Truly Madly Deeply: Volumes 1-4

by Brenda Pandos

  I suck in a startled breath and retrieve the book, my cheeks heating at the half naked man on the cover. “What are you doing here?”

  He holds up his hands. “I just need your keys, and interesting book.”

  My brows press together. “My car keys?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You break in and rifle through my stuff, and now you want my car keys?”

  “I didn’t break in. Your roommate let me in, and I can’t sit here unentertained.”

  I cross my arms and huff.

  He gestures to the book. “Quivering members? Is that what they’re calling it nowadays?”

  “Shut up.” I toss the book on my bed and point at the door.

  “I’m losing my wholesale discount at the Shack O’ Snacks, aren’t I?”

  I cave and toss the keys at him. He snags them out of the air, and passes by me, stopping to give me a once over.

  “What?” I ask.

  “I would have never thought those books were your taste.”

  “Stop it. It’s not mine.” I hit him in the arm.

  “That’s what they all say.” He laughs. “Thanks, I owe you one.”

  Before I know it, he’s gone.

  I kick off my shoes and put on my jammies before sliding into bed. I find the place where he was reading, and shiver. It’s bad, really bad. I lie back. His scent is all around me. On the pillow, on the blankets.

  “Logan,” I mutter under my breath. “What are you doing to me?”

  I hate him and love him at the same time. Why can’t I turn my heart off?

  CHAPTER FIVE

  I open my eyes fifteen minutes before my alarm and my stomach flutters. Today is the day I’ll see Gage, and it’ll be the first time since the incident at my apartment.

  My hands shake as I get dressed, and I arrive at breakfast way too early. The cook fries up bacon, and my stomach lurches.

  “Can I help with the eggs?” I ask Joe.

  He directs me to the opposite end of the kitchen, but the smell follows and is overwhelming.

  Logan shows up right on time and joins me. “Good morning sunshine,” he says with a smile.

  I try to lift my lips.

  “What’s wrong? Gage flake on you?”

  If I could only be so lucky.

  “My phones not working, so I hope not.” I try to sound as chipper as possible, but I know I’m blowing it.

  “You’re right. I need to replace that.” He claps me on the back. “But don’t worry. I’m sure he’s coming. What time? I want to be sure I’m back.”

  I bite the inside of my cheek. “Around five. He wants to take me out, so I won’t be at dinner,” I lie, scared if I say the real time, Logan will just show up and try to run into us.

  “Cool. Stop by afterward.”

  “I’ll see if he can. It’s a long drive home.”

  He hits my arm. “It’s not like you don’t have an extra bed.”

  My cheeks warm. Please, don’t tell him that. “True, but I don’t think I’m supposed to have overnight guests of the male persuasion.”

  “Then he can stay with me.”

  My eyes widen. “Really?”

  “Of course.”

  After we serve the feeding frenzy and Joe gives the all clear, Logan dishes up a plate and sits in our usual spot in the corner. I can’t look at food, let alone think about it. I join him with a cup of coffee, and the extra caffeine is adding to my jitters.

  “How was the surf today?” I ask.

  “Meh.” He crunches on the bacon.

  I wrinkle my nose.

  “You okay?” Logan asks.

  “Yeah, why?”

  “You seem… nervous.”

  “What?” I chuckle. “I’m fine. I just hate bacon.”

  “You hate bacon? I thought that was just a hangover thing.”

  “I know…” I hold up my hands. “I got sick on it once, so… I avoid it.”

  “I was gonna say.”

  I glance sideways. “I’m sure there’s food you despise, too.”

  “Well, I’m not too fond of cake.”

  “Cake?” I shake my head. “Now that’s a crime.”

  “See you later?” Dirk asks as he walks past us.

  “Yeah,” Logan says with a mouthful.

  I pop out of my chair. “You don’t need me?”

  Dirk’s brows crease. “I heard your boyfriend was visiting.”

  “Oh.” I look away.

  “Did I hear wrong?” Dirk looks surprised.

  “Oh, no. He is.” I twist my lips up into a smile. “Later today.”

  “Okay, then. That’s why I didn’t ask you to volunteer.”

  I let out a breath. “That’s thoughtful.”

  “Bring him around. I’d like to meet him.” He darts out before I can say anything else.

  “Oh, here are your keys, Maddy.” Logan comes up behind me. “Thanks.”

  Within the hour, the entire camp loads up in the vans and disappears. Camp is quiet, like it was when we’d first arrived. I’m alone and dreading the moment the clock rolls around to 4.

  I take the opportunity and lie out by the pool with my phone and the book Logan lent me. My thoughts return to him, wishing he were beside me reading out loud, or at least that I’m in the passenger seat with him. I try to read a few lines, but I’m too distracted. After fifteen minutes, I pack up my stuff and go back to my cabin. I can’t let Gage come here. I have to get ahold of him somehow.

  While climbing into my car, I notice Logan has filled up the tank. I end up at the beach where the campers are and watch from the cliff. Logan’s below, playing volleyball with the kids. He’s already a great counselor and he doesn’t even have campers yet. After an hour of stalking, my stomach growls. I only have five dollars to my name, which won’t get me much. The phone of course is silent beside me.

  Eventually, I return to camp with an hour to spare and raid the snack shack for some nuts and chips. I’ve already come to the conclusion my paycheck will be nothing from all the indulgences.

  After I take a shower, do my hair and makeup, and have five wardrobe changes, there’s only ten minutes to spare. I head for the entrance to the parking lot and wait inconspicuously behind the entrance sign in my high heel sandals. I feel like an idiot dressed up the way I am, but I have to look good, and there’s no going back now. Whatever happens, I’ve resolved that Gage won’t set foot on the campus. I won’t allow it.

  At 4:00 on the dot, my heart rate rocks my entire body, and I wish I hadn’t binged on the crappy snacks. Ten minutes pass, then fifteen, then twenty. Each one is taking years off my life. By 4:30, I’m ready to give up when the deep rumble of a diesel floods my ears. Within moments, Gage’s blue truck is chugging up the hill.

  I go into autopilot and flag him down. He pulls into the parking lot and just seeing him brings back the painful feelings. It makes me want to heave.

  He cuts the engine and gets out. Immediately I can tell he’s lost weight and his shoulders look more defined under his collared shirt.

  His eyes drift up and down, drinking me in. “Hey.”

  I’m flattered and repulsed at the same time, wishing I hadn’t tried so hard to look nice. “Hey.”

  My eyes start to well up, and I will them to stop. This isn’t a good idea. Not. At. All.

  “Sorry I’m late. I tried to call, but you weren’t in the snack shack.”

  The phone is slick with sweat from my palm, and I stuff it in my pocket. “I wasn’t in there today. Long story.”

  “Oh. So, this is where you work?” Gage turns and cranes his neck to try to see around the trees.

  “Yeah.”

  “Are you going to show me around?”

  “No.” I’m curt, but I don’t care.

  “Okay.” He slides his hands into his pockets. “Look, I know this isn’t easy, so… I was hoping we could just go somewhere and talk.”

  I want to tell him no, to just go home, but my lips are frozen. I’ve missed
him so much. He walks around to the passenger side of the truck and opens the door. Reluctantly, I follow and get inside.

  “You look good,” he says before shutting the door.

  I watch him walk around to the driver’s side before I notice the wilting flowers sitting on the seat. Then it hits me. He wants to make up. The memories of fooling around in this truck collided with that of Allie and him slamming on the apartment floor. I close my eyes and force myself to stop shaking. But their legs and limbs, the smell of sex, the moans, all of it rushes in again and slices into me.

  “These are for you.” He slides into the truck and hands the flowers to me.

  I want to tell him that I can’t do this; that it’s over, but my stupid hands take the flowers.

  “You hungry?” Gage asks.

  “Not really.” I force myself to breathe steady and slow, though my heart is racing.

  “Well, I’m starving.”

  “Mexican okay? I know of a place.”

  He nods and I point in the direction toward town. While we drive, Gage makes small talk, but other than short answers, I don’t say much. My eyes are glued to the opposing traffic, waiting and watching for the vans to return to camp, like I’m worried someone will see us.

  For the life of me, I can’t believe I’m sitting here, indulging him. Maybe it’s because he knows the real me, and I still love him. Forgiveness is better, right? Should I give him a second chance?

  “How was traffic?” I ask.

  “Not too bad.”

  “And school?”

  “Good. I’m only taking one class.”

  “Oh.” I chew on my lip. At this rate, he’ll graduate in twenty years.

  I direct him to a local Mexican Taqueria, and he pulls into the parking lot. I get out before he can open my door. He glides his hand against my lower back to usher me inside and I quickly move away.

  He huffs behind me and stalls. As a punishment, he lets me walk in alone, but I don’t care. He can’t pick up where we left off just like that.

  Once we’re seated, he orders for himself, which creates an awkward situation with the waitress, and after she leaves, we stare at one another.

  “So?” I finally say. “What’s so important that you had to drive three hours to see me?”

  “I missed you.”

  I smirk. “Okay.”

  “Don’t you miss me?”

  “Not really,” yes, no. Argh! “I’m trying to move on.”

  “Trying?” He arches a brow. “That means you still think about me.”

  I grit my teeth. “Not if I can help it.”

  He looks to the side and shakes his head. “Why did you agree to meet me then?”

  “I don’t know. Closure perhaps?”

  “Why do you have to be like this?”

  I squint my eyes at him. “Well, let’s see… maybe it’s because you screwed my best friend.”

  The vein on Gage’s forehead throbs. “Can you be any louder?”

  I cross my arms and lean back against the bench seat. “I don’t know what you expect me to say, or do, or be. Nothing’s changed.”

  “She was around because you wanted her there…”

  I roll my eyes at his insinuation that it’s my fault.

  “But like I said, I’m sorry. I want to start over.”

  An acerbic chuckle burst from my lips. “Start over?”

  “Come on. This isn’t easy for me.”

  “It shouldn’t be easy.”

  His eyes narrow. “I’ve been working really hard to make changes in my life.”

  “Like?”

  “Like going to the gym, and staying in school. And finishing up the duplex next door. It’s looking really good. You should come see it.”

  “Why would I want to do that?”

  He leans in. “Because, I feel bad about you not having a roommate, so… if things work out, I want to live together.”

  I suck in a sharp breath. “What?”

  “Yeah. I think our problems were that we didn’t have enough quality time together.”

  My jaw unhinges. “Your problem is you can’t keep your dick in your pants, and that has nothing to do with me.”

  He sits up straight. “You’re really hateful, you know that?”

  My blood boils. I want to leave right now, but I have no one to rescue me and I’m miles from camp. “You sleeping with Allie isn’t my fault, Gage, so don’t blame me if I don’t want to start over.”

  “Maddy.” He reaches across the table, silently begging I give him my hand. I just stare at it.

  He pulls it away. “Listen. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you that I’m sorry.”

  “You’ll tell everyone here you cheated on me with my best friend?”

  He calls my bluff and pushes himself to his feet, standing next to the table. “If that’ll change your mind, yes.”

  I look up at him and smirk. Public humiliation is his Kryptonite—hell, it’s mine, too. “Well?”

  His eyes narrow and he glances at the people in the booth next to us. “You’re serious?”

  I nod. When he sits back down, I huff and look away. “You’re the one who’s not serious.”

  “I drove all this way, that should say something.”

  I pinch my eyes shut, and place my hands on the table to steady myself. I see them together again. The pain makes my throat feel like it’s closing in on itself. “No, Gage. It doesn’t fix what’s happened.”

  He grabs my hands and squeezes. “You’re all I think about. The times we were together, where it was just you and me. That was good. We were good. You’re my future, Maddy. I need you. I love you.”

  The part that still loves him awakens inside and lifts her weary head. He’d finally worked on the things I’d begged him to do, like stay in school. What if I give him grace? Forgive him?

  “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’m lost. Don’t you understand? I can’t live without you.”

  The wall of ice around my heart fractures. The tears brim on my lids, and I can’t stop them from falling. I want to believe him, but there’s just too much damage to undo.

  The server brings Gage’s dish and I pull my hand away to wipe my tears. The girl in the next booth keeps watching me, and whispering something to the guy she’s with. I want to leave, and go somewhere more private, but I have to wait for Gage to finish eating first. He digs in, and I excuse myself to the restroom.

  Cold water rushes over my hands, and I press my fingertips to the trailing black streaks. Bloodshot eyes look back at me framed with my perfectly curled hair, a shimmery top that shows my cleavage, not to mention the jean skirt that barely covers my ass. Once again I’m trying to earn the respect and love from someone who’s thrown it away—to prove my worth to that swine. He doesn’t deserve a second chance. He doesn’t deserve another second of my time.

  I storm out of the bathroom and waltz to the table. I reach out my hand. “Give me the keys.”

  Gage drops his fork. “What?”

  The couple in the next booth stops talking and gawks at me.

  “I’ll wait for you in the truck, but I’m done. We’re over and I want to go home.”

  His forehead crinkles as his eyes dart around. I’m making a scene, but I don’t care. “What do you mean?”

  My fingers snap. “Keys.”

  “No.”

  “Fine.” I walk from the table, head lifted high. Once I’m outside by his truck, my whole body starts to tremble. I’ve never stood up to him like that. Every time in the past, I’d caved to his charm. I feel empowered and terrified at what he’ll do next.

  Ten minutes pass and he eventually comes outside, cool and calm. Tension lines the muscles in his jaw, which makes me smile. He’s embarrassed and trying to hide he’s pissed, but it’s about time he suffers.

  He unlocks my door. I reach for the handle, but he grabs my hips and turns me around. His face softens as his hands slide around and down to cup my ass. “Maddy
. I’m truly sorry. Don’t you understand?”

  “You’re right. I can’t live life being mad at you. You did what you did and I can see you’re sorry.”

  Hope sparks in his eyes, and his fingers walk the fabric of my skirt upward. He runs his hands over my bare butt. “You’re not wearing underwear.”

  I’m wearing a thong, but I like the assumption is torturing him, and though my body would rather me give into his groping, I swallow and press my back to the door to pin down his fingers. “Focus.”

  “Man, you’re driving me crazy.”

  “Gage,” I warn, though my voice is raspy.

  He tilts his head, clearly confused by my conflicting words and actions, but leans in anyway to kiss me.

  I press my hands against his chest and push. “But I can’t forget.”

  He pulls his head backward, and his face hardens. I shove harder, and he removes his hands from my backside.

  “Take me home.”

  “Fine.” He glares one more time, before circling around to the driver’s side.

  I open the door and slide in. He grabs the flowers and chucks them onto the pavement. The rage is coming, and I just want to get back to camp.

  He revs the engine and peels out. I slide on the polyester bench seat and grab ahold of the rail to keep from falling onto the floor.

  “Buckle up,” he barks as he rounds the corner and skids.

  “I’m trying.”

  He floors it, and I’m thrown back into the seat. I paw at the seatbelt, desperately trying to click it into place. My hands are shaking too badly.

  “Buckle it!” he yells.

  He’s flying down the road, driving way over the limit. I clutch the door handle for dear life. “Slow down!”

  He swerves left, then right, hightailing to the highway. Once I get ahold of the belt and almost click it into place, he slams on the breaks. I fly forward and smash the side of my face into the dash. Stars punctuate my vision as my ears start to ring. My cheek stings.

  “That’s what you get.”

  The truck starts to roll and my hand flies out to grab the handle. The door falls open.

  “Close that.” He latches onto my arm.

  The truck lurches forward, but I manage to hold the door open. He digs his fingers into my arm harder.

  “You’re hurting me.”

  “Close the door!”