by Jess Bryant
They’d spent a day just the two of them snorkeling on a reef not far from their bungalow. They’d seen beautiful fish and other sea-life. Lulu’s smile had been so beautiful in the blue of the ocean that he’d kissed her until they’d both nearly drowned. They’d been laughing when they finally made their way back to the beach and that night, when he’d made love to her it had been with those same smiles of pleasure on their faces.
Not a day had passed since that first one on in Mexico that he hadn’t gotten to enjoy the taste of Lulu on his lips.
They still fought. That couldn’t be helped. Sometimes he was a jealous bastard. Sometimes she was a hothead. But instead of turning to tearing each other down, they almost always ended up cooling down and then having make-up sex. The few times they hadn’t taken the time to cool down first had been some of the hottest sex of his life, simply tearing at each others clothes and fucking hard until they didn’t have the energy to argue anymore.
It had been a good week so far and every day only got better. She was opening up to him. Being sweet with him. She didn’t mind being with him in front of the others. She let him hold her hand and kiss her and they’d made no secret of the times they’d snuck off for sex only to come back looking debauched and satisfied.
And that was the only word Connor could come up with as he rolled off Lulu after another round of hot, fast, hard lovemaking that took his breath away and had her panting and sweaty as she rolled up next to him to cuddle in the aftermath of their orgasms.
Satisfied. He was finally satisfied. Happy. Content. Lulu was his, in bed and out of it, and she would be his when they went home to Fate in a couple of days. Back to their real lives, back to their own apartments and houses and jobs, they’d go back together.
“Mmm.” Lulu nuzzled his damp chest, “Somebody looks awfully satisfied with himself.”
He chuckled when she read his mind and shot her words back at her, “Somebody sounds awfully satisfied with herself.”
“You do aim to please and you hit the mark every time.”
“I…” He started to respond but the sound of his cell phone ringing on the nightstand interrupted him and he groaned. “Hold that thought, babe.”
He kept one arm around Lulu and reached for the nightstand with his other. He squinted in the mostly dark room until he could make out the name on the screen and then put it back down after turning off the ringer. He scooted back into Lulu’s warmth but she shot him a confused expression.
“You’re not going to answer that?”
“Nah. It’s not important.”
Lulu raised an eyebrow, “One of your groupies trying to schedule a hook-up?”
“Groupies?” He laughed, “God no. First off, I don’t have groupies. There are women I’ve slept with in the past who would like to think it meant more than it did but I’d hardly call them groupies.”
“They’re total groupies.” Lulu snorted, “Groupies trail after hot guys, flashing their tits and all but begging for a ride. If you want proof you have groupies, look no further than Amber.”
He groaned at the mention of the most annoying blonde on the planet, “She’s let up since I made it clear you’re the only woman I want in my bed.”
“Yeah? So why’d she hiss at me that when you get tired of me and toss me out of your bed she intends to be right back in it?”
“She did what?” He growled, every muscle in his body going tight with anger. “That conniving little… Dammit, Lu. I’m sorry you have to deal with her. For the record, she never spent a single night in my bed.”
“Just got down and dirty with her at the Roadhouse?” Lulu’s voice sounded teasing but there was something else there that made his heart warm because he thought she sounded a little bit jealous and God, how long had he been the one that was a jealous mess? He wouldn’t let her have to deal with his past conquests though, not Amber and not any of the rest. He’d make it clear to them all that he was with Lulu for good as soon as they got back to Fate.
“I’ve never taken a woman home to my bed, Lu. It was never a place I wanted them because they didn’t mean anything to me.” He brushed his thumb under her chin, lifting her gaze to his, “Not like you do.”
“Technically I’ve never been in your bed either.”
“A problem I intend to rectify as soon as we get home, baby.” He rubbed his thumb back and forth over her bottom lip, wondering if he should tell her what he’d been thinking and then deciding that he’d never hedged with her before and he didn’t want to start now. “I want you there with me. In my bed. In my house. In my life. I want you with me all the time.”
Lulu’s dark eyes widened slightly, “All the time? Like… you want me to move in with you?”
“Yes.” He stated firmly and plainly.
“Connor…” Her lips pursed, “Don’t you think that’s a little fast? We’ve only been together a few days and it’s a vacation fling and…”
He rolled her to her back with a grunt, “Don’t call it that.”
“Con…”
“This is not a fling, Lulu. It’s not a one-night-stand or a multiple-night-stand or friends with benefits or any other of those titles the kids are using these days to keep from calling a spade a spade. This is a relationship and I want it to be real. It is real. Tell me you can accept this for what it is. Please.”
Her eyes softened and she brushed her fingers through his hair as she sighed, “I’m trying. I promise, I’m trying. It’s all just happened so fast.”
“Not for me.” He sighed, rolling back off of her and scrubbing a hand down his face, “I’ve wanted you for so long, Lu. Finally having you? It’s like, finally my real life can start because you’ll be there with me, at my side. That’s what I want. It’s what I’ve always wanted.”
“Connor…” She rolled up onto her elbow to look down at him, her beautiful face painted in shadows and moonlight. She leaned down and brushed her lips over his, murmuring in the small space, “You steal another piece of my heart every time you say sweet things like that.”
“They’re true.” He caught her hair, keeping her close. “They’re all true.”
“I know. I used to hate you for that. The way you could see right through me to the truth, the way you had no problem calling me out on it. But I think, even when I hated you for it, I knew you were only trying to help me face it myself. I’m sorry it took me so long.”
“What matters is that we’re here now. Together. And I want us to stay that way when we go home.” He met her eyes seriously, “We’ll work out the details later, just tell me that you’re not going to chalk me up to a wedding hook-up and leave me behind when its time to go back to the real world.”
“Of course not.” Lulu smiled softly, “Even if I was dumb enough to try it, something tells me you wouldn’t let me go that easily.”
“Never. I’m not letting you go. Ever.”
His serious statement hung in the air between them until the sound of his phone dinged in the dark space again. It was the tone that alerted him he had a voicemail so he didn’t bother to even look at the phone this time. When he glanced back up at Lulu she was frowning at the thing though and he chuckled slightly at the jealousy she’d never admit to.
“It was Kady that called and I can call her back in the morning. I’m sure it’s nothing important.”
Some of the tension in Lulu’s face softened and she relaxed back down beside him on the bed. He let her get comfortable again, sliding his arm around her and pulled her against his side. His woman was a serious cuddler which he found absolutely adorable until the middle of the night when she inevitably smacked him in the face or kneed him in the groin. Not that he’d told her she did those things. He wouldn’t say a word to discourage her from using him as a pillow because he loved the feel of her naked skin against his.
“How is your sister doing?” Lulu traced what he thought was a heart across his chest and he smiled at the change in conversation.
“She’s good. I’ve n
ever seen her so happy.”
“How far along is she now?”
“Um… what day is it?” He squinted, doing the math in his head quickly, “26 weeks?”
“And you’re sure you shouldn’t check your phone? I mean, your sister is pregnant. What if something is wrong?”
“If something was wrong, Sloan would be the one calling me and that thing wouldn’t have stopped ringing until I picked up.” He chuckled, “He’s an absolute wreck and a pain in the ass and he wouldn’t rest until he’d yelled at me to get my ass home.”
“Something tells me you’re enjoying that Kady’s husband is an absolute mess over her pregnancy.” Lulu smirked.
“Who? Me?” He chuckled and then sighed, “Sloan and I have our issues but we’ve worked most of them out for Kady’s sake. All I ever wanted was for her to be happy and he broke her heart. It took me a long time to realize the only way to truly fix it was to let him put it back together too. Took him six fucking years but he did right by her and he’s my family now.”
“And your partner down at the station.”
“And my partner down at the station.” He grumbled, making her laugh again, “No matter where I go or what I do, I cannot escape Nick Sloan. But trust me, that wasn’t him calling which means Kady is fine, just checking in with her baby brother as per usual.”
Lulu giggled slightly, “Baby brother?”
“Yep. Doesn’t matter that I’m five inches taller than her and weigh a solid hundred pounds more than she does at the very least, to Kady I’ll always be the baby brother that she helped raise and has to check on at least once a week. I bet she’ll still be calling me that when I’m in my eighties and can’t hear her without an aid anymore.”
That made Lulu laugh and he enjoyed the sweet, husky sound as well as the way her breasts bounced again his chest. Of all the things they’d talked about in the past few days, their families hadn’t come up much. There wasn’t much to say, or at least he hadn’t thought there was considering most of the time people wanted to ask a million questions about his mom and Lulu already knew that story.
She’d been there to watch, just like Derek had, as Connor and Kady’s mom had slowly started losing her mind.
Early onset Alzheimer’s the doctors had called it. She’d barely been in her forties. It had started out innocuously enough. Misplaced keys. Forgotten bills going unpaid. Her car running out of gas because she swore she’d filled it up the day before. But the progression had been fast and brutal and they’d ended up having to put her in a nursing facility within a year of the diagnosis.
With the loss of his beloved wife, who his father had decided was gone long before they put her in the ground, the old man had taken up drinking to deal with his loneliness. He might as well have gone to the facility with her as much attention as he’d paid to his children at that point.
After that, Kady had come home and helped raise her little brother, making sure Connor finished school with decent enough grades to get into the Police Academy even as she’d worked herself to the bone night and day to finish her nursing degree. She’d been a natural mother figure even back then. Now, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that she would be the best mother on the face of the planet for those little girls she was carrying.
Connor had only been a teenager when their mom had passed and he’d turned to his friends as much as his sister to get through the rough times. He’d all but moved in with Derek’s family for a while. And it was the only time in their lives that he could remember Lulu being there at his side without any attitude or snide remarks. In fact, his most vivid memory of the day his mother had died was that Lulu had simply sat beside him, holding his hand for what felt like hours, until the doctors came and told them that Kim Shaw was gone.
He wondered if Lulu even remembered that, just as he sometimes wondered if that had been the day he fell in love with her. He’d never had a chance to ask her. Plus he worried that one of the best memories of that dark time was nothing more than a figment of his imagination and she’d tell him it had never happened.
“Lu?” He worked up the courage to speak and felt her answering hum against his chest, “Do you remember…. I mean…. The day my mom died, you were there, right?”
She rolled to her stomach instantly, propping her chin on her hand to look down at him from a better angle and her dark lashes blinked slowly, “Of course I was. Do you not remember? That’s a silly question, I’m sure that day was a blur for you and I wasn’t important so…”
“No.” He stopped her with a shake of his head, “I remember. I… The thing I remember most about that day… is you.”
“Me?” She looked startled.
“Everyone else was rushing around all over the place. Saying goodbyes and crying and making arrangements or just catching up with other family members. It was crazy and I felt like it was all happening around me, not so much to me, but in front of me, like in one of those movies where the character doesn’t move and the world just keeps rushing around him.”
Lulu’s eyes looked suspiciously damp when she bit her lip and nodded, “I remember seeing you sitting there on that bench all by yourself and I thought maybe you wanted to be left alone but when I said I’d leave if you wanted me to, you told me to stay.”
“And you did.” His voice felt rough with emotions he hadn’t thought about in years, “You sat down beside me but you didn’t ask me questions or make me talk to you about it. You just slid your hand into mine and squeezed and then we just sat there for hours as the world spun out of control all around me. Your hand in mine. Feeling your reassuring warmth and your steady pulse. You got me through it. You grounded me.”
A drop of liquid hit his chest and Connor reached up, wiping at the tears that were slowly trickling down Lulu’s cheek. The girl that never cried. She cried for him now and he felt that swell of deep emotion in his chest all over again for the strength, kindness and compassion of this woman that he’d loved for so long.
“Shh, it’s okay.” He hushed, “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“I know, I just…” She sniffled a little and wiped at her cheek, “I remember that day and I remember feeling like nothing I could say to you was really going to help. Seeing it through your eyes, knowing that I did help in some small way… that I’m what you remember? It hits me right here, Con.”
She raised his hand to her chest, above her breast, just over her heart and he felt the slightly elevated rhythm. He stroked his thumb over the spot, basking in the way her pulse jumped at his touch. He wanted to tell her right then and there that he thought he’d fallen in love with her that day but for once, he kept the truth to himself.
He hadn’t intended to get emotional with her. Not about this at least. And she’d gotten jumpy already when he asked her to move in with him. Admitting his love for her while they were naked and reminiscing didn’t seem like the best time.
He took his hand back, bringing hers with it and kissing her knuckles gently before he pulled her back down beside him on the bed, “I just wanted you to know that I appreciated you then and I appreciate you now.”
“What do you mean?”
He sighed, trying to work out the words he wanted to say and put them in an order that made sense before he spoke, “I never really gave dating anyone a chance after high school. You know that. But, you don’t know why.” He felt Lulu tense a little and pulled her tighter, “The first reason is probably a little more obvious now. It was you. I always wanted you and nobody else could’ve come close so, why bother trying to make something work when I knew in my heart I’d secretly be waiting for a chance with you?”
“Connor…” Her voice was soft and she squeezed his hand.
He continued before he lost his nerve “But there was a second reason too and it was because, I knew I’d have to explain my past to those people. Where was my mom? Was it really my dad that ended up in the drunk tank every few weeks? Why were Kady and I so involved in each others lives? And a million other
things that I didn’t want to talk about. That I don’t like to talk about still.”
Lulu squeezed his hand again but she seemed to sense he wasn’t done talking. She didn’t move in his embrace. He took a deep breath to finish what he wanted to say now that he’d brought up all of this past drama with his family.
“It’s why I’m still friends with the same group of people I was when I was a kid. It’s why this, with you, seems like the most natural thing in the world to me. Because you already know about all the bad shit in my past and you were there for me through it. It was only ever going to be you for me, Lu. Only ever you.”
“Oh Connor…” Lulu hugged him tight and then kissed his chest, just above his heart, “I hate that you’ve had to deal with so much pain in your past but none of it was your fault and you shouldn’t have to carry that baggage.”
“But I do. They were my parents. They’re my past. Even if I don’t like to talk about them.”
Lulu sat up, tears glistening in her eyes again and brushed his hair off his forehead, her voice was soft when she spoke again, “Then don’t focus on the past. There’s nothing for you there. Focus on the present. Focus on the here and the now… with me.”
“And the future?” He couldn’t help but ask as her dark eyes gleamed in the moonlight.
“I’ll be there for that too, as long as you want me at your side, holding your hand. I’ll be there, Connor.”
His heart fucking soared. It was the closest he’d come to an honest confession of her feelings for him and he knew then, that even though she was still holding back, that she was his. He didn’t bother to tell her that he wanted her by his side and holding his hand forever. She knew that already, somewhere in her subconscious, she knew that. And yet she’d said those words to him.
So instead of declaring his intentions to move her in, marry her and make a family with her, he rose up and captured her mouth with his. He kissed her with every ounce of love that he’d kept bottled up inside of him for what felt like an eternity. Because that was what he wanted with her. An eternity.
