Should've Been Us

by Jess Bryant

  “You want to talk delusional? You’re so wound up just from that one kiss, from thinking about it, about me, I bet I could make you come within minutes of touching you. Tell me I’m wrong.” He all but dared her to deny it but she managed to roll her eyes.

  “Minutes? What am I? Fast food?”

  He chuckled at that, “Fine. I’ll get you off fast the first time and then I’ll take it slow. I’ll make you come so many times you lose count. I bet nobody’s ever given you multiple orgasms.”

  “You’re an arrogant bastard.” She sniffed at him defensively, worried he would see right through her, “I’ll have you know Barney gets me off as fast as I need him to, as many times as I want. He makes me come so hard I see stars.”

  “Barney?” His voice was practically a growl, “Who the hell is Barney? You got a big purple friend I don’t know about?”

  “Mmhmm.” She blinked up at him as innocently as she could because if he thought he could tease her, then two could play at that game, “A big, purple headed friend that hits spots you couldn’t find with a map and compass.”

  “Jesus Christ.” He muttered under his breath and she barely contained a giggle when he tilted his head to the sky as if he was looking for patience. His blue eyes were hot when he finally looked back at her. “Your vibrator? You named your vibrator Barney.”

  “Seemed fitting.” She shrugged. “He’s big and purple and all about making me feel good.”

  Lulu bit her lip when Connor groaned. She could feel his cock pressing against her belly even through their clothes. Her panties were damp from the game they were playing. If she was honest with herself, he was right and she’d been wet from the moment he touched her. She had to clench her thighs together when he licked his lips and pinned her with a look of blatant desire.

  “Fuck, baby.” He was practically panting, “Just thinking about you laid out in bed, naked, pleasuring yourself, it’s so fucking hot. I want to see that so damn bad.”

  Had he just called her baby?

  She blinked, frowned, then blinked at him again. That was not at all the response she’d expected out of him. And just like that, the game twisted right out of her control and she realized she’d lost whatever upper hand she’d thought she had.

  She shook her head, “Not a chance.”

  “Someday you’ll show me.” Connor sighed, “Someday you’re going to show me everything that gets you off.”

  She let out a shaky breath. She had no reply for that. Her denials were beginning to sound forced even to herself.

  “Do you know how much it turns me on thinking about watching you fuck yourself with that big, purple friend of yours?”

  Lulu swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry as images of that looped through her mind. She could barely hear above the blood pounding in her ears. Her breasts had swelled with anticipation. She could feel it in the tightening of her dress. It turned her on too, thinking about Connor watching her, but still she tried to right her course.

  “Doesn’t the idea of me getting off without you make you… I don’t know…” She trailed off when he cocked an eyebrow at her.

  “Jealous? Hell yeah. I’m jealous of a sex toy right now. I want to be the one giving you pleasure. I want to be the one making you moan. I want it to be my name you scream when you come apart. But if you want to play with your purple friend, you just let me know when and where. I’ll watch you play until you drive me out of my mind and then I’ll claim your ass while you fuck yourself on your toy.”

  Lulu’s breath hitched and Connor smirked. She was definitely the one panting by the time he finished that little fantasy but she tried to hide it. Her cheeks felt red, the flush coasting down her neck and warming her entire body. The ache between her thighs was downright irritating and she needed relief but she refused to let Connor know that.

  “You’re not planting a flag in my ass like Columbus discovering a new world, Connor.”

  He laughed, “God, you’re a firecracker. I love that sassy mouth of yours. I loved finally getting to kiss it. You haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, have you? Nobody’s ever kissed you like I kiss you. Admit it.”

  “Go to hell.”

  “Spending the past ten years near you and not being able to touch you has been exactly that, baby.” Connor caught her eyes and held her there, mesmerized, “But now that I’ve had your mouth, I intend to have the rest of you. You want it too. I can see it in those pretty eyes of yours every time you look at me now. You want to know what its like for me to claim every inch of you, don’t you? You won’t have to wait much longer. Neither of us will.”

  “Wh-what does that mean?” She hated the stutter in her voice, especially when he only smiled at her in return.

  “You’re gonna come to me tonight.”

  “Like hell I am.” She frowned, “You cocky bastard, I’m not…”

  “And, switch.” The loud voice of their dance instructor commanded once again and Connor stopped dancing and slid a hand to her chin.

  “Come to my room tonight, Lulu.”

  “Never going to happen.” She glared back up at him but his lips only curved upwards into that knowing smirk.

  “Whatever you say, Lu. Whatever you say.”

  She narrowed her eyes. She hated it when he said that. Like what she was saying was cute but clearly untrue and he was just waiting for her to realize it.

  “Cutting in.” Derek’s voice came from next to them, making Lulu jump and Connor drop his hand.

  “Of course.” Connor smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes when he looked at their best friend, “All yours.”

  Without a backwards glance, he turned and walked away and Lulu’s eyes followed him. Something about seeing the distance he put between them made her heart feel heavy. That smile that hadn’t really been a smile had cut at her insides and made her wonder how many times she’d missed those tense interactions between the two men.

  All this time, she’d assumed she was the only one hurting because of her obsession. Now she wondered if she hadn’t been wrong about that too. If Connor had really felt all of those things he said he did, all this time, and she’d been blind to it… Oh God. She felt a little lightheaded as she realized what it meant.

  She’d been hurting him the same way Derek hurt her.

  “Lulu?”

  She jerked her attention back to the voice she would recognize anywhere and found Derek holding out his hand expectantly. All around them, the couples had switched off partners and begun dancing again. Derek was standing less than a foot from her and he’d had to say her name to get her attention.

  That might be a first in the history of their entire friendship.

  “Sorry. Yeah.” She took his hand and let him hold her at a respectable distance as they fell into the steps with the music.

  “You okay?” His voice was soft, concerned, and she could see the worry that sparkled in his dark eyes.

  “Yeah. Fine. Why?”

  “You look flushed.”

  Lulu giggled but the sound was all wrong. Her voice was off. She felt like she was lying to her best friend and she supposed that she was. She wasn’t fine. She was definitely flushed. And there was no way she could tell him why.

  “It’s hot in here, with all the wine and the dancing. I think its just going to my head.”

  Another lie. The only thing going to her head was Connor. His kiss had felt like taking a shot of whiskey. It had burned her from the inside out and even now she could taste him on her lips.

  “So you and Connor weren’t fighting then?”

  “Huh? No.” She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts.

  She could barely hold onto the thread of the conversation Derek was trying to have with her. That was definitely a first. Usually Derek was the one that invaded her thoughts when he shouldn’t be there. Yet now he was right here, inches from her, their hands and bodies entwined in a dance, and she couldn’t focus on anything but the man that been doing his damndest to push D
erek from her mind for years.

  He’d succeeded. Connor had finally succeeded, she realized. Derek had been there with them most of the day. He’d been there on the beach but she’d barely given him a second look. She hadn’t bemoaned her loss while she watched him with Aubrey. She’d been too busy fighting with Connor. And now? After the things he’d said, after the way he’d kissed her and touched her in her room, he was the only thing she could think about.

  It was crazy. She was crazy. She couldn’t want Connor, couldn’t ache to feel his hands on her again, couldn’t yearn for his taste. She couldn’t actually be considering letting him be right and going to him tonight but God, he was right.

  She wanted Connor.

  “Well that’s a first.”

  “What?” Lulu’s voice came out shrill again and she had to fight down a surge of panic.

  Had Derek read her mind? Did he know? Could he tell that things between her and Connor had changed?

  “If you and Con weren’t fighting, that’s a first.” Derek only smiled easily and perfectly executed a complicated turn in the dance they were learning. “Usually you two are at each other’s throats.”

  “Oh, that… yeah.” She tried to steady herself and focus.

  “I’m glad you two seem to be getting along a little better. I’ve always wished you two were better friends. That’s why, when he asked to be paired with you this week, I went ahead and said yes even though I worried you’d end up killing each other.”

  Her eyebrows shot skyward, “Wait, what? He asked to be paired with me?”

  “For all the buddy games, yeah. He wanted you two to be partners. It’s why you’re roomed together in the bungalows too. He thought maybe you two could find a way to be friends if you were in forced proximity.” Derek laughed, completely missing her shocked expression, “I thought you’d ask for a room change within the first eight hours but… I guess he was right.”

  Lulu gaped at the things she was hearing. Connor had asked to be paired with her. He’d wanted to be near her. He hadn’t been lying. He had been working an angle but it wasn’t at all the one she’d thought he was working. Even when she’d said she was going to murder Derek for putting them together, Connor had let her believe that he had no say in the matter but he had. He’d wanted this. He’d wanted her. Just like he said he did.

  “…and it was nice knowing he would look out for you while I was busy with my grooms duties and making sure Aubrey was taken care of.” Derek was still talking and Lulu caught back up to what he was saying when he smiled, “You two have always been like oil and water but if I can’t look after you, I’m glad that Connor is there to do it. He’s a good guy.”

  “He’s a pain in the ass.” Lulu retorted automatically, her eyes drifting to the man they were discussing.

  “Well, yeah, he’s that too.” Derek laughed, “But he means well. He’s probably the most honest person I’ve ever met. He doesn’t beat around the bush. He’ll tell you the truth even if you don’t want to hear it. He can be rough around the edges but ultimately, he’s only ever doing what he thinks is right.”

  Jesus, Lulu bit into her bottom lip. She remembered at dinner the previous night when Aubrey had called Connor laid-back and Lulu had wondered if the woman knew him at all. Now, just a day later, she couldn’t help but wonder if she did.

  It was like, all this time, he’d been wearing a mask, or rather, maybe she had. Maybe she’d been wearing blinders when it came to him. They’d been ripped off today and now, for the first time, she truly saw Connor.

  She’d hated him for so long just because he told her things she didn’t want to face. But he’d been right. She just hated to admit when he was right. She didn’t hate him. She hated what he’d represented to her. Letting go of Derek, admitting she was wrong, accepting that everything she’d wanted would never be hers.

  Connor turned suddenly with his new dance partner, as if he could sense her gaze on him. He caught her staring and his smile widened knowingly. He shot her a quick wink and she rolled her eyes before looking away.

  Cocky bastard. She shouldn’t want him even more knowing he’d been looking after her all this time but she did. God help her, she thought she really might prove him right once and for all and go to him tonight.

  The way he’d kissed her, the way he’d touched her, the way he’d looked at her ever since… she felt wanted for the first time in so long and that was something she feared could become really, really addicting if she gave him half a chance.

  Chapter Eight

  Connor had paced back and forth so long the carpet beneath his feet was starting to show the wear. He stared at the small doorway that had been shut when he got back to his room after dance lessons. He’d lost track of Lulu for one damn minute while he tried to politely tell Amber that he wasn’t interested and now there was a wall between him and Lulu that he couldn’t even begin to scale.

  Fuck.

  He stopped pacing and sat down on the edge of the bed. He checked the clock on the nightstand. It was late but it wasn’t too late. She could still change her mind. He stared at the doorway, willing her to knock and then cursing violently when the room remained quiet.

  He was such a masochist. He was really considering going after her. Even though he’d put the ball in her court and told her he would be waiting. She hadn’t come to him. She’d ditched him. She wasn’t ready to face what he could give her.

  He should let her be. He knew that. Hell, his heart wasn’t up to the disappointment. He should just go to bed, leave it for tomorrow, and figure out a new plan then.

  “Fuck it.” He stood and rushed for the door that led to her room. He wasn’t going down that easy. If she thought she could simply avoid him then she had another thing coming. He was tired of being ignored. He jerked his door open, fully prepared to bang his way through the door on her side, but he pulled up short to keep from running her over because Lulu was standing on the other side, her hand up as if she’d been about to knock. His heart fucking stopped. “Lu?”

  “I’d only be using you.”

  He growled when she instantly tried to put parameters on what she was doing and why, “Shut up.”

  He grabbed her by the arm and jerked her through the doorway. He kicked it shut behind them. He backed her against the wall and loved the way her eyes went wide when he crowded her.

  “I’m only using you as a distraction.”

  “I said, shut up.” He slid his hand into her hair but the defiant way she tilted her chin up only made his cock hard.

  God he loved that fire that lit her up from the inside out. Of course she wasn’t going to make this easy for him. She wouldn’t be Lulu if she wasn’t simultaneously pissing him off and making him hard.

  “I’m telling you up front that I’m using you for your body. You’re hot and I want to get off. Rumor has it, you’re good at that kind of thing so this should be right up your alley. One night. No strings or feelings. This is just sex. It isn’t anything more than that.”

  “Whatever you need to tell yourself, dollface.”

  Her dark eyes flashed, “Don’t call me that.”

  “You’re right.” He traced her stubborn chin, “You’re not a doll. You’re a woman. You’re strong and you make your own choices. You came here to use me? Then use me, Lu.”

  He backed up a step, giving her space, and watched her dark brows knit together. He smirked. She hadn’t expected him to let her take control. Good. He liked it when she was a little off balance.

  If she’d expected him to simply go caveman on her, she knew him better than she realized. Because he wanted to. He wanted to strip her down and take her hard and fast. He wanted to fuck her until she went hoarse from screaming his name. He wanted to brand her, mark her, claim her. Make it so she knew whom she belonged to.

  But that was what he wanted.

  It wasn’t what Lulu needed.

  Not yet.

  He’d seen the flash of hurt when he used that old endearment. That w
asn’t his word to use. That was Derek’s and he didn’t want her thinking about the other man at all when he was finally touching her. Besides, Derek had been wrong. Lulu had always been far stronger than either of them gave her credit.

  She’d come to him tonight even though she was still wary. Even though she wasn’t sure why. She was trying to give him new rules to play by in order to make it seem like she was in control because she wasn’t ready to face that this was exactly where she was supposed to be.

  She needed to be the one in control this time. She needed to own this as her decision. She wasn’t going to look back on tonight and say he’d seduced her in a weak moment. She wasn’t going to twist this around in her head later and claim he took advantage.

  This was about her. She’d made the decision to come here. She wanted to believe it was just about sex? Fine, at least for now. He could give her that. He’d give her whatever she needed.

  He held his hands out at his sides when she continued to eye him warily, “You want my body? It’s yours. Do with it what you want. I only have one demand and it’s non-negotiable.”

  “There’s always a catch with you, isn’t there?” She rolled her eyes but he wasn’t playing, not anymore.

  “You don’t close your eyes.”

  “What?”

  “While you’re using me, you look at me, Lu. You don’t close your eyes. You don’t look away. You see me. You don’t pretend I’m him. I’m never going to be him. So, see me. Be here, tonight, with me.”

  Lulu’s dark eyes went soft at his demand and his heart lurched in his chest when he saw her finally, finally, begin to understand him.

  That was his truth. The one thing he wouldn’t and couldn’t budge on. Not with her. Not after all this time. He wanted her. Hell, he’d always wanted her. But he wouldn’t be a stand-in for the man she couldn’t have. He wouldn’t let her pretend he was someone else, not even if he thought he’d die without her touch. He wouldn’t let her touch him and be thinking of Derek.

  “I know who I’m with, Connor.” Lulu spoke softly, her eyes never leaving his as she closed the space between them, “You were right, okay? I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. You turned everything I thought I knew upside down and the only thing I know for sure is that I want you. You. Arrogant, annoying, pain in the ass, so sexy it hurts to look at you sometimes. You. I want you.”