Ring of Madness

by Royden Labrosse

  And I couldn't help it. Who'd shorten my tongue!

  - I already killed one vampire. I guess the question of my death in light of that has not yet been resolved. You have a nice day.

  Two minutes later, I was already on the bus, terribly dissatisfied with myself. Is that who was pulling my tongue? But if I die, my family will know how my path ended. At least some consolation. And I still have no choice. I don't have a choice.

  I can't spend the rest of my life in a silver bunker or in another country! And anyway, my family lives in this town. I didn't really believe in Mr. Duchka's nobility. If he wants to, we'll have this vampire trio. Mom, Grandpa and me. I wasn't attracted to it. Which means there was only one way to win or die on my own. Although I hadn't considered the second option. My main principle is to drive the enemy into the coffin, bury him, put a monument, put wreaths and sit on top. Danielle promised to provide me with all this for Duchka. And even artistically decorate the monument. He didn't feel comfortable either. Probably because I knew nothing about vampires or their power. And Danielle knew. And he was better at assessing the situation. Well, let him. For as long as I can remember, you have to believe in victory, do everything that depends on you, and even beyond that, and the rest will apply.

  And if we don't - we'll apply it ourselves so that not a single injury station will help! Boom!

  * * *

  I was distracted by the appearance of a friend.

  - Are you ready? Can I come to you? - Nadia came inside and looked at me. - It's warm in here.

  - Yes.

  - Jane...

  - Yeah?

  - Are you sure you have to go?

  - Nadia, we've discussed this before.

  - I know! Your rule is stupid! Win or die!

  - Not or, but "and"! My victory in this case involves the death of the enemy.

  - Jane, don't be a ninny!

  - Yes, I snapped my heels tightly. Nadia looked at me with sincere care and anxiety. My good girlfriend!

  - What's your deal with this guy?

  I slammed my eyelashes. That's not the question I was expecting.

  - Nothing...

  - Really? What, you didn't even get caught?!

  I blushed. And that didn't slip away from Nadia's experienced eye. And try not to gain experience living in a dorm?

  - Yeah, so it was! So what?

  - A little temptation," I confessed honestly.

  - And who seduced who?

  - Well, not me?! I don't even know which end to take this case from!

  - From the one in the front and a little lower back.

  I snorted. But I didn't even blush. Not a rose from the patch, but a biofaculty student.

  - Well, it was. So what? Well, it was more of an act of humanitarian assistance. You saw for yourself what condition I was in. You know, I don't even really remember anything. How my brain was cleared.

  And unwittingly wondering if I've hit the spot? Who the hell knows them tooth bastards?!

  And I wouldn't know an age to be happy, to be honest!

  - But then he offered to continue?

  I wasn't spinning.

  - I did, but I... you could say I refused.

  - You snapped out and ran away?

  - Oh, no. I just said I'd help in any way I could without all this stuff.

  - Growing up, child, there was an approval in Nadine's voice.

  - Well! I need it - two or three nights before I win, and then a polite "Sorry, but let go..."?

  - I don't think so.

  - Why do you sound like you have doubts?

  - Because I was hoping for it.

  - Whoops! - My jaw's already sagged. - Nadia, what about you?! Are you dizzy? You don't feel nauseous?

  - I'm not pregnant. You better think about it. And if you're offered again, don't say no.

  I guess my eyes must have gotten really stunned. Nadia looked at me for a few more seconds and then lifted her eyes to the sky. To a shabby ceiling for not having any stars.

  - Oh, my God, what am I supposed to do with this slumbering naivety?!

  - Wait, that's what he said!

  - That's right. It's not him! He's in heaven and everything. You'd better think about something else. We live on a sinful and cheerful earth. There's danger ahead of you. And a very serious danger. I hope you won't be among those killed, but isn't it foolish to die without even having any pleasure?!

  - Dying is always stupid.

  - Yeah, but one kind of death can be stupider than another. Jane, don't be foolish in front of yourself! You feel like it! And so does he. Give free rein to your feelings. Firstly, it's good for your health, and secondly, this symptomber must understand women well. Judging by the portraits. And then, it's better to start with someone experienced than your snot from the institute. They only know everything from porn movies. And you don't need to be disappointed in your personal life. Take it easy: Sleeping together, splitting up. And no remorse. Okay?

  I nodded obediently. Nadine's advice was very cynical, but worth considering.

  - Will you think about it?

  - I'll think about it, I agreed.

  - Well, that's great. Here you go.

  And Nadia put a pack of condoms in my hand.

  - You've got a tenner for the first time, and you'll bribe the rest. Experience tells me that flying in always happens when you don't have to. And I can't tell you when it's the worst time.

  I don't know about the vampire bites. We know more about the bites. But I wouldn't talk about this friend, and I obediently slipped a packet into my jeans pocket. Nadia specifically bought me pants that were bigger, and now my ass looked like I was in my 50s, even though it was actually only 46. On the other hand, what can't you do to disguise yourself?! And you can shove everything in your pockets! And it's very convenient to pull it up. Let's put up with it.

  We got out of the tub, and Nadia was staring at Daniel.

  - Look at me! If you don't save me, I'll rip my head off! And if you don't watch out for yourself, you'll get a tail! Okay?

  Danielle jokingly saluted.

  - Then roll. Jane, call me when you solve the situation. And remember what I told you.

  I kissed her on the cheek. Careful not to smear the makeup. Then I put on my jacket and scarf. And Nadia slammed the door. I finished getting dressed outside. We made a pretty good couple. A young man and his girlfriend with a bottle of mineral in her bag. Two liters. Actually, it was holy water. It was also in two water pistols. I wasn't hanging crosses, but I put them in my pockets. I also had a knife and a bag of incense. It's against vampires. Danielle had two knives like mine. He tried to stay away from anti-vampire drugs. You bet! Just so you know, holy water burns a vampire as well as concentrated acid. And no cosmetologist can cure the scars from it. The aspen stake is a little worse. If it's done well, the vampire will be sad. The aspen somehow eats away at their flesh. Not like acid, but it seems to be. And it also paralyzes vampires. Just lie there and feel it eat a hole in your body. And hope it falls out later. I'm not talking about crosses at all. I wonder why that is. I mean, where did religion get this cute symbol from? Of course, I don't know much about history, but even before the popes came to Russia, the cross was a symbol of the sun god. So, his history is much like the ancient history of Christianity.

  - Are you scared? - Danielle asked.

  - What makes you think that?

  I really wasn't scared. On the contrary, the body worked furiously, releasing adrenaline. There were funny waves running down my spine. I wanted to do something like this... like this! Like fly. I couldn't fly, but when I saw a wide icy strip on the road, I ran and drove along it. And I didn't even stumble.

  - I'm not afraid. I'm having fun!

  Danielle looked at me thoughtfully.

  - You know what I mean. And you know that you could die. And yet you're laughing?!

  I laughed and turned on one leg, almost slammed into a snowdrift.

  - Grandpa told me about his war. He
fought with fascists, but every time he walked in danger, he felt joy, not fear. He called it the joy of battle. The enemy is strong, but we will argue, and we will fight with him!

  - I'd like your dashing.

  - I can share!

  - You don't have to. Let one of us have some sanity. Do you think this one'll do us any good?

  - What? Mind?

  - The bus," Danielle explained calmly.

  - Oh, uh... you want to... Why do you need a bus when you have a car?

  - Because we can't all fit in a car. Think of it as two of us, Mecislav and his entourage - three more, plus luggage. What if they take people with them to feed themselves? Just the bus. I'll have to drive him to the car, I'll overload my dinner and a treat for friends, then the driver will take the bus out for the city - and go home. I'm not gonna kill an innocent man. How do you like this one, by the way?

  A vampire nodded on a small white-and-blue bus in the parking lot.

  - I sincerely want to get to the meeting place. And I'm willing to hypnotize the driver for that.

  - Do you know how?

  I had no other questions. Neither did I have any moral issues. It's not like he's gonna kill. All honor, the king goes to the bride. By the way, how many people will come and with what luggage if they don't fit in that jeep? In my opinion, it's okay to stuff an elephant in that jeep. Although... Do I want to make out with vampires this close? Oh, I don't think so...

  - Yes, it is. But it's better that the driver is a woman. It's like this.

  - And why is that?

  - It's easier for me to hypnotize them. You know, one of the important components of vampire hypnosis is the sexual attraction of the object. And for whom would I be more attractive? For an aging aunt or an older man?

  - It depends on their orientation," I tried to make a joke.

  The vampire didn't take the joke.

  - And from mine, too.

  Danielle walked in front of the bus without taking his eyes off the driver - a half woman in her fifties. The vampire was unfair. I don't think she deserved the name "aunt." But not to explain it to him? Especially at this hour! I felt something at that moment. As if a thin but very strong thread had been stretched between them, from which a high pure sound was spreading in all directions. This is what happens when you stab a crystal glass. Or did it just seem to me? Ego? But the driver obediently opened the bus door for us.

  - Let's go," Danielle ordered. - To Kraevsky Street.

  The woman obediently started the engine. The bus was small and easily passed through the city streets. People didn't have any questions either. Think of all the little things - the bus goes somewhere on its own and does not put people. Maybe it's being repaired. Or the park...

  The jeep was where we left it. Danielle cleverly removed two unconscious bodies from the trunk and threw them on the bus. I made up my mind. They didn't stink of, let's just say, roses.

  - Are they even alive?

  - Alive, the vampire wouldn't even feel his pulse. - But not for long.

  - And that's what you're gonna eat?

  - In China, they also eat rotten eggs. I don't even talk about oysters. You know, those slimy snotters are nasty to even look at. What do crayfish eat that people use for beer?

  The objection was accepted. Especially since I, too, hated oysters.

  Danielle's jeep wouldn't close. On the contrary, he left his keys in the ignition and opened two doors. That's right. The people in our housekeeping are gonna use an expensive car. And we're gonna have a smaller footprint. Clearly, whoever stole the hat was the one who sewed the aunt in. Whoever's got the car will be the last one. What's that got to do with us? No, it has nothing to do with us.

  Meanwhile, the vampire turned to his aunt.

  - Now you're going to take the shortest road to the Green Puddles. You'll stop at the exit of the city. Do it.

  I slammed my eyes. Hello there! The Green Puddles is a summer recreation center. It's about a hundred miles from the city, and I used to rest there a lot. But so a vampire would know about it? I don't think there's a service there for evil.

  - I know," Danielle answered my unspoken question. - Sometimes our young men train there. It's the easiest thing to do on holiday. They are not set up for danger. But we have to be careful not to be seen.

  - So how do you get them?

  I shuddered at the thought that I might have run into vampires much earlier. And be completely defenseless against them.

  - There are always fishermen. Or night walks. Lovers and those caught in the woods at night.

  - And you feed on them? Are you hunting?

  - Let me not tell you this, Danielle clenched my hand a little. - A portion of sadistic stories won't help you maintain your confidence.

  He was absolutely right. You don't want to get nervous before a case.

  - You don't have to tell me. Now. But then we get back to this conversation?

  - I promise.

  Twenty minutes later, the bus stopped again in front of the stele with the funny inscription "Have a nice trip! ». Our governor stumbled across all the exits from the city. Beautiful, aesthetic, showy toothache. It's better to spend on public toilets and trash cans. Otherwise, at least sit under a bush sometimes. But there's no money in the budget for that in the twentieth year.

  The vampire switched his attention to the driver again.

  - You're going home now. Take a calm, steady step. You'll forget everything. In the morning, you won't remember anything about me or the bus. You're gonna think it was stolen from the parking lot.

  A vampire slipped some green papers in her pocket. Thank you to our sponsors and breadwinners. Hmm, that was a pun. In fact, two jeep bastards became our sponsors, and for Daniel, they were also our breadwinners in the literal sense.

  A vampire closed the door behind the driver and took the bus.

  - Do you know how to drive this technique? - I was suspicious to ask.

  - No. So go to the salon and sit down so you don't get hit by shrapnel.

  For me what? I obeyed.

  As soon as we got out of town, the vampire accelerated to 100 kilometers per hour. The wind, whistling angrily, crashed against the windshield in flight. The headlights cut through the night darkness. I even got a little scared. To die in a car accident - what could be more ridiculous? I guess I'll add to that list in no time. We almost missed the right turn. The bus was bouncing hard on tree roots and broken tracks. Yes, there are two troubles in Russia - the roads and the fools who drive on them. But the roads can still be repaired. And no recipe for fools has been invented to this day. We drove in silence. Daniel did not take his eyes off the road, and I tried not to disturb his concentration. We'll fit in another tree... Here's the circus when Duška finds us in the emergency room. That is me. You can't kill a fang with a log, I saw it yesterday.

  When we finally got there, it was completely dark. It wasn't twilight.

  - Jane, I must ask you a favor," Danielle said softly. - You'll have to go out and meet the helicopter.

  I just shrugged my shoulders. It would be an honor to be offered. Then I grabbed the holy water pistol with one hand and the knife with the other and jumped out of the bus.

  - Where should I wait for them?

  - On the football court. When you meet them, you have to say: "Let the stars shine for you", and they have to answer you: "Stars of high art". Do you remember that?

  I obediently repeated the password and the review. It's just Stirlitz. Stirlitz is in the snow...

  - It's not too easy?

  - That's right.

  - Then I'm off to wait for your buddies.

  - Do you know where this field is?

  - Yeah, you bet.

  The football pitch was the only place where a helicopter could land. Pretty big, the size of a city stadium. And the playground was called just by habit. It was more of a field. It was used for warm-ups, games and some social events like "Mom, Dad, I am a sports family". It was too cold to stand s
till, so I started trampling the track in the snow. I had to go around the perimeter once or twice before I heard a helicopter chatter. The vampire pilot was first class. He'd drop the metal dragonfly onto the snow-covered court. I stepped aside and watched. So the car touched the ground. The blades stopped moving. And the iron bird started jumping out easily... vampires. I would never call them human. Especially not now. It's just three graceful silhouettes. Shadows. And one shadow headed right towards me. Though it did, that's not the word. It was just approaching, gliding easily in the fluffy snow. Such speed would have been out of reach for a man. A man would just fall down on his knee. And the vampire would slide on the snow surface. Levitating? Or something else? I didn't know. The only thing I could do was point a gun with holy water at him.

  - I wouldn't recommend coming any closer.

  - Really? One of the shadows came at me threateningly.

  - If you scare me or hurt me, you'll feel worse. I'm a girl who's fragile, gentle, I can do with a horn log. May the stars shine on you.

  - Stars of high art. Are you the Jane?

  - And you are the same Mecislav?

  - That's right. Where's Danielle?

  - Waiting for you on the bus. He asked me to meet you. - I tried to hide the gun carefully, and it caught Mieczysław's attention.

  - What have you got there? A children's toy?

  - She could give you indigestion," I warned you. - Holy water is not the kind of liquid that vampires recommend for everyday use.

  - Holy water? - the vampire sounded genuinely surprised. - And Danielle trusted you enough to let you keep the holy water near him?

  - You and I haven't had a drink on the bruderscape yet," I snapped. I was beginning to dislike Daniel's buddy. Big deal, Mecislav. He is glorious by the sword! It was good a thousand years ago! Now you also need a mind! And anyway, even if you turn with a sword, and if I have a machine gun in my hands, they'll bury you there. There you go!

  - Forgive me, mistress, for breathing in your presence, a mocking vampire sang. And he turned to his own. - Have the coffins been unloaded?! Follow me! Show me the way, woman.

  - Firstly, do not show me, but show me, secondly, my personal life does not concern you, and thirdly - follow me.