by Kaira Rouda
Madison had been so relieved the show was finished, that the producers had only forced her into this one last scene after her embarrassing on-camera meltdown in episode five. She felt so fat and ugly and she was completely depressed, she realized now. On the show she had said, “I’m moving to Europe. Going to college abroad and staying there,” she’d said it with a broad smile, her sad eyes hidden behind large dark sunglasses, her face partially obscured by a large floppy hat. The director had said she looked like she was in disguise and urged her to take off the hat and glasses. But she wouldn’t.
She’d already moved on in her head; she’d been accepted to the University College London, not that she would reveal that on camera, or to anyone but her mom and Annie. Meanwhile, Annie said she would live in Laguna and have “a houseful of babies,” something she and Hank had been busy making come true.
Meanwhile, Laura, Madison’s nemesis, the main character and voiceover narrator of the show, had smiled smugly and plugged her new show, Hollywood Nights. “I’m moving to Hollywood, pursuing acting and starting an accessories line. It’s all so exciting,” she had said her blonde hair glowing in the sunshine like a halo. Jessica who had been angling for a recurring character spot on Laura’s new show watched Laura with a toxic mixture of jealousy and desire, like a hungry person eyeballing a bag of potato chips that’s not allowed on her diet. Although back then, Jessica and her anorexia would never allow for a bag of chips.
“Laura, will you and Josh be together in LA?” Jessica had asked, as Annie shot her a dagger look and Madison had felt herself flush. That hadn’t been scripted, but of course it would be part of the finale.
Laura looked into the camera and smiled. “That’s the plan. I’ll keep him around as long as he stays fun,” she said. And then she reached for her iced tea and the scene was over.
“Cut. It’s a wrap,” the director had said.
“You’re such a bitch Laura,” Annie said as Jessica and Laura laughed. “Come on Holly.” Madison had followed her friend out the door, shaking with hurt and anger.
“You’re better than both of them,” Annie had said back then, wrapping a comforting arm around Madison. “Let’s just get through graduation. It’s two more weeks and then you’re free.”
Now she was back in Laguna Beach, no longer in London, no longer free. Her phone rang and it was Annie. How could Annie know she needed her now more than ever?
“Annie!” Madison said, sounding too eager, too desperate as tears welled up in her eyes. She was sitting in her car in the employee parking lot, tears running down her face. She needed to drive home, but couldn’t find the energy. No one would come looking for her anyway, she realized. Josh was with his fiancée.
“Madison. You haven’t been seeing him without telling me, have you?” Annie said, her voice stern. “I saw the photos of you two on Forest Avenue, walking out of Alana. They were online everywhere. What were you thinking? Really?”
“No, it’s not what you think. Not at all. He is in town shooting a pilot and he’s staying here at my resort. That’s all,” Madison said, which only made her cry harder.
“Where are you? Are you OK?” Annie asked. Madison heard her friend’s voice soften, realizing Madison was crying. They’d been friends so long, they heard each other’s emotions without having to see the tears. “What has he done?”
“Nothing. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have talked to him at all. He… he just keeps trying to apologize,” Madison said, as she reached into her glove box, searching for tissue or a napkin or anything to dry her face.
“Honey, it’s not your fault. You have a huge hole where he was in your life. He just walked right back into it,” Annie said. “Do you want me to come get you? The kids are asleep, Hank is home.”
That would be ridiculous, Madison thought. She was less than five miles from home. Annie was tucked in with her family, up in the area of town called Top of the World for its sky-high location and amazing views. No, Madison thought, sitting up straight, she was a big girl.
“Thanks, Annie. Maybe a walk tomorrow if you have time? I’m going home to check on Mom. I’m fine,” Madison said, trying to believe it.
“Honey, you are fine.” Changing the subject she asked, “have you talked to Dolby?” Annie was a big Dolby fan, refusing to believe that his simple surfer life wouldn’t be a perfect fit for Madison’s complicated corporate one. “You two are so perfectly opposite.” Madison had to smile at the familiar refrain.
“We haven’t talked since he watched episode four, presumably followed by episode five. So helpful how they stream them together these days,” Madison said, taking a deep breath. It wasn’t a shock that Dolby was embarrassed by her now. It was a shock it hadn’t happened sooner.
“He feels bad. He called me. He wants to talk. He’s fine with it all, he’s just been working a lot, I guess,” Annie said. Madison could picture Annie tucking her brown shoulder length hair behind her ears, trying to convince herself the lie she was telling Madison was in fact true.
“He doesn’t have anything to be sorry about. I know the drill,” Madison said, realizing she’d calmed down enough to drive home. Bless, Annie. “The surprise was we lasted so long without him seeing the show. A miracle, actually, a record.”
Annie laughed. “He’s a hippie who lives in the canyon. I still don’t know how he got a hold of a computer to download the stupid thing. Anyway, if you want him, he’s available. He really likes you, in his own way.”
Madison turned onto her street, having cruised down Coast Highway in record time for a Saturday night at 11 p.m. “I’ll keep that in mind, Annie. Hey, I didn’t even ask, how are the kids, Hank, the new baby on the way?”
“We’re all fine, sweetie. Let’s go to lunch tomorrow instead of a walk. I am starting to waddle and it’s not attractive,” Annie said. “I’ll call you when I find out what Hank has going on tomorrow.”
“That’s a deal. And thanks, as always,” Madison said, pulling into her garage.
“I’m always here,” Annie said. “Love you.”
“You too,” Madison said as she turned off the engine and hung up. She hoped her mother was fast asleep, dreaming of health and wellness, and nothing to do with the late hour her daughter was arriving home. Madison climbed the wooden stairs up to the front door to her cottage in barefoot. She noticed the lights were out in the back cottage and she was relieved, certain her mom was sound asleep. She turned the key in the lock and slowly pushed the door open. Her mom sat in the corner chair, facing the fireplace, wrapped in her favorite blanket.
“Hey Mom,” Madison said, knowing her makeup stained face would give everything away even as she tried to paste on a smile.
“Madison Holly Alcott, what did that ego monster do this time?” Francine said.
Madison looked at her mom and before she could help herself, tears were streaming down her face.
“Come sit down beside me,” Francine said patting the arm of the chair next to her and Madison dropped into the overstuffed white chair. Her mom patted her hand and Madison felt like a child again, living in the canyon, not a part of the rest of the town. She hated this feeling. That she didn’t belong, that she wasn’t good enough, that she’d never be good enough for Laguna Beach, for success, for Josh.
“It’s not his fault,” Madison said, finally breaking the silence once her tears had dissipated. “We still have a connection, like always. It’s just his choices. He makes terrible choices, Mom.”
“Actions speak louder than words, honey,” Francine said.
“I know, of course I know that, but it’s like he needs a reality check in his life. I think that’s what I was for him, back in high school,” Madison said. She looked out the French doors toward the deck and over the tops of the cottages and homes below, saw the moon rising over the ocean.
“Because you were my daughter, the daughter of a nail salon owner from the canyon?” Francine said. Her tone wasn’t bitter, just factual as always, Madison noted. Sh
e knew her mom was proud of their life, that they’d hung on, that Madison had graduated from one of the best, most beautiful high schools in the state. “I wouldn’t change anything. Your upbringing made you successful, scrappy. I don’t worry about you taking care of yourself when I’m gone. Remember when you took over the salon for a whole weekend, and nobody realized it? You were eleven years old!”
Madison smiled at the memory. Her mom had been sick with the flu, unable to even lift her head off the pillow. Madison had taken the bus into town, opened up the salon and managed client appointments all day, splitting them between the two other manicurists, somehow keeping the peace between long-standing clients and tourist walk-ins.
“Joleen called me that Sunday and told me I may as well retire since you were going to take over the place. I laughed and told her you had to go back to school or else I would’ve handed you the keys,” Francine said. Madison could hear the smile in her mom’s voice even as the moon rising started to shed a glow in the room where they sat.
“You need to get to bed, Mom,” Madison said, reluctantly pushing herself out of the chair and helping her mom out of hers. “I’ll walk you over to your cottage. You really shouldn’t be waiting up for me like this. It’s not healthy. And if you do, stay in your cottage. I’ll always check on you.”
“I know you will, honey,” Francine said. She stopped walking and looked at Madison. “What is it? What did he do this time?”
Madison took a deep breath and let it out. “He’s engaged, it turns out,” Madison said holding her palms up to silence her mom. “But that’s fine. It is. I just let myself get attached a little bit again. I’ll be fine.”
“Ego monster,” Francine said and began her slow walk toward her cottage, Madison falling in place next to her for support.
“I guess,” Madison said. “Oh, and they’ve talked my boss Bob into having me on the pilot Josh is shooting. That’s just – ”
“Wonderful. Oh, Madison, you are a natural. I loved watching you on TV, even with all that stuff that happened. You were a natural, they all told me so. And this is a travel show and you’ve been all around the world. You’re perfect, much better than Josh, in fact.” They’d reached the back cottage and Francine kissed Madison on the cheek. “That’s a great opportunity the ego monster has brought to you. Grab it. Redeem yourself. This time, you’re in charge of the outcome!”
“Good night, Mom. I love you,” Madison said, shaking her head. She never could predict what her mom would get excited about. At the same time she couldn’t help but wonder exactly who had said she was a natural. Madison crossed the small patio and walked back inside the warmth of the main cottage. A natural disaster was more like it.
He’d grabbed Sally by the forearm, pulling her up the path, winding their way quickly across the beautiful grounds of the hotel, past the pool glowing in the evening air, into the hotel and to the elevators, the bright orange birds-of-paradise nodding in the breeze as they passed by. Fortunately, the rest of the party had walked the other direction, headed for their rooms on the other wing of the hotel.
“What’s the rush?” Sally said, her heels tapping behind him on the path.
“You need to head home, back to LA,” Josh said, yanking open the door to the first floor of the hotel, and pulling her through the hallway to the hotel elevators and hit the button for the lobby. “I don’t know why you are here, especially when I asked you not to come.”
Sally pulled a lipstick out of her purse and reapplied the bright red shine to her overly plumped lips. He watched as she tugged at the hem of her too-short dress, pulling it down half an inch while exposing more of her cleavage in the process. She smiled as the elevator door opened and stepped inside.
“I missed you, that’s all,” she said. She reached her hand up to touch his cheek, but Josh intercepted the motion, holding her hand in his. Josh exhaled. She was without a doubt the most frustrating woman he’d ever dated, and his biggest mistake. He should have dealt with their relationship months ago. Instead he’d let it simmer so that all he wanted to do was run away from her, hoping she’d go away. It hadn’t worked. Sally was accustomed to getting everything she wanted, whenever she wanted it, thanks to her father’s wealth. He couldn’t believe that for a moment, he’d been seduced by access to that kind of money and the kind of control she would wield over any man who signed up for that life in the long run. He shook his head, glancing at her left ring finger.
“Why did you call me your fiancé? We aren’t engaged, you know that,” Josh said. The elevator doors opened to the elegant lobby. A pianist played “Piano Man” at the baby grand near the bar. Josh spotted a couch across the room next to a glowing fireplace and headed in that direction, pulling Sally behind him again like a reluctant toddler. Josh noticed the two men at the bar checking her out and felt like handing her to them.
“Slow down, would you,” she said behind him. “I picked out the ring yesterday so I was just trying it out, you know, the term. Fiancé has a great ring to it. Get it? A pun.”
Exasperated, Josh said, “Sit down, please,” once they’d reached the plush couch. They sat down side by side. Josh noticed Sally scanning the crowd in the lobby, no doubt checking for celebrities, something she did everywhere they went. “Sally, I don’t know how to say this any other way but to say it. We won’t be getting engaged. I’m sorry, but I just don’t love you. In fact, I would like you to move out. Take this week to get your things together. I’ll be in Laguna until Friday, so you should have plenty of time.”
Sally’s big brown eyes were blinking rapidly. Josh didn’t know what to expect, a show or a quiet retreat and either reaction could still happen. She wasn’t making eye contact with him, just staring and blinking.
Josh put his hand on her shoulder, in what he hoped was a calming gesture. “Look, I know you may be in shock over this but you’ll come to see that what we had isn’t enough for you,” he said. She was still blinking. “Sally? Look at me. I’m sorry.”
Finally, she turned her head, looking into his eyes for the first time since they’d sat down on the couch. “You aren’t going to invite me to stay here with you?” she said.
“No. I’m not, I’m sorry,” Josh said. “I’ll call your driver for you if you’d like.”
“Is it her? That blonde you were next to. Is that the reason for this?” she said. Her hands had balled into fists in her lap but otherwise she seemed calm Josh noted, relieved.
“This isn’t about anyone else. It’s about us,” Josh said, hoping his expression hadn’t changed at the mention of Madison.
“You’re lying. I saw the way you looked at her. And you’re right, I can do better. My assistant will have everything out of your pathetic house by the time you return to LA,” Sally said, standing up, looking down on him. When Josh began to stand she put her hand out to stop him. “Don’t. Just sit there, looking small. Because that’s what you are. Small. A has been. No wonder your parents don’t talk to you. You’re nothing.” As Sally walked away, Josh knew two things for sure. He’d done the right thing breaking up with her and that she was correct: He was nothing.
Sunday
Madison had jogged to meet Annie in town at their favorite spot, Wahoo Fish Tacos. Her hair was in a ponytail and she had on a bright pink Lulu Lemon top and black shorts. Annie, wearing a bright yellow maternity dress, had her dark hair tucked behind her ears as usual. Hank had urged her to take a few hours off away from the kids, and she was anxious for “girl time”, she told Madison. They’d just finished their tacos, over light conversation mostly surrounding Annie’s two kids and their latest antics. They were now walking down Coast Highway to the Thalia Street beach entrance. It was another perfect day in paradise, aside from the swelling number of tourists that were great for local businesses, but trying for locals.
“Use a crosswalk,” someone yelled from their car as two people darted from the ocean side of the sidewalk across Coast Highway, a stupid move anywhere along this stretch of road.
Pedestrians have been hit even when they were in the crosswalks, lights flashing.
“Stupid tourists,” Annie said.
“Can’t live with them, can’t live without them,” Madison said as they walked down Thalia Street past the surf shop. Madison wondered if Dolby was working.
“Do you want to stop in, see if Dolby’s there?” Annie said, reading her mind.
“Nah, we’ll talk some other time. This is girl time,” Madison said, averting her eyes. They walked down the stairs to the beach and Madison smiled looking at the line of surfers out in the water, positioning themselves for the next wave. With a swell in from the south, they were having a good day, she knew.
“Sit here?” Annie asked, pointing to an open spot of sand, and they plopped down. “It’s so weird that Josh’s back in town. I mean, it’s been great not having anybody else from the show back here. They’re all living somewhere else.”
“Well, he’s only here for the filming. He’ll be back in LA by the end of the week,” Madison said, holding a mound of warm, white sand in her palm and then spreading her fingers to let it fall through the cracks.
“You’re still in love with him,” Annie said, tracing a circle on the sand. “That’s normal. You guys had something special and then it just blew up, without any closure. Did you talk at all at dinner Friday night, or last night?”
“You mean before his fiancé came to town?” Madison said, shaking her head. She was such a fool. “Sure, we talked. He told me he’d never loved anyone else the way he loved me. Another lie. I mean, he had a fiancé back home. I’m so stupid.”
“No you’re not, you’re real and trusting,” Annie said leaning back on the sand.
