Your Broom or Mine?: Magic and Mayhem Book Eight

by Robyn Peterman

  “Understatement,” Zach said. “However, if we want to look at the bright side, we’re no longer living in the clutches of a voodoo witch who drank our blood and depleted our magic to stay young. I still say it’s a win.”

  “While I’d definitely have to qualify the naked musical version of Jaws as a living nightmare, I’m going to agree with Zach,” I stated, walking between my two favorite men. “We’re in a much better place now. Period.”

  “Guurrlfriend, ain’t that the truth,” Zorro concurred then observed us with amused and delighted curiosity. “Whoopsy-doodle, I left my man purse back at the community center. I’m just gonna zip back and grab it. Y’all go ahead and I’ll meet up with you back at the ranch.”

  I eyed Zorro silently. He grinned, winked, and sprinted off in a flash.

  Zach raised a brow. “He didn’t bring his man purse to the theatre.”

  “Nope, he did not,” I said, feeling shy all of a sudden. “I think he noticed… umm… us.”

  “Is there an us?” he asked hopefully, searching my eyes for an answer.

  “There’s a beginning of an us,” I said with a smile. “We’re taking baby steps right now.”

  “I know we have a lot on our plate at the moment,” Zach said. “But let’s start our baby steps on this walk—our unofficial first date. No talk of Mae Blockinschlokinberg, investors or grunting like a kidney while naked.”

  “Works for me,” I told him with a thumbs up. “I’d be fine never saying the words naked, grunting, or kidney in the same sentence for the rest of my life.”

  Zach chuckled and shortened his stride to match mine. “What’s your favorite color?” he asked.

  “For real?” I shot back, wrinkling my nose at him.

  “Yes, for real,” he said, grinning. “We’re starting from the beginning—baby steps.”

  “And you don’t know my favorite color?” I pressed.

  “I do,” he admitted sheepishly. “I’ve just never heard it from your mouth.”

  I rolled my eyes and played along. “Green.”

  “For the trees?” he asked.

  “Yes, and your eyes,” I blabbed before I could stop the words from leaving my lips.

  His grin grew wider. Mine did as well, along with my embarrassment. Whatever. I wasn’t about to lie now. It would be a ridiculous waste of time.

  “And yours?” I asked.

  His gaze locked with mine. “Same,” he replied.

  “That’s cheating,” I told him.

  “Not cheating if it’s true.”

  Again, I rolled my eyes. “My turn. Umm… holiday. What’s your favorite holiday?” I asked and then wanted to punch myself in the head.

  There had been no holidays in his life. No parties. No presents. No cakes. No mother or father who loved him… although, Zach did have a father who wanted to love him now, he just didn't want anything to do with Fabio.

  But that was a discussion for another time.

  Zach’s face fell for the briefest of seconds, but he recovered quickly. “I have no idea,” he said, taking my hand and pulling me along the trail. “And it’s okay to ask. I’ll choose Halloween, even though I’ve never trick-or-treated.”

  “Maybe we can take Zelda’s toddlers trick-or-treating in October,” I suggested, still feeling like a dummy for asking a painful question. “It might be kind of weird if we went without kids in tow.”

  “It’s a date,” he said with a smile that lit his face. “Means you have to stick around for a few months, and I get more time to win you.”

  The man had already won me. He just needed to win himself.

  “Deal,” I said with a giggle.

  “You’ve been in my life for ten years, forty-four days, and eight hours. I was alive for a few decades before we met,” Zach said, trying to make me feel better about my query. “I could have celebrated a holiday before you knew me.”

  That was not true. He knew it and I knew it. But wait…

  My mouth hung open. “How many seconds have I been in your life?” I asked, shocked that he’d kept track. It was so freaking romantic.

  Looking down at his watch, he calculated. “Twenty-three,” he replied.

  “Holy cow,” I muttered. “That is impressive.”

  “I’m an impressive warlock,” he said with a smirk. “I also remember what you wore the first time I saw you.”

  “I don’t even remember what I was wearing,” I said, trying to recall.

  “Obviously it was green,” he said with a laugh then grew very serious. “It was a green dress with tiny gold flowers all over it. It was torn at the sleeve, and you were bleeding. The wreath on your head was wilted and your eyes were filled with tears. But then you smiled at me and my world tilted on its axis. Your smile was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I fell for you in that moment.”

  I tugged him to a stop. My eyes welled up. I remembered the moment too. It was seared into my mind. My world had tilted on its axis as well the first time I’d seen him. I’d been lost and searching for so long. Being alone in the forest for so many decades, I was almost wild. Zach’s beauty and kindness anchored me in reality. Zorro was the added bonus. Zorro was hope and Zach was the man I’d always dreamed about. They had given me a home and refused to give up on me even when I wanted to run or self-destruct. It was why I would never ever give up on either of them.

  “Zach, we wasted so much time,” I whispered.

  Turning away from me, he ran his hands through his hair and shook his head angrily. “No. We didn’t. Willow, I was nothing. I had nothing to give anyone. Goddess knows, I’m still not good enough for you.”

  “You’ve always been good enough for me,” I insisted truthfully, carefully touching his rigid back. “You loved me in the only way you could and knew that I loved you in return. However, one piece of the puzzle is still missing.”

  “One?” he asked hollowly. “I’d say many pieces.”

  “No, just one. You could never fully love me,” I said.

  “I loved you with all I had to give… which sadly wasn’t much,” he said tightly, still facing away from me. “It was pathetic compared to what you gave to me.”

  “You can never love anyone else completely until you love yourself,” I said quietly.

  “I know…” Zach’s body jerked and sparks began to fly from his fingertips. “Goddess, we might be doomed, Willow,” he said, sounding devastated. “It’s impossible for me to see a day when I can say I love myself. I've done too many horrible things.”

  He was so wrong.

  “Impossible?” I asked.

  “Improbable,” he conceded, turning to meet my gaze. “I’m not worth it. I wish I was… but I don’t know if I am. You should probably cut your losses and run.”

  “I’ll be the judge of that,” I said, touching his cheek and wanting to take the pain away.

  But I couldn’t. He had to make the decision to release it to begin to heal.

  “No more twenty questions,” I said, taking his hand firmly in mine. “Let’s concentrate on right now—baby steps.”

  Zach sighed and squeezed my hand. The feeling was one I’d longed for. Our magic intertwined and a glittering shower of blue, green and golden sparkles rained down on us. “I’ll have to deal with my past if I want to have you—all of you—in my future. You deserve someone who can truly love you.”

  “And I will have him,” I said, smiling. “I believe the improbable is very possible.”

  “You’re crazy,” he said, cupping my face lovingly in his hands.

  “Your point?”

  “No point. Just a beautiful and wondrous observation,” he replied.

  I wanted to kiss him so badly, I could taste it. But the physical part could wait. When we finally came together—and I prayed to the Goddess that we would—there would be no barrier from the past between us.

  “I’ll wait for you,” I promised.

  “You’ve already waited a very long time,” he said sadly.

&nb
sp; “Good things come to those who wait,” I said. “That was Canadian.”

  Zach threw his head back and laughed. “You make me so happy, Willow.”

  “Back at you,” I replied, feeling tingly all over. “Shall we poof back to the house or do you want to walk.”

  “Walk,” he replied, still looking a little sad and serious. “Being alone with you and holding your hand in mine is the best I’ve felt in my whole life so far.”

  “Better than when we were grunting kidneys and bowels?” I asked with a giggle.

  I wanted to see him smile. He needed to smile and laugh more. Assjacket—as horribly named as it was—was a magical place. It was a happy place. Zach, Zorro and I needed this place. And we were blessed by the Goddess that it found us.

  “Yes, far better than our grunting innards performance.” Zach grinned. “Shall we?”

  “Yes. We shall.”

  Chapter Nine

  It took us a half hour to reach our destination and each baby step was magical. I felt my head wreath blossom in a glittering array of colors. Shimmering pops of enchantment danced around us as we shared secrets and dreams. While I knew we had work ahead, I looked forward to it. I believed in Zach even if he didn’t believe in himself yet. I was almost bummed when we’d finally arrived back at Zelda's, but there was a lifetime left to discover more about each other. Plus, we had a mission—an important one.

  Strangely, walking up the stairs of Zelda’s front porch with Zach’s hand in mine felt like coming home. I waved to my tree family and they rustled with happiness.

  I might not have located my hairy magical beans, but I’d found love. It was a little complicated, but nothing worth it was easy. I was sure Sponge Bob and the boys would be proud of me. And Zorro would be thrilled.

  I’d half expected Zorro to beat us back to the house, but when we arrived it was just Zelda, Mac and Sassy. And the intel was bizarre. Seriously bizarre.

  “I’m sorry, what did you say?” I asked Mac, wondering if I needed to get my hearing checked.

  Sassy had caught Zelda and Mac up on the shitshow that had gone down at the community theatre before Zach and I had arrived, so we just jumped right in. I would have loved to have heard her interpretation, but we had more important things to discuss. Life and death important.

  “They’re slugs,” Mac said.

  “Slugs? Mae Blockinschlokinberg and her cronies are slugs?” Zach asked with a scoff of disbelief. “You’re shitting me.”

  “I shit you not, brother-in-law,” Mac replied with a chuckle and a shake of his head. “Haven’t come across a slug in a few decades, but they’re definitely slugs.”

  Mac was Zelda’s mate. He was a werewolf and the King of the Shifters, along with being the official sheriff of Assjacket, West Virginia. The werewolf was intimidating, yet fair and kind—not to mention, very handsome. He stood about the same height as Zach—six foot-four. Mac had bright blue eyes and an unmeasurable amount of love for Zelda and their babies.

  “Seriously?” I asked, wrinkling my nose. “Slug Shifters exist?”

  The unibrow slime certainly made more sense now.

  “Yep,” Mac replied with a slight shudder. “Rare and… umm… unusual. The five of them registered in town two days ago when they got here. Said they were staying a week for the show.”

  “Where are the slugs staying?” Zach asked, still absorbing the slimy news of Mae Blockinschlokinberg’s species.

  Who knew slug Shifters were a thing? Now I’d heard everything. I hoped.

  “Outside of town somewhere in tents,” Mac replied. “When it was determined that the Assjacket Diner didn’t serve earthworms, bug-infested leaves or raw snails, they decided to shack up in the forest for the duration of their visit.”

  “Sounds about right,” Sassy said, sitting on the ground playing with Audrey’s dollhouse. “That would explain the old lady crouch smell.”

  “Did you just say old lady crouch?” I asked, bewildered.

  “Yep,” Sassy confirmed with a very serious expression. “You know—the smell when you go into the bathroom at the country club… powdery old lady crouch.”

  I was incredibly sorry I’d asked. So was everyone else in the room if the groans were any indication. “I won’t be able to remove that from my brain,” I muttered.

  “Only a lobotomy can erase it,” Sassy informed me. “I wouldn’t recommend one.”

  “Got it,” I said as I swore to myself I’d stop asking Sassy what she meant for the rest of my days.

  “I am so fucking confused by the psycho-babble Sassy spewed before you guys got here,” Zelda said, looking over at her mate, whose expression matched hers.

  Mac shrugged and grinned. “Maybe Sassy was speaking French.”

  “It’s a good guess, but I was speaking British,” Sassy explained, busy rearranging a tiny bedroom in the dollhouse. “If you drink some tea, you’ll understand me better.”

  Zelda rolled her eyes. “Most gaggingly important, is it true that this Mae Blockinschlokinberg slug-bitch from fashion hell was wearing black socks and beige sandals?”

  “It is,” I confirmed, gagging a little myself. “That was the nicest thing about her. She’s horrid.”

  “And Bob is gunning for a communist theatre award?” Zelda asked, trying not to laugh.

  “I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that the communist theatre award is Canadian for community theatre award,” I said, walking over to the bay window and glancing out to see if Zorro was on his way. Maybe he’d run into Roger and Bob at the community center and stayed to chat. Zorro was a very popular person and with good reason. He was pure joy.

  “Correct!” Sassy chimed in. “Sometimes, I get confused and speak in ten different languages in the same sentence. It’s hard being as promiscuous as I am.”

  “I’m not touching that,” Zelda muttered with an eye roll. “I want to really badly, but I’m not gonna.”

  Mac grinned. “That’s very mature, babe.”

  “Being mature makes me itchy,” she complained.

  Mac kissed the top of Zelda’s head then turned his attention back to us.

  “Is it true that the slug has already been paid? In full?” Mac inquired.

  “According to Roger and Bob, she has… to the tune of two hundred thousand dollars,” Zach said. “And that’s the real issue other than the minor fact that Mae Blockinschlokinberg won’t accept that she’s fired.”

  Zelda squinted at Mac in surprise and he shrugged. “I’ve never known the Assjacket Community Theatre to have that kind of money,” Mac said, perplexed.

  “There’s a super-secret blood-thirsty investor who’s partial to cement shoes and the bottoms of rivers if he doesn’t see a return on his investment. We need to talk to him and work out a payment plan so Roger and Bob don’t get whacked,” I told them. “Apparently, your cats know who it is.”

  Zelda twisted her hair in her fingers and frowned. “Those dumbass hairy ball-lickers are always involved with the shady side of Assjacket. And of course, they’ve conveniently disappeared. My guess is they’re on a quest to find someone stupid enough to sniff their cracks. Are you sure Bob and Roger’s lives are on the line?”

  “Yep,” I said, feeling a horrible sense of dread. The cats could be gone for a very long time if crack sniffing was their goal. “We have to find them now. Fat Bastard and the boys can lead us to the investor. If he hears Mae Blockinschlokinberg has been fired, he might send his people to fit Bob and Roger for cement shoes.”

  “No one is going to wear cement shoes in my town,” Mac growled and picked up his cellphone. “I’ll put security on Bob and Roger immediately.”

  “Perfect,” Zach said with a sigh of relief, watching Mac text in the order for protection.

  “Do the cats have cellphones?” I asked and then laughed at the question. They didn’t have hands or fingers so to speak. They had cute chubby toe beans. Why would they have cellphones?

  Zelda grinned and shook her head. “Nope.
I can call them back with a spell, but it could take a day or two depending on the magical connection and how far away they are,” she said, checking the video baby monitor to make sure Henry and Audrey were still napping.

  “Two days? You’re kidding. That’s not going to work,” Zach said, running his hands through his hair in frustration. “We need to get started now. Plus, I can’t be a grunting kidney or writhing bowel in assless chaps.”

  “And I can't die a grizzly death in pink assless chaps,” I added.

  “I’m not going to touch that either even though it’s killing me,” Zelda said, shaking her head sadly. “Let me call the furry menaces home. Zach, hold my hand. The spell will be more powerful.”

  Zach grabbed his sister’s hands. Mac nodded at me to back away. I’d witnessed some of Zelda’s spells. Mac’s silent advice was excellent.

  “You guys want my magic too?” Sassy inquired. “I can think in Spanish just in case the cats went to England.”

  Zelda closed her eyes, shook her head and laughed. “Sure,” she said. “However, if you would think in English, that would be more helpful.”

  “No problem,” Sassy said, hopping up and making the witchy duo a trio.

  Zelda began.

  “Goddess on High, hear my call

  My ball licking idiots have gone AWOL

  Please send them a message to bring their fat asses home

  Or I’ll remove their peckers and umm… turn them to Styrofoam.”

  “Ohhhh, good one,” Sassy said. “Make sure you say fuck. It’s the magic word.”

  “On it,” Zelda replied.

  “Seriously?” Zach asked, looking at both of them like they were insane.

  “Dude, seriously,” Zelda shot back with a grin. “Try it sometime. Occasionally the Goddess zaps my ass for my profanity, but secretly I think she loves it. Keeps her on her toes.”

  “Can I add to the spell?” Sassy asked.

  “Go for it,” Zelda said. “The more the merrier.”

  “Hey Goddess on high

  I have my wax by my side