My Life in Smiley (Book 3 in Smiley series)

by Anne Kalicky

  At first we just sat around and grumbled about Aldo. He may have had an “eextra aldocep,” but he was clearly missing a few brain cells, or at least it seemed that way. I decided to take this opportunity to explain IAG and the Welcoming Wheelchairs fundraiser I’d done with Nico and Tom. They seemed really impressed . . . especially Clara. It’s crazy how much girls like good deeds!

  But talking about Nico and Tom again suddenly ruined my mood. Mehdi must’ve noticed something was off, because he whispered a joke in my ear.

  I chuckled, and as everyone else continued talking, I whispered to him that I’d found an empty notebook this morning in our room. But I’d barely finished my sentence when we saw Anthony running toward us. He looked super worried. Apparently everyone had been looking for us for half an hour. Gerald was about two seconds away from calling the police. We must have hung out in the park for a little too long. . . . We went back to camp pronto and took our showers.

  After dinner, it was “challenge night.” We’d known that was the evening activity since it was posted on the daily schedule that morning, but we were all wondering what that could mean. Personally, I didn’t like the sound of it. I have to deal with challenges all year long; I was hoping this mandatory vacation would at least mean some peace and quiet.

  We had to split up into groups and complete five challenges.

  The good news is that I wound up on a team with Maxence, Clara, Mehdi, and Coline. We decided to start with the first challenge, “disarmed.” One after another, we all had to act like we were brushing our teeth —except someone else was standing behind us using their arms instead! I was with Clara. . . . Man, she’s pretty cute—OK, I know I said it already—and I have to admit that being on a team with her didn’t bother me one bit.

  But if you ask me, I don’t think I’m going to charm the ladies by doing all these goofy activities.

  I quickly ended up with toothpaste all over my face, which sure made everyone else laugh. But even that was still better than Aldo’s team—they were playing “taste trace.” The goal of that one was to try different foods with a blindfold on. But I totally saw Aldo shove his finger up his nose and take out a green glob worthy of the Guinness World Records . . . before putting it in Quentin’s mouth.

  Quentin spit it all out and sprinted to the bathroom. Thankfully Samuel—the camp “elder”—avenged Quentin by making Aldo taste a scorching hot sauce. He nearly choked to death. He got all red, tears were streaming down his cheeks, and he yelled, “Mamma mia!” Then Samuel went to the leaders and told them Aldo was really upset, because he missed his parents and left his comfort blanket at home. We were literally rolling on the floor laughing. Aldo was blushing, and afterward he went and locked himself in his cabin. His team was automatically disqualified, but we continued the challenges without him.

  For “blind makeup,” Killian was so slow he passed the time limit and none of his teammates got a chance to participate. For “if you sing,” we had to sing a song while wearing headphones that were playing a different one. But the girls cheated! We finished with “tilkinliwithi,” where you have to replace all vowels in your sentences with the letter “i.” (Get it? “Talk only with i.”) It was hilarious. After it was all said and done, Gerald announced we were the winners!

  They let us stay up thirty minutes later than everyone else and—get this—watch TV!

  It’s been almost FOUR DAYS since I last caught a glimpse of a screen, and believe me, I would’ve given anything to see one now . . . even turned off! But after five minutes, none of us could keep our eyes open and we went off to bed.

  Good news! First, I found the key to my journal—it had slipped into my pillowcase. Second, it’s been two days since I’ve crossed out my calendar, which means time must be passing FASTER. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but Tuesday and Wednesday totally flew by. A bit of candy, a dose of TV . . . and here I am forgetting the best part:

  COUNTING THE DAYS AND ABOVE ALL

  PRETENDING

  to join in on camp stuff. They’re really good at confusing you here. . . .

  This morning, we woke up WAY earlier than usual because a fire alarm went off at 6:00 a.m.! It’s strange—when we went out in the hallway, we found Aldo running back and forth yelling, “Al fuoco!”

  Gerald and the counselors had to evacuate us calmly and quietly. I can confirm: it was a false alarm. But then we couldn’t fall back asleep, so I took the opportunity to show my roommates the notebook I’d found underneath the bed. They seemed as surprised as I was, and Mehdi said we absolutely have to investigate. I wonder if it belongs to someone we know. . . . What if it was Pietro’s? (Remember—my favorite soccer player?) Or what if it was a ghost’s?

  Or what if it was YOU, future human, who went back in time and put it there to encourage me during this difficult time in my life? If that’s it, take me back with you next time! Anyway, Yanis had a fantastic idea: he decided to call our secret meetings “the mystery council.” Then Mehdi suggested we give everyone “code names.” He said it made our mystery council “more secure” and . . . it was also cooler.

  Except there was one small problem with Maxence. . . .

  Before we could figure out a solution, it was time for breakfast. I knew it was going to be a long day when I saw the dreadful mush that was waiting for us. Except for Romain—who got seconds—the tables were quickly covered with balled-up napkins full of disgusting rice pudding. And when Romain wanted to wipe his mouth, he accidentally picked up one of the napkins full of regurgitated mush. Yuk!

  By the way, since the hike Tuesday, Fanny (one of the girls in our group) has been complaining of terrible eye pain. Naturally we all wanted to take a look at it. Aldo used this as an excuse to get close to her—and plant his lips right on hers! Fanny was furious, and Lola was . . . super jealous. Anyway, we haven’t spotted anything in her eye.

  Pffff!

  Girls: they’re all sissies—except ♡Naïs and Lena . . . and Célia, and I guess Clara too. And some people are ready to do whatever it takes to avoid camp.

  The whole day was set aside for “horseback riding 101.” Gerald had wanted to get some horses, but a group of tourists already reserved them all. So he had to make do with ponies. Believe me, at six feet tall, Samuel didn’t exactly look dignified on top of his pony. But guess what: The ponies didn’t come alone. Dimitri, the instructor, bossed them around with a whip. I think it’s safe to say that Yanis’s anti-sun magic has stopped working.

  Since I’m such a CHIVALROUS person, I let the girls go in front of me, then my friends, and then even Aldo. Valentin was right on my heels, and I got the sense that he didn’t want this introduction to horseback riding any more than I did. Even though I promised to give him my waffle tomorrow morning, he wouldn’t go in front of me.

  Make no mistake, future human: my first lap was nothing to write home about. In fact, there was an enormous bush in the middle of the “ring.” Dimitri helped me up onto my pony, and I was off. I started slowly to build my confidence. But after passing the bush, I found myself out of view of any adult who could possibly help me. That’s when Comet, my pony (in my time, horses all have names like Star and Comet), started jerking, and all of a sudden I pitifully tipped over sideways.

  It was impossible to straighten myself back up. I held onto the saddle as tightly as I could, but it took forever for Comet to come around the bush. I finally saw the group. Lou was staring at me, but because she’s super timid, she didn’t utter a single word. Aldo was also watching me . . . and making fun of me! But I guess I was OK with it this time, because at least he said something. Dimitri ran over to help me back up. A little more and it could have been a deadly fall! And if I was blushing, it was ONLY because my head was almost upside down, just to be clear!

  I’ll spare you the rest of the details from today. Once w
e got back to the cabin, I was just ready for it to be over. At least that’s what I was hoping, but when it was time for showers, Aldo went and did it again. . . . He “disguised” himself as a girl and spoke in a high-pitched voice so he could get into the girls’ showers.

  The days just keep coming here, but at least they’re all different. Apparently, Anthony played a joke on Caroline last night. He told her that the girls were making a huge mess in their rooms. So she went over there and started yelling:

  But actually, all the girls were already sleeping—before Caroline woke them up, that is! Hahaha!

  Something else crazy happened with Fanny. Can you believe her eye was still hurting! Caroline took a look at it yesterday morning at breakfast, but she didn’t see anything. So Gerald sent her to the nurse’s station, but Rosette, the nurse, couldn’t find anything either.

  Then this morning when Fanny woke up, her eye was enormous—totally swollen. They immediately sent her to see a doctor, and it turns out she’d been stung by something and was having a severe allergic reaction.

  I remembered something unbelievable that I’d heard one time. Evidently there are bugs in the jungle that can lay eggs under people’s skin. Eww, right??? It’s horrible! Just telling you about it grosses me out. But after thinking about it, I kinda wished something like that would’ve happened to ME, because Gerald called Fanny’s parents and they came to pick her up right away. Lucky!!! Thankfully, this time they were smart enough to send the parents around to the back of her cabin, which prevented widespread mutiny.

  But wait, that’s not all! I think today must’ve been national insect day or something. When Lou woke up this morning, she looked like she’d been turned into a mosquito buffet. She was covered with at least fifty-three bites!

  But the worst was Gabriel. The guy just can’t catch a break . . . he’s one of Aldo’s roommates. And at one point last night, he started screaming like a maniac because there was a big brown worm in his bed. When Anthony showed up, Gabriel explained that he was sure he’d caught a tapeworm, because his older brother had already had one and he knew EXACTLY what they looked like.

  It’s a good thing I didn’t know about this little crisis when it was happening, but apparently Anthony was freaked out. He went to the dining hall to look for a jar, caught the worm with a pair of tweezers, and sealed it up tight in the container.

  In the morning, Gabriel went to see the doctor along with Fanny, but the doctor only needed one look at the little guy in the jar to determine Gabriel’s situation was actually MUCH less serious. The worm was in fact a mere earthworm . . . that Aldo had found very amusing to slide into his bed. All of this threw the camp into chaos, so much so that the morning activities were cancelled. No one in the dining hall was hungry—it totally ruined our appetites. The last day of this week wasn’t looking very promising.

  Luckily, things took a turn for the better in the afternoon, during the much-awaited “mail delivery.”

  The leaders were sharing updates with our families, thanks to the Champ Camp blog. But since phones and electronics were banned, the camp set up “Friday mail.” The idea was to write real paper letters to our families, like in the old days. And believe me, we really tried our best.

  Gerald also passed out fill-in-the-blank letters, which I, for one, found very helpful and thorough.

  Tonight Gerald and the counselors organized a “stargazing night hike” to celebrate the end of the first week. Most people were complaining because they’d been expecting a party. I, on the other hand, wasn’t the slightest bit bothered. Dear future human, you remember how much I love the summer meteor shower in Brittany—and anything else remotely related to astronomy? This was a good opportunity to show off all the constellations I know . . . and was sure to impress the girls. Sure enough, all I had to do was utter the words “Ursa Major” and “Cassiopeia,” and then Lola and Coline fell into my arms came up to me. But most importantly, Clara totally held hands with me!

  In the dark of night, all kinds of things could have happened between us . . . if Aldo hadn’t pushed Valentin in a “trace of life,” as Gerald called it. . . .

  That totally ruined the vibe between Clara and me! We had to go back to camp earlier than planned because Valentin was totally fed up. And that’s how our last night before the new kids arrived went down the drain.

  You know, I almost forgot: starting tomorrow, it’s no longer just us. And especially because Fanny left, we’re going to be the MINORITY! We all agreed earlier to show them right away who the bosses here are.

  In the meantime, Mehd, Max, Yan, Kil, and I held a meeting of our “mystery council” in our room. We pulled out the anonymous notebook. We turned it around every which way. . . . Nothing. Still nothing. I was about two seconds away from just throwing it in the trash when—I have no idea why—I lifted it up and held it to the ceiling light. You wouldn’t have believed your eyes. The journal was covered in writing, scrawled in invisible ink!

  Last night’s discovery totally threw everyone for a loop. But we still haven’t been able to read what’s written in the diary, because just after we noticed the writing, Anthony immediately called for lights out. Seriously!

  And then there’s Clara: I don’t really know where I stand. Everything happened a little too fast last night. Now because of my overactive imagination . . . or because of the pile of poop that “hindered” my romantic destiny, I’m wondering if I didn’t just dream she held my hand, you know?

  I decided to choose ignorance and PRETEND nothing happened. We’ll see where that leads. Especially because this whole situation runs the risk of making me feel guilty about ♡Naïs.

  Anyway, today even more crazy stuff happened to me . . . at least something that I wasn’t expecting at all. Even you won’t be able to get over it! Once again, my life is full of unexpected developments, and all of the records I’m leaving for the future FOR FREE won’t be in vain! You’ll see!

  This morning, the leaders started the day by reading some of the messages left by parents on the Champ Camp blog. Believe me, some were absolutely priceless.

  We all received mail. Even me. I opened the letter from my mom first. She must have sent it last Thursday, judging from the post office stamp.

  Even so, I thought she could’ve written me earlier. But when I opened the envelope, about twenty paper-cutout red lipstick prints flew in my face.

  I scrambled to gather them all before the others noticed. Then I opened a card from . . . umm . . . uhh . . . a certain person . . . umm . . . umm . . . who I won’t mention by name:

  Aldo tried to snatch the letter Valentin got from his parents out of his hand. Fortunately, the counselors spotted him and sent him to the cabin to write, “I must respect the privacy of others” one hundred times.

  I also had a little postcard from Grandpa Joff and Grandma Ragny in my mail, which said they couldn’t wait for me to visit. I’m really excited to tell them all about my adventures.

  But above all, there was a letter from Tom and Nico. These two slugs mentioned Nico’s mom had printed some more IAG stuff. They also went by Pleasant Gardens just after I left. Nico had the brilliant idea to bring up our fundraiser with the community center, and Hugo, the supervisor, found a time slot for them to organize a booth to sell more items for Welcoming Wheelchairs. Tom said that everything was going well with Célia. Apparently she might be the one! As for Nico, he’s been spending a lot of time at Léna’s house—who, by the way, adopted her service doggy Babouk. Tom said he was leaving soon for his grandparents’ house in the Basque country, like every year. That means I won’t see him again before school starts in September. Nico was more vague. From what I understand, he’s going out of town but didn’t really specify where. With a little luck, we’ll be able to hang out the last week of July.

  Even if I have to admit that life here is less awful
than I’d imagined, I still feel a little jealous knowing they’re all together and I’m . . . EXILED, miles away, unable to escape from this dump! All the more because at the end of the letter, they said they had something SUPER IMPORTANT to tell me about Naïs. These two clowns didn’t want to say anything more about it. Result:

  Next, I went with Mehdi to see the new weekly program that Gerald had put up on the announcement board. Tonight there’s a special “welcome cookout” for the new campers. No worries—we’re ready to show them we’re the stronger ones! But then we noticed something that Yanis couldn’t, under any circumstances, find out about.

  If he sees this, he’s going to chant even more spells in his sleep and we’re not going to get a minute of shut-eye. Even worse, the weather is supposed to be “glorious” all week. So there’s NO WAY the activity will be cancelled.

  We wondered if we would have to skin rabbits, drink our own pee, or eat snails and grasshoppers and all that. TWO DAYS IN THE WOODS? This was looking bad, but at least I already have some basic adventurer knowledge, thanks to Tom.