The Retake (Cate & Kian Book 3)

by Louise Hall

  “I don’t think you’re being too picky,” Cate shook her head. She thought about her husband. “You should definitely wait for the butterflies.”

  “Ha, it’s easy for you to say, child bride,” India teased. “We can’t all meet Mr Right fresh out of high school.”

  Cate put her sandwich to one side; she’d suddenly lost her appetite. “About that…?”

  “You’re not coming back, are you?” India smiled.

  Cate shifted uncomfortably, “I’m so sorry. I hate leaving you in the lurch like this.”

  “Pah,” India waved her hands. “I’m not worried about that. You’ve got the place so well-organised it could almost run itself.”

  Cate explained to India about Lola’s friend, Emily and her severe nut allergy. “Is she OK?”

  Cate nodded, “she is now but the poor thing had to stay in hospital overnight. Her parents have been so kind about it. I was really worried that they’d stop her from being friends with Lola.”

  “I’m Lola’s mum,” Cate said. “I knew Emily had a severe nut allergy; the school sent home a note about it last year. It’s my job to pack Lola’s lunch for school. If I hadn’t been so distracted…”

  “You’ve got to stop beating yourself up,” India said gently. “Everybody makes mistakes.”

  “My biological father left because he thought he was better than being just a dad and I hate him for it. Aren’t I doing the same thing by fighting so hard to be more than just Lola’s mum?”

  “It’s not the same thing at all, Cate. You haven’t abandoned anyone.”

  “I can’t be a Clinical Psychologist,” Cate sighed. It was hard letting go of her dream. “I’ve been kidding myself. It was hard enough juggling everything with just one child, it will be nearly impossible with two. I can’t expect my mother-in-law to pick up the slack all the time, it’s not fair.”

  “Ugh,” Cate said. “Why do I feel so guilty all the time?”

  “Because we were brought up to think we could have it all? You know, I’ve always wanted to learn Spanish.”

  “OK?” Cate was surprised by the sudden change of topic.

  “A few years ago, I bought a CD that promised it would teach me how to speak Spanish fluently in just two weeks. I followed the instructions exactly, listening to it every day in the car on my way to work. I’d get out of the car feeling so proud of myself, at all the new Spanish words I’d learned during my commute and then by the end of the day when I got back in the car I’d forgotten them all.”

  “So you gave up?”

  “I did and I didn’t. I was driving to Sheffield one day and I’d listened to the damn CD so much that when it got to Chapter 7, it would stick. That day, I had raging PMT anyway and I couldn’t drive another mile listening to smug little Sergio telling me how to ask for a vanilla ice cream. I hate vanilla ice cream. I pulled in to one of the laybys on Snake Pass, dropped the CD on the floor and jumped up and down on it until the guy in the burger van came out and asked if I was OK. I picked up the pieces, put them in the bin and thought I’d given up on my dream to learn Spanish.”

  “A year later, I was waiting for a blind date at Piccadilly station, he was late – he stood me up – and I was looking at the flyers on that stand opposite WH Smith’s by the front entrance. There was an advert for Spanish classes at the university.”

  “I guess what I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to learn a whole new language in just two weeks. I’ve been taking Spanish classes for nearly three years now and I might not be fluent yet but I’ve had so much fun. Unlike Ruby or your friends from university who are out there starting their careers, it might take you a little longer to fulfil your dreams but it doesn’t mean that you can’t do it. It’s a lot more fun eating paella and drinking cava with a table full of friends than sitting in a traffic jam on a wet Monday morning listening to Sergio order vanilla ice cream again.”

  “You’ve got a beautiful, growing family, Cate. If you want to take time to enjoy them, that’s what you should do.”

  “You’re good at this,” Cate smiled at her friend.

  “I’ll send you the bill later.”

  “What about Charlie?” Cate asked, changing the subject.

  Charlie was the doctor at the abortion clinic, who’d looked after Cate when she’d collapsed.

  “What about him?” India blushed a little.

  “You like him.”

  “No, absolutely not,” India shook her head; pink spots dotted her cheeks. “Besides, if I think dating a dentist is weird… Charlie spends his days poking around other women’s vaginas?”

  “Who spends his days poking around vajayjays?” Sinead giggled, flopping down on the bed.

  “India’s new boyfriend,” Cate teased.

  “He is not my boyfriend,” India spluttered.

  “Mm, I bet he knows exactly what he’s doing down there,” Sinead did a crazy eyebrow wiggle.

  When Kian got home later that afternoon, India was just leaving. “Is Cate OK?”

  “It was purely a social call,” India reassured him. “She’s good.”

  “Oh good, you’re home,” Sinead gave her brother a hug. “India, can I get a lift?”

  When Kian went upstairs, Cate was asleep. He bent down to kiss her forehead and she blinked open her eyes.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Today was a good day,” Cate grinned. “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know Sinead again.”

  “Ooh, do you want to see something really gross?” Cate giggled.

  “OK?”

  She rolled on to her back and hitched her t-shirt up to just underneath her breasts. “Watch.”

  A couple of seconds later, Cate’s bump moved. “What the…?

  “I think it’s a foot,” she laughed. “It’s like he’s trying to escape.”

  “It’s OK, little guy,” Kian said softly, stroking his wife’s bump. “You’ll be here soon enough.”

  CHAPTER 30

  “Lo,” Cate called upstairs, “have you seen Jimmy’s leash?”

  Jimmy had figured out that they were talking him for a walk and he was so excited, he was running in circles around Cate’s legs.

  “Daddy always puts it in the cupboard under the stairs.” Lola handed Cate the leash.

  It was the day before Christmas Eve and Dr Waters had finally agreed that Cate didn’t have to be on bed rest anymore.

  Although it wasn’t forecast to snow, it was still blisteringly cold outside. Lola was bundled up in a navy-blue duffel coat, Rovers scarf, gloves and woolly hat.

  “OK,” Cate secured the leash to Jimmy’s collar and slung the bulging carrier bag over her shoulder. They were meeting Lola’s godparents, Wilf and Thelma, at the Black Horse pub to exchange Christmas presents. “Let’s go.”

  “Have you got plans for Christmas?” Thelma asked as she served them lunch. “Don’t worry,” she whispered to Cate as she handed her a plate filled with sausages, mashed potatoes and roasted vegetables, “yours are soya.”

  “Thanks,” Cate smiled. She loved Wilf and Thelma fiercely; she owed them her life. When she’d collapsed in front of their pub all those years ago, bleeding profusely, they’d driven her straight to the hospital. Thelma had held her hand the whole journey, urging Cate to stay awake and promising her that she and the baby were going to be OK. Even after Cate had been rushed into surgery, they’d waited at the hospital until Kian arrived, not wanting her to be alone.

  “We’re having Christmas dinner tomorrow instead,” Cate explained. Rovers were playing Southampton on Boxing Day so the team would have to travel down on Christmas Day and spend the night in a hotel. “You’re welcome to join us?”

  It was already going to be a full house. In addition to Cate, Kian and Lola, they’d invited Sara, Yoakey and Noah; Sinead and Fabrizio; Matteo, Domenico and Raimondo and India. Ben, Erin and Oliver would have been there as well except that they were spending Christmas with Erin’s parents at a cottage in the Cotswolds and had to l
eave early on Christmas Eve.

  “You’re very kind,” Thelma patted Cate’s hand, “but we’ve just got too much work to do here. Christmas Eve is one of our busiest days.”

  “Mummy?” Lola asked as they walked back home from the pub after lunch. “Is Auntie Liv dead?”

  “What?” Cate stumbled, grabbing on to one of the fence posts. “Why would you even say something like that?”

  Lola’s bottom lip trembled. “She doesn’t phone us anymore.”

  “Oh sweetheart,” Cate hugged her daughter, “Auntie Liv’s alive and well, I promise. She’s just been really busy, that’s all.”

  “When is she coming home?” Lola asked. “I miss her.”

  “I know,” Cate said softly. “Me too.”

  It was already starting to get dark. Cate heard the rumble of a car engine and when she looked up; she saw bright headlights coming from the direction of their house. Cooper Lane was little more than a narrow dirt track so Cate pushed Lola back against the hedge. The car stopped just before it got to them. Cate didn’t recognise the number-plate.

  “Hold my hand, sweetie,” Cate grasped behind her for Lola’s hand.

  Jimmy pulled against the leash, barking furiously at the unfamiliar car.

  The passenger door was flung open, letting out a burst of “Best Song Ever” by One Direction.

  “Yay,” Vanessa yelped, her red hair was like a blaze of fire against the dull, grey sky. “We thought we’d missed you guys.”

  “Hi Cate,” Thom followed Vanessa out of the car.

  Vanessa and Thom had been Cate’s best friends when they were at university together but after they’d graduated last year, they’d both moved to London so although she knew the bare bones of what they’d been up to from her Facebook feed, she hadn’t actually seen them in months.

  “You’re so pregnant,” Vanessa put her hands on Cate’s bump.

  “Uh, thanks?” Cate couldn’t help but smile at her friend’s bluntness.

  “That’s my baby brother, Matteo,” Lola said proudly.

  “You’re having a boy?” Vanessa asked.

  Cate shook her head, “we don’t know yet.”

  Over steaming mugs of tea, Thom told Cate all about his exciting new life in the capital. She couldn’t help but feel the slightest twinge of jealousy.

  “I can’t believe you work for Megan Wilson,” Cate said. Megan was one of the UK’s most high-profile forensic psychologists.

  “She’s brilliant,” Thom gushed. “Seriously, she can look at a crime scene and within five minutes tell you what the perpetrator had for breakfast that morning.”

  “Ha,” Cate joked, looking at the breakfast dishes she’d left in the sink. “She wouldn’t need five minutes in here.” She’d meant to put them away before they’d left to meet Wilf and Thelma.

  “I’m going to nip to the loo,” Thom excused himself.

  “Come on, spill,” Cate said to Vanessa, who was unusually quiet, “make me jealous too.”

  Vanessa shrugged her shoulders, “my life’s not as exciting as Thom’s, I’m afraid. I’m just temping at the moment.”

  “You’re having fun though, right?”

  “I guess,” Vanessa looked down at her mug of tea. “It’s just not like I thought it would be, you know?”

  “How’s Adam?” Adam was Vanessa’s boyfriend; they’d met at a Rovers home game.

  “Doing the long-distance thing sucks,” Vanessa sighed. “If it was up to me, I’d come home but Thom loves it…”

  “Oh, Nessa,” Cate was just about to give her friend a hug when the phone rang. “Hang on a sec.”

  “Cate?” The slimy, little voice coiled around her ear. “It’s your father.”

  “How did you get this number?” Cate spluttered.

  “It doesn’t matter,” Dexter said dismissively. “I want to talk to you about Ruby.”

  “Of course you do,” Cate let out a burst of laughter. Why else would he be calling her?

  “It’s not funny,” Dexter fumed. “She hasn’t spoken to me or her mother in months. We’re worried about her.”

  “That’s not my problem,” Cate was about to end the call.

  “Did you know that she’s spending Christmas Day with your family?” Cate didn’t know. She hadn’t spoken to her mum or sisters. They probably haven’t even noticed, Cate thought bitterly. She and Ruby looked so similar; Ruby could easily take Cate’s place in the family. Ruby could be the daughter Irene had always wanted; instead of the disappointment who’d got married and pregnant straight out of high school. If they didn’t look too closely, they could probably even pretend that it was Ruby instead of Cate in the family photos adorning the walls of Irene’s house.

  Looking up, Cate could see Vanessa and Thom watching her curiously. “What do you want?” she asked Dexter wearily.

  As soon as Cate hung up the phone, Vanessa and Thom were by her side. “Who was that?”

  They led Cate back into the kitchen and sat her down on one of the stools at the counter while Thom poured her another mug of tea. “That,” Cate said, “was my biological father.”

  “Wait a second,” Vanessa yelped. “I thought he left before you were born?”

  She smacked her forehead, “he’s not famous too, is he?”

  “No, he’s not.” Cate hadn’t told Thom and Vanessa about Kian for a really long time. She’d enrolled at university under her maiden name and when they’d accidentally found out that she had a daughter, she’d lied and told them she was a single parent.

  “That phone call was only the 2nd time I’ve spoken to him in my whole life.” Cate explained that Liv had tracked him down online.

  “What did he want?” Thom asked, clenching his fists. Cate patted one of them; his protectiveness was touching.

  She shook her head, “until a few months ago, he didn’t even know my name. You’d think that maybe he wanted to wish me Merry Christmas; you know to make up for the twenty five years he missed out on? No, he couldn’t care less about me. He just wants me to make things right with Ruby.”

  “You’re kidding, right?” Vanessa asked incredulously.

  “His wife has left him.” Cate couldn’t sit still. She walked over to the kitchen sink and started putting away the breakfast dishes. “He thinks that if I join everybody else in playing happy families with Ruby that she’ll be more likely to forgive them both.”

  Cate let out a strangled laugh. Thom quickly took the glass from her hand. “I’m sorry. It’s just… I think he loves them, Pamela and Ruby.” She’d heard the desperation in his voice. He must have hated it that he’d had to call Cate; that he’d had to ask the daughter he’d abandoned for help in getting his real family back. She should have relished the power she’d been given, she had the power to make or break his precious, little family. Instead, she felt worse. He’d still made the call. He was so desperate to get Pamela and Ruby back that he’d asked for help from Cate. He loved Pamela and Ruby. Cate felt the words like a bloody gash across her chest. Dexter Rathburn was capable of love; he just hadn’t loved Cate.

  “Mummy, can we phone Auntie Liv?” Lola tugged on Cate’s jumper. “She’s on holiday.”

  “Do you want to come outside and play football with me, Lo?” Thom asked.

  Lola looked up at her mum for permission; they’d recently had the talk about not going anywhere with strangers. Even though Thom wasn’t really a stranger, Cate was still pleased that her daughter had listened.

  When Thom and Lola had gone outside, Vanessa asked, “Liv’s “on holiday?””

  “Ugh,” Cate put her head in her hands, “my family is fifty shades of messed up right now.”

  “Wow,” Vanessa said quietly after she’d finished explaining everything that had happened. “You really haven’t spoken to Liv in months?”

  Cate shrugged, “it’s no big deal. I haven’t spoken to Mum or Remy either.”

  “Yeah but you and Liv used to be besties.”

  “Well, now she’s be
sties with Ruby.”

  Cate stood at the kitchen window and watched Thom and Lola in the back garden kicking the football back and forth.

  Vanessa put her hand on Cate’s shoulder, “you need to forgive…”

  Cate whirled around angrily. “I can’t believe you just said that. Until a few months ago, he didn’t even know my name. I have every right to be angry with him.”

  “You do,” Vanessa said calmly. “I’m not talking about your biological father.”

  “Ruby doesn’t need me,” Cate said defensively. “Her parents are worried about her because they love her so much and she won’t talk to them. She’s got Nico, it sounds like she’s got Mum, Remy and…”

  “Liv,” Vanessa finished, “that’s what this is all about, isn’t it?”

  “No,” Cate folded her arms across her chest. “It’s about Dexter freaking Rathburn and Ruby.”

  “Cate,” Vanessa asked. “Have you told Liv how you feel?”

  “She doesn’t care.”

  “Cate?”

  “She left,” Cate said. “Twice.”

  CHAPTER 31

  Since Cate, Sinead and Sara would all be without their husbands for most of Christmas Day because the team had to travel down to Southampton in the afternoon to prepare for their game on Boxing Day, they decided to celebrate on Christmas Eve instead. Cate offered to host it at their house but because they were all pregnant, they’d divvied up the food so Sara and Yoakey were in charge of the turkey, Sinead and Fabrizio were bringing the vegetables and side dishes, Matteo, Domenico and Raimondo (who despite being Italian were all hopeless cooks) were bringing the booze and India was bringing the Christmas pudding.

  Kian walked into the dining room where Cate was just putting the finishing touches to the table decorations. The first guests would be arriving any minute. Lola was in the lounge watching a movie so he thought he’d take the opportunity to steal a few moments of alone time with his wife.

  His silver-grey tie hung loosely around his neck. He knew how to tie it perfectly well but he often pretended he didn’t just so he could feel Cate’s hands on him.