Ring of Madness

by Royden Labrosse

  - You think you can handle it?

  - I also know less about vampires than you do. And all I know is, so far, mostly from Van Helsing. - There's no time for serious and thoughtful conversation like "where from, where, why, what's right"... We're running, we're being chased, we're being chased, full of anxiety. - I do not trade with them, I do not do anything, so there is nothing to lie to me about.

  - That makes sense. It could work. Well, try it.

  I was having fun. Let's go talk to the IPF. Avos won't be bitten! But what else could I offer? Vampire hypnosis doesn't work on me, so maybe this one won't? Although Snegirev doesn't need to know about it. And anyway, no one can shake the rights better than me! I have a lot of experience. Although it's mostly theoretical.

  I got up from my chair and nodded like that to the guard at the door.

  - Let's go. You walk me out, and you're gonna go behind my shoulder, so nobody and nothing... okay?

  - Whatever you say, the security guard answered. I knew him very well. His name was Kolya, and he had been in his position for two years. And he was also a big chess fan. Here we were holding tournaments with him when my grandfather and I stayed at Snegirev's. - Just put on a sheepskin, or you'll catch a cold.

  - If you say so, I teased him. - Shall we go?

  In the hall, I put on a long sweater made of angora, put on a sheepskin with a hood and put on boots. Snegirev had already ordered me a whole wardrobe, and in response to my protests, he swung away: "What's it to you? Fanger pays! »

  I didn't mind.

  Behind the gate, on a clean white snow, there was a jeep. "The Land Rover, I think. Maybe it was a Cherokee. I don't know. I don't know much about cars. The fact is, the jeep was big, black and very impressive. And there were three people standing next to it in the snow. I mean, three men. That's good. Even if a man is afraid of everything, he won't be so wary of women. Not to mention me, the bully and the jerk.

  - Hello, people! - I waved.

  One guy separated from the group and came to me. The faithful Kolya was shadowing behind his back. I stared at a stranger. He looked like he was forty years old, at least he moved easily, like a young man, but the wrinkles on his face matched those of sixty. I wonder if that's from old age or just from worrying? Light brown eyes, a little darker than mine, looked calm and confident. High forehead, hard chin, light smile. But the eyes are completely serious. The smile on that face was just for the record. To soften his expression. He was tall enough, wide shoulders, dark hair scattered over an old leather jacket with metal rivets. The shabby jeans fit his muscular legs like second skin. The sneakers finished the outfit. I thought it was all very comfortable in a fight, even a stupid jacket could rip the skin, and the rivets were probably silver, against the evil," I was surprised. I never thought about anything like that. Or are vampires bad for me?

  - Good afternoon, I said hello.

  - Good afternoon, the man was looking at me just as closely. - We wanted to see Snegiryov Alexey Ivanovich. Where is he?

  - He won't talk to you.

  - Yeah?

  - Alas. But he asked me to answer all your questions.

  - If you could help us...

  - I know as much about everything that's going on in the house as I know about Snegirev.

  It wasn't a lie. I learned about humans from Aunt Tanya, and I already knew about vampires. A man measured me with a mistrustful look, then turned around and waved at his companions. They came slowly to the gate. One of them looked like an exact copy of my companion, only thirty years younger. And it wasn't the same clothes. It wasn't even dark hair. It was more of a facial expression. Something about them was so... the same... like they were stamped in the same mold. The other one was different from its attendants. And even for the best. He, too, was young enough, low enough, only a little taller than me, a riverhead, with clear gray eyes. But he wore an expensive coat, suit and shoes. You can't fight in these clothes. I smiled, all three of them.

  - Are you really one of those... The IPF?

  - The IPF," the one I already talked to corrected me. - Konstantin Sergeyevich.

  - Jane. - I didn't trade for a patronymic. What for? I'm young enough. That's when I'll be ninety-nine-five years old, then I'll be Julia Yevgenyevna. In the meantime, it'll be fine!

  - So, Jane. And who are you to Snowbird?

  - A visitor. And an old acquaintance. My grandfather works with him.

  - She's not lying," said the russowhead.

  - Of course I'm not lying," I shrugged my shoulders. - Wait a minute! So Alexey Ivanovich was telling the truth?! Can you read minds?

  - No. Just to see if you're lying or not.

  - And hypnosis? The snowman was terribly afraid that you would hypnotize him!

  - Aren't you afraid?

  - Should I?

  We're staring at each other. I'm fun, trinity's a little confused. We didn't talk for seconds.

  - She said that she knows about everything that happens in the house, - finally gave Konstantin Sergeyevich.

  - Yes, I know everything that's going on in the house," I sadly confirmed. - So what?

  Trinity looked over again, and the costumed man lowered his eyelids, confirming that I wasn't lying. Yeah, well, I'm not lying! But who says I'm gonna tell the whole truth?

  - There's been a report that there are vampires in your house.

  I guess the only one who decided to communicate with me was Kostik. I've already crossed it into "Dog and Bone" in my mind and now I'm smiling.

  - Vampires? Real vampires? Aren't you kidding?

  - The IPF is not kidding.

  - Are you sure you're not a prank? Actually, it's a long way to April 1st...

  The bone pulled a small blue record out of his pocket. It was an American-style token. Only this one was completely flat. On the one hand, there was a picture of him in the metal, covered with glass, and on the other, his name and rank. Lieutenant Colonel. Konstantin Sergeyevich Rokin. Forty-six years old. And a strange coat of arms. Fangs at the stake.

  - I've been stamping such shit for a week on the wagon," I responded carelessly. Yes, I promised to answer the questions honestly, not even promised, but hinted, but who said that you could ask me them? I don't like scandals, but I can do it! And I'm good at blowing up squabbles in an empty place. Genetic memory has an effect. It's no wonder my great-grandmother was a tomato dealer in Odessa!

  - You won't.

  - I don't need this. This is not convincing, gentlemen. Do you have a search warrant? An arrest warrant? For questioning? Or an article in the Criminal Code that says that everyone should help you? I'm sorry, but nothing convinces me yet. I've been played worse by my friends.

  Which was also the pure truth.

  - Okay. What would convince you? Answer our questions and you're free to go!

  - And you didn't arrest me.

  - But we can be back here in half an hour, with a warrant and a city man on duty.

  It didn't tell me anything, but I shook my shoulders.

  - You were talking about vampires? You're in the wrong place.

  - No vampires here? - immediately asked the young guy in the jacket.

  - No, it's not. Do you even have them?

  - Alas. Evil is alive on earth and its forms are diverse, - said Konstantin Sergeyevich profoundly. I nodded my head and sneezed loudly.

  - Jane, you can't stay out in the frost that long. You'll get sick, - Kolya immediately worried.

  - What can I do? - I sneezed again. - If the Snowgirev doesn't want to communicate with them or let them in his house? I'm not getting in the car with them, that's for sure. Three men and one fragile, poor little me?

  The men looked expressively at each other. On their faces it was obviously read, "Oh, my God, what the hell?! ». I smiled nicely. Who would argue and who would quietly laugh at themselves. If you think you're an idiot, as long as my new buddies (toothflies) are intact.

  - May I come," said Kolya. - To the guard house.


  Smart boy. I looked at the trinity.

  - How do you - agree to talk in normal conditions?

  - Tea and cake, I promise. Tanya baked today," said Kolya.

  - And what kind of pie? - I asked.

  - With cherries.

  - Konstantin Sergeyevich, agree, - I prayed. - My pneumonia will be on your conscience. And I'm not a vampire at all. You don't have to kill me.

  - How did you know we were going to kill them? - It's a young one.

  - What else do you want to do with them? - I was surprised. - A kiss? To dissect? Write your dissertation on fang life forms? That's your problem, though. It's just that the name of your department speaks for itself.

  - Okay. Let's go, - agreed Konstantin Sergeyevich.

  Tea was above all praise. It was hot and strong. Even I don't like tea for anything, so I drank half a cup. Aunt Tanya always baked great pies. Everybody appreciated it. Ten minutes of silence and chewing. Then the pie left only crumbs on the plate - and all the attention again turned to me. I had already warmed up, but still put a sheepskin on my legs and curled up with a ball. Good lady with a snotty nose! No, in front of Andrzej and Mieczysław I`ll be above all praise too! On principle! And in front of Daniel... I just want to be beautiful for him. That's all.

  - Are you warm? - I was wondering about Kostik.

  - Thank you, Lieutenant Colonel," I answered. - Tell me, why do you have such a strange emblem?

  - Our foundation was the Order of the Holy Inquisition.

  - Ah, gentlemen's dogs, I answered. - I thought they'd all been killed.

  - Many think so, but without us the evil one would have conquered the earth long ago and Satan would have won the final victory. And the end of the world would come.

  My eyes are on my forehead. Such a tirade - in our twenty-first century?! Something's dead somewhere!

  - Do you also believe in God? What a circus!

  I was measured by three disapproving views at once. Ha! Do you gentlemen compete with me? When our institute decided to introduce theology, I clashed with a priest in the first class, demanding explanations on a very simple question. If not a single hair falls from our heads without God's permission, where was He when children were burned alive in fascist camps? Okay, adults, it's their fault, but the kids have nothing to do with it?! They are sinless for the most part! And if this is revenge on their parents, then what better god than the last bastard? For some reason, I didn't get a clear answer to that question. On the other hand, I got an automatic credit and a convincing request not to go to lectures anymore. Which I was happy to do.

  - Faith is the key to magic," the white-headed man finally explained to me.

  I turned my shoulders.

  - Faith is the key to foolishness. And as for magic, it's the body's innate abilities. Like hair color or ear shape. And they don't depend on any god. The faith of a saint is different. But something tells me that you are not saints!

  Kolya yawned frankly. He had long known - give me a chance to spit religion in the morning - and I will not stop until the evening. And there were reasons for that. My high school friend was in a cult. "Flesh of Christ." That's what these perverts called themselves. They put her on drugs, made her half mad, and her parents had to sell almost everything to help their own child out of prison - the girl was also set up cool, hanging a firm with debts on her. When her friend was brought to her senses and she realized what she had done, she committed suicide. Her grandfather helped her parents, but I still can't understand religion. Even though I was using it.

  - You're wrong," said Kostik. - If my friend tries magic on you now, you can't resist because you don't believe. Well, I do.

  - Nonsense," I said. - If I can't resist your banter tricks, it's only because I can't do anything on my own. And you must have been taught.

  - I was really being taught. But we won't discuss it now. We'll go back to our vampires.

  - To your vampires," I immediately corrected. - What makes you even think you can find vampires here? Do they really exist?

  - There are many kinds of wickedness," said the young "Kostika" in a pathos. He never introduced himself, and I decided not to ask. Do I need it? - The Devil's intrigue is many and varied, and his servants are not sleeping. If it wasn't for our humble brotherhood, the planet would have fallen into Satan's clutches long ago.

  He stood out in his voice with the words "Devil" and "Satan", so much farted his eyes, talking about evil, so clearly believed in everything he said that I could not stand and laughed.

  - What's so funny?! - There's a frown on Kostik Senior.

  - Do you really believe that? - I specified.

  - To what exactly?

  - Well, are you capable of saying such a tirade yourself? Sincerely, as your subordinate?

  - But he told the pure truth!

  - Yeah, did you just wash it yesterday?

  - Excuse me?

  - Will not forgive! Gentlemen, even if I had vampires in my house, and I do not have them at home (the truth is, I am at Snegirev's house, not mine), I would give them to you. Just because I understood your position. Inquisitors, just so you know, I hate history classes, and fanatics and religious people - from the tenth grade of high school! You better get out of here! There are no vampires here! Here you go! Okay?!

  And again, I didn't lie. There really were no vampires here. In the guardhouse. Here and now, next to us. But I wasn't responsible for Snegirev's house, where there were four coffins in the basement now.

  - She's not lying," the white-headed man confirmed.

  - I never lie," I shook my shoulders.

  - Check her again," said Kostik. - It's in print.

  I didn't get a chance to ask any questions.

  - I'm sorry. Look at me, please. I asked for a blonde with no name.

  I obeyed and turned my eyes on him. And the next moment, it was like a hammer hit me. It was nothing like soft vampire hypnosis. When Duke tried to subdue my will, it was like I was falling asleep. With Mieczysław it was like a kiss - after him, too, I feel dizzy. And now, if we continue to compare, I was just hammered in the head with a hammer. It hurt terribly! It was like a bomb in my head exploded! And I, on a clean machine, imagined this hammer - and the wall around my mind, which became rubber. The imaginary hammer crashed into it, stretched out all the way, making me wail in pain - and flew back. Right in the head of the white-headed man.

  - Jane!

  The stake jumped out of place, grabbing my hands. You bet he did. I was bent by the arc. The hammer flew away, but the wall has to be strong again and stand in place. And this performance in my brain was accompanied by terrible bumps. I was bent in an arc first, and then bent back. And thank you for not throwing up. The only thing that comforted me was that the white-head wasn't better. He wasn't cramping, but he doubled up and just turned to the floor of the house. And I personally prefer to do without reverse peristalsis.

  Everyone's been stunned. Kolya, who never understood what happened to me. Kostya and his young copy, who just perfectly understood what their friend had done, but did not understand what exactly I had done, and the blond man, who either understood or did not understand what I had thrown away. But it was fun for everyone. And I just didn't feel good.

  - What's going on? - The Bostick came to his senses first.

  - Fuck knows him," Kolya said threateningly. - What did your prick do to Japeka?! I'm going to change his arms and legs now!

  - Halt! - I barked. - No one will change anything! Let me handle this without the bazaars!

  - That's right," the white-headed man almost gave out a cold. - How did you do that?

  - What the hell is your business?! I would have pulled your legs out myself, you parasite, I don't want to. But get out of here and say hello!

  Yeah, well, they'll be gone if I get it right. But I'm gonna ruin their lives!

  - Jane, we understand that we're to blame for you... There was a second type, the one younger than Kostika, but not a psychic. I didn't le
t him continue.

  - And if you do, get the hell out of here. I've had enough. You're good and you're bastards, bastards, bastards!

  - Jane, excuse us, please.

  - You're not doing that anymore, are you? And my line is, "Guys, let's live together," right? Let's do it! You guys are gonna clean up now, and we're gonna be friends, and the further we go, the friendlier! Here you go.

  - Aren't you interested in what happened to you?

  - No.

  - Jane, you're not telling the truth now," Kostik intervened.

  I measured it with a contemptuous look.

  - Look, the lie detector is two! Why, didn't the first one get enough? Apparently not enough! Mutant! Freak! Stupid in the bots!

  - Jane, would you stop fighting, please? Kostik asked.

  - I want to, and I swear! And you're all creatures! Beautiful words you say, but what you do...

  - Jane, that was the first and last time.

  - And if I couldn't resist, what time would that be? Told me you were all parasites, and I foolishly didn't believe it. You shouldn't have.

  - Says who? - Asked Coste quickly. And he hopes to catch me talking? Ha!

  - Snegirev. And also in church.

  - In a church?!

  - You'd think you'd be the first to try to hypnotise me," I snapped.

  - And who else?

  - Not your doggy business. But just so you know, even gypsy hypnosis doesn't work on me. And from Kashpirovsky and Chumak, I've been quietly shutting myself out. And from you, all the more so!

  Vampire, too. But shut up about it, shut up...

  The extrasex finally stopped squirming, so he tried to put his five kopecks in.

  - I apologize for trying to read your mind. Things work out fine with normal people. And no painful feelings.

  - Are you implying that I'm insane, argali? - It's me again. - I'm going to tie your ears with a bow for that!

  - Knock it off! The important thing is how could you do it?!

  - Break down your whole program? Absolutely!

  - ... ... your mother... ... easily?! - The Bostick exploded.