by Amanda Heath
Chance appears over me a few seconds later and smirks at me, “Your dad?” I used to hate the way he would talk in uncompleted sentences but it has grown on me. Makes him seem kind of like a caveman.
“Yeah, he’s here and wants to take me to breakfast. My Grammy told him about graduation.” I kiss his cheek and push him out of the way. I finish putting on my shoes and dig a ponytail holder out of my handbag. I try and tame the locks into a messy bun but I know it’s a lost cause.
“I’ll go.” he says as he takes my hand. “If you want.” I notice now that he has on his shirt and pants but the jacket and bowtie are in his other hand.
“No, you should spend it with your mom and Macy. It’s a big day for everyone.” He nods and looks a little disappointed.
We walk out of the hotel and to his truck. He as usual opens my door for me and I kiss his cheek. I can’t believe how sweet and gentlemanly he is sometimes.
The ride back to my house is quiet but I enjoy it. We are like that most of the time. Though I sit pressed up against him and his hand is on my thigh. When we arrive at my house there is a black Dodge Avenger sitting next to my Cobalt and behind my mom’s Corolla. Yay daddy dearest.
Chance and I kiss before I get out of the truck and head into my house. The second my mom sees me I think she might faint. “What?” I ask quietly looking around for my dad.
“You look different. That’s all. Something I should know?” She questions with an eyebrow raised.
“Not that I know of. Where’s dad?” she points towards her room and I think I might throw up.
“It’s not like that, Norma Jean! He is using my bathroom. Jesus.” She is quick to get out. I calm my stomach and shudder trying to get that image out of my head.
“Good. I’m going to go get a shower.” I walk back to my room, grab the clothes I have picked out for graduation and head into the bathroom.
When I’m all ready, I step into the living and take in my dad who I haven’t seen in years. His dark hair is cut short to his head and his green eyes are intense as he takes me in too. “Hello Norma.”
“Dad.” The silence that falls after that is weird because Mom and him keep giving each other looks. I don’t even want to go down that road. “Can we get going? I’m starving.”
“Sure.” he says as he walks towards the front door.
Mom and I follow and we all pile into his car. The man doesn’t go anywhere so I don’t know why he needs this kind of car. It’s flashy but subtle if that makes sense. I hate it honestly, I feel like we are part of the secret service as dark as the tinted windows are.
He drives to a small mom and pop place that serves all kinds of things, including 24 hour breakfast. When we are seated, I look over the menu and surprisingly dad and I order the same shit. Scrambled eggs, baked potato, and cheese burger. Well I guess that is where I get my quirky stomach.
“So are you excited to be going to OBU?” my dad asks. OBU or Ouachita Baptist University which is located about 2 hours from here and only 30 minutes from my dad’s house. The only reason my mom let me go there. I don’t see why seeing as he’s not the best father.
I believe in God and everything, but I’m not overly religious. Dad said he would pay for me to go to college if he got to pick where I went. He picked OBU. His alma mater. “Sure. It’s a school and I’ll have to do school work and shit. Sounds like so much fun. Plus I have to go to mandatory chapel every Tuesday. Fun.” I fist pump the air to go along with my sarcasm.
“No need to have such a negative attitude about it, Norma. You’ll like it, I promise. Or I wouldn’t have sent you there.” He shovels some food into his mouth after speaking and I find we are more alike than I thought. Well in table manners that is.
“Sure dad.” is all I reply.
When we finish eating, we head over to the high school where they are throwing the ceremony. The thing goes by fast considering. I hate sitting around all these people and waiting for them to call my name but it was nice to see Chance walk across the stage. He looks so happy and carefree. I’m glad I didn’t ruin it for him.
Afterwards I’m heading over to congratulate him when Creed Donovan steps into my path. “You think you’re the only one? I like you a lot Norma, so I have to tell you the truth. Chance wasn’t a virgin. He doesn’t love you either. He was just trying to make up for some karma. He has actually been sleeping with my girlfriend Tess. I just found this out myself.” His words make me hurt. I don’t want to believe him but Creed has known Chance way longer than I have.
It doesn’t help that Tess is at this moment kissing Chance on the cheek and he is looking at her like he looks at me.
Chance
Tess’s kiss on the cheek was a little strange…and forward. I haven’t really ever talked to her before, so when she came over to say congratulations I was a little stunned. Creed gets a little possessive with his girlfriends, so I don’t really get to spend any time with them.
“Um thanks? I have to get going.” I stammer out and turn away scanning the crowd for Norma. I think I see her black hair over where I see Creed but people move in my way and she isn’t there.
“Have you seen Norma?” I ask when I get to his side.
“Nope. Maybe she is with her parents?” he moves his head around like he is looking for her. I scan the crowd myself but I don’t see any of them.
I do spot my mom and Macy. “Mom and Macy are over there. Gonna go.” I wave bye to him and make my way over to my family.
“I’m so proud of you Chance. You have become an amazing man.” She one arm hugs me and kisses my cheek. I flush at her praise and take Macy out of her arms to do something with my hands.
“Thanks.” She tells me things like this all the time. I think it’s to make up for all the negative crap my dad has told me. Speaking of which here he comes with the new wife. They have been married for a while but I still call her new. I doubt she lasts much longer anyway.
“Good job son. Never thought I would see the day you’d graduate from high school. Now let’s see if we can get your dumb ass through college.” He stops in front of me and I’m so fucking glad I’m holding Macy. The man could use a punch to the face. “Come here Macy. Pop pop hasn’t seen you in days!” he exclaims to Macy. She giggles at him and reaches her arms out for the man.
Dad takes her into his arms and looks over at mom. “Stacy.” He nods hello. We should get going soon. They never last long around each other before insults get thrown around. Mary Beth looks nervous, which I don’t blame her at all.
“Mike.” Mom says icily. I hold back a laugh as she glares down Mary Beth. “I see you brought your wife. It wasn’t long ago she was doing the same thing, was it?” she asks innocently.
I roll my eyes and tune them out. I keep looking over every face I see trying to find my Norma Jean. There is no sign of her anywhere. It’s starting to make me anxious because she said she would meet me after the ceremony. I pull my phone out of my pocket to see if maybe she had to leave. I know her dad was here so maybe they wanted to do something together.
When I see nothing on the screen my stomach drops. Why would she just leave? “Mom. I’m going to get out of here.” I nod at her stepping away.
“Where are you going boy? I thought we could all go out to lunch together.” my dad says to my turned back.
“I’d rather die.” I reply under my breath.
I turn around and he takes a step towards me with anger in his eyes. “What did you say boy?”
“I have to find Norma.” I tell him. He narrows his eyes like he knows that isn’t what I said but lets it go. “Besides, I’m not hungry.”
He kisses Macy on the cheek before giving her to mom. He steps closer to me and takes something out of his pocket. “Well here’s your graduation present.” He slips the envelope in my hand and turns to usher Mary Beth away.
“Thank God. I thought I might have to eat with them.” She says them in a weird voice, which Macy finds funny and giggles. “You think grandm
a is funny do you? Well I think we need to get to the house and take a nap. Don’t you?” Macy stops giggling and gets tears in her eyes. “No none of that baby girl. Grandma will take one with you! We will see you later at the house Chance.” She kisses my cheek and squeezes my shoulder. “Have fun with Norma!” she calls over her shoulder.
I search the whole place for her and even send her a couple of texts that go unanswered. I finally decide to head to her house. When I get there I had no idea that my life would be ruined. That I would lose myself there. Only never to find it again.
Her mom answers the door after I knock and shakes her head when I ask if Norma is there. “I have something for you though.” She turns away from the door and comes back with a book. “She told me to give this to you. Said you would find the things you need to know.”
Before I can question her anymore, she shuts and locks the door. Totally freaked the hell out, I return to my truck and climb in. I look at the book, it’s a diary. Norma’s name is stenciled across the top in pretty script. It looks like it has seen better days.
Taking a deep breath I open to the first page.
August 12th 2004
Today was the first day of school. I was so excited this morning, but shortly after arriving I lost all excitement and become upset. You see I had the hugest crush on Chance Duncan, and he totally blew it today. I honestly never want to see him again. Ever. He called me names that really hurt my feelings. He made me feel really ugly. I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror when I got home today. I sat down on my bed and cried my eyes out. Mom came in and wanted to know what was wrong but I couldn’t tell her. She wouldn’t understand. Mom has always been pretty. Plus Chance’s mom is her best friend and she would think that I was lying. But I’m not. He said I was a “zitface”. He said I was too ugly to walk on this planet. No one talked to me today. All the friends I had last year ignored me when I tried to start a conversation. I want to die.
August 13th 2004
I was hoping that yesterday was a dream, that none of it really happened. I should have known better. He was waiting in front of the school like he was yesterday. But the words out of his mouth today were worse. He said that no one would want to talk to an ugly girl like me. He told me to stop staring at him because he wouldn’t touch me with a ten foot pole. He says I need to take better care of myself or I wouldn’t look like this. Which isn’t true. I bathe every day and use the soap my mom gave me to wash my face day and night. She even took me to the doctor who gave me special cream that is supposed to help. But it doesn’t. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to ever go to school again.
The entries go on for days with the same stuff. Everything bad I ever said to her. Every action I took to make her feel bad about herself. All because I felt bad about myself. It’s not an excuse though. I should be killed for the kind of pain I put her through. Then one entry has me holding back tears.
May 15th 2005
Today was the last day of school. I didn’t want to get up this morning. I never want to get up in the morning. I have thought about ending it all. Just so the pain will go away and I won’t hurt like this anymore. I feel so worthless and ugly. I’m a hideous monster who should be dead. Chance laughed at me a lot today. Made fun of my face and my clothes. Like he does every day, but today was a little different. Today I wanted to fight back. I wanted to punch him in the face or kick him in the shin. I didn’t though. I did look him right in the eye when he made fun of me. He seemed to be taken back by it, but I don’t care. Maybe if he sees the hurt in my eyes he’ll stop. Maybe.
I had no idea she wanted to kill herself. What kind of person does that make me? God I’m so horrible. I can’t close my eyes now without seeing her at 12 years old and looking me straight in the eye. It was the first time she ever had. The next year she showed up at school with black hair, the clothes, the glasses, and the makeup. The pimples were gone but the lasting affect wasn’t.
September 12th 2005
First day of school again. It was way better than last year. When I saw Chance Duncan in front of the doors he ignored me. Not one thing was said to me by anyone but a teacher all day. No jokes, no insults. It was freeing. I have become invisible. And I freaking love it.
I skip the rest of the entries until I come to the day where we kissed while I was sober. It makes my heart stop and I think I might faint
March 8th 2010
After the drunk kiss last night, I kissed him again today. I wanted to see if he would have the same affect sober. He did. I won’t lie and say it wasn’t hot, because it was fucking hot. I will say that I have him in the palm of my hand. He ran out of the house so fast it was comical. He is really affected by me. This is good, so good. I could make him fall in love with me. I could make him mine and crush him. Ruin his life the way he ruined mine. And I will do it, you just wait and see.
A folded piece of paper falls out of the back as I tip the diary to far forward. It has my name written in her hand writing. I’m almost too afraid to read what it says. But I know though, what it says. She is going to ruin my life with this little piece of paper. I honestly don’t know if I can take it after reading that last entry. I understand what I did was awful but it was 5 years ago. I was a child. I have changed.
Dear Chance,
I’m sorry to have to do this with a letter. The look on your face would have been priceless. I honestly wish I was there to see it. Alas my ride is leaving and I have to go. I’ll say what I have to say and let you be on your way. Last night was disgusting and I hope you never do that to another girl. It took everything in me not to puke while we had sex. Hell every time you ever kissed me. Touched me. You make my blood boil and not in the good way. I left you the diary so you could get the picture of why I did this. You can read everything you did to me. Though in the end, I’m the one who won, aren’t I? I made you fall in love with the ugliest girl alive. That is what you said once upon a time right? Well I don’t nor will I ever love you Chance. I hope this letter breaks your heart into a million pieces. I hope it shows you what kind of person you are. Goodbye.
Norma
With this letter she left me bare.
She left me broken.
She left me so in love.
All I wanted was her.
All she wanted was revenge.
Chapter 7
3 months later
Norma
I packed up all my stuff and Rydstorm as fast as I could that day and loaded it up in my car. I knew from Chance’s text messages he was going to come looking for me at the house sooner or later. I should have confronted him but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t bare to watch him lie to me. So I moved in with my dad for the summer.
I hate to admit I spent most of the first month crying and re-reading the messages he sent me. He called every day for the first few weeks, but with no response he stopped. No messages, no calls, nothing. I want to say that it doesn’t hurt, but it does. Bad.
My dad didn’t know what to do with me. I can’t say that I blame him. He spends his time up here alone and come on, he is a man. What does he know about distraught teenage girls? Not a damn thing. Which is fine, that’s the reason I moved up here. I wanted to be alone, I didn’t want to be around anyone at all. I think I’m worse off then I was before. And that is saying something.
Today is move in day at OBU. They have a policy that all unmarried freshman have to live on campus. Which means I have to live in a dorm, with another girl. Joy…not. At least this place is all about the proper way. No co-ed dorms. I won’t have to worry about living around the opposite sex. Something I could have only hoped for.
Dad offered to come with me, but I didn’t need him. When have I ever really needed him? He hasn’t been around for most of my life so what’s the point? Mom wanted to come see me settled but I told her no. She has to work tonight and she wouldn’t get any sleep.
To say I’m scared is an understatement. I get so nervous having to do new thing
s. This is the biggest newest thing I have ever done. My whole body trembles when I pull up outside my dorm. The entire campus is made up of brick buildings. Some of them really old and some of them very new. There is a bridge that goes over a deep crevice that connects the two sides of campus. This place is freaking huge and intimidating. I hope someone has a map.
I walk into the building with one of my suit cases and a bag hanging off my arm. I have a key in my pocket that was sent to me in the mail. I finally find the room I’m in, on the third floor. I slip my bag off my arm and the key into the lock and push the door open.
My roommate is setting out books on a desk and turns to look at me. She has long blonde hair and sparkling green eyes. Very pretty cheerleader type. Well until she opens her mouth. “Who the hell named you Norma Jean? You look like a Lexi or an Elvira. Jesus was your mom smoking crack?” she places her hands on her hips and sends me a glare.
“My family has this thing with naming everyone after famous people. My mom is Elizabeth after Taylor, my aunt is Grace after Kelly and my cousin is Marley after Bob. I’m Norma Jean after Marilyn Monroe. You’re Regina right?” I set my bag down on the empty bed and take in the white wash walls that kind of hurt my eyes.
“Regina yeah. Well I’ll just called you Norma if that is okay. Sticking the Jean on kind of makes me think of a country girl with daisy dukes.” She turns back to what she was doing before I walked into the room.
“That’s what big foot said.” I whisper under my breath. She doesn’t hear me, though I didn’t want her too.
*****
Regina has this get up and go attitude and after unpacking her stuff she wants to go explore campus. Our dorm is called France’s Crawford and it only houses freshman girls. Apparently the building across from us holds a Chick-fa-la which sounds promising. Off to the right side there is a view of a park down a steep cliff. The back drop being the Ouachita River, which the school is named after. Off to the left is another dorm and after that you have to walk around to see anything.
