in front of us.
Carter stood up, removed his clothes from the dryer where I’d thrown them earlier, got dressed, and left without saying a word. And all I could do was stand there and watch him abandon me again.
No matter how many times I checked the fields, I never saw him drunk and passed out that winter again. Or the next.
CARTER, AGE 19
I picked up my phone, then hung up and paced back to the window. The daisies Joelle had planted in front of my house opened to the sun this morning, and I smiled, noting my good mood each time the flowers grew just that little bit more. She was softening me. My best friend was slowly turning me into a respectable individual. How had it happened? Maybe because I’d seen the happiness that life could bring through her?
Jo and Nick. The perfect couple. I sighed.
I once thought I’d experience their kind of love with Daisy, but she died. At one point in my life, I’d wanted to die as well. Sometimes I still did, but then I saw all the happiness around me and it was infectious. The scary thought was that I really wanted to share it with someone, and the first person who popped into my head was Molly. I hadn’t seen her in almost a year, when she came back to Hope Bay for Jo and Nick’s parents’ wedding. I was pretty sure I complimented Molly on her ass, though saying that she had nice buns might not have been as tactful as I’d thought.
I looked at my phone again and searched for Molly’s number on my contact list. Why was this so hard to do? What if she said no? I couldn’t take that chance. But betting that Molly couldn’t reject me face to face, I jogged over to my parents’ house to borrow Max’s car. My father had gifted an old truck to me. I’d been fixing it for a year now, taking it apart and putting it back together again. That old girl could run another hundred thousand miles without sweat – but seeing how part of the engine was on the garage floor, I didn’t have time to fix it now.
Half an hour later, I parked in front of Molly’s apartment. Molly didn’t want anyone to know where she lived, so standing by the buzzer to her apartment felt a little stalker-ish. Jo had given me the address in secrecy, but now that I was here, I doubted whether it was a good idea. I leaned against the wall and eyed the buzzer again when I heard my name called.
“Carter?”
I jumped up to see Molly smiling at me from the sidewalk. She was wearing gray scrubs and looked absolutely gorgeous.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“Actually, I came to see you.”
“How did you know where… it was Jo, wasn’t it?” She frowned.
“Yes, it was. But I promise that I didn’t and won’t tell anyone.”
“It’s okay. I trust you. Did something happen back home? Are your parents feeling okay? Oh, my goodness, is it Jo?”
“No, no. Everyone is fine. I made this trip for… personal reasons.”
“Oh. Something I can help with?”
“Yes, you definitely can.”
Her mouth curved up on each side and that was the moment I felt this trip was worth it. Molly looked as beautiful as ever; in fact, she looked like the most refined woman I’d ever seen. She waited, looking at me, cocking her head to the side inquisitively, and then chuckled. “Are you going to tell me what it is, or do I have to guess?”
Oh, right.
“Well, I was wondering whether you’d care to have dinner with me tonight.”
“Tonight?”
“Yes, well, I understand if it’s not a good time.”
“It’s not.”
Shit.
“I have prior commitments at the hospital.”
“They make you work while you’re studying?”
“It’s actually volunteer work.”
Of course Molly would be the type of person to volunteer. And she was undoubtedly great at it too.
“But right now is a good time.” She smiled, and I suddenly felt the sun shine brighter. “If you don’t mind doing lunch, that is.”
What? She’d actually go out with me?
“Not at all. My car’s parked on a side street.”
“You got a car?” she asked, as I headed toward the vehicle. Molly stepped in beside me and stayed close. A quick memory flashback took me to a time when we were young and carefree. Except we’d been holding hands and jumping into puddles while it rained cats and dogs.
“It’s Maxwell’s.” My older brother almost made me sign a contract that would guarantee I’d lose my life if anything happened to the car. “It runs well, for the most part. He said I can drive it until I fix my father’s old truck.”
“Look at you, growing up and all.”
I stopped and looked at her from the side. “Are you making fun of me?”
“Not at all. I’m just surprised how much you’ve changed since the last time I saw you.”
“It’s not tha
t much.” That was a lie, of course. I’d completed my firefighter training, was living on my own, and was making money fixing cars. If I could only figure out this relationship stuff, I’d be okay.
“I heard you’re a home owner now as well.”
“Yeah, I bought Mr. Grafton’s old house.”
“Yikes, and you’re not afraid to live there?”
“Nah.” I waved, remembering how the old man’s haunted house had been the best one decorated on Halloween. “There are worse monsters in the world to be afraid of than ghosts.”
Her eyes opened wide and she stared at me with a knowing look. It was as if she completely understood me. And then she smiled again, and I forgot what I was saying.
“So, where to?” she asked.
“Do you like fish and chips?
“Are we friends at all, for you to be asking me such silly questions?”
“Fish and chips it is, then,” I said as if I didn’t know that was Molly’s favorite meal.
I opened the car door for Molly and walked around to the other side. Twisting the ignition key, the car coughed before its motor gave a constant hum. “Max has been having trouble with the engine. He hasn’t had much luck with cars. Every single one he’s owned has eventually broken down.”
I turned right and heard Molly giggle.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
“You’re nervous.”
“Am not.”
“Too bad it’s not raining.” She sighed. “We could jump in puddles.”
I made a note to check the weather next time we went out, to make sure it was raining. I drove for fifteen minutes before we came to a cozy restaurant at the outskirts of the city. I parked, ran around to Molly’s door, and opened it for her. If she was nervous, she didn’t show it.
We were seated at a table, and Molly didn’t waste any time ordering her favorite meal of fish and chips. I opted for the plate of chicken wings, along with root beer, just like Molly had.
“So, did you really come out here just to ask me to dinner?” she asked, when the waitress left.
“Yeah, I did.”
“Thanks, Carter. That’s nice of you.”
“There’s a reason why I asked you out, Molly. Actually there are a couple of reasons. First, I want to apologize. I mean, really apologize. You were so kind and caring to me when I needed… help. I would have died out in that field, you know. You saved my life, and I’m very sorry that I was rude and inconsiderate.”
I heard a tremble in my voice.
Fuck!
Apologizing to people wasn’t my strongest skill. The words seemed to be stuck in my throat, and each time I tried to speak, my vocal cords tightened. Asking a girl out on a date hadn’t been this difficult when I dated Daisy. But then again, Daisy was… different. And technically, I never had to ask her out, because we just happened. Molly’s eyes, and mouth, were wide open in bewilderment. “I never thought I’d live to see the day when Carter Clark apologized.”
Feeling a little embarrassed, I shrugged.
“You said there were a couple of reasons. What’s the second one?”
“Well, that one’s a little bit more difficult to explain. I’ve been thinking about you and me. Us, I guess—”
“Wait. You know that this” – she pointed her finger between us – “cannot be anything more than a friendship, right?”
“It can’t?” Hearing my hopefulness fade in my voice, I shifted in my seat. What was I expecting, after I’d treated Molly like an asshole? But if there was one thing that she’d taught me, it was that you couldn’t give up. And I wouldn’t, either, until she changed her mind. All I needed was a different approach.
“Oh, Carter. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” She was looking at me like I was a pathetic loser. Pity filled her eyes.
What feelings?
All that excitement I’d felt driving to the city was gone. It disappeared right after she dealt me the ‘friend’ card, which I’d already planned to turn into a more than friend card.
“It’s not a big deal.” I waved it off. “We’re cool as friends, right? And when you move back to Hope Bay, we’ll still be friends.”
“I’m not moving back.” I frowned at the solid determination in her voice. It seemed my plan was failing, and it was failing bad.
“But it’s your hometown.”
She shook her head. “I like it in the city. The life here is more… peaceful.”
“It doesn’t get any more peaceful than Hope Bay,” I said, then duly noted her rolling eyes. I’d never seen Molly roll her eyes before, which somewhat surprised me. Had the city changed her?
“That depends for whom,” she said.
Of course.
That’s when it hit me. It had been so long that I’d almost forgotten how much Molly hated her father. But I didn’t want to bring him up. I didn’t want to concentrate on anything else today other than us.
“I’m sorry that you don’t see in Hope Bay what I see there,” I said.
“I just don’t see a future in Hope Bay.”
“But we need smart people like you. I mean, you’re in medicine, right? You could help Doctor Burke at the clinic. He’s getting old, you know.”
“I know, but Hope Bay is not for me. It won’t be for a long time.”
“What does that mean?” I asked. Was there any hope that she’d one day change her mind?
The waitress brought our food order. We both sipped on our root beer as I waited for her answer.
“Can we talk about something else?” she asked.
Fine. The conversation wasn’t getting us very far anyway. I could do something else. I looked around the room, a bit more nervous than I had been before this lunch started, and my gaze caught the mechanical bull near the far end of the restaurant.
“They have a mechanical bull here. We gotta try it out, Molly.”
“No way. I’m not embarrassing myself, but you’re more than welcome to.” I took her kind grin as an invitation to showcase my bull riding abilities. Not that I’d ridden one before, but I did live next to a cow farm, and considered Betsy the cow as one of my friends. We had a connection. But I’d keep the fact that I sometimes talked to the spotted girl, more often in fact than I had talked to people, to myself.
I licked my fingers clean, stood up, and offered my hand to her. She shot up, took hold of me, and couldn’t stop laughing as we headed to the corner of the room where, unbeknownst to me, my doom awaited.
“I can’t believe you’re going to do this.”
I don’t know why, but I’d sort of expected bull riding to be in my blood. I mean, it couldn’t be more difficult than baking a cake, could it? Jo had tried to show me how a few times, and I failed. But there were so many steps and instructions, I knew I was screwed before I even dropped the first egg on the floor.
Bull riding, though? Easy. Get on. Hold on. And use the grease in your hips God gave you.
“Want to make a bet how long I’ll last?” I felt so cocky, there was no stopping me now.
“No longer than a minute.” She grinned, crossing her arms over her chest.
One minute? Ha! I could do it with my eyes closed.
“Thou hast no faith in me.” I scanned over the instructions at the side, wishing I’d bought a pair of chaps before I came here. Maybe a cowboy hat and a lasso as well. Then I could throw the rope around Molly and tow her in toward the action: me.
By now, a small crowd had gathered around the cushioned perimeter. A guy whistled and a woman clapped. I overheard someone whisper the word dangerous at the side and felt a twinge in the gut from my conscience, which of course I immediately dismissed.
“If I last longer than a minute, you have to agree to a proper date with me. I’m talking dinner and movies and whatever else dates entail these days.”
She laughed, then stopped. She thought about it for a moment, examining the mechanical bull and the concerned-looking crowd at the same time.
�
��Deal!”
I’m going on a date with Molly!
She shook her head as if my level of cockiness were clearly evident on my face, which it probably was.
“Wait, what if I win?” she asked.
“That’s not going to happen. I’m going to ride that bull like no one has ridden it before.”
That didn’t sound as good out loud as it did in my head. I got on the machine and gripped the front handle, securing myself on the slippery back.
“Yee-haw!” I yelled out before the inevitable click of the “ON” button sounded, and an instant clock turned on in my head as I started counting the most painful and excruciating sixty seconds I’d ever experienced. It started off slow, gaining an unexpected momentum that for a moment caused me to lose my balance. By the time the tenth second passed, I was swinging from left to right and back, cutting diagonally and following the motion when the bull reversed. Sweat dripped down my forehead. My grip tightened on the handle as my body was whipped in unforeseen directions.
By the fifteenth second I wanted the torture to be over. My insides were being thrown against my inner walls, the membranes of my brain tested as my head thrashed before my neck and the rest of my body could catch up. Still, I wouldn’t let go.
That was the. Longest. Minute. Of my life.
At thirty seconds I almost jumped off, but then I saw Molly and her gorgeous doe eyes, and so I tightened my grip and locked my jaw, determined to last even longer than we’d bet on. When I counted those last seconds in my head, my body felt limp. I was pretty sure that someone stopped the bull before the required time, for which I was momentarily grateful, but then I saw Molly looking at me from above as my body rested on the cushioned mat. She was spinning, her smile fading and mouth moving, though I couldn’t quite hear her. My ears buzzed with cheers and the residual sound of the mechanical bull engine, which I saw at a standstill to my right.
“Are you okay?” she asked, kneeling beside me.
“Yeah, I think so. I could have kept going. I had to win that bet.”
“Carter, you almost passed out. You could have been hurt.”
