Barbarian's Choice: A SciFi Alien Romance (Ice Planet Barbarians Book 12)

by Ruby Dixon

  If I come inside her, there will be a baby.

  And I’m leaving. I can’t do that to her. I can’t impregnate her and abandon her. It goes against everything that I am.

  My cock can’t get anywhere near her cunt. Damn it. But I want Farli to have pleasure. I want her to come, and to come hard. I just…won’t. I’ll hold off, take myself in hand later when I have a private moment, if I must.

  And for now? My mouth will have to do.

  The moment the thought occurs to me, I am excited by it. Putting my mouth on her breasts feels outrageous enough, given how stiff mesakkah society is about disease and personal cleanliness. Putting my mouth on her cunt like she did with my cock? There’s nothing filthier I can think of…or more enticing. I want to know how she tastes. I want to bury my head between her thighs and push my tongue into her. I want to feel her walls tighten around me. Gods, I’m going to spill just thinking about it.

  “You might be patient,” I tell her, and press a kiss to her belly. “But I find that the more I touch you, the less patient I am.”

  “Why?” she asks breathlessly.

  “Because I want to put my mouth on your cunt and taste you.”

  “Oh,” she breathes. “I want that, too.” And she parts her legs wide, a silent invitation.

  I can’t resist. I quickly move lower and cup her hard, firm ass in my hands, then raise her hips as if I’m about to feast at a banquet. The scent of her arousal hits me like a wall, and I groan, because I have never smelled anything more mouth-watering. I can’t wait another moment, and I drag my tongue over the seam of her cunt.

  Her entire body shudders, and she gasps for air. “More, Mardok.”

  As if I’m going to stop now. I lap at her again, pushing her folds apart with my tongue. She holds on to my horns, gripping them tight, and her tail lashes underneath her, trapped against the blankets. I grip her tail with my own and wrap around it tight, holding her against me. Locking her to me. It feels almost as intimate as my mouth on her.

  But not half as tasty. I take another long, slow taste of her, letting my tongue glide between her wet folds to gather every bit of moisture.

  She moans, still squirming in my grip, and I realize she wants me to go lower. That’s good, because that’s precisely my plan. I lick lower and find her opening as hot and wet as I’ve dreamed it. It’s impossible to stop at this point, because the taste of her is delicious and musky and I’m drugged by the scent and feel of her in my arms. The little cries she’s making are driving me wild, and I’m like a ravenous beast as I lick at her over and over again. I want more, though. More than just a few licks and tastes. So I push my tongue into her and use it like I would my cock, letting the ridges drag against her opening.

  Farli’s cries are frantic now, and my own body feels as if it’s about to lose control. I’m so close to the edge, and judging from the sounds she’s making, she must be, too. I fuck her with my tongue, moving it as fast as I would my cock, plunging it in and out of her sweet heat. Her thighs clench against my shoulders, and she stiffens, a loud gasp escaping her. I work her harder, and I can feel her walls constrict against my tongue, and then she’s coming with a little keening sound, and my tongue is flooded with the taste of her once more.

  I don’t stop, though. I keep lapping at her, licking up every drop of juice and wringing every ounce of the orgasm I can from her body. When she’s shuddering and weak against me, I lift my head and set her hips gently back down in the furs. She’s so beautiful sprawled there, damp with sweat and her eyes heavy with need.

  She raises a hand to me, beckoning me to get on top of her, to mount her and claim her as my own.

  Gods, I want to more than anything. But I can’t do that to her. I can’t make her pregnant and leave. So I take myself in hand and stroke my cock. She watches me in fascination, but when I come a moment later and spill on her belly, that fascination turns to hurt.

  And I feel like the biggest keffing asshole ever. I’ve ruined this moment. Failed her. “I’m sorry, Farli.”

  Her smile immediately brightens. “It is all right, Mardok. Next time, we will make sure you are inside me before you lose your control.”

  She thinks I accidentally spilled too soon? Somehow, that makes me feel worse. I take my discarded undershirt and wipe my spend off her gorgeous, flat belly, and then toss it aside. Her arms are immediately around my neck, and she’s pulling me against her, tail still locked with mine.

  I should pull away. Let her sleep in peace. But I love the feel of her flushed skin pressed against my body, and I sink into the furs with her, my arms going around her waist.

  FARLI

  When I wake up in the morning, it is with my khui singing a happy song, my mate in my arms, his cock pressing against my thigh. It is hard even as he sleeps, and I stroke my hand up and down his back, thinking of last night. It was not perfect, but what we had was good. Tonight it will be better, when he comes inside me. We will just have to time our mating better. Resonance makes me itchy all over, but I can ignore it for a bit longer.

  As if sensing I am awake, Mardok lifts his head and gives me a sleepy smile. His eyes are still that strange, dull color that makes me sad, especially when I realize that I will never see them lit with vibrant blue.

  He does not want a khui. He does not want to stay here with me.

  Suddenly, I am no longer in such a good mood. An ache builds behind my breast, even when he kisses me good morning and then gets up, shivering with cold. I watch him as he straightens the metal piece he wears over his nose—his breathing tool, he told me—and pulls on his warm, puffy tunic. I sit up in the furs. “What will you do today?”

  “See what the captain has in mind, I suppose. I don’t think he’s ready to leave until he’s sure what the entire tribe wants. If there’s even one person that wants to leave, we’ll take them with us.” He shoves his leg through the clothing and then turns to look at me, pausing. His expression is hungry as he devours me with his eyes. “I know there’s still time, but…I have to ask again. Farli, go with me.”

  “And lose my khui?”

  “You won’t need it anymore.” He moves back toward the bed, his leathers falling off him. He gets down on his knees and then crawls over me, all graceful, deadly beauty. I put my arms around his neck and hold him close as he presses a kiss to my mouth and his weight rests over my body. I love the feel of him like this. “Just think about it a little more, all right?”

  I will think of nothing else. It would mean losing everything I know and everything I have…to go with him. Am I brave enough to do such a thing? But I nod. “I will think on it.”

  He grins and nuzzles my nose again. “Maybe after I check in with the captain, we can come back here and play a little more.”

  My heart speeds up. “I like that idea. But I should check on Chahm-pee first.”

  Mardok kisses me again. “We should both hurry back, then.”

  We mate with our mouths for a little longer and then reluctantly dress. He is wearing his thick layers by the time I pull the privacy screen back and leave my house.

  The moment I do, I hear a voice call out. “They are awake!”

  Oh no. I laugh as I glance over. My three brothers are hurrying toward me, spears in hand. Salukh leads the way, and Zennek has a supply pack over his shoulder. Pashov sees me and grabs me around the shoulders in a mock-choke, tucking me under his arm and ruffling my mane. “What are you three doing here?” I ask. “It’s past time for you to go hunt.”

  “We are taking your new mate out on the trails with us,” Salukh says.

  “So he can meet the family,” Zennek says with a grin.

  “And warn him about you.” Pashov ruffles my hair again.

  “Warn him about me?” I laugh. “How is this?”

  “We will tell him that if he mates with you, he is stuck with the biggest, smelliest beast on the planet,” Salukh says in a grave voice.

  Zennek nods. “Chahm-pee. And how you will not let us eat h
im.”

  I snort, escaping out of Pashov’s grasp. “Because he is my pet and that makes him my family. You do not eat family, fools.”

  “Are you sure? You are looking meaty lately,” Zennek says with a pinch to my arm. I slap his hand away, laughing, only to have Zennek grab me by my waist and twirl me around. My brothers are silly.

  Mardok emerges from my house a moment later, and a moment later, there is possessive hunger written on his face. “Don’t touch her!” He stalks forward and grabs me out of Zennek’s arms. “She belongs to me.”

  Everyone goes still.

  Pashov hoots with laughter.

  “Do not touch her,” Zennek mocks, tossing his mane and pretending to be me. “Farli is my mate.” He flutters his eyelashes at me.

  I roll my eyes and jab my brother with my finger. “Are you pretending to be me or him?”

  Pashov grabs Zennek around the neck and ruffles his mane. “You will have to be patient with him, Mardok. Our brother is a little slow.”

  They all three laugh, and Mardok looks at me.

  “Family,” I say with a shrug of my shoulders. “These are my brothers.”

  “Ah.” He rubs his ear, and that flustered expression crosses his face. Adorable. I sigh happily. “I am pleased to meet all of you.”

  “And we,” Pashov announces, giving Zennek’s shoulders another squeeze, “are pleased you are so possessive of our sister. She deserves the best.”

  “She does,” Mardok agrees in a soft voice, looking over at me, and I feel my khui begin to sing again.

  “Your captain is visiting the village today and staying with Vektal and Shorshie. We thought we would come and take you hunting,” Salukh says, ever the serious one. “Get to know you better before you get your khui and join the family.”

  I bite my lip. They do not know he does not want a khui. “Perhaps—” I begin.

  But Mardok surprises me by nodding. “I will go, if Farli does not mind.” He looks over at me.

  Mind? Mind him spending the day with my brothers? Let them treat him as if he is family? Show him the beauty of our world in the hopes it changes his mind? “Of course I do not mind.”

  Mardok rubs his head and then nods. “All right. What are we hunting?”

  “Ah, my friend,” Salukh says, handing him a spear. “The better question is, what are we not hunting.”

  A short time later, my brothers set off with Mardok. My mate has been swathed in additional furs to keep him warm, holds his spear very clumsily, and listens as my brothers talk endlessly. I smile to myself as they leave. Part of me wants to go and hunt with them, but I need to see to Chahm-pee and I need to talk with my mother. My heart is heavy with too many burdens to carry by myself. I head to my dvisti’s hut and collect the dung that has frozen overnight, as well as refill his food basket and break the ice on his water bowl. Chahm-pee is happy to see me, prancing about and biting at my leathers to get my attention. I am focused on tending to him and do not notice that I have company until I turn and see Sessah and Taushen standing in the doorway.

  I straighten. “What is it?”

  Sessah just gives me a sulky look, his arms crossed over his chest. In a few more seasons, he will be as big and strong as his father. For now, though, he is still far too young. Pouting does not help that, either. Taushen is the one that speaks. “We heard your new mate was in the village.”

  “He stayed with me last night,” I tell them with a nod. “But my brothers just took him hunting. If you wish to speak to him, you missed him.”

  Taushen looks at Sessah. When the younger hunter remains silent, Taushen sighs and gives me a faint smile. “I wished to volunteer to join in the sa-kohtsk hunt for him.” He nudges Sessah. “Him, too.”

  Some of the tension leaves my body. To participate on the sa-kohtsk hunt of a rival means all is forgiven and you accept the loss of the female you wanted. “I am pleased.”

  “When is it?” Taushen asks.

  What to tell them? I hesitate, then go with the truth. “It might not happen. Mardok does not like this planet and is not sure he wishes to stay behind.”

  The look on Sessah’s young face is incredulous. “What? But you have resonated.”

  I know. I feel miserable at the sight of their outrage. “It is not the same with his people,” I tell them. “They do not have a khui to bond them, so he does not understand. He does not like the planet, and to stay with me, he would give up everything he has.” I try to smile, but it is difficult. “It is not the same as Shorshie and the others. He is not stranded here.”

  “But you are his mate. You will carry his kit.” Sessah is frowning fiercely. His fists clench. “It is not fair that he takes the only unmated female in our tribe and then casts her aside!” Furious, he storms away.

  I flinch at his words, hugging my arms to my chest. “I hate that he is so upset.”

  “He is young,” Taushen says, moving toward me. He squeezes my arm, his expression rueful. “He has not yet learned what it is to wait. He will, though.”

  I sigh. “It would have been much easier if I had resonated to one of the tribe’s hunters, I know. But I do not choose.” And I would not choose anyone but Mardok. I love him. The moment he appeared, I knew he was mine.

  “The khui chooses,” Taushen agrees. He rubs my arm and then pauses. “If he does not stay and you need a father for your kit, I will be that hunter for you, Farli.”

  I blink in surprise. “What—”

  “It does not have to be pleasure-mating, though I would take that in time. It would be enough for me to know you are cared for. You and your kit.”

  I feel like crying. “You are a good hunter, Taushen. You are going to make a female a very good mate someday.”

  His smile is sad. “Someday.” He gives me a pat on the shoulder and then leaves.

  My heart feels as if it is breaking. I do not want Mardok to leave. I do not want to leave with him. But what do I do? What can I do? Choking back the sob rising in my throat, I push my way out of Chahm-pee’s hut and race through the village, heading toward a place I know there will be comfort.

  My mother’s house does not have her privacy screen up, and inside I can smell her favorite spicy tea. I give a polite scratch at the doorway to let her know I am here, and when she looks up, I fling myself inside and into her arms, sobbing.

  “Oh, Farli,” Kemli says, surprised. She strokes my mane and holds me close. “What is it, my sweet one?”

  “Why is resonance so awful?” I weep. And then I think of Mardok’s mouth on mine, his smiles, the way he touches me. “And so wonderful, too?” It feels as if I am being torn apart by the thing I love the most.

  My mother just gives a knowing chuckle. “Because it is resonance. It does not ask how your heart feels. It just chooses.” She clucks and holds me close. “Come sit with me. Unburden your heart.”

  She sits in her furs, and I put my head in her lap, like I did when I was a kit. She strokes my hair and waits patiently. I sniff. “Resonance is not as easy as I thought it would be.”

  “I imagine yours is different than most,” my mother says. “Your mate is a stranger. Is he kind to you?”

  “He is…but he does not wish to stay.” The tears start to flow again. “I want him to stay here, and he says he does not want to be left behind.”

  She strokes my hair again, making a soft humming noise of acknowledgment. “It is a hard place to live. Look at how much of an ordeal it was for Shorshie and her people. When they arrived, little Air-ee-aw-nuh cried for two seasons straight, remember?”

  I do. Some of the humans were miserable. Only their mates and now their kits made them happy. They still talk about the weather and the cold and the lack of things they used to have on their planet. “He would be giving up a lot to stay…but am I not enough?”

  “That is a question you must ask him, my kit.” Her hands are soothing, and her presence calm. “Does he like anything here?”

  “He likes me.” I sit up suddenly, lo
oking Kemli in the eye. “He asked me to go with him, Mother.”

  She is surprised. “Is such a thing possible?”

  “Their machines can remove my khui. I could go with him.” The idea terrifies me, because I know nothing of his world or his people, and what I have seen so far with his companions, they are not as warm and friendly as my own people.

  Mother’s eyes widen. “What does that mean for resonance?”

  I spread my hands. “Without a khui, we have no bond other than how we feel.”

  “And a kit?” she asks gently.

  I do not know that, either. “I am not sure what to do, Mother.” I clasp her hands in mine and beg her. “Help me.”

  “Oh, Farli. This is not something I can decide for you.” She pulls me into her arms and hugs me tight. “If it will make you happy, go with him. If it will not make you happy, stay.”

  “If I leave, I will never see you again,” I tell her fretfully.

  “And if you stay, you will never see him again.” She cups my face in her hands. “Only you can decide where your path will take you.”

  Do I choose my mate or my family and my tribe? I have no answers. I only know that if Mardok leaves, he takes my heart with him. Will I ever be happy again if he is gone? I think of old Eklan, who grieved his mate every day until he died. How can I let my mate leave? I rest my head on my mother’s shoulder, torn. How can I leave my family behind, though? My mother and my father? My brothers and their mates—and their adorable kits? My friends, both human and sa-khui? I will never see another kit join the tribe, never participate in another sa-kohtsk hunt, never celebrate another pair’s resonance. I will never see Taushen and Sessah mated with kits at their hearths.

  I will never see anyone ever again.

  But how can I lose my mate now that I’ve found him? If it is truly as simple as saying yes and following him to his ship, why do I not jump at the chance? Have I not always wanted adventure? Is this not the greatest adventure to be had?