The Value Of Valor - KJ3

by Lynn Ames

  He looked at her, gauging her reaction. Either she didn’t know anything about Jay or she was a great poker player. “Yes, it is. I was wondering if you’d seen her—perhaps treated her.”

  “It’s been a very slow week here. Nothing more than a stubbed toe and a rattlesnake bite, and both of those were boys I’ve known since they were born.”

  “Are you sure?” He waited to see if her body language would signal discomfort. She stood completely at ease.

  The Value of Valor

  Her voice registered amusement. “I’m pretty sure I’d know the difference between a boy with a stubbed toe and a woman with injuries from a bad car accident.”

  “I’m sure you would.” Peter, still focused on finding Jay, was nevertheless taken by this woman. “Your clinic is in a traditional hogan, yet I see many signs of Western influence in here, as well. How is that?”

  “Ah, you are a perceptive man. I am one hundred percent Navajo, born and raised on this reservation.”

  “But?”

  Terri shrugged. “But as a young woman interested in medicine and trained by the tribe’s healers, I felt there was so much more to learn. So I left for a time and went to college and medical school at Cornell University.”

  Peter looked around, intrigued. “Your wall is missing a diploma or two.”

  Terri let out a heartfelt laugh. “Here there is no need for that sort of pretentiousness.”

  “Do you call Western medical techniques pretentious then?”

  She looked Peter directly in the eye. “No. I wouldn’t have spent so many hard years in school if I thought that. I believe in mixing the best of the West with the power of the Navajo healing traditions.”

  “How does that work?”

  “Well, depending on the illness, I might treat it with antibiotics and fluids while at the same time supervising a ceremonial song or the creation of a sand painting to speed the healing process.”

  “I see. So your patients get all their bases covered.”

  “Something like that.”

  “Okay, well, I’ll leave you alone then. You’ve been very kind to answer my questions. I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

  “No bother at all.”

  He nodded and pushed open the door, walking out into the twilight.

  Terri watched him go, waiting until he was long out of sight, then called her house.

  “Yes?”

  “Trystan? How is Alexa?”

  She’s beautiful, and her hair feels like silk as it runs through my fingers. “She’s still asleep.”

  “Good.”

  “Are you all right, Amá?”

  “Yes, fine. He’s gone now, but I don’t want to take any chances.

  Let’s keep Alexa right where she is in case he gets the urge to come back. I’ll just gather some supplies and be over in a little while. Will you be okay until then?”

  Lynn Ames

  “Of course.”

  Peter picked up the phone, something he’d been avoiding for the past hour.

  “Kate?”

  “Peter?”

  He winced. Her voice sounded so hopeful. “Yeah, it’s me.”

  “Did you find anything? Did you find Jay?”

  “I wish I could say that I did, my friend.”

  “Oh.”

  He closed his eyes against her pain. “Kate? Do you remember what Jay was wearing when she left that morning?”

  She swallowed audibly. “Sh-she was wearing jeans and a maroon button-down shirt.”

  “Did she have on a jacket?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “Describe it.”

  “Why is that important?”

  “Just answer me first, okay?”

  “She had on a lightweight, navy blue insulated nylon ski jacket.”

  Peter was caught off balance by the impact of the words. He wiped at a tear and tried hard to compose himself. After all, he was a professional.

  “Peter?”

  “Yeah, I’m here.”

  “What is it? Please, tell me.”

  “I found a little piece of material buried under some rocks and dirt today. It matches the description you just gave me of Jay’s jacket.” He could hear Kate sit down heavily, followed by the sound of muffled sobs.

  “Kate, honey?”

  “Mmm hmm.”

  “Shh, Kate.”

  “Is—is there any chance, Peter, any chance at all? Maybe—maybe she took the jacket off before the accident. Or maybe—maybe it got caught on something when she was getting herself to safety…”

  “I don’t know, Kate. I’d like to think so, too. But it’s looking less and less likely. I don’t think she could have gotten out of there by herself, and I can’t find anyone who says they saw the crash or her. I struck out today.”

  The line was silent for a long time, and Peter wondered if Kate had put the phone down.

  “Where do we go from here?” she asked finally.

  The Value of Valor

  “I’m going to go to the FBI lab in Quantico, Virginia, and see if there’s anything to indicate anyone else was in or near the car. It’s a long shot, but if she did get out with help, maybe I can find evidence of that.”

  “You sound like you’re reaching.”

  The dejection in her voice cut through him like a knife. “Yes. I promised you I wouldn’t lie to you. I’m grasping at straws at this point.”

  “I appreciate everything you’re doing, Peter. You’re a good friend.

  The best.”

  “I love you, Kate. I’ll call you when I know something, but it may be a few days or a few weeks, depending on how backed up the lab is.”

  “I understand. I’ll talk to you soon,” Kate said.

  “Bye. Take care of yourself and give Fred a hug for me.”

  Kate sat in the dark on the floor in her bedroom—their bedroom—for a long time without moving. She wanted to hold on to hope, but it seemed to be slipping through her fingers like fine grains of sand. From that very first awful phone call, she had willed Jay to be alive.

  In the past when there had been trouble, she’d been able to “feel”

  Jay’s distress. She closed her eyes and concentrated. Nothing happened.

  Her lower lip trembled and tears threatened once more. When Peter spoke about her in the present tense at the service, Kate was convinced that Jay had somehow survived. At the moment, however, there remained precious little to suggest any reason for optimism.

  Kate rose wearily to her feet and glanced at the bedside clock—3:23

  a.m.; she had come to dread the nighttime most of all. She stripped out of her turtleneck and jeans, tossed aside her undergarments, and crawled under the covers.

  She turned on her side, her arms automatically reaching out for the warmth and comfort of Jay’s body—a warmth and comfort she most likely would never know again.

  Her breasts ached with want, craving her lover’s tender ministrations.

  Slowly, reluctantly, Kate brushed her fingers across her belly and upward, her palm cupping the weight of her left breast. She sobbed when her thumb and forefinger found her nipple and squeezed.

  “God, I can’t,” she cried brokenly, even as the sensitive tip hardened painfully. She turned over onto her stomach, trapping her hands underneath her torso. Her body was thrumming with desire, even as her mind rebelled.

  “Damn you. Damn you, Jamison Parker, for going away like that.”

  Her tears were hot and hopeless. “I need you, baby. My body needs you.”

  The insistent, pounding pulse between her legs would not abate, no matter how she willed it to stop. Finally, in an act of desperation, Kate reached down and began stroking her swollen clitoris. As the pressure Lynn Ames

  built to a crescendo, she buried her head in Jay’s pillow, breathing in her dead lover’s scent. “I will always love you, Jay. Forever.”

  The Value of Valor

  CHAPTER FOUR

  rystan loved the early morning; it wa
s her favorite time of day.

  T This day in particular, she felt euphoric. Her mother had run into town and asked her to keep Alexa company.

  The patient had been progressing slowly; her injuries were extensive and as a result took time to heal. Each day was a little better than the last, however, and Terri had finally declared that Trystan could take Alexa for a short walk.

  While they hadn’t gotten to spend any time alone together since the day that stranger had come, Trystan had stopped by whenever possible to visit. She, her mother, and Alexa had spent hours playing card games and gossiping about the news on the reservation. Trystan admitted to herself that she was becoming more and more attracted to this woman and not just sexually—Alexa had a gentle, intelligent way about her that was irresistible.

  Trystan lay in bed thinking about where they would go. She decided on a romantic stroll down by the water.

  Alexa blew out a frustrated breath. It had been nearly a month by her calculation since she’d been rescued from the car accident. Despite her best efforts, she still couldn’t recall anything preceding the day she woke up in Terri’s clinic. Her head continued to throb painfully when she turned it too quickly, she couldn’t raise her arms over her head without feeling as though she’d been kicked in the ribs, and it was impossible to dress herself with her shoulder aching the way it did.

  “I am so over this.”

  “I can see that,” Trystan said.

  Alexa gasped in surprise and covered her breasts. She was still unable to wear a bra because the pressure of the garment was too painful with her broken ribs. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

  Trystan shoved off from the doorway where she’d been watching with a mixture of desire and amusement as Alexa fought a losing battle with one of her own long-sleeved shirts. Despite Trystan’s best intentions, being in this woman’s presence evoked powerful sexual urges in her. “I’m sorry, I should have knocked.”

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  “Yes, you should have.” Alexa was both embarrassed and furious.

  Trystan tried her best to look contrite, but she was too turned on by the sight of those perfect, creamy breasts and the sweet blush that turned Alexa’s cheeks an appealing shade of red. “Um, can I help you?”

  Alexa wanted to say no but knew she stood no chance of getting the shirt on by herself. “Please.”

  Trystan’s fingers trembled slightly as she reached out to take the shirt from Alexa and slip her injured arm through the sleeve. “It’s been a while since I dressed a woman; normally, I prefer to undress them.”

  Trystan knew immediately that she’d made a mistake.

  Alexa turned away quickly, the action causing the material of the shirt to slip out of Trystan’s grip. “On second thought, I’ll manage myself.” The words were clipped and sharp.

  “Hey, Alexa. I didn’t mean anything by it. I was only joking. I swear.”

  Trystan tried to grab onto the free shirtsleeve, but Alexa moved farther away, seeming to shrink into herself. After a moment, Trystan realized that she was crying.

  “Oh, my God. No, no, Alexa, don’t cry. Please don’t cry. Geez.”

  Trystan reached out awkwardly and patted her on the back. “I’m so, so sorry. Really I am.”

  Alexa managed to get the shirt on the rest of the way herself and button several of the buttons, sniffing and drying her eyes with her hand as it poked out of the sleeve. She went over and sat in a wooden chair near the side of her bed.

  “I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what’s the matter with me.”

  Alexa thought for a minute. “That’s not true. I do know.” She looked up at Trystan, tears still shimmering on her lashes. “I’m scared.”

  Trystan wanted to approach her, but she wasn’t sure that was such a good idea, so she thrust her hands into her pockets instead.

  “I don’t know who I am or what my life was like. I don’t know whether I’m straight or gay, married or single. I don’t know where I live, whether I have a job, how old I am.” Fresh tears started to fall anew, and her eyes reflected the confusion and fear she’d felt since the first day she’d arrived on the reservation. “Your mother says when it’s time, I’ll remember. But when will that be? And what am I supposed to do in the meantime? What if I never remember?”

  “You will,” Trystan said with certainty. “I don’t know you very well yet, Alexa, but I can see that you’re a very determined woman. You’ll find your way.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “Because you have a strong spirit and a will to live. To me, that says you have something to live for, and that’s a powerful healing tool.”

  The Value of Valor

  Trystan hesitated, then opened her arms. “Right now, though, you look like you could use a friend and a hug. Can I help?”

  Alexa nodded and moved into the embrace, soaking up the comfort.

  “You smell nice.”

  “Yeah? Thanks.” Trystan rested her cheek on Alexa’s hair, her heart pounding in her chest. Holding Alexa felt so right, and she’d come very close to missing out on the opportunity. She knew she needed to go slowly if she stood any chance of being in this woman’s life. “I’m sorry if I came on too strong before. I’m not going to pretend I’m not attracted to you, Alexa, because that would be a lie. But I can see that what you really need is a friend, and I’d like to be that for you. Will you let me?”

  Alexa pulled back, recognizing somewhere deep in her soul that being in a woman’s arms was where she belonged. It gave her some measure of comfort to know at least one thing about herself. “Yes, I’d really like that, too.”

  “Okay, friend,” Trystan took Alexa’s hand. “How’d you like to walk to the water with me? I can show you one of my favorite hiding spots.”

  Alexa smiled. “That sounds perfect.”

  They walked in silence for a distance, Trystan still maintaining her hold on Alexa’s hand.

  Alexa chuckled, prompting Trystan to bring them to a halt and face her. “What are you laughing about?”

  “It seems to me that normally this would be the time when people would get to know each other, except you already know as much about me as I do.”

  When Trystan looked in Alexa’s eyes, she saw amusement but also a glimmer of real fear. She tried to keep the moment light by laughing, too.

  “I hadn’t thought of it that way, but I guess I do, at that.”

  “Okay, so tell me about you,” Alexa said, as they resumed their walk.

  “There’s not much to tell, really. I’m an only child born to a young mother, and I’ve lived on the reservation most of my life, off and on.”

  Alexa bit her lip, considering how personal she wanted to get, then simply decided to go for it. “Where’s your father?”

  Trystan stopped momentarily and looked at her. “Boy, you don’t beat around the bush, do you?”

  Alexa blushed. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. I probably shouldn’t have asked. It’s none of my business.”

  “No, that’s all right.” Trystan shrugged. “I don’t have any idea who my father is. My mother never talks about him. All she’ll say is that it was a youthful indiscretion while she was in medical school.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I’ve had a great life. My mother is wonderful—tough when she has to be and the best friend I’ve ever had.”

  Lynn Ames

  “You’re very beautiful. I wonder what nationality your father was.”

  Trystan shrugged. “I’ll probably never know. Not that I haven’t thought about it a time or twenty, but my mother won’t give even a whisper of a hint.”

  “I’m sure she has her reasons,” Alexa said gently. “I can’t imagine she would keep that from you to hurt you.”

  “No, that she would never do. She’s always done everything in her power to protect me.”

  Alexa decided to switch gears. “You said you’ve lived on the reservation off and on. Where else h
ave you been?”

  Trystan regarded Alexa shrewdly. “I’m beginning to think you must have been a reporter. You certainly have a way of getting your subject to answer tough questions.”

  Alexa’s eyes widened. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

  Trystan jumped in. “You haven’t.” She squeezed the hand she was holding a little harder. “It’s just that no one’s ever taken that much of an interest in me before.”

  Alexa frowned. “I find that hard to believe. You’re sweet, you’re attractive, you’re intelligent.”

  “Careful, Alexa. A girl could get a swelled head around you.”

  “Yeah, right. So,” Alexa drew the word out, “back to the question.

  Where, other than the reservation, have you lived?”

  “Okay, I can see you’re not going to let this one go, are you?”

  “Nope.” Alexa’s eyes twinkled.

  “When I first realized I was a two-spirit…”

  “A what?”

  “When I first figured out that I was a lesbian. You do know what that is, right?”

  Alexa laughed. “Sarcasm will get you nowhere, woman. Out with it—pun intended.”

  Trystan groaned at the awful play on words. “Let’s just say there isn’t much action here on the reservation in the middle of nowhere. My mother could see that she was losing me. I was restless and looking for trouble. She sent me away to boarding school and then college.”

  “And then?”

  “Then I came back here.” Trystan paused and sat down on a rock, pulling Alexa in front of her. “But I realized this wasn’t the place for me.”

  Alexa’s legs grew warm with the heat from Trystan’s body, and there was an unfamiliar fluttering in the pit of her stomach. She found her voice with difficulty. “Then what are you doing here?”

  Trystan worked hard to control herself. All she wanted was to take this woman in her arms and make love to her. But she could see alarm in The Value of Valor

  the deep, sea green eyes, and she decided not to push her luck. There would be time. “I, um, I went back to school and became a physician’s assistant, but there aren’t many calls for them yet since it’s a pretty new profession, and I couldn’t find a job. So I came back a couple of months ago temporarily until I can find something.”

  “I’m sure you will.” Alexa’s senses were on overload; she felt overwhelmed by Trystan’s proximity. Unsure why she was feeling this way, she followed her instincts, breaking contact between their bodies. “I think we’d better head back now.”