Chasing Lyrics (Music & Lyrics #1)

by Debbie Dickerson

  I don’t want to let him go. I say, “Tanner, you are my past, my present, and my future. Call me. Please call me. I love you.” I give him a kiss and force myself to turn away and actually leave. I have to coach myself, “Left foot, right foot…keep repeating!” I turn my head and he has found the photographer that came to Austin just to wait for him. When I get to the driver’s side, I hop in his truck and just sit there for a moment. I take a deep breath in and inhale his scent. Damn he smells so delicious! I take another deep breath and tell myself that everything is going to be fine. We are the forever type of couple. Shit, we are a couple!

  I remember that the cd from when we were seventeen-years-old is still in the car so I push play and the song, This is How You Remind Me by Nickelback begins to play. I roll my eyes and hit forward. Just a Friend by Mario comes on. Are you freakin’ kidding me? Forward! Next song is Sk8er Boi by Avril Lavigne. Yes! I crank up the radio and reminisce about this song and all the fun we had singing it. We made up an entire routine, or shall I say skit, to this song. Tanner was so different from the other guys. Really, what seventeen year old would do this with a girl he wasn’t even having sex with? He did everything he could to encourage my art; he even started singing just so I felt obligated to write. He would tell me, “I feel a responsibility to make sure the world gets to enjoy your words. I don’t call you Lyrics for nothing!” Nobody has ever inspired me like him. The next song is The Good Stuff by Kenny Chesney. I want to turn this song off but the words are speaking directly to me. It is almost as if they are telling me that everything will be okay, and that is exactly what I need to hear.

  I pull into our parking lot and really feel his absence, which leaves me empty entirely. I grab my purse and head into my apartment. Just last night this place felt warm and full, but now it is cold, lonely, and Tanner-less. I slowly enter and close the door. As I look around, I realize that everything I have connects me to Tanner in some way. I have a shelf that I call my souvenir case filled with memorabilia of our life. The crusty napkin is from the first time Tanner sang our songs on stage. I have a rock that Tanner found for me while we were on a family vacation. Mocking me are pictures of us from age fourteen until a few months ago. I grab my favorite one, us taking a selfie on Dad’s tractor. He looks stunning in his cowboy hat! I pull it to my heart pathetically trying to feel complete right now. My phone rings and it is Teri, Tanner’s Mom. “Hey, Mom!”

  She asks, “How are you sweetie? Did y’all get to the airport on time? You okay, Dylan?”

  I want to cry and punch something but instead I say, “Yes, we got to the stupid airport on time.”

  She lets a little laugh out and says, “Why don’t you come and stay with us tonight? We can spend some much needed girl time together.” That actually sounds perfect. Teri is the next best thing to Tanner.

  “You got it, Mom. I will be there by four o’clock.”

  “Sounds perfect, sweetie. Drive safely. Love you.”

  “Love you too, thank you.” A sigh of relief comes over me because the last place I want to be is here, in this cold apartment.

  I throw a few items into a bag and hit the road. My mind must be filled, because the drive goes by like nothing. When I pull into the driveway, it hits me how much I have to lose if Tanner and I end badly. I love my Dad with all my heart but pulling into the Staff’s driveway has always felt more like coming home to me. I look at my phone and realize that there are still at least two hours until Tanner arrives in Spain.

  As I am getting my bag out, Mom comes out the front door. She has a big smile on her face and two very large margarita glasses in her hands. She hands me one, gives me a kiss, and then says, “I thought this may help out right now.”

  I take a deep breath and sigh with relief. “You’re the best, thanks, Mom!” When we walk in, Tanner’s dad, Bo, is sleeping in his recliner and Mom looks at me and rolls her eyes.

  She whispers, “See what you have to look forward to, sweetie.” We both laugh, which startles Bo, but he drifts off as quickly as he woke up.

  The two of us sit down on the porch swing and get lost in conversation and margaritas until my phone rings. Tanner. “Hey, Tan! How the heck is Spain?”

  He says, “Hey, Lyr. Are you drinking?”

  I laugh and Mom yells, “Hey, baby boy!”

  Tanner laughs and asks, “Mom came down?”

  I say, “No, I am at the house. Girl time. The apartment wasn’t my friend today!”

  Tanner says, “Well how about I call you when I get settled into my room. The photographer Chip and I are waiting for our car and Jennifer right now. I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you already. Give Mom a hug and tell her I love her please.”

  I smile and say, “I miss you too. Hey, Tanner, I fucking love you.”

  He laughs and says, “I fucking love you too. Lay off the tequila though!”

  I say, “Mom keeps pouring them. Call me from the hotel then.”

  “Okay, bye.”

  “Bye.” When I set the phone down, I take a large gulp of the melted margarita and lay my head on Mom’s shoulder. She soothes my face as any good mom would. It is about ten o’clock at night when I see a car pull into my Dad’s driveway. I look at Teri, and she gives me a deer in the headlights look. I get up and stand on the porch banister to see the driver. A lady steps out of the car and my father greets here with a hug and a kiss…on the mouth! I gasp and throw my hand over my mouth. I look at Mom and mouth, “What the fuck?”

  Teri says, “Oh yeah, your Dad has a girlfriend. You didn’t know?”

  I say, “You know I didn’t know! When did this happen? Why didn’t somebody tell me? Holy cow, I can’t believe this!”

  Mom signals for me to get off the banister and when I do, she says, “Her name is Sophia and they met online.” I feel as if I entered the Twilight Zone! Online? “Yeah, I think it was that booty call site. Just kidding! It was Match.com. They have been over for dinner a few times; she is lovely. Don’t be mad, sweetie, I think Dad just didn’t want to upset you.”

  I cock my head, “I wouldn’t be upset. I have wanted him to date for years now.”

  Mom says, “That is exactly what I told him!”

  “How long?”

  She reluctantly says, “Oh geez, three or four months now.”

  Oh my God! “Should we go knock on the door and watch him squirm?”

  Mom’s eyes get big and mischievous, “Let’s do it!”

  When Dad opens the door, his jaw hits the floor! I smile and say, “Hi, Daddy! I thought we could spend some time together tonight?”

  Dad puts his hand on his head and stumbles to find words. “Oh, ugh, um, well right now?”

  I cheerfully and quickly reply, “No better time than right now!” I look back at Teri and she is motioning to him that I know. I bulge my eyes at her and she pretends that she did nothing. Dad steps outside and closes the door. I say, “Did you have something you want to tell me?”

  He smiles and says, “You little brat! I, um, I have a lady friend.”

  I quickly declare, “It’s about time! Let me meet her.”

  Dad goes in and we follow. He goes into his room and comes out with a very pretty, soft-looking lady. He says, “Sophia, this is Dylan, my daughter.”

  Sophia looks at me and comes in for a hug. “Finally, it is so good to meet you. This bozo thought you weren’t ready for this!”

  I laugh and say, “Twenty-one years is long enough! I am so happy to meet you.” Teri and Sophia give each other a hug.

  Sophia says, “Did Tanner make it to Spain okay?” We both nod our heads.

  I say, “Mom and I are over there having some girl time and margaritas. Would you care to join us?” She looks at Dad and he shrugs his shoulders.

  Sophia says, “I would love to.” Who would have thought this day would turn out like this? I can’t wait to tell Tanner!

  Chapter 14

  ‘Looking at the world through your eyes’

  Tanner –
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br />   This is just the beginning of this long-ass shoot and I swear I am going crazy without Lyrics. Spain is beautiful and Chip has some quite cool photo ideas. Jennifer has been nice enough but her diva side comes out every now and again. “I don’t want to lie in the sand. I want a vegetable soup with absolutely no salt…” Shut up, dumb ass! The only thing getting me through this is the long phone call at the end of the day, with Lyrics.

  It is Tuesday, June 16 at six a.m. and the ocean is sparkling like champagne. As I stand on the shore waiting for makeup to finish with Jennifer, all I can think about is the time that Lyrics tackled me into the water at Surfside Beach. What girl do you know that would blindside you and take you down in the water. The thought brings a smile to my face and a sharp pain to my gut. My body is aching from the absence of her. Throughout our lives together, Lyrics has always been the one to encourage me, lift me up, and make me see the beauty in life. I decide that from this point on I will look at the world through her eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes that splash yellow and beam out love. There it is…beauty! Even though it is about midnight back home, I send Lyrics a picture of the ocean. “Only through your eyes this became beautiful to me. Sleep well my best friend. I love you!” Finally, Jennifer is ready!

  Jennifer walks up and I toss my phone onto the towel outside the shot. Jennifer smiles and says, “May as well let her go. Nobody makes it in a relationship in this line of work!”

  I envision myself roundhouse kicking her in her head! I say, “We’re different.”

  She says, “Yep, heard that before.”

  What a bitch! I am so mad but what if she is right? Maybe that’s why I am so mad, maybe she is right? I shake it off, and for the next four hours, I change outfits, get touched up from makeup, and take about a million pictures. I check my phone between shots and even though it is late in Texas, I was hoping for a text back. Each time there isn’t one I feel myself getting a little more aggravated. The angrier I get, the nicer Jennifer becomes.

  She says, “Don’t worry, a guy like you won’t be lonely long.”

  I smile and say, “We have six months of this, let’s not go there, okay.” She smiles and looks at me with doe eyes before skipping over to speak with Chip.

  It is the last set of the day and I am in a pair of khaki shorts and nothing else. Jennifer is topless with a short skirt on. We have to climb on top of a rock that has water splashing over us every three seconds. I really don’t like this girl right now but her tits pressing against my chest aren’t the worst feeling in the world. I remind myself that I have the best girl in the world waiting for me to come home and voila, my boner goes down!

  Eight hours of taking pictures is fucking exhausting. We wrap it up and head to the hotel. Chip and Jennifer plan to hit the town tonight. Me, I plan to mope in my room. We are all quiet on the drive back. Finally, I get a call. I answer the phone and it’s Lyrics. I take a deep breath and say, “Hello, my angel.”

  She sighs then says, “Hello, my one.”

  Once again, my world is great. As I am speaking to her, Jennifer says loudly, “Tanner, you coming out with me tonight?”

  I shoot her a look and say, “No, like I said earlier.” She rolls her eyes and starts talking to Chip. I hear Lyrics tone change. I say, “Babe, I was getting really upset today without you here. Can’t you meet me in Germany for your birthday? I’ll buy the ticket right now. We’ll have a blast.”

  Lyrics is quiet, which doesn’t happen too often. She softly says, “Tan, I want to but I have to work and write.”

  I quickly say, “You don’t have to work and you can write on the plane.” I feel her wanting to give in so I say, “I will call you back in ten minutes.” I hang up. Five minutes later, I call her back. “It’s done! I bought you a flight that leaves on June 27 at nine a.m. The return is July 7.”

  Lyrics laughs and says, “Tanner, you really are all kinds of messed up. Then, June 27 I will be in your arms, inhaling your smell, and tasting your body.”

  Instant boner! I lean forward to adjust these Gap shorts and Jennifer looks at me as if I just whipped it out.

  She says, “Really?” Boner deflated! My smile was the size of Texas knowing my Lyrics was going to be with me soon! Nothing could break my spirits now.

  Spain is certainly nice but I am focusing on Germany… precisely June 27. The days fly by as we finish shooting in Spain. Next stop, Ireland. We arrive on June 18 and are here for one week, then onto Germany. I must have sent Lyrics over one thousand pictures on her phone. Ireland is absolutely badass. Jennifer, Chip, and I go to check out this local pub after the shoot today. Chip seems to be a genuine guy, which is a fucking rarity in this line of work. He’s a mild mannered man and very easy to speak with. Jennifer on the other hand is a handful but she has grown on me a little bit. She has had a rather rough upbringing and with her looks, most people want to fuck her or tear her down mentally. Me, I don’t want to do either and I think she understands that now. Her flirting with me has slowed down. Now she just directs it to other guys that would give their left nut just to kiss her cheek. It’s actually funny to watch men turn to putty right before my eyes. I have seen the same effect from Lyrics on guys but the difference is that she has absolutely no clue it is happening…which is one thousand times hotter than what Jennifer does! God I miss her!

  When we get back to our hotel, I send Lyrics a text. “Babe, I need a song. I need your words. I need your vision. I. NEED. YOU. Seems like my whole life I have looked at the world through your eyes and that’s how I like it! Send me a pic! I am in love with you!” Weird how just texting her makes me feel better. As I am getting ready to hop in the shower, I hear a knock at the door. Surprised and startled, I wrap the towel around my waist and answer the door. Jennifer. “Hey girl. What’s up?” She steps past me into my room and plops down on my bed.

  She whines, “Tanner, I’m bored.”

  I roll my eyes and tighten my towel. “Go down to the pub then.”

  More whining, “Those people hate me. They just want to screw a model.”

  Fuck! “Listen, Jen, if you stop flirting with every dick you see, then they will treat you differently.”

  She sits up and says, “What about your dick? Can I flirt with it?”

  Okay, that was completely slutty and damn I need Lyrics here. I tell her, “Jen, you need to get out and go to sleep. My dick is already taken.” My dick is standing at attention as if it heard its name and is ready to come out and play. Jennifer stands up and drags her hand across my stomach as she almost gets out the door. Fuck!

  She turns to me and says, “Going once…”

  I smile and say, “Sleep well.” She pouts a bit and then leaves. I take a deep sigh and realize that I am in desperate need of jacking off!

  I get a text. Lyrics. “Babe, can’t wait to see you in two days. I feel so lost without you. I have sat down to write at least ten times and blah, nothing comes out. When I get there, we can write together. Maybe we can find a gig to play? Bet you didn’t know that I look at the world through your eyes too. You are my strength. I have slept in your t-shirt every night! You ready for me?”

  I read the last line and laugh. Ready? Seriously, more than! I text her back, “Any way to get a Whataburger on the plane?”

  She texts, “Sure, just hope they don’t cavity search me!”

  I smile and text, “I hope you don’t have that same hope when you arrive here. I promise that cavity searching will happen!”

  Immediate response, “I’m counting on it!”

  I hold the phone as if I am holding her and text, “See you in two days. I love you.”

  “Can’t wait, I love you too!”

  Chapter 15

  ‘Opening my heart like I never have before’

  Lyrics –

  June 27 seems like it took forever to get here and now that it is here I cannot contain my excitement. I ran into Tyler the other day and he offered to drive me to the airport. I purposely left that part out when I spoke with
Tanner. I figure I’ll tell him face to face, maybe he will be less upset with me. Five a.m. and I hear Tyler’s car pull up. I grab my bags and rush outside. He gets out of the car, still sleepy, and takes the bags from me. He gives me a kiss on the cheek and says, “Ready, kid?” I smile at the nicknames he gives everybody. We get on the road and I thank him for picking me up and taking me to the airport. He looks at me and says, “Wish I was taking you back to my place though.” I nudge his shoulder and brush it off. He says, “You know I am the reason that y’all are together right now, right?”

  I say, “How?”

  Tyler quickly says, “If Tanner didn’t see you kissing me he would have kept you as his bff until forever.”

  I mentally kick him in the face and then I say, “Well, then I guess a thank you is in order.” He rolls his eyes. Luckily, the airport is not far from my place. This time when I see the sign for the airport, I feel it’s beautiful building that I absolutely love!

  Tyler pulls over to drop me off and says, “Hey, Dylan, if y’all don’t work out, I sure would like to take you out.”

  I half smile and tell him, “You are first on the list. Thanks again!” Tyler takes off as soon as the door shut.

  I check my bags, the TSA violates me, and then I find my terminal. This flight goes straight through to Frankfurt, thank God. My phone rings. Teri. “Hey, Mom! Yes, I made it on time. I think I have a window seat so that’s good. Oh yeah, I am so excited to see him. I sure do have my lucky handkerchief! Will do. Love you too.” I hang up and take a deep breath then reach into my pocket to rub my lucky handkerchief. I always travel with it. When my Mom was dying, she gave it to me, told me that she would always be with me and if I ever doubt it, just rub this handkerchief and she will be right here with me. As silly as it sounds, it has worked for over twenty-one years now. The Staff family all know to make sure I have it when we travel. One time Mr. Staff drove twenty miles into our vacation and Mom made him turn around because I forgot it! I am certain that from heaven, my Mom placed me as their neighbors when I was thirteen years old. Dad gained lifelong friends and I gained a Mom, a second Dad, and the love of my life. Mom knew what she was doing.