Ring of Madness

by Royden Labrosse

  - Jane, you can't say this seriously! I can't meet him! It's too awful!

  It's time for a consilium, selfish! Can't she see I'm barely on my feet? No. She can't see. Now she only sees herself. Maybe that's why we're not really close friends. But I haven't developed the subject.

  - Try stretching your arms and legs. I'll talk to you later.

  I went out into the hallway and fell on all fours. I didn't fall. I didn't fall. I wanted to, though. Namely, I went down and started looking around at the floor. Come on, girl, hang on! I feel much better on all fours. Shouldn't I stay like this? And let's try to find the key. In the end, it'll work out.

  It all worked out. Not right away. Katya kept howling in the room, as if she was approved as a vacuum cleaner, and I looked at the floor. The key was found where they hadn't been waiting - behind a hanger with dacha clothes - all sorts of old jeans and T-shirts that you could climb up the sewer - it wouldn't get any worse. I opened the door for a while and went outside. I looked at the tracks. Really, there were traces. But they were weird. Our footprints were on the track. Next to the house, I found traces of men's shoes the size of forty-five - forty-six - so Andre was definitely there. But he was only in front of the door. It's like he flew in by air.

  I was just checking the entire precinct, just in case. But no. There were no men's shoes, no broom to sweep them up, no car tracks anywhere else in the precinct.

  And how did this fangbanger get here? Did it get here? The version with the usual maniacs is gone. We don't have any flying killers yet. I mean, flying solo, no extra equipment. I haven't seen a helicopter yet, neither has a hang glider. I wouldn't have missed it. We gotta get to them somehow, too. And if there's no sign of them in the snow, then what? Right, right... So this man really has supernatural powers. Levitation is accurate, and judging by what happened to me last night, there's also hypnosis in the asset? Looks like it. I remembered perfectly well how I snotted down the hall here. No worse than the fans at some Detsla concert. Hypnosis at a distance, one voice, not even looking into the eyes. I mean, he was trying to use something when I was thinking about Jerome. It wasn't a miracle. But miracles don't happen twice. So it's a paragraph. There is no guarantee that the next personal meeting with the esteemed Mr. André (why did the French turn up in the middle zone of Russia? Not enough of them under Napoleon kicked?) will not spread me on the floor. In a virtual sense. Though maybe in the material sense. If it's true what I read about Dracula, the vampire can easily rip my head off and hang me by the ears on the TV tower. My friend and I were only saved by my grandfather's thoroughness. Just like he built the fortress, so it happened. The walls are three bricks, the windows are two frames, not counting the cast iron forged grids, the door... I already told you about the door. The pipes are barred, too. A combat elephant wouldn't have broken into us at once, and we'd have time to call everyone here - from police to the yellow press. So now Mr. André has decided that he won't go after the fish anymore. Let the fish scratch it himself. Uh-oh-oh, why didn't he die a little?

  So what do I do now?

  Destroy him yourself or what?

  Or should I try to make a deal?

  Is that what I can just offer him? Ringworm multiplication summary? Metabolism of the simplest? A detailed study of vampire physiology?

  Yeah, a silver scalpel with aspen clamps.

  We only resumed the vampire talk at breakfast. I threw another can of sprats on a plate and sliced the bread. Poured myself three spoons of coffee and poured cool boiling water. Today I'd even agree to a cigarette. And tonight I'll have some vodka. Just a little bit. To control myself, but not so afraid. I'm really scared, aren't I? But fear has to be overcome. And I can handle it! I can always do it!

  - What are we going to do? - Katya finally asked.

  She also chewed bread and tea. Probably realized I shouldn't be annoyed right now. I chewed silently and looked at her frowning.

  - That's it. First the libraries, then the churches, then my house, then your house, then the club. Can you help me get dressed better? Although that's not what you're looking for.

  - Why? - unwittingly surprised a friend. Well, yeah. Of the two of us, I always dressed like laudra, and Katya looked like a picture from a fashion magazine. We looked funny next door. I wore a stretched sweater and old jeans and Katya in some miniskirt and blouse.

  - Because I have to dress up in a way that doesn't embarrass my movements. And you're going to impose something charming, but awfully uncomfortable on me. It's like a tight dress.

  - Gapeka!

  - Katya.

  My friend was quiet, but not for long.

  - Jane, what happens at the club?

  I hesitated for a few seconds, but then I answered honestly.

  - We will try to survive. Although I don't know if we'll succeed or not.

  Katya looked me in the eye. I don't know what she saw there, but she kept silent and backed off. And that's right. I'll try to do my best. But don't - in the name of all saints and sinners! - Don't make it harder for me to do my job!

  And for God's sake, don't think of me as a mix of ninja and terminator. You want to be honest with me? I'd ride out of town right now faster than a cockroach from a slipper. But who's gonna give me that? And if they do...

  Suppose!

  Option of bath usba

  [1]

  !

  I'm on my way to the cash register and I'm taking a ticket somewhere far away from here. From this "far away" I call my mother and grandfather and tell them what happened to me. And at the same time, I call the mental institution. Why? Well, because...

  Who would believe me about vampires in the twenty-first century?!

  Katka herself did not believe until she met in person.

  Or maybe he's not a vampire after all. Well, there's a mutation, "Hae" people, Spidermen and all?

  Does it make me feel better?

  If Katka isn't lying, he wasn't at the club alone, but with a four-man company. So he has coworkers and buddies. And if they were as pale as Andryusik, it is possible that they suffer the same. They're seriously suffering. And they can help a comrade in distress.

  Anyway, I'm not dealing with a single mutation, but a big, fat problem. And vampire or not, it doesn't even matter. After all, no one's ever left the flamethrower.

  Where am I supposed to live with a flamethrower?

  It's not funny.

  Namba Tu option

  [2]

  !

  I do the same as in the first version, but my ancestors do not even shove me to tighten the screws, but believe in the word.

  AND THEN WHAT?

  Will my ancestors hire me security? Grandfather, of course, can do it, but will it help?

  I once read a book about an assassination attempt. And there was a clever comrade who said that statistically - if someone wants to kill, they will definitely kill. Even though you're a terminator on all sides. Why's that? Yes, according to the theory of probability. It's just that the enemy has to hit you once, and you have to survive Ever. And who's better off making a mistake here? Oh, clearly not the killers.

  Namba fries variant

  [3]

  .

  It's really... namba...

  Even if my grandfather and mother believe me... If, if, if...

  We can move to another city and another country. That's enough money. Except my family won't accept it. Especially my mother. Here she was born and grew up, here she has graves of her relatives and friends, my brother can return to this city (you plasticine parasite!). And what do we do there - abroad? Are you crazy?

  And one more consideration. It's not like I have any idea who I'm dealing with. I don't know anything about Andre's power. (That's not how it sounds. Andrei, Andryusha, Dryusha, Dyusha... Oh! Dyusha! That's what I'm going to call him, because I'm tired of French.)

  I don't know anything. He is the only one - or he has his own organization (a company, a gang, a mafia, a squad...), how influential he is (in
translation - whether he has a furry paw), what resources he has (whether he can reach us in another city)....

  I just don't know anything. So I can't involve my family in this problem. Mother and grandfather are the only thing I have. The only people I have close to me. So the question is... Do I have the right to set them up for my stupidity (I did not know that a friend would set me up with such a boar)?

  The answer is unequivocal. I don't have that right. I've made my own mess, and I'll spice it up myself with poison.

  And what are my options?

  The first is as simple as a mooing. We're not going anywhere. As night falls, we barricade ourselves at the cottage and wait for the weather by the sea. Except it won't help. Why not? Because Duke isn't stupider than me. I'd smoke any one of this dacha in peace. If I had the time, desire and resources. And he seems to have it all. Couple of smoke bombs in the chimney, we'll get out ourselves. Otherwise, there's sleeping gas. Or a laxative... Anyway, if we have to, he'll get us out. Yesterday he didn't know anything, but today he must have made inquiries.

  We could, of course, hide somewhere else. But you don't run like this for long. Especially if Katya tells him everything in paint. Night, two, three... and then they'll come for us in a tank. They'll move in with us. No, running is not the answer. And in general, don't show the enemy's back - there's no claws, no teeth, not even a tail. That's the vulnerability. And there's nothing to fight back with. By the way, what's there to fight off a vampire with? Well, I'll find out from the library.

  And the second option. Get into a fight. Try to make a deal, and then fight. They're not gonna kill us right away. Shouldn't we be hanging noodles? And if we don't...

  Save me a higher power, if there is one, from a long and painful death. And my family, from the payment of my bills.

  I chewed up the last sprat, wiped the butter out of the can with a slice of bread - it's not aesthetic, but delicious. And the aesthetes for Duchka's handout, so he'll itch and itch too. Katka looked at me with the look of a drowning man. I looked at her with the look of the good Inquisitor.

  - Are you ready?

  - Jane, maybe... started a friend, but I interrupted her.

  - Katya, we have no choice. I do have a choice. So I'm going to the club today. And you can decide whether you want to die right away or suffer first.

  - Aren't we gonna get killed in any way? - Katka complained.

  - Fifty-fifty, I shrugged my shoulders. - Maybe your exotic fang is missing.

  - And he was pulling on us?

  That already sounded cheerful. All the better. I'm reluctant to go to business with a depressed partner. Should I buy her some vodka? Litra three, that's not gonna help. You should tell your friend something nice, good, life-affirming... You should. Except my tongue isn't turning. And I can't think of a good enough lie. And lying isn't a good enough lie. And a friend's not stupid either. Well, she can put two and three together nicely. Oh, Katya-Katya, where have we fallen into...

  - We can hope for the best," I said dryly and went into the corridor. Dressing, shoes, closing and freezing the house... There was a lot of work to do.

  Katya sat in the kitchen for a while, and then decided something for herself and came to me too.

  - Jane, do you even know what you're going to do in the axes?

  - No, I answered honestly. - But our advantage is that Duška doesn't know it either. And if we, the first ones, don't come today, we will lose the initiative, which is punishable.

  The girlfriend took a deep and sad sigh and started gathering too.

  * * *

  We were only at the library around 10:00 in the morning. And we spent the whole time up to fourteen hours sitting in a corner and leafing through various books about vampires. I was getting more and more gloomy with each hour. If you put it all together, it was very sad. I think we got caught. We're nowhere farther away and into something very unappetizing. In the end, the list looked like this:

  Vampires in terms of fighting:

  Their shortcomings:

  - They are considered non-existent (it would be better if they continued to be considered, I would certainly not object).

  - They feed on human blood, and the victim may or may not turn into a vampire. It happens after she dies. The consent of the victim himself is not required (judging by Katkin's story, they don't even need to be invited. Alas for me, alas...).

  - They don't cast shadows (sorry, I didn't pay attention last night).

  - Not reflected in the mirror.

  - Very strong and fast (judging by the way Dyushka moved, very maybe. Though it's not so important. Imagine: on the one hand a nineteen-year-old student who can't even kick anyone - will miss, and on the other - a healthy young man, not even necessarily a vampire. It's not gonna be in my favor anyway).

  - Very tough, even too tough, try to kill. (Very, very sorry.)

  - Capable of controlling the weather (????).

  - Able to throw themselves at animals (?????).

  - They can see well in the dark (Exactly. Though the moon was shining, but Duke clearly saw everything that was going on).

  - Own levitation (I guess... I have no other conclusion).

  - Able to climb the wall like a Spiderman (???????).

  - Possess hypnosis (About the grief to us, about the grief...).

  - If necessary, they can blurt the fog, crawl into places they wouldn't let in and gather again (it's only unclear why Dyushka didn't crawl through? Weren't invited? Who knows...).

  - What else???

  Their virtues:

  - Must sleep in the daytime and coffins. (Only where are those coffins? Go to the cemetery, ask if you have any vampires dug up here? Why, it's a good idea, I don't think Duška will follow us to the asylum, to the same room as Napoleon, Yeltsin and Lenin.)

  - Can't live without blood. (Looks that way. Why else would they bite? Just because they have teeth?)

  - They don't like garlic (???).

  - They don't like crucifixion, holy water and a stake of aspen (?????).

  - They can be killed with silver, like all other evil (???????).

  - What else?????????????

  In my opinion, it was too little for a successful partisan struggle! The prospects were such that it was easier to choke right away. Am I going to hang out with a creature unknown to science and the party that is faster, stronger and cooler than me? One hope is that he is stupider. But that's also the one that's weak. On the other hand, one grain of rice bowls the scales. One person can be the key to victory or defeat. Do you recognise it? Yeah, Mu Lan. It was easier for her, though. Big deal, a man can pretend a little. It wouldn't have fallen off me, but I only get out of my jeans for the big holidays to get into my ceremonial rhinestone jeans anyway. And I... No crew, no guns, no ambush squad who, if anything, will have his back or his revenge... Just nothing. There's one Katka in the asset, and that coward is cleaner than me. Andre scared her so much, you can see from her face that she almost gets a bear's disease on his behalf.

  But there wasn't much choice. Either that or put your feet down and don't snort. Is this my case? This is not my case! I'm not some Christian who prays on the cross for his tormentors! I'll fight to the end! And even if I die, I'll chew somebody's throat out! I wasn't taught to give up! I was taught to live and fight for mine to the end, to retreat and even lay low, but never to lay down my arms! What's the point of talking about my principles, though? Anyway, I'm already in this game and I'll go all the way. And for starters, let's look at the church, the hardware store, the pharmacy and the cosmetics.

  At 8:00 p.m., we started packing. And by 9:00 we looked like this:

  I'm black jeans, a loose dark purple sweater, boots in the lowest heels we've ever found. It's only five centimeters. It's okay to run. Jewelry - bracelets with crosses on both wrists, a cross on the neck and a cross on the ankle. My jeans are clawed, so I can get it out. There's a razor hidden under the insole in my shoe. I don't know if it'll come in handy, but better some
thing than nothing. I sewed a wire into the seam of my jeans. It's thin, but it's strong and flexible enough. Who knows what's gonna come out of this hike. I added silver rings to my hands and toes. Maybe I can at least kick someone in the face. There's a perfume bottle in one pocket, only with holy water. I poured half the perfume in the other bottle, and in this one I poured holy water and carefully sprayed myself and my friend. Especially the neck. Then I poured holy water on top of it again and stuffed it in my pocket. I didn't even dedicate a skating rink to it. I just told her to choose the nastiest smell in the beauty salon. Oh, I wish we had skunks here. I put asthma spray in my other pocket. It's a little bottle of it, from the palm of my hand. And I poured a cute, pest control substance in it. It's not a name for peaceful purposes. But if you splash that dissolved stuff in your eyes, then no ophthalmologist pumps it out. And in the mouth, there'll be mucosal burns and poisoning. But don't be so terrified of me here. Why do we sell this so quietly if it can kill a man?! Because it is! You have the wrong approach to problems at all! If you want to reduce crime, make sure everyone knows that the crime will be punished. Otherwise, steal the snickers off the tray - thief, stay in jail. You steal the country, you're good, you're in politics. Stalin is not on them, as his grandfather says, sometimes looking at the TV. By the way, how all day long militants with gunfire show - it's nothing, and then to be terrified - ah, what an aggressive youth we have! That's the way to bring up, Christmas trees! After watching "Dom-2" I had only one wish - to shoot them all to hell there. I understand that people make money, but it sucks! That's where the angel gets his aggression.

  Speaking of which, rather than abolish the death penalty, it would be better to return the physical punishment to the law. Let's say you spit in the street, a camel like that, - immediately comes the police outfit, shakes you out of your suit and wipes that spit with your jacket. You don't want to spit, do you? That's right!

  You scolded your mother in front of witnesses? Caught and whipped in the central square. Five strikes for motherhood, ten for molesting strangers with the request "Give me a drink", fifteen for drunkenness... Well, that should count...