The Shower

by Kay Bigelow

  After puttering around the house making sure it was presentable, she stepped out on the back porch and decided she and Serena should walk her property again. As she and the Lab followed the path around the pond, Lauren admired the wildflowers and wondered about the names of the birds she could hear chattering in the trees. Serena inspected bushes and tree branches, but was disinclined to leave Lauren’s side. Lauren heard what she was sure was a woodpecker working on a tree or a telephone pole. Then she heard what she thought was an owl but might have been a dove. She needed to get a book or at least an app to help her identify the trees, birds, and flowers. As they made the turn to return to the house, Lauren knew she’d found home at last. This is where she was meant to be. But…She wasn’t able to complete that thought. She wondered where she was about to go with that “but.” She had no idea.

  Later, Serena and Lauren headed for a walk in the park. She admitted she was hoping to run into Alex, and was disappointed when she didn’t see her. As she sat on a bench pretending to read, she decided she seriously had to find something to do with her time. She was content with walking in the park daily now, but knew herself well enough to know that in a month or so, as autumn and then winter began approaching, her walks in the park would begin to dwindle. In the City, the streets and sidewalks were cleared soon after the snowstorm appeared, unless, of course, it was a blizzard—then it took longer to clear the snow away. Here, she doubted the park’s sidewalks would be cleared to say nothing of the parking lot and the streets themselves. The first priority would always be the highway and the most traveled streets when it came time to clear the snow.

  Soon enough, she’d be driving herself crazy trying to fill her days with activities. The big question was what she could possibly do that would be fulfilling enough to capture both her imagination and her need to be busy. She’d once thought she’d like to be a college professor or do pro bono work for a local law firm. Maybe I could write a book. About what? I have no idea. I can’t imagine doing nothing for the rest of my life, tempting though it was to think about. How do retirees do this? What do they do when they have no jobs to go to? They must do something other than sit at home all day.

  “Good Lord, Lauren, you’ve only been retired for a month and already you’re doing exactly what you’d been doing for the last twenty-five years. Stop it!” she muttered to herself. She knew she was trying to find structure in a life that had no need of structure. But all her adult life she’d been super organized to the point of being compulsive and obsessive. She knew she no longer had a need for structure or being super organized, but without it she felt she wasn’t in control. So what? What if you’re not in control? Will the world come to a screeching halt because you’re not in control? Why not relax and let the Universe take you to where you need to be?

  “Talking to yourself is a sure sign of cabin fever,” Alex’s sexy voice said from behind Lauren.

  “I knew it was a sign of something. Thanks for clarifying it for me.”

  “How are you?”

  “I’m…Well, I’m confused, a bit lost, and content all at the same time. How are you?”

  “Ah, we’re telling the truth instead of mouthing platitudes.”

  “I hope so.”

  Alex came around the bench and sat down near Lauren. “I’m confused, too. I don’t know how to move our—I don’t know what to call what this is—to the next level. And, I’m experiencing a contentment I haven’t felt in years. And, according to my grandmother, I’m smiling more and humming while I work.”

  “I take it the latter two are improvements, according to your grandmother, to your previous demeanor?” Lauren asked, smiling.

  “She seems to think so.”

  “What is the next level?”

  “I’d want to take you to bed and make love to you,” Alex said.

  “Asking if it’s something I’d like, too, is out of the question?”

  “I’m not sure what I’d do if you said yes. And, conversely, what if you said no? Then what would I do?” Alex said, smiling.

  Lauren knew exactly how Alex was feeling. She stifled a laugh and managed to smile with her.

  “Equally scary, for me, would be what happens if you really ask that question? Then what do I do?” Lauren asked.

  “You say yes. Wait. You’ve been thinking about that, too?”

  “It surprises you?”

  “I’m…Yes, it does.”

  “You don’t think it’s too soon?” Lauren asked.

  “We’ve already had a first date. That went well I thought, aside from ending too soon. I’ve met your kids, at least one of whom seemed to like me. And, we’re about to have our second date, hopefully, this evening. So too soon? I’m not sure what the protocols are about that in this day and age. But I’d like to think it’s not too soon.”

  “Don’t you think we need to discuss a few things first?”

  “There really are some things you can overthink, Lauren,” Alex said with another killer smile.

  “Hmmm. Like what?”

  “Like going to bed and making love.”

  “Possibly, but there are some things that need to be discussed to ensure we’re both on the same page.”

  “Like what?

  “Like the difference in our ages. Like whether you’re single. Like what your grandmother will say. Those kinds of things. I mean you’ve met my kids, but I haven’t met your grandmother. Not that my fur kids are the equivalent of your grandmother. Oh, hell, you know what I mean.”

  Lauren knew the age difference was important. Alex said it wasn’t. She has no idea how intentionally or unintentionally hurtful people can be. People will assume, at worst, I’m her mother, and, at best, that I’m an aunt. When Alex is forty, I’ll be sixty-two and when she is the age I am now, I’ll be seventy-four—an old woman with a woman in her prime.

  “Fair enough. Are you busy tonight?”

  “I was thinking I’d like to go out dancing. I hear the local softball team likes to party. Why?” Lauren said.

  “If dancing with the softball team is what you’d like, okay. But I’d like to propose an alternative.”

  “Let’s hear your alternative.”

  “Well, how about I bring dinner and we’ll discuss our concerns over Mexican food this evening and get it out of the way?”

  “So we can make love tomorrow night?”

  “If we’re both so inclined after our discussion tonight,” Alex said.

  “Mexican food it is. Sixish?”

  “I’ll be there with my sombrero on and mariachi music on my phone.”

  Lauren smiled at the image of Alex in a sombrero. She’d rather see her nude than in a sombrero, though.

  Half an hour later, Alex took her leave saying she’d see Lauren at “sixish.”

  After Alex left them, Lauren and Serena returned to her SUV. She remembered she needed to buy a clock but decided she should go home and drop Serena off, then head to Rhinebeck for a clock and a Starbucks.

  There was a text from Charlie, saying she hoped Lauren remembered today was game day and bragging rights as well the championship were on the line. “Of course, I remember it’s game day. I’m not senile yet,” she mumbled.

  At home, she decided what she’d worn to walk Serena would suffice for a softball game. She wanted to get to the park early to secure both a parking space and a place in the bleachers away from Charlie’s friends. She left the house at eleven and was at the field in fifteen minutes. It was a good thing she’d gone early. Once again, the parking lot was already filled, but the parking fairy was with her when an elderly couple pulled out of a space. They gave her a cheery wave as they drove past her.

  Lauren found a place in the bleachers away from the rowdy crowd of team supporters. She watched the fans move into the stands, recognizing one or two women from the previous game.

  “Hiding out?” a familiar voice asked.

  “Yes,” she said to Lucy, Charlie’s best friend.

  “Mind if I join
you? Our friends can be a bit too enthusiastic at times.”

  “I noticed,” Lauren said, smiling.

  “Char really likes you, you know.”

  “I do know that.”

  “But you’re not interested in her?”

  “A bit too young for me, I’m afraid,” she said, not realizing the truth of that statement until she’d said it out loud. Charlie was too young; not in chronological age, but she seemed a bit too immature for Lauren’s taste. She wanted to be with a woman, not a person in the throes of delayed adolescence.

  “I love her to death, but she can be annoyingly immature,” Lucy said.

  “Well said.”

  “Thank you,” Lucy said with a smile as she turned her attention to the game.

  After the No Name Team won the game five to three, Charlie came running off the field with her hands held high over her head in triumph and a huge grin. She bounded into the bleachers to hug Lauren and Lucy.

  “Congratulations, champ,” Lauren said with a smile.

  “I do like the sound of those words,” Charlie said.

  “Of course you do,” Lucy said.

  “You’re coming to the pizza joint to help us celebrate, aren’t you?” Charlie asked Lauren.

  “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

  “Why not?” she asked.

  Lucy intervened by taking Charlie’s arm, all but dragging her out of the bleachers and over to their friends, giving Lauren the opportunity to escape to her car.

  On her way home, her mind returned to Alex. She wished she’d asked her to go to Rhinebeck with her. Maybe they should take a step back. She was pretty sure neither of them wanted to do that, but maybe they should give themselves some time to think things through. Lauren chastised herself. She knew if she kept thinking about Alex in her usual circular way, she’d be a babbling idiot by six. She was obsessing in solitude, answering her own questions and not allowing Alex any input at all. I’m sure Alex can speak for herself, so do try to stop asking and answering the same questions over and over.

  She decided the trip to Rhinebeck could wait. She wanted to take a bubble bath instead to try to calm down and keep her mind at bay.

  While she soaked in the tub, her rebellious mind wandered to what kind of lover Alex might be. Lauren certainly had not been celibate in the six years since Sandy died. She’d had—still had, in fact—a membership at the Orchid Club, an exclusive establishment in the City for wealthy lesbians in search of intelligent conversation and uncomplicated sex. They had a first-class dining room and she’d enjoyed their hospitality on many occasions.

  I bet she’s a good lover, maybe even a great lover. What if she’s not? My God, I can go from something good to something awful in a nanosecond. Can I just stay positive for, say, five minutes? I used to be a very positive person. When did I lose that? She took three deep breaths to clear her mind. I bet her skin is silky smooth. I wonder if she’s vocal when she comes. As she reached her hand toward her clit, she got out of her head and out of the tub.

  By five forty-five, Lauren was pacing from the back door to the front door. Serena had, at first, padded along behind her. Serena finally gave up following her and settled on the couch where she could watch her coming and going.

  When the doorbell rang, Lauren was at the back door. She took a deep breath and walked slowly to the front door. When she opened it, her heart started beating faster. Alex was smiling at her and looking oh-so-sexy in a pair of black low-slung jeans and a red T-shirt. Lauren wanted to drag her inside, pin her to the door, and kiss her until Alex’s knees became gelatinous. Instead, she laughed when Alex pulled a sombrero from behind her back and put it on her head.

  Instead of taking Alex where she stood, she took a step back and invited Alex inside. She was carrying a bag that had “Mamacita’s Restaurant” printed on it.

  Alex removed her sombrero and, as she passed her, leaned in and kissed Lauren’s cheek. Lauren resisted the urge to touch her cheek where Alex’s soft lips had lingered.

  Chapter Eight

  When Alex had returned home from her unexpected meeting with Lauren during her morning walk, she returned to painting. When she decided to stop for the day, Alex spent more time than she intended downloading mariachi music onto her phone. In the kitchen, she rummaged around in her junk drawer looking for a menu from Mamacita’s. She finally found it under a warranty for a blender she no longer owned. She called in her order, then took a quick shower and dressed for the evening.

  She glanced at the clock on her dresser: five thirty. She had just enough time to get to Mamacita’s and be at Lauren’s by six.

  She rang Lauren’s doorbell right on the dot of six and tried not to look harried as Lauren opened her door. Seeing her standing in the doorway, backlit by the light in her kitchen, took Alex’s breath away. She wanted to pull out her small sketchbook and capture the scene. She decided to remember what she was seeing rather than freak Lauren out.

  Lauren invited her in and Alex impulsively kissed her on the cheek.

  “The food smells divine. What did you bring for us?” Lauren asked.

  “Once again, I didn’t know what you’d like so I brought enchiladas, tacos, a burrito, a quesadilla, sopapillas, pico de gallo, and tortilla chips.”

  “Goodness! It’s a veritable feast.”

  “It’s the best Mexican food in the area.”

  “Can we go to the restaurant sometime?”

  “Of course.”

  “Bring the food through to the kitchen. I need to feed Serena and Max.”

  When they sat down in Lauren’s nook, Alex thumbed her phone on and mariachi music started playing. Lauren laughed, apparently delighted with the music. Alex watched her closely trying to remember everything about her—the way she raised her chin slightly to laugh, the laugh lines beside her eyes, the light in her eyes seemingly saying she was truly happy at that moment.

  “What do you think of the food?” Alex asked after they’d devoured nearly everything she’d brought except the sopapillas and honey.

  “It’s delicious. I haven’t had Mexican food this good since I was in Austin.”

  “Texas? I bet you’re talking about Chuy’s.”

  Lauren laughed. “How do you know about Chuy’s? Isn’t Chuy’s the epitome of Mexican food?”

  “Natalia was from Austin. When were you there?”

  “My parents live there so I visit Austin often. I have to eat at Chuy’s many times every time I visit. I was there about six months ago,” Lauren said.

  They exchanged more information about their families.

  “I have four sisters and three brothers. They range in age from thirty-two to sixty-two. How many siblings do you have?” Lauren asked.

  “Good Lord! You must have had an interesting childhood.”

  “You have no idea. Both my parents come from large families as well, so our family get-togethers on a Sunday afternoon for pot roast used to take a great deal of planning and negotiation just to agree on the time. My mother finally got tired of all that and now tells us what time Sunday dinner will be served. She never knows how many will be there, but there’s always at least four of my siblings.”

  “I’ve got an older brother and a younger sister,” Alex said. “One lives in Seattle and the other in France. When my parents retired a couple of years ago, they moved to Japan. They only come here for Christmas. I’m hoping to visit them there next summer.”

  Lauren fixed them each a cup of coffee and suggested they move into the living room. They sat at opposite ends of the couch with their legs stretched out toward one another. They sat facing each other without speaking.

  Alex took a deep breath and spoke first. “Lauren, I want to be up-front with you. I would love to take you to your bed and make love to you for the next three days.”

  When she paused, the silence lengthened uncomfortably. “But?” Lauren finally asked.

  “But, I don’t want to scare you off, especially if you think we’re moving too fast.
So I have to ask if you want that, too.”

  “I do want that, very much. But I need to ask you a few questions.”

  “Okay. I’ll answer anything you ask,” Alex said.

  “How old are you?” Lauren asked again.

  “Is age going to be an issue for you?”

  “I think so. I don’t want it to be, but I’m aware I’m old enough to be your mother.”

  “I was twenty-nine in May. Is that a problem?”

  Only that you lied to me when you told me you were thirty.

  “What can you possibly see in me? Aren’t you worried what your friends and others will think?”

  “I don’t have a lot of friends, but I’m pretty sure the ones I do have will be more than happy for me.”

  “And your grandmother? What will she think?”

  “She’s okay with me dating an older woman. She says age is nothing but a number and has nothing to do with whether a person is kind, loving, and loves me.”

  From the look on Lauren’s face, Alex knew she’d surprised her.

  “You’ve already talked to your grandmother about dating me?”

  “Of course. She wants to meet you, by the way. How old are you?”

  “I turned fifty-two last December. Does that bother you?”

  “No. I don’t see people in terms of their age. I will always remember the month and day of your birth, but I won’t remember the year. Age doesn’t matter to me. I see people in terms of who they are and how I feel about them. You are someone I could fall in love with.”

  “Wow,” Lauren murmured. “How do you know that?”

  “Please tell me you aren’t one of those people who don’t believe anyone younger than forty can possibly know her own mind or know what she wants and/or needs?”

  “No, of course not. You don’t even know me yet. How can you possibly know you’ll love me? I don’t want my heart broken again. I might not survive it,” Lauren said.

  “To answer your question, I know that because I’m already a little in love with you right now. I’m very attracted to you. I see the way you act with Serena and Max, which means you’re kind and compassionate. You read. You’re scary intelligent. And, I’m willing to bet you’re hot between the sheets. I know you will be caring and gentle, too. I’ve got about a hundred other things I already know about you. Do you want to hear them?”