by Lacey Silks
Jo’s words were slurred. She looked up to the second floor window. Mackenzie must have been asleep by now. I’d been helping Jo raise their daughter, whom I’d delivered out in the field: one of the proudest moments of my life. We’d been living together for three years now, since Mackenzie’s second birthday. It was much easier on Jo than living at Nick’s old house, where every little item reminded her of her then-deceased fiancé. But now that Nick was back, I wasn’t too sure about my place in their lives. Fuck, I didn’t know where my place was, period.
“I thought you and I had a pretty good connection.” I needed a change in subject, and so I wiggled my brows. It was a trademark. Jo, of course, rolled her eyes.
Why did all the girls roll their eyes at me?
Hey, at least I could keep her entertained while she struggled to see that she and Nick were meant to be, and with time, would find their way back to each other. And yes, I was stalling for time so that I wouldn’t have to deal with my own feelings.
“You and I, well, you know that I can’t think of you as more than a…. brother.”
“Really? Not even when I wiggle my brows?”
“Not even when you forgot to wrap a towel around yourself after you shower.” She finger quoted ‘forget’, but yeah, she was right, I only pretended to forget.
“Dammit, and here I thought you were flirting with me.”
“Whatever made you think that?”
“I can see your panties. And a small crease right in the middle. Is that a wet spot?” I pointed to between her legs.
“Carter!”
She lowered her long legs to the ground. I shouldn’t have said anything, but if I didn’t, I’d stay hard all night long.
“What?”
“TMI. And gentleman skills, remember? I’m tipsy, and you’re supposed to take care of me when I’m tipsy.”
I reached for the bottle of wine and poured the remaining liquid of courage for her. If Jo was really drunk, then at least she’d be safe from me. I knew I wouldn’t touch her. I hadn’t in the three years since she’d been living with me, and I wouldn’t unless I had her permission. Hey, when a man needs his sack emptied, the source of relief doesn’t really matter. Besides, she really was like a sister to me, so that would be gross. And I had my eye set on someone else: someone who made me lose my balance when I walked and change my personality to act like a dumbfounded puppy. Or a coward.
“Didn’t you guys go on a date after Dad’s wedding?” she asked.
“Me and Molly? Yeah, but that didn’t turn out too well.”
Because I was an ass and decided to ride a mechanical bull. And then I threw up on her. That was only the beginning of a downward spiral into forever-single-town.
“We were supposed to redo it, but then the fire happened, and Molly left so fast.”
She sighed. “I wish she knew you as the man that I know you to be. Come on, Carter. Give it another chance.”
“Really?”
I wanted to believe her. Jo’s encouragement was like a shot of magic love potion, because suddenly I had these ideas in my head about going to Molly’s with dozens of roses. Shit, maybe I shouldn’t have had the wine either.
“Yes, really.”
“Are you just saying that because of all the love you’re feeling for Nick right now? Because you know, you’re glowing when you talk about him.”
She simply shrugged and gave me that happy drunken love look. Yes, those two would definitely get back together.
She’ll wiggle her hips, he’ll wiggle his—
“Earth to Carter!” Jo snapped her fingers in front of my eyes.
“I think I’ll drive over to Molly’s tomorrow,” I said. “See what happens, ya know?”
“That’s quite a drive, but you totally should. There’s nothing better than a nice surprise. But you need a plan.”
Jo stood up from her chair again, swaying on her feet.
“I thought I could wing it.”
“You’ve been winging it enough. Now, imagine you’re at Molly’s door. What are you going to say to her?”
My head hurt the moment I tried to think of something, but I guessed I’d better get prepared now so I wouldn’t look and act like a fool.
“Molly, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”
She sighed.
“You’re doing it again. You’re trying too hard. Carter, just be you. Molly has known you since we were kids.”
“And I think that’s where my first problem lies. She knows me, and that’s why I don’t think she sees me as dating material. I’ve already failed her.”
“Why? You were always a wonderful friend, and now you’re a man and have so much to offer.”
“Thanks, Jo. I just want her friendship back, and then we’ll see what happens.”
“Then just. Be. You.” She smiled. How had a girl like Joelle slipped through my fingers? How was the universe being fair when it dealt us the friendship card? We lived together, raised her daughter, got along like two peas in a pod — yet she would always remain my best friend.
“Are you going to go back to Nick?” I asked.
“I don’t know.”
She might not have known it, but I did. I knew she would. Keeping those two apart was like trying to separate two-ton magnets with your mind.
“What does your heart tell you?”
“It wants to jump out of my chest and run to him. I want him to hold me and tell me that everything’s going to be okay. I want him to get to know Mackenzie and try to catch up on all the years he’s missed.”
“He doesn’t know about her yet, does he?”
“No, I think he just assumed she was yours.”
“Cool.” I said. For once in my life I felt like I had the upper hand with Jo. A temporary one, because she’d eventually tell him the truth, but still.
“Not cool. He needs to know that he’s the father.”
“Then do it. Run to him and don’t look back, because you don’t often get a second chance at love.”
She leaned into me, and her words, though slurred, still sounded sexier than ever. “You should listen to some of your own advice.”
“Thanks, Jo.” She rocked from left to right on her feet, then back again, and blinked in slow motion. “I think we should call it a night, or you won’t be able to decorate a single cake tomorrow morning.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right.”
“Words I will never get tired of hearing. Come on.” I took her under my arm and let her body weight fall onto mine, guiding her upstairs. By the time we made it to the bed, Jo’s eyes were half closed as she plummeted. The wise thing to do at this point was to undress her and put her in her pajamas, but the wiser thing was to let her sleep in her clothes and avoid seeing any part of her skin. Not when I was semi-drunk and thinking about Molly.
I pulled the covers over her body, kissed her forehead, and went to take a cold shower. If I wanted a real chance with Molly, my sack had to be emptied before I saw her — otherwise there’d be no control over what came out of my mouth.
MOLLY, AGE 25, PRESENT
There are handsome men, good-looking ones who force you to pause in the middle of the street for a second look, and then there is Carter Clark. The man whose level of handsome blows the roofs off houses, and whom I hurt so much. My lies burned in my throat each time I thought about him. But I did it to protect us both. If he knew the truth, our friendship would have been flushed down the toilet.
Then there was his belief of my words, which broke my heart five years ago in the forest when I told him that I’d set the barn on fire. He’d believed that I wanted to hurt myself. I remembered hearing him curse under his breath as he left me. Swarms of regretful goosebumps covered my arms that day, yet it was that foul mouth that had me completely smitten with him. It made me want him that much more each time he said or did something stupid. Or knocked on my door in the middle of the night, like right now.
I opened the door an
d leaned against the frame, blocking his view. He was standing there in his white t-shirt and jeans that screamed I came to make you mine. It wasn’t fair that he’d look even more handsome at night than during the day. I mean, who else could pull off that mouth-watering sexy grin at two in the morning?
“Did you drive here?” I asked.
“No, I took a cab.”
“Carter, that’s one hundred miles—”
“And every inch of that was worth it to see you.”
A wave of hormones surged through my body, despite the hint of alcohol on his breath. I hated alcohol. It was deadly and it made people do things they wouldn’t otherwise when they were sober. But Carter was here, and that must have counted for something, didn’t it? Was it possible that he’d forgiven me? We’d spoken a few times since, but I tried to avoid him for the most part. I wanted him to trust in what I’d written to him. He never mentioned the letter, the way I’d asked, but deep inside, I knew that he believed me. He had to.
I’d been patient for seven years, waiting for him to mature and empty his heart of mourning, and finally see what was right in front of him. I wanted him to trust in the friendship we had since… well, forever. I was pretty sure that he’d got the maturity part down – after all, he was raising Mackenzie with Jo – but was his heart ready? Was he ready to trust me, and not ask questions I couldn’t answer?
Please don’t mention the letter. Please pretend that day I told you I set the barn on fire didn’t happen.
“You’re drunk.” I poked my finger into his hard chest. He took my hand, lifted it, kissed it like a gentleman, and I melted.
“I had one beer.” He grinned, drawing my attention to that cute dimple in his cheek. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”
“What are you doing here?”
“Molly, you and I… well, me and you… we’re like soap and water. Actually, I wish you were soap, so I could feel you all over me… shit, it sounded much better in my head. Okay, I had three beers. I’m sorry. I should go.”
He looked even cuter when frazzled. As I scanned him once more, I felt a wave of heat flow over my body — the kind of heat that could only be extinguished in one way. If he wanted to leave, then he would have moved away, right? Yet he was staring at me as if I were the only one in this world.
“Your nipples are getting hard.” His seductive voice sent more excitement coursing through me. “I guess it’s true what they say about firemen.”
This was a trap and I knew it; but heck, what did I have to lose?
“What do they say about firemen?”
“They find them hot and leave them wet.”
Spoken like a true firefighter. I wanted to slap him, but that would have been hypocritical of me. Carter was right, though. I was both hot and wet within two seconds of seeing him, but instead of putting a hard one to his face, or giving into the temptation that he was serving on a silver platter, I changed the subject.
“Would you like to come in for some tea?”
I shouldn’t have said that. I should have let him go because the timing was off, and if he stayed, the fireworks sparkling between us could blow up like dynamite. But it was two in the morning and he was drunk. Carter was still my friend, and I couldn’t let him just leave in the middle of the night. True friends helped each other in any situation.
“Really?”
“I’m not letting you go back at two in the morning, semi-drunk.” I opened the door, welcoming him to my one-bedroom apartment. I’d lived there for seven years now, and the past five I’d stayed secluded, away from Hope Bay for the most part. I hadn’t seen Father since the fire incident either, which justified my decision to remain hidden.
My residency would be over in few short weeks, and I’d be a doctor. Then it would be time to make a decision about where I wanted to take my practice.
“Are you saying you want me?” Carter drew my attention back to his stumbling body as he sat down on the arm chair. Even with his slight state of drunkenness, the level of heat he was capable of exuding was forcing beads of sweat to form between my boobs. Wasn’t it dangerous for a firefighter to be this hot? The rising temperature of my skin was becoming uncomfortable.
“No, that’s not what I’m saying.” I shook my head, yet another lie burning in my throat. I couldn’t quite remember how long I’d wanted him for, but the timing was never right; the circumstances of our friendship were never aligned for something more to develop. Or perhaps it had developed, but I’d locked it away. Being with Carter meant going back to Hope Bay, and I wasn’t ready. I didn’t think I’d ever be. Seeing him a few times each year for the past five years, our friendship remained strong, and the feelings I’d developed before then never went away. Had his? Now that I was on my own, with a secure career, I had to figure out what those feelings meant. I was more shocked than anyone that I would consider something more than a friendship.
But first, I wanted him to realize that we were stronger together than apart. I wanted him to believe me and trust me. I was finally ready for something more, and the self-worth that had grown in my body over the past five years, which had blossomed into a strong woman, gave me enough courage to deal with life – even Father. I was no longer afraid. I was ready to lead my life per my rules, not anyone else’s.
“Why is your window open at two in the morning?” he asked.
“I was having coffee.”
“At two?”
“I finished my shift not long ago. I wasn’t tired.”
“Oh, well, you should probably be careful. You don’t know what creeps walk up and down those fire escapes.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. You used to be different. More fun and less uptight,” I said.
“You mean before Daisy died?” he asked, looking around the room and focusing on my burning vanilla candles.
“Yeah, I mean, you used to talk to me like a normal human being. And now you’re all about those one liners.” I sat on the couch across from him, acutely aware that the nightgown underneath my robe would ride up.
“I’m sorry, but you make it difficult to concentrate.” His eyes wandered over my legs, and I couldn’t help but admire the way he sat, with his knees apart and jeans cutting into his crotch, securing him to one side.
“What do you mean?” I baited.
“You’re gorgeous, smart, strong, and… unattainable.”
My cheeks heated at his compliments. I wasn’t sure what he meant by unattainable, but given the room was getting muggier with each passing minute, my thoughts were beginning to fog. Carter stood up from the chair, paced around the table, and sat down beside me. His warm thigh touched mine, and I flinched.
“And you should really put these candles out. Number one reason for house fires.”
I leaned over the table and blew a breath over the flicker. That seemed to ease Carter’s nerves.
“Carter, why are you here?” My throat was dry and my voice hoarse. His full lips looked inviting, and I wondered what they’d taste like. Would they be soft or more demanding? Would I not want to pull away when he kissed me? Would he hold me and touch me? This apartment felt like it didn’t have enough air for the two of us. What I really needed, was a drink — except I didn’t drink.
He took my hand into his.
“I shouldn’t have believed you that day. I should have trusted in you.”
“Carter, please—”
“I know you asked me not to mention it ever again, and I haven’t; well, except to Jo. She knows. I’m sorry.”
My best friend was the least of my worries – I was more concerned about Carter and how he’d handled the truth.
“It was him, wasn’t it? Your father.”
I nodded, saying, “It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past.”
“Of course it matters. He’s been ruining your life ever since I can remember. He needs to be punished.”
“He needs to be forgotten. That’s what I want, Carter. I want him forgotten. He’s not in my life anymo
re. I made sure of that.”
“Is that what you want me to do?” His palm was still covering mine when he looked up from underneath his thick dark lashes that perfectly outlined his light brown eyes.
“Yes, please. I need a fresh start. So do you.”
“All right. Speaking of fresh starts, Molly, I wanted to ask if you would like to join me for—”
A clatter of broken glass sounded from the bathroom.
Shit! a male voice echoed.
“Is someone here?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Is that a shower running?”
“Yes.” It has been running since Carter knocked on my door, yet he didn’t seem to have noticed it before.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I should have known better than to come unannounced.”
“It’s not what you think.”
Why was I even defending myself? Because of who was in that bathroom. I didn’t want Carter to flip or get the wrong idea. He’d jump to baseless conclusions.
“So you’re telling me that you have a girlfriend in your shower in the middle of the night? Because that did not sound like a female voice.”
“No, not a girlfriend.”
“Boyfriend?”
“Not that either. Just a friend.”
“Molly, I wasn’t born yesterday.”
“And I wouldn’t lie about having a boyfriend in the shower. You think I’d ask you to come inside if that were the case?”
“Hmm, that’s difficult to assess at this moment. I’ve had a few beers before coming, you know, to help me come… Shit, that sounded wrong. I mean…”
I reached forward and covered his hand with mine. The connection sizzled underneath my palm, and I had his attention back on me again. “Carter, please ask me what you were going to ask before you heard the shower.”
I knew he could do it. I knew he could finally ask me out like a normal man, without a stupid line or making a joke. For the first time in my life, feeling grounded, I was finally ready to give him the answer I knew he wanted. I would give him the answer that I wanted as well, and maybe we could put the past behind us. Maybe he’d move to the city…
