Honor and Blood

by James Galloway

  Tarrin drifted into awareness much the same as he had drifted to sleep that night--morning, actually--being a process of complete and utter security and peace. That was something that hadn't happened in quite a while, and it felt almost sinfully luxurious to sleep and wake up knowing he was in a safe and secure environment. He was stretched out on Jesmind's oversized bed on his side, one paw hanging over the edge of the bed with the other tucked up under him, and Jesmind curled up against his back peacefully.

  There were other things that felt sinful. Jesmind had--well, it was easy to say that she had really missed him. She had had alot of pent up energy, and she unleashed it all against him last night. But despite her exuberance, she was still the exquisitely tender, sensual lover that he remembered. The year and more that they had been apart seemed to dwindle into nothing in his mind and memory as the two of them renewed their intimacy. There had been almost no conversation, no talking, no communication outside of a touch or a scent, and in a way, he preferred it that way. A touch or scent could say a great deal more than any words could.

  Not that it meant much more than physical pleasure. Both of them understood that. Jesmind's reluctance to enter into an intimate relationship with him had more to do with how she feared he would take such a thing, but she had learned that he was a true Were-cat in that regard. He could take her for mate without it affecting his core relationship with her, because to a Were-cat, a physical relationship was just that, physical. He could be mates with a female he couldn't stand, because the mental relationship had very little to do with it. Despite sharing a very intense night of love, his attitudes and feelings for Jesmind had not changed very much, though he'd be the first to admit that his attitude towards her had improved dramatically since the night before. He still was a little angry with her--not much as before, and less every hour--a little annoyed at whatever little game she seemed to be playing, and still trying to feel out where he stood with her, and where he wanted to stand.

  That was one of his biggest dilemmas. He laid there and considered it, considered where he wanted to be. Jesmind had made it clear that she was not going to leave, even to the point of sharing the house with his parents. He had always considered the farm to be his home, and with Jesmind here too, it made it seem even more of a home, because it would hold both sides of his family within it. Being around Jesmind all the time would lead to two absolutes, he was sure of it. The first was that they would be mates. The second was with such a long-standing relationship and continual exposure to one another, they would fight like angry hornets, just about every day. Both of them were almost ridiculously stubborn, and when they came out on opposite sides of the fence, nine times out of ten it was the fence that was going to suffer for their inability to agree on the issue.

  Tarrin thought it over, straining to remember what Triana taught him about Were-cat children. Jasana would be fully grown at around age ten, so that meant that he'd have about eight or so years sharing space with Jesmind. After Jasana was grown and out of the house, Jesmind would probably drift away, and he would be alone again. He found himself surprised that he didn't like that idea, though.

  It was the human in him. He may be Were, but he was born human, and his human concepts and morality were much stronger in him than they were in most other Were-cats. Tarrin still clung to the concept of marriage and family, despite the fact that that wasn't going to happen, because it was what he had been raised to expect out of life. Those lessons didn't fade with the fur and the ears. He'd never have a wife, but he could have mates, and enjoy it while it lasted. Jesmind was his mate now. He should enjoy it until time and changing interests and attitudes caused them to drift apart.

  Strange. Two days ago, he hadn't even known Jesmind was here. He hadn't known about Jasana, and now here he was, considering how to plan his life around the two of them. It felt almost like he was cheating himself out of a whole lot of righteous anger and indignation towards his fiery-haired mate, but he had to admit that she had quite effectively defused him. That night of shared love showed him that Jesmind knew him, knew him very, very well, and she had known all the right buttons to press and all the right words to say to steer him in the direction that pleased her the most.

  Tarrin would have taken offense to that, but he knew that her guidance and urging was towards an amicable relationship with her. She wasn't trying to control him, she just wanted him to like her. That was all. Not love her, not do her bidding, but just like her. He could respect that, respect how much she had been willing to bend, to sacrifice, to bring that about. For Jesmind to accommodate someone else was a story worthy of a town crier. It simply wasn't in her nature to bend for another, yet she had done it for him. That willingness to compromise, to accede to him at least in some ways both surprised him and inclined him towards her.

  She had worked very hard for that day and a half to just hear him say he didn't hate her. He looked inside himself, and he found that he truly did not. In fact, despite his lingering anger and suspicion concerning her, he held a very favorable opinion of her now. He did like her, and probably maybe more than that. At one time, he had loved Jesmind. That had faded over time, but now, with her so close to him, he saw that there was a good chance that that love may be rekindled in him.

  But if that happened, it would be long after he left them, got back on his journey to stop the ki'zadun and protect Suld. But this time, he'd know where she was, and he knew that she would be waiting for him.

  That little problem suitably resolved in his mind, he moved on to the next one. Jasana. He honestly didn't know what he was going to do with her. Her power was awakened, and that was a very bad thing. She was sui'kun, or at least she would be, and the possbility that she would touch High Sorcery and threaten to destroy herself was very real and very worrisome. He knew it was just a matter of time now before she learned how to use her power, and then she would put herself in a tremendous amount of danger. Being a child, she wouldn't be able to resist using her magic, and that was going to cause a catastrophe in one way or another. Either for herself or for the unfortunate people around her, when impulse got the better of caution and she used her Sorcery.

  He had to leave. He didn't have a choice. But Tarrin was the only thing that would keep Jasana's power under control. If she started using magic, he had to be very close to her to prevent her from hurting herself, or anyone else. But he couldn't do that, and the Goddess knew that he was not going to take that child with him. He was going into battle!

  It was a no-win situation. He couldn't leave Jasana alone, yet he couldn't take her with him. He didn't know what to do. It just tumbled over and over and over in his mind until it started giving him a headache. He rolled over on his back and put his paw over his eyes, groaning slightly at the problem as Jesmind repositioned herself in her sleep, draping a paw over his chest and snuggling against his shoulder. He just couldn't see any kind of acceptable solution that satisfied both sides of the problem. And since he couldn't, he put it aside for a while to think about it again later.

  He was really going to miss this place. Coming home, even for a few days, it had done him a world of good. He hadn't felt so calm, so relaxed, so happy, in a very long time. It had been months since he'd slept peacefully, and even longer since he'd had the opportunity to sleep in a bed that fit him. Most beds were too small, forcing him to sleep in cat form if only to fit. That was all well and good, but sometimes he didn't want to sleep in cat form, because the dreams and thoughts he had in that form were alot different from the ones he had in his natural form. There at home, he not only had the chance to unwind and relax after his long, long period of running for his life, he also had a chance to meet his daughter and reestablish an old relationship with Jesmind.

  He was absolutely certain that coming home was the reason why the Goddess wanted him to stay on the ground. At first, he thought it was because of Jasana, but now he knew that that was only a part of it. She just wanted him to relax and feel happy for a little while. There was ti
me enough to defend Suld later, right at that moment, he wanted nothing to do with anything even remotely resembling importance or titanic, earth-shaking magnitude. He wanted one full day where the most important thing he had to do was decide what he wanted to chase down for dinner. Just one day. He knew that that wasn't going to happen, not with him leaving tomorrow, but hopefully he could minimize the important things and concentrate on the small ones.

  Jesmind stirred beside him, then her claws extended and pressed against his chest lightly. Her breathing shifted, telling him that she had woke up. She yawned languidly and then snuggled against him just a little more, sighing contentedly. "Good morning," she purred.

  "Yes, it is," he replied in a dreamy kind of introspection. "Sleep well?"

  "I slept like a rock," she chuckled. "You wore me out. That's quite an accomplishment."

  "You wore yourself out," he corrected her mildly.

  "Absence may make the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes a girl lustful," she said with a laugh.

  "That could be a new saying."

  "Only for humans that don't turn all red at the slightest mention of things that have no meaning anyway," she chuckled. "Garyth's wife, Mara, she's perputally red all the time when I'm around."

  "She's a respectable, morally straight-laced woman, Jesmind," he told her. "She takes offense at seeing a girl's petticoats. I can only imagine what some of the things you say would affect her."

  "I've made her faint a few times," she said with a wicked chuckle. "Now it's a game to see how mortified I can get her."

  "You're an evil woman, Jesmind."

  "I know. Isn't it fun?"

  Tarrin laughed helplessly, pulling her up against him a little more. "I'm going to miss you when I leave," he admitted.

  "Oh, what a nice thing to say," she purred happily, slithering up on top of him, putting her arms on his chest and staring down into his eyes for a long moment. "What do you want to do today?"

  "Absolutely nothing of importance," he said immediately. "At least not willingly. I know work is going to come find me, but I'm not going to go look for it."

  "Well, if you want a holiday, you came to the right place," she smiled. "We could spend all day in here."

  "You're forgetting about Jasana," he smiled.

  She frowned. "I knew there had to be some kind of drawback to having children," she fretted. "They interfere with trying to make more."

  Tarrin chuckled, putting his paws on her waist, sliding them up and down her sides gently.

  "I know that this doesn't really change things between us, mate," she told him in a reasonable tone. "I know you're probably still a little angry with me."

  "A little," he admitted honestly.

  "I can live with that. I just want to know that you don't hate me."

  "I don't hate you, Jesmind," he told her with soft eyes.

  Her eyes went vulnerable for a moment, which triggered a response in him. He wrapped his arms around her back and held her just tightly enough for her to realize it. "Do you really have to go tomorrow?" she asked in a hesitant voice. "I don't want you to leave again."

  "Duty calls, Jesmind. If anyone would understand what duty means to me, I'd think that it would be you."

  "Only too well," she grunted with a frown, looking down at him. "Since it's quiet, you can tell me some things."

  "Like what?"

  "Mother's told me about what you've done and where you've been, but she's usually not very descriptive about it. I think she's trying to keep some things quiet, or secret. What was that Demon woman like? Really."

  "Shiika? To be honest, she reminded me of you."

  Jesmind suddenly glared at him.

  He laughed. "She is alot like you, Jesmind. She has the same directness about her. With Shiika, you know where you stand. We were enemies, but that didn't stop her from being...conversational. She was a strange woman."

  "Was she pretty?"

  "She's a Demon, Jesmind. She can appear any way she wants to appear. Don't you think she'd choose something attractive?"

  Jesmind laughed. "Well, if she can look any way she wants, I guess she could."

  "Vanity seems to be a universal constant," Tarrin said abstractly.

  "What was the desert like?"

  "Very, very hot," he replied. "The sun made me as dark as an Arakite, and it did this to my hair," he added, reaching up and touching the nearly white cap of hair on his head.

  "I don't know, I kind of like it that way," Jesmind smiled, reaching up and patting it. "But it looks too severe like this. What happened to your bangs?"

  "They grew," he chuckled. "I had to put them in the braid."

  "I don't like it." She extended a claw and carefully sheared his hair, just below his ears, freeing his bangs. The blond-white locks slid down from their constrainment and tickled the top of his forehead lightly. "There. That makes you look much nicer. It softens your face."

  "Until they grow again," Tarrin chuckled, reaching up and flicking the loose hair with a finger.

  "You're a Were-cat, Tarrin. Just like that Shiika woman can appear any way she wants, you can make your hair any length you want. Mist keeps her hair almost as short as a human man's. It's all a matter of want."

  "Well, if that's the case, I'll keep my hair this way," he said with a smile. "Just because you like it this way."

  "I like long hair too," she said, tousling her hair for him. "Something else we have in common."

  "At least mine doesn't look like a tornado went through it," he winked.

  "It'll wash out," she said with a grin.

  "How will I tell?"

  Jesmind laughed, then reached down and drew little circles on the side of his cheek with her finger. "I like my hair wild."

  "I noticed."

  "Was mother pulling my leg when she said you helped Jula after she went mad?"

  He shook his head. "She's a Were-cat, so I could use magic affecting the mind on her. With Dolanna's help, I was able to regress her madness back to where she was rational, then teach her how to stop the process from happening again."

  "That was nice of you."

  "I wasn't too happy about taking her for a child, but I guess it all worked out."

  "I'm surprised you did, seeing as who she was and what she did to you."

  "I know. I think I did it because I was tired of destroying things. Just once, I wanted to help someone, not ruin their lives. And, to be honest, I felt very sorry for her. If you'd have seen her like I did, you'd have done almost anything for her out of pity. She was the most hopeless, miserable thing I'd ever seen."

  "Did you sleep with her?"

  "Jesmind!" Tarrin said in surprise.

  "Well sorry," she grumbled. "I'm curious, that's all."

  "You're jealous!" he laughed.

  "A little," she admitted with a slight blush. "All this time, I've still considered you my mate, Tarrin. Mates get jealous when their mates stray. I was jealous over Mist too, but not that much. At least with her, I knew you had a good reason for doing it."

  "You said she's close. Have you seen her?"

  Jesmind nodded. "She brought Eron to visit me," she said. "And introduce him to his half-sister. He looks just like a little you. He even has your hair and fur."

  "He does?"

  Jesmind nodded. "There's absolutely no doubt that Eron is your son. Anyone who looks at him swears up and down that it must be you, somehow magically turned into a baby."

  Tarrin chuckled. "I hope he makes Mist happy."

  "She's deleriously happy," Jesmind smiled at him. "I've never seen her so open before. She actually relaxed when she visited, and held Jasana. I never thought I'd see such things out of Mist. What you did for her, mate, it was a miracle."

  "I'm glad for that," he sighed. "She was so lost. I felt so sorry for her."

  Jesmind smiled. "She's absolutely devoted to you, Tarrin. Half the time she was here, she did nothing but ask questions about you. I don't think she wants you for mate, but you defini
tely have a friend for life. She'd walk through fire if you asked her to do it."

  "I don't think I'll be doing that any time soon," he said dryly.

  "I hope not." She looked down at him. "Why was everything still here?" she asked. "When I first got here, I found some things missing, but almost everything else here. Why did your parents leave so much behind?"

  "Because they didn't think they'd be gone so long," he replied. "When they came to Suld, it was just to visit. But then I--" he closed his eyes. That was still a very painful memory. "But then I nearly killed mother, and they stayed in Suld while everyone was trying to find me. After that, Jegojah attacked them, and I told them to go somewhere where they couldn't be found, for their own safety. So they went to Ungardt for a while."

  "I've always wondered about that," she said. "I about had a heart attack when I found that magical object in the cellar. I couldn't believe that they'd leave something that rare and valuable behind. They're lucky it was still here."

  "This is Aldreth, Jesmind," he chided with a smile. "Nobody would dream of stealing it. Some things were missing because my parents wrote Garyth and asked him to store some things for them."

  "He said something like that, but I wasn't paying much attention when he said it," she admitted.

  "Well, there you go. The mystery is solved."

  She smiled at him. "You're leaving tomorrow, aren't you?" she asked.

  "How many times are you going to ask that question?"

  "Until I hear an answer I like, I suppose," she said with a little smile. "I don't want you to go."

  "I really don't want to go either, but I have to," he sighed.

  "I heard what you want to do today, but what are you really going to do today?"

  Tarrin looked up at her, then laughed ruefully. "Go into the village and make sure that everyone's going to be ready, I suppose," he answered. "Outside of that, I really don't know."

  "Well, I know what we could do right now," she said in a husky voice, her eyes smoldering and her scent shifting in its texture noticably. She leaned down and kissed him with that same intense passion that made her the best kisser he had ever had the pleasure to experience, a woman that could probably charm any male or win any argument with a male because she could subdue him with one of those kisses. He made a mental note never to allow her into a position to kiss him while they were fighting, or he was going to lose the fight.