by Lacey Silks
“Did I get it far?”
I couldn’t stop laughing. I bent over in half to stop my stomach from jiggling and hurting. “No, not at all. It’s all over your chin.” I pointed, barely able to speak.
She swept her hand across her chin, wiping the spit off.
“I think I may need some practice.” She collected more spit in her mouth, surprising me that she wouldn’t give up. Actually, I shouldn’t have been surprised. Determination was Molly’s middle name. I stopped laughing and watched her prepare her mouth. The projectile shot out from between her lips high in the air, traveling further than mine had.
“You did it!” Feeling pride swell in my chest, I gave her a high five. This either meant that I was a good teacher or that she was a fast learner, and my gut told me that it was the latter.
“Practice makes perfect.”
“That’s skill, Molly. Seriously. Did you see how far it went?”
“It did fly far, didn’t it? Okay, it’s my turn. Can you do this?” Molly stuck her tongue out, way out, and lifted its tip up. It extended all the way up to her nose, touching it.
“How is that even possible?” I asked.
“You’d be surprised what skills you develop when you’re trying to occupy your time while babysitting.”
“Okay, what else can you do?”
She then stuck her tongue out and made it into a scoop, then a bow, and then into a wave. It was amazing. The girl had a tongue of a contortionist. As much as I tried to mimic the twists with my own tongue, I couldn’t, and I imagined that I looked like a fool. But I’d rather be a fool with Molly at my side than a wise man without her.
“No, I can’t do that one either. I never thought you’d outdo me in tongue skills.” I winked and saw her cheeks turn pink. It gave her a special glow, and I liked it. “You have a talented tongue, Molly. Thanks for cheering me up.” She blushed again and bit her lip.
“That’s what friends are for.”
Our gazes flew toward one of the tents, where Daisy was emerging in her new ensemble, which featured daisy-print shorts; and boy, were they ever short! The bottoms of her ass cheeks were in full view. I couldn’t stop staring; neither could any of the other guys looking her way. She flipped her hair over her shoulder, and it almost appeared to be in slow motion.
Holy shit!
My teenage hormones went nuts. By the time I realized that my blood was pumping too fast, I already had a boner and had to pull my shirt down to cover it. If Molly noticed, she didn’t say anything.
“You should ask her out again. Girls change their minds,” she said.
“She’s beautiful, but she’s not the one I want.”
“Who do you want?” she whispered.
I could feel my heart pounding. When I turned toward Molly, she was twisting a corner of her shirt, biting her lower lip, and waiting for what we both probably knew would come out of my mouth. I lifted my leg and straddled the log so that I could have a good look at her.
“I want the girl who is sitting right in front of me.”
“Carter—”
“I know you don’t date because of your parents, but please think about it.”
“I can’t. I know my answer will be the same, even after I think about it. It’s just not possible.”
“Why?”
Her lower lip trembled. She looked so fragile that I was afraid pushing our friendship further could tear her apart. I wondered why she was so afraid of dating, and the only reason I could come up with was her father.
“I’m not ready, and honestly, I don’t want to. I need to wait for the right time, and now is definitely not the right time. I have to concentrate on school and my little brother.”
“Will you tell me when the right time comes?” I asked.
She took a deep breath in and released it. I interrupted her again before she got a chance to disappoint me. “Molly, I’m not asking for right now, I’m only asking for a chance somewhere down the line. Right now, I want your friendship.”
“All right, well, you have my friendship. You always will, Carter.”
“Then say yes to a possible future.”
Waiting for her answer felt like forever. I couldn’t hear the sounds of the forest or of anyone else at this campsite.
“Yes, if we can remain friends until then, nothing would make me happier than considering something more than friendship with you.”
“Really?”
“It’s not a promise.”
“That’s okay.”
All I needed was hope. And I prayed that hope didn’t have an expiry date.
MOLLY, AGE 18
The road to hell must be littered with Carter Clark’s despair. A few more rounds of cries and he’d extinguish Satan’s deep, burning pit. How could the amount of pain the man had faced be justified?
The winter’s chill cut through to my bones as I walked toward the black shadow splayed out on top of a layer of white powder, praying that it wasn’t him. This was the third time this month that I’d seen him out on the field outside of the cemetery. The snow squeaked underneath my soles as I quickened my pace. Returning home, one hundred miles away from school, at the beginning of my second semester wasn’t exactly a trip I liked to make. But I’d make it for him every day if I had to. After all, I owed him. Not only that, I wanted to be there for him.
It would be different if I knew that we’d end up at his house. As a matter of fact, any other house in Hope Bay would suffice if it meant I didn’t have to go back to mine, where the history and memories made me queasy. My childhood wasn’t exactly all pink flowers, sweet candies, and joyful family weekends. Don’t get me wrong, Hope Bay was a beautiful place to live in — if you had the right person to live with.
Other than my mom and Doctor Burke, no one knew that I was planning to be a doctor. Everyone else thought I’d be a nurse, and I’d keep that secret for as long as I could. It was all to mislead Father. Staying away at university was the best gift I could have given myself.
Five months later, I realized that I had no choice but to return. Carter needed me, and even if he didn’t know the sacrifice I’d made to help him, it was worth it.
I crouched beside his limp body and touched his blue face. Its temperature was close to that of a corpse and a second of fear that he was actually dead passed through me. Relieved to see a fog of breath escape his purple lips, I got down on my knees beside him. I wasn’t too late. The smell of alcohol and vomit hit me next, and I fought not to throw up myself.
“Carter, wake up.” I shook him by the shoulder.
He groaned.
“Come on, Carter. You need to warm up.”
“Daisy…” He reached out with his arm, pointing toward the cemetery.
“I know, honey, but Daisy wouldn’t like to see you this way, would she? Let’s get you home.”
It was a good thing that most weekends my mother took Nathan to visit our grandmother on the other side of town, so the house was empty. She’d thrown Father out for good, three years ago, when she caught him peeking through a bathroom door while I showered. Desperate to scrub him off my body, I didn’t notice when he came in to masturbate. Thankfully my mother caught him. It was a couple days after he was released from jail for flipping the pub upside down and carrying an unregistered weapon.
Her scream had forced me to jump out of the shower and cover myself, but it was already too late. Father came all over the bathroom door. My mother held me in her arms that evening and asked me a lot of questions. Her instinct was spot on and I was sure she knew the truth, but the words could never come out of my mouth. How could I tell her the truth about the man she’d married? Still, she kicked him out. It was the greatest gift of love she could have given me.
A gust of wind blew snow off the ground and into my face. The first time I’d stumbled upon Carter this winter was also the first time I’d come to Hope Bay. I didn’t understand why I felt the need to return until I found him half dead, lying in the snow. He nearly died o
f hyperthermia that day, and it looked like he was about to repeat his mistake.
“She’s gone…”
“Yes, she is gone.” I dragged him up by the elbow. He rested most of his weight on my body, and it felt like solid rock. The initial body heat had melted some of the snow underneath him, which then froze into his thick coat. Carter was encased in a block of ice. Supporting him under his arm, I walked with him toward my house, just beyond the field. This was fortunate because no one from town would see us, but unfortunate, because I would once again need to step over the one threshold I’d promised to never cross again when I left for school.
When we passed the small hill and the house was finally in sight, Carter lost his balance and fell to his knees. His body hit the ground, face flat into the snow.
“Carter, we’re almost there.”
He didn’t move.
“I’ll make you some hot tea and chicken soup. I know you like that.”
He opened his eyes for a moment and pasted on a goofy smile. “I like your chicken.”
I laughed at his yet another innuendo, and then he passed out again.
Shit!
I rolled him over the snow all the way up to the front porch before slapping him hard. He shook awake; this time, his eyes were wide open, his teeth clattering, and his body trembling.
“I need to help you, but you have to help me too. You can’t die on me, Carter. Not on my watch.”
“Cold.” His breath was barely fogging the air. I was afraid that Carter’s core temperature had dropped too much.
“I know. We’ll get you all nice and warm inside. Come on, three steps, and you’ll feel better.”
He felt heavier today, as if the weight of the world had been added to his. I wished for this winter to pass more quickly. I was afraid that one day I’d find him dead out in that field. I grabbed the spare key from underneath one of the empty flower pots and turned it in the lock.
“She’s not coming back.”
“I’m sorry, Carter. No, she’s not. But she’s watching over you, I’m sure of that.”
“My feet are cold.”
“One more step.”
I pushed the door open. Predicting that I’d be dragging his ass back here again, I spread a few towels out in the foyer before heading out to the field. He stood in the middle of the hallway as I peeled the frozen coat off his body. His sweater and shirt were drenched, half-stiff from the cold. Carter’s eyes closed and opened periodically.
“Carter, I need you to follow me, please.” I took his hand and led him to the bathroom, where without asking I swiftly unbuckled his belt, unfastened the single button, and pulled the zipper down.
He didn’t seem to notice so I grabbed the top of his jeans and pulled them down his thighs. On the way to his ankles, as I crouched in front of him, my face met his crotch and my heart almost stopped.
I froze.
Eyes to a perfect V at his waist.
Lips to a lightly sprinkled, perfectly defined pelvis.
I swallowed, the saliva barely passing through my suddenly dry throat, and shook the lusty thoughts away. My breath was so close to him that he must have felt its warmth through his boxer-briefs. Still he didn’t move.
You’ve done this before, Molly.
I might have undressed him and put him to bed before. But judging by the gray shade of his skin and continuous shaking, I’d need to do much more tonight to warm him up.
I opened the tap water, setting it to cool at first.
“Let’s get you in the bath, okay?”
“Only if you’re coming with me, Daisy.”
What?
He was delusional. It was better to go along with the deception of his eyes than to try to explain to him that I wasn’t his fiancée, the woman who’d been carrying his child, and that she was dead. That they were both dead.
“I won’t get in otherwise.” He stomped his foot like a child and then stepped from one foot to another, covering his left toes with his right ones and vice-versa. Desperate to warm him up, I quickly undressed myself to my t-shirt and panties, and Carter followed me into the water.
“Hot.” Carter removed his foot from the tub as if he’d been burnt. To me, the water felt cold.
“It’s not, I promise. You need to sit down, please.”
Ignoring the chills that passed through me at the first touch, I sat at one end of the tub and guided him into my arms. He leaned back against me with a deep sigh, still shivering. I felt like I was pressed against an iceberg. “You’re beautiful, Daisy.”
“Ahm, thank you.”
“I missed you so much.” His voice was slurry. Carter sounded and appeared to be in a dream state.
“I missed you too.” I played along.
“I had a nightmare that a tornado tore through town and took you and our baby away.”
I felt trapped. How was I supposed to tell him that his nightmare was in fact a reality? My heart ached for him, and for Daisy and their unborn child.
“I’m here now, Carter.” I smoothed my fingers through his hair, and he leaned his head back, resting it on my shoulder. His body relaxed against mine. I could feel it getting warmer, but it wasn’t warm enough just yet, and so I drained some of the water and turned on the tap with the red dot.
Carter closed his eyes, his breath became steady, and his skin took on a healthier shade. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it had to be at least an hour before he opened his eyes again, and all the while I kept on warming up the bath.
“Molly?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
From the corner of my eye, I could see him scrunch his brows in deep thought.
“Is it weird that I want to kiss you, Molly?”
My heart stopped. He didn’t think I was Daisy? Did he mean what he’d said? Today was the first time ever that Carter seemed somewhat normal around me. During the past few years, each time I saw him, our conversations had never meshed the right way. Not the way we used to be able to talk when we were younger, when innocence was still within our grasp. Was it the cold outside air that had frozen his unfiltered mouth? Because normally, he got carried away with his innuendos.
“You think you do because you’re drunk, and because I saved your frozen ass.”
“Hmm… those are some deep thoughts, but I know that I’m not drunk anymore. Well, maybe a little.” He made a gesture with his fingers, bringing the thumb to his index, showing a small gap. “Besides, I wouldn’t have frozen. Firemen are always hot.”
I chuckled, hearing his semi-drunken voice. The after-smell would probably linger on his breath until evening. If there was one thing that was good about a drunk Carter Clark, it was that he was funny when he was drunk, not aggressive like Father.
And, I wanted to kiss him as well — badly, in fact. I wanted to feel the warmth of his lips, the stroke of his tongue, and the tenderness with which he’d control my mouth. But I also wanted him to want my lips, not to be a replacement for Daisy’s, and I was afraid that wouldn’t happen for a long time. He was still in love with her, which was understandable. Despite the attraction I felt to this man, I was afraid that Daisy would hold his heart for a very long time; after all, she’d been his first love. I wasn’t about to take advantage of his lonely soul.
Still, my need for him in my life would never fade. He was the only one I’d ever trusted, the one who saved me, and I bet he didn’t even know it.
We sat in the tub, my chest to his back, for another hour. When I felt his body return to a stable temperature, I shifted, waking him from wherever he was at the time.
“Molly?” he asked.
“Yes?”
“Why do you do this? Why do you care?”
“Because you’re my friend.”
“You don’t have to, you know. I’m a jerk.”
“Carter, I’ve known you for… well, forever, and you are far from being a jerk.”
“But the
things I say sometimes… they’re wrong.”
“You get nervous.”
He sighed again. “You’ve never come in the tub before. Shit… I meant, with me… wait, that doesn’t make it any better.”
I leaned into his ear and whispered, “I’ve never come in a tub according to who?”
He stilled, and I bit my lip. Was that too much? Probably. I wasn’t sure what had come over me. Maybe it was our skin to skin contact, which was becoming more meaningful as Carter sobered. Or the desperate need to have someone love me, the way a woman is supposed to be loved? If I had him in my life, he could protect me. I knew he would. I’d vowed once to never get physical with a man. God, I wouldn’t even know how to get physical. At one moment in my life I’d even contemplated secluding myself in a convent to avoid any contact with the male population, and then wondered if I could live like that for the rest of my life. Was it right to let the days pass and not live?
Sarah, my little cousin was just diagnosed with leukemia. I bet she’d know how to live if she were given a chance. Watching her weaken each day tore my heart apart. She knew better than anyone that opportunities didn’t come twice. That’s why when I saw mine to leave Hope Bay, I took it. I wouldn’t let my past define me; otherwise, I’d be as miserable as my mom was in her marriage. With a little encouragement from my mother and Doctor Burke, I took charge of my life while at the same time, ensuring this new road I was on wouldn’t be paved by anyone else. That moment I’d made the decision over three years ago was one of the best of my life. Father didn’t even know which school I went to, which made the years of preparation that much sweeter.
“I think we should get out of the tub before we become prunes,” I said.
Carter shifted and suddenly turned to face me. The water splashed around us, spilling over the edge. Our gazes connected, and I knew that I shouldn’t be staring at him with so much intensity, but how could I not? His gorgeous light brown eyes shone like youthful stars. Their depth kept me on high alert. My nipples peaked from underneath my wet shirt at the way he devoured my body, his gaze concentrating at my chest, and I squirmed.
“You’re changing the subject, Molly. I know a come-on when I hear one, and I’m pretty sure that you just came onto me.”
