The Warrior's Mission: A Celtic Historical Romance (The Warriors of Eriu Book 3)

by Mia Pride

  His voice was soft and low, almost sad, and she started to wonder if he did, in fact, care for her, but held back for fear of frightening her or being rejected. “Flynn,” she grabbed his hand and squeezed, prodding him to look her in the eye. “I do trust Brennain. He earned my trust on the ride here that night, but I do not have feelings for him beyond companionship.”

  Flynn seemed to perk up slightly at her words. Licking his lips, he hesitated to speak. “You took longer than a few hours to trust me. Why is that?”

  How could she explain the truth without making herself appear to be a fool? “Mayhap I was more afraid of you, because you actually have the power to break me, Flynn.”

  His eyes widened and he jerked away from her grip. “I have given you nay reason to fear me, Maggie. I am out here in the bloody cold trying to teach you survival skills so nay man can ever hurt you again! And you believe I would ‘break’ you?” he scoffed and spun away, clearly offended by her words. He stormed into the hut, leaving the door open behind him. She ran in after him, shutting the door to keep the heavy winds from filling the house with a chill.

  Pacing back and forth in front of the fire, Flynn’s jaw clenched and he refused to look her in the eye. “Flynn?” He ignored her and continued to pace. She had to say something to make this right. Though she knew she could never have Flynn in the way she truly wanted, she would die of a broken heart if he despised her. Walking in front of him to block his path, she put her hands out to stop him, forcing him to look at her. “Please, Flynn. I did not mean it like that.”

  Stopping directly in front of her, his huge body towering over her height, the firelight flickered over his features and she saw clearly that he was much sadder than he was angry. Her stomach bunched in knots, knowing she was about to say more to him than she had ever thought to.

  “Then what do you mean when you say I can break you? Curse it, Maggie. I have done all I can to make you feel safe with me.”

  “I do feel safe!” Maggie threw her arms up in the air, exasperated at her own lack of communication skills. She had never had to discuss her feelings with a man… she had never had feelings to discuss with a man. With a deep sigh, she gripped his forearms and squeezed, silently begging him to listen. “What I meant was… how can I say this?” She felt dizzy and hot as anxiety gripped at her. “You could break me, because of the way I feel about you,” she whispered, and hung her head low so he could not see the tears threatening to break through.

  His finger went beneath her chin, urging her to look up. A tear escaped from her left eye and slid down her cheek. His brows crinkled as he wiped the tear away with his thumb. “How do you feel about me?”

  “Must you make me say it?” she croaked, shaking her head. He would turn away from her. He would think her a silly lass for falling for him when all he meant to do was be kind while she cared for him. She had not taken his need to be kind as any other form of affection, but she had no control over the affection she had developed for him. Somehow, in such a short amount of time, he had begun to mean everything to her.

  “I will not make you say or do anything you do not wish. You know that, Maggie.”

  “Aye, I know that. ‘Tis what I love most about you. You are so calm and patient with me. You speak softly and make sure I always feel safe.”

  “Maggie, I am a man. I sometimes shout and I sometimes fight. And sometimes, as you have seen, I am filled with lust. I am not different from most men in that regard. I simply would never force myself on a woman or hurt her. This does not make me a man worthy of you. It simply makes me a decent man. You have had the misfortune of being surrounded by bastards, who made you believe all men are vile. This is not true. But if you really knew me, you may be frightened by me.”

  “You could not ever frighten me. I know that now.”

  “Even if I were to become angry and shout,” he asked, stepping closer, but she refused to take a step back.

  “Nay,” she shook her head.

  “Even if I got into a fight with another man to defend your honor?” he questioned, taking one more step until his body was pressed against hers.

  She shook her head, “Not even then.”

  “And… if I were to kiss you?” he whispered, narrowing his eyes at her. “Would I frighten you then?”

  Her breath left her body in a rush, her head spinning with the intensity of his words. “Nay. I would not fear your kiss,” she whispered, and licked her lips reflexively.

  “But, would you welcome it?”

  Had her heart ever pounded more wildly in her entire life? She wanted to kiss this man more than she wanted her next breath. “Aye, I would—”

  His mouth came down on hers almost violently. A low growl escaped his throat as their lips came together in a mad rush. His hands gripped her hair and held her in place. A thrill unlike anything she ever imagined ran through her body and her arms wrapped around his neck, clinging for dear life as she reached as high as she could on her tiptoes.

  His warm tongue swept across her lips and she opened for him, allowing him to teach her all he knew. When their tongues met in a fierce tangle, Maggie moaned at the pulse that grew in her core. How could his mouth illicit such a response from down below? He was not gentle and, though it surprised her to see this aggressive side of Flynn, she was much more surprised by her lack of fear. She trusted him with her entire heart.

  “Does this shock you, Mags? That I have been so calm around you, and yet, I want you with such fierce need that I would devour you?”

  His tongue slid down the column of her neck and she moaned again, her head spinning with desire. “Aye,” she whispered. “I thought you did not want me.” His tongue ran back up her neck and slipped into her mouth once more, before he pulled away and nibbled on her lower lip. “Oh, goodness,” she groaned. “My knees are weak.”

  “I would lower you to the ground, Maggie, but that would be a very dangerous move. We are better up here,” he whispered while moving over to her earlobe, tugging on the flesh with his teeth. His warm breath grazed her neck, just as it had outside, and she felt her nipples harden beneath her dress. What was this reaction her body had to his touch? She had no idea what to think, do, or say. She only knew how to feel.

  Slowly, he backed away, a fire burning in his green eyes that set her body aflame. “I am sorry. I should not have done that.”

  She frowned. “But, I wanted you to.”

  “Which makes this all the worse, Maggie. There is something between us, but it can never be anything more. As soon as Brennain returns, I will be taking you back home to your brother and I will be on my way.”

  She knew his words were true. Still, they may well have been a bucket of freezing stream water being dumped on her overheated body. The sensations that had just been consuming her body now morphed into some torturous ache in her heart. He was like all men, after all. He wanted enough from her to sate his body, but would discard her as soon as he was done.

  “You are right.” She squared her shoulders and raised a brow, hoping to hide her hurt with indignation. “This can never be.” She felt the cursed tears welling up in her eyes as her chin quivered. Flynn had been her first kiss, the first man she had ever trusted to touch her. And when he had, it was as if all the years of pain had melted away in his embrace. But all the hurt came flooding back, now tainted with a new pain. The pain of rejection, from the only man she had ever wanted. He was man enough to push her away before it went too far, at least. Still, mayhap she had wanted it to go a wee bit further. She still could not fathom the act itself, for it was violent and painful, but the soft caresses and kisses? She ached for more of them, but they were not to be.

  Flynn ran a frustrated hand through his shaggy black hair and let out a puff of air. “Maggie… do not cry. Please. I am only trying to stop us both from becoming hurt in the end.”

  “I am not crying. I shall never cry over a man, least of all you, Flynn Mac Greine! But if you think I shall ever favor you with a kiss again, y
ou shall be disappointed. I have never allowed a man to kiss me before and I certainly will not do so again if it is simply to satisfy your base needs!” Her fists clenched into the fabric of her blue dress, the same blue dress she had been stuck with for over a sennight. She had washed it twice in the stream, but she was more than sick of looking at it, as well as the man standing before her now, even if her heart still beat just for him. She would bury those feelings so deep, even she would be unable to find them again. If caring for someone meant only more hurt in the end, she could not afford to care any longer.

  “You know, you are mighty feisty when you are angry,” he commented with a wink. “I enjoy seeing this side of you.”

  “Good, because ‘tis all you shall see of me until your handsome brother comes back to take me home.” Her words had the proper affect. Flynn’s face morphed from arrogance to jealousy before her eyes. She could not care. Crossing her arms over her chest, she turned her back to him and stormed toward the door.

  “Where are you going, Maggie?” he shouted. She was correct. He was a man prone to all the emotions and behaviors of other men. Violence, anger, jealousy. He would never physically hurt her, she knew well, but he was more than able to hurt her heart. Inwardly, she was glad to finally have broken past the polite façade he had been straining to show her all these days. They finally could see each other for who they were. Let him shout at her or be angry. He was nothing to her, nor would he ever be.

  “My thanks for your honesty, Flynn. I am most glad you made it clear where I stand in your life before things went any further.” She opened the door and stepped outside into the pouring rain. The sky had darkened considerably in the short span of time. Or had they kissed for much longer than she knew? Either way, she needed fresh air, even if that air was currently surrounded by large drops of rain. ‘Twas better than being stuck in this hut all night long, staring at the man who rejected her.

  “I asked where you are going.” Flynn stormed toward her with menace in his eyes and without thinking, her hands flew up to protect her face from his strike. She shrieked and cowered, freezing in place as she awaited his blow.

  Several moments passed before she peeked through the space between her upraised arms. He stood frozen before her with the saddest look in his eyes. His arms were at his side and she suddenly realized what she had done. She had sworn to trust him, and she did. Still, years of instinct had taught her to cower and cover when a man came at her with anger in his eyes or voice.

  “Maggie…”

  His imploring voice called to her, but she had to flee. Her stomach was in a knot. Her feelings for this man were growing out of control. Her past was haunting her, and she was certain she had just hurt him with her sudden need to protect herself. She could not have this man. He belonged to one person: his king. She could not very well have a future with a man who was gone all the time, nor was she capable of giving him what he truly needed in a woman. The act of love was no act of love at all, and she would never bear the pain or torture of it. She was uncertain how other woman ever did. Elwynna seemed to enjoy it very much, but she also had been used so much as a wee lass. Mayhap she had grown accustomed to the pain.

  “I need to go, Flynn.” She slammed the door behind her and ran into the dark, wet night, feeling the muddy earth squish beneath her leather slippers and splash up her calves. She ran until her side ached and she could hardly breathe. Humiliation flooded her. She had received her first kiss in all her life and it was more than she could have ever hoped for. Flynn had made her entire body melt with just his hands on her hips and the way his tongue nipped at her ear and slid down her throat… for one short moment in time, he had made her question everything she had ever thought about men and lovemaking. Had he lowered her to the ground and taken her, she would have faced her fear of the pain and allowed him to do aught with her body. How could she have been so foolish?

  Her initial instinct had been correct. He lusted for her, aye, but could offer her no more. Why should she suddenly care? She knew he could never be with her, but his use of her to simply slake a small bit of lust before pushing her away burned deep into her heart, causing an uncontrollable squeezing pain in her chest. She would have been better off not knowing how it felt to kiss Flynn Mac Greine.

  What a pathetic lass she was to think a man like Flynn could ever want more from her. And yet, she had been all right with that. In that moment, she would have let him do anything, just to experience his touch. Her mind feared the act of love, yet her body ached for it. It was the most distressing moment of her life to finally feel as if she could give herself to a man, only to be pushed away. The only thing she could think to do to hide her shame was to run. The night seemed to mourn for her, shedding its cold tears to mingle with her own.

  A sob wrenched from her throat and her eyes grew blurry through her continuous stream of tears. It was like a lifetime of pent-up turmoil released all at once, making her forget all sense of herself. Was this the pain her own mama felt every time she begged for affection from her papa? Maggie would never let a man ill-use her as her papa had her mama, but suddenly, she could understand the pain of caring for a man who could not care for her in return, a man bound to his king and the land, a man who could have any lass he wanted. Why would he choose her, pathetic wee lass that she was with her crippling fears, small breasts, and childlike curves, when he could have a real woman who willingly enjoyed the act of coupling? Och, she was a cursed fool.

  Through the haze of her misery, Maggie heard the sounds of rushing water up ahead, and she realized she had been running full-speed toward the surging stream. On most days, it was a calm, peacefully flowing body of water and her most favorite place to gather her thoughts. Her mind and body must have instinctively sought out its solace in her pain and anger. However, what she saw ahead was nothing like the peaceful stream she often sought out. The stream overflowed from the relentless rain and churned violently as if angered by the storm destroying its peace. Land and water merged, turning the shore into sludge. Maggie gasped as she slid to a stop, feeling the earth shift beneath her feet, then screamed in horror as she felt her feet give way and her body propel toward the angry stream. Before she could catch her balance, she toppled head first into the rushing water.

  She sputtered and gasped as water flooded her lungs. Her dress felt as if it was caught on something, and panic consumed her cold limbs as she flailed her arms, seeking anything to grasp. “Help!” she shouted, knowing nobody was around to hear her, but she shouted anyway and desperately tried to yank at whatever her skirt was caught on. More water rushed into her mouth and she coughed frantically. She wailed in terror. She was going to die out here all alone. She would never see her brother or Elwynna again. She would never see Flynn again. His beautiful green eyes, his flowing black hair and perfect smile. His strong jaw or the way his voice rumbled when he laughed. The way his mouth had felt on hers and how she suddenly realized she longed for so much more from Flynn Mac Greine than she had allowed herself to believe. Now, as the stream threatened to pull her into a dark, watery grave, she gasped for air at the exact moment that the truth struck, like the very lightning still streaking across the sky.

  She was in love with Flynn. It had been hopeless from the start. They never stood a chance. She was a broken woman and he was a traveling warrior. He was as brave as she was damaged and yet, he had gone out of his way to make her feel safe and protected. He had kept his vow to teach her self-protection… if only she had ever learned to swim. She would die, but she would die with the knowledge she had accomplished one thing in life she never thought possible. She had learned how to love a man, even if he did not love her in return.

  Her limbs stopped flailing as numbness consumed them. The stream felt like an icy vise gripping her body, squeezing the air from her lungs. Her dress insisted on dragging her down and she suddenly had no more strength to fight it. Perhaps this was how she was always meant to leave this earth. She had lived in fear, and now she would die just
as a calming peace came over her mind. The roaring stream tried to pull her away, but whatever her dress was caught on, kept her anchored in place as her lungs filled with more water each time her head went under. She stopped fighting. There was no need. She would die. Saying a silent prayer for her brother and Elwynna, she also prayed to the gods that Flynn would someday find love with the right woman. If she must leave this world, she would leave it with prayers of love and peace, not thoughts of anger or fear. Mayhap when she crossed into the Otherworld, she would see her mama once more. That thought almost made her smile as the water dragged her down once more and darkness started to take hold.

  Something wrapped around her floating forearm so tightly that she winced at the pain, but she could not see beyond the dark and the rain pelting her face. Her body was lifted and dragged to shore. Sputtering, she rolled to her side and let out a series of violent coughs, feeling water leave her body as air filled her lungs. Forcing her eyes open, she saw Flynn, completely soaked through, towering over her as rain matted his dark locks to his face. He looked almost like a feral beast in this darkness, with glowing green eyes boring into hers. Though her head spun and her lungs burned with the simultaneous release of water and intake of air, her heart squeezed at the sight of him. She never thought to see his face again. He had saved her.

  Without a word, Flynn bent over and scooped her into his arms, while her own arms wrapped around his neck for support. Up close, she could see that he clenched his jaw and she knew he was in pain. Her throat was raw and sore from shouting, but she managed to croak out a warning to him. “Flynn… your wound.” He did not respond, only tightened his grip on her soaking, frozen body as he took slow, calculated steps back toward the hut. He dodged large puddles, but there was no hope for missing the mud.

  Her heart pounded in her chest as she realized how close to death she had truly been. Had Flynn not come to find her, she would surely have been swept away by now, breathed her last breath, and never been found again. The thought sent icy chills down her spine and she instinctively nestled closer to Flynn’s body, though he was also cold to the touch.