When the Winter Winds Blow

by E J Darling

  Two fingers slide into her and she gasped hard and screamed. It was sudden but felt so good. She wasn’t wet enough yet but the thought of him plowing her hard right now was doing the trick. This wasn’t going to be soft and sweet. This was going to be hard and fast and her body was going to hurt for a while. He’d told her this would happen, and she was fully prepared to take it as long as it helped him through this. His bear couldn’t have him when she did.

  “Fuck!” He growled. “Lex…” His voice trailed off to just a low rumble. Her heart skipped a beat, but she didn’t look back.

  His hands disappeared and quickly returned with a bump of something thick between her legs. This was it. This was the moment he’d promised her from the beginning. A hand slapped her ass then gripped the area hard. In the same moment, Declan thrust inside her as a roar echoed through the cabin. It was more like a yell this time as Declan fought to free his mind.

  “You’re mine, Lexie. Your body and mind and heart belong to me and never another. I will kill anyone that touches you.” His hips pounded against her ass and his dick filled her insides. She didn’t know how but pleasure was already building inside her with each rough thrust of his hips. His claws dug into her skin and she managed to hold back her whimper because the pleasure was now catapulting her out of her body.

  Her vaginal walls were clamping down on him and she wasn’t going to be able to hold herself off. The room was spinning but she didn’t care. She only cared about what was happening right here and now.

  Declan pounded into her until pain and pleasure were one of the same. Each thrust hit her harder and harder until finally, he cursed, and heat filled her insides, causing her own body to send waves of ecstasy through her limps and belly.

  Heaven, all she felt was heaven and hell, all encapsulating her body. Declan’s mouth was around her neck before she knew it and his teeth dug into her skin. They were still dull and human and didn’t break the skin. That was a sign. A sign that Declan was in his mind and not allowing his bear to claim her. He was here.

  His body slumped again and fell to the side. His head hit the wood floor with a thud and Lexie panted as she fell into the floor next to him. He was out of it and would be for a while, but he was back. His body was his and he looked so peaceful now. He needed peace. One day she hoped that he always had it, that he found a way to live with both sides of himself.

  She hoped it happened soon. Because she doubted either of them could take one more episode like this. Her body was already starting to feel the effects of his touch and she knew she was going to have more bruises. He was going to hate himself when he woke up, but she wouldn’t take any of it back.

  Declan was hers again. Hers finally.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Declan woke up on the floor once again. This was quickly becoming a terrible habit. His head was pounding, and his body hurt like hell. All the muscles in his body felt like they’d been shredded to bits and put back together, and they had.

  His memory was foggy but one look as his exposed dick and he was able to piece enough together to get the whole picture. Lexie had willingly put herself in danger to try and pull him out of his mind. It had worked but what the hell would she have done if he’d bitten her? His bear had wanted her so badly and he’d almost done it. Almost pierced her skin and destroyed the beautiful woman that she was.

  Despite his headache, Declan sat at up and blinked to try and clear more of the fog away, while pulling up his pants to cover his body. He looked around the cabin and found nothing but furniture and emptiness. There was no sign of Lexie anywhere. His heart raced and he stood quickly, too quickly, by the sharp protest of his muscles and the instant dizzy feeling behind his eyes. He staggered a bit and caught himself on the mantle.

  He felt like straight hell. This last time had been the worst it’s ever been, and he didn’t know if he could fight his bear off again. His body was too weak to struggle now. The fact that Lexie was able to pull him out of it this time was a miracle in itself and a testament to how much she meant to him. She was the true hero here, but he needed to find her before real panic set in.

  She wasn’t in the loft or in the bathroom. She wasn’t in the reading nook or the kitchen either. In a burst of real panic, Declan rushed to the door and flung it open. He was greeted with slow falling snow and a figure sitting on a felled log just a few feet from the door. Lexie sat with her back to him, all bundled up under the wolf skin blanket, and she wore his beanie to keep her head warm.

  “You scared the shit out of me, Lex.” He panted and ran to her, wrapping his arms around her tightly and inhaling her scent. But she winced and tried to hide it. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing at all.” She wrapped her hands up in his and nuzzled her head against his neck. “I just needed some air. I’m glad you’re awake.”

  “Me too, but it never should have happened like that. Lex, you can’t do shit like that. I could have hurt you. I could have killed you.” He moved the hair away from her neck and threw himself back the moment he saw the bruising on her collarbone.

  “You didn’t get too deep. Calm down, Declan.” She turned around on the long and tried to look into his eyes, but he was too ashamed. He couldn’t look at the woman he’d promised he wouldn’t ever hurt, while she bore bruising that he caused. Whether or not he was in his right mind or not, it was completely unacceptable. “Declan?”

  He shook his head and turned his back to her. “What else did I do? How much damage did I cause?” He heard boots crunching the snow underfoot and tensed when Lexie’s arms wrapped around his waist and her face rested on his back. He was ridged and refused to accept her touch.

  “Nothing that time won’t heal. I promise.” She kissed his bare back and he wanted to melt into her instantly. She knew what she was doing. “I did this for a reason, and I don’t regret a single thing because here you stand, right in front of me, talking and breathing. That’s all I wanted, and I did it. I’m not some naive woman, Declan. I chose what I did every step of the way and you better not take that away from me.” She let go of his waist, “Turn around and look at me.”

  He didn’t want to, damn it he didn’t, but he did as she asked and turned to face her. Her face had remained untouched, but she held up the white shirt she’d borrowed from him and exposed her skin to the cold. There were bruises on both her hips from the night before and newer ones in the exact shape of his hands that were already turning dark on her delicate skin. Declan reached out and touched one, his finger itching to make everything okay, but he couldn’t.

  “Lexie? How long have I been out of it?”

  She looked down her body to where his finger touched her and brought her gaze back up to his chest, refusing to look him in the eye.

  “About twelve hours.”

  He pulled his hand back and threaded through his hair, tugging it at the roots. “Jesus Christ, Lex. Anything could have happened to you in that amount of time. What if the wolves had come back? What would you have done?”

  Tears rolled down her cheeks and sobs tore from her. He brought her into his chest and kissed the top of her head, silently begging himself for forgiveness he didn’t deserve. “I’m so sorry, honey. I never should have let you down like that. I never should have put either of us in this position. Lexie’s arms wrapped around his body and they stood there in the snow until she was quiet and calmed. “Never again.”

  It was the truth. There wouldn’t be a next time because he would either be dead, or he wouldn’t be himself anymore. There was no way out of this now. He was too far gone for redemption. If only Lexie had come into his life sooner, then maybe there would be hope. But he wasn’t going to tell her any of this. He was going to give her a few more happy memories of him before the end came and before there was nothing more he could give her.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  After two days of hunting for the perfect tree in near blizzard conditions, Declan had given up and chopped down the next one he saw. It wasn’t what Lexie wanted but he bet that sh
e wouldn’t care after the he drug in back to the cabin by himself on the sled and put it up in the living room to surprise her. It was Christmas Eve now and he didn’t have any more time to waste. It would have to do.

  Declan plopped down on the bed next to Lexie and she bounced with the mattress, “Wakey, wakey.” He whispered in her ear. “I got you something.”

  She slowly opened her eyes just to glare at him. “I’ve gotten no sleep because of you and now you want to wake me up at the ass crack of dawn like there’s an enormous amount of things to do?” She pulled the blanket over her face and buried herself back in the covers.

  “First of all, don’t act like you don’t enjoy my middle of the night booty calls. And second of all, I said I got you something.” Declan pulled the blanket away from her face and gave her a toothy smile.

  The last two days had been the best days of his entire life, and that was not an exaggeration. They’d been happy and carefree. They spent the days getting to know everything about each other and he’d only fallen for her more and more each time she smiled and laughed at a stupid joke he told her. He didn’t know many of them, so he was happy she was able to enjoy his company. And enjoy it she did. Over and over. He’d been able to be gentle and hadn’t had a thought about biting her since his last episode. Everything was… perfect.

  “What is it?”

  “Get dressed and you’ll find out.”

  Lexie begrudgingly slid out of bed and through on an oversized black t-shirt and a pair of thick socks. She was sexy as hell dressed like that and his mind went wild to touch her again.

  He put a hand over her eyes when she turned toward the ladder, “Don’t look until I tell you.”

  “Then how am I supposed to get down the ladder?”

  “Luck, I guess. I mean it Lexie. Don’t look.” He guided her down and made sure she didn’t fall. Once her feet her planted on the floor, he slid his hand over her eyes again. “Okay. Now walk towards the couch a little.” She did and he turned her to face the fireplace. “Ready?”

  “As I’ll ever be. This better not be another deer carcass. One was enough for my lifetime.”

  “Hey, your stomach’s full isn’t it? Doth she bite the hand that feeds her?”

  Lexie laughed and made to bite the hand that covered her eyes. “Just show me!”

  “Okay! One, two, three!” Declan removed his hand and Lexie opened her eyes. A huge smile pulled at her lips and her eyes lit up in wonder. He’d brave the winter wind every day just to see her react this way. “Stand right here while I cut the rope!”

  Declan pulled out his blade and put the sharp edge to the rope. In one swipe it snapped, and the tree burst open in all directions. He may have over calculated the size of the thing in his anger once he saw that half the living room was now full of needled branches. But Lexie laughed and that was enough to assure him he did okay.

  “My God, Declan. What the hell is this thing?”

  “Well, I’m no tree expert but I think it’s a pine tree of some sort.” Declan stepped back and took in the full scene as he stood next to Lexie.

  She covered her mouth and laughed so hard no sound came out and she doubled over. “It’s hideous but I love it, Declan.” She spun and hugged his side, leaning her head against his chest, “Thank you.”

  He held her tight against him and drank in all the precious moments he’d been able to spend with her and for her. He hadn’t taken a single moment of it for granted and hoped she felt the same. But it was only that, hope. Declan had tried not to get his hopes up that she would stay, but the back of his mind it was there, gnawing on him to ask her. He’d beg if he needed but it wasn’t something he’d do right now because he’d never ruin this moment. The moment she’d gotten her tree that she had been begging him for.

  “Do you really like it?”

  “I do. You did great and I know you worked hard to get it but I wish you wouldn’t have.” She lifted her head and stared up at him. “I know you’re weak, Declan. You tried to hide it but you’re not a good liar. I haven’t asked you because I know you wouldn’t be able to smile and tell me everything was going to be okay. You need to conserve your energy and try to get stronger. You need to eat more.”

  He hadn’t had an appetite in days, but he’d hoped she didn’t notice. He’d made her food at every meal, but he’d only eaten a few bites at a time until his stomach turned on him and he wasn’t able to handle it.

  “I’m scared, Lex.”

  Lexie held him tight and took a deep breath, trying to hold back her sadness. “So am I.” She whispered, “More than you know.”

  …

  There were so many emotions filling her mind right now. Declan had gotten her a damn Christmas tree, despite the fact that there was a mean blizzard outside, and he’d done it with the little strength he had left. She was scared that he wouldn’t be able to take on another fight with his bear and to hear him say that he was scared just made the tightness in her chest hurt worse. She wouldn’t be able to handle him again if he lost his mind and there would be only one thing she could do to save herself. Run.

  Run like hell and hope to hell that she made it somewhere safe. Would she run back to her cabin? Where else was there? She would never make it there alone and she damn sure wouldn’t make it with a bear on her heels the whole way. They were faster than people gave them credit for and there was no doubt that Declan would be even faster, even bigger than a normal grizzly bear. She wouldn’t have a fucking chance in hell.

  Lexie wanted to get her mind off the madness and try to enjoy this moment with Declan, “Do you have popcorn?”

  He cocked his head to the side and furrowed his brows, “There might be some in the pantry somewhere. Why?”

  “I want to decorate this hideous tree and I want to get both our minds off the bad shit that I know we are both thinking. It isn’t healthy for either of us and I want to be happy. I want this moment with you.”

  “That sounds like a great idea. Though I don’t know how popcorn will help in this situation.”

  “You make the popcorn and you let me worry about the rest.”

  Declan kissed her forehead and looked deep in her eyes as he gave her a sweet smile. It was one that filled her insides with happiness and forced her own to form on her lips. He was stunning and everything she had ever hoped for in a man. Her father would have loved Declan, and she had hope that he was smiling down on her from wherever he was.

  Lexie plopped down on the couch after savaging the cabin for needle and thread when the microwave beeped, “Pop them all! This sucker is huge.” She heard a disgruntled growl come from him and she smiled to herself. She’d learned to love his sounds and she’d gotten to know each one of them and their unique uses. Whether he was turned on, pissed off, happy, or annoyed, they all had their place and she couldn’t remember a time when she wasn’t hearing him in some way. He communicated so well with her like that and she loved that she could understand that side of him.

  She’d gotten so deep in concentration trying to thread the needle that Declan had sneaked up on her and startled her. He held ten bags of popcorn in his arms and smiled at her like a dummy. “Your snacks.”

  “They aren’t snacks. They’re for decorating the tree.”

  Declan dropped the bags at her feet and plopped down beside her on the couch. “Humans are weird.”

  Lexie bent down and grabbed a bag to throw at Declan, “Oh, and bears are soooo much better?” She teased and Declan tickled her side.

  He dropped the bag of popcorn back on the floor and invaded her personal space. Before she knew it, she was flat on her back, trying to hold her composure and Declan played at every tickle spot she had. “Well, we are devilishly handsome and phenomenal lovers.”

  “Don’t forget extremely humble.”

  Declan tickled her more, finding the sweet spot just above her knee and she laughed so hard she couldn’t breathe. She screamed and tried to kick away, but he was too strong. She couldn’t remember th
e last time she’d laughed so hard before she found her way to Declan but that didn’t matter anymore. She was here and he was hers to enjoy now. Every moment was better than the next.

  Lexie tried to sit up and defend herself, but it only gave Declan the advantage he needed to reach more of her. His laugh filled the room and it fueled her heart. She lived for his deep husky laugh that was smooth as butter, because she feared for the day she wouldn’t hear it again.

  Deep distant howling filled the cabin and the mood went somber. Declan froze and his body went ridged under her touch. Lexie’s biggest fear, the one she’d bottled up deep inside her chest, was outside the cabin once again. Her heart hammered in her chest and her eyes went blurry as they called out again.

  “Declan?” She whimpered.

  He wasn’t strong enough to fight them. He wasn’t in the right mindset either and this was it. This was the breaking point she feared he’d have to overcome but deep down knew he wouldn’t. As she sat there, looking into Declan’s cold distant eyes, she sobbed. She sobbed for the man he used to be when she got here. She sobbed for the man he was right now. She sobbed because this was the last time she would see him, the real him.

  After this, she would be alone.

  “I love you.” She blurted out and Declan turned his face to hers.

  “What?” He asked with a furrowed brow.

  Lexie didn’t give a damn about timing because this was the last minute she had to say anything she needed to say. “I love you and I don’t care that it’s only been four days since I met you. I love you. I love you.” She cried and held his face in her hands. His beard felt ruff in her palm, but she would remember how it felt of every single part of her body for as long as she lived. He was good. Damn it he was good. He didn’t deserve this.

  “I love you too, Lex.” He whispered and held her close to his body. Tighter and tighter he held her until there was no end to her and a beginning to him. They were just… together.