by Jade, Ashley
“The word you’re looking for is nice,” Cole mutters.
Hold the phone.
I’ve attacked my poor doctor and nurse, not to mention them last week and they think that was nice?
Cole starts to speak again, but Jace clamps a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s put this conversation on the backburner for a minute so we can go grab her that burger.”
Cole grins. “We should go get her one from Fatty’s.”
I have no idea what Fatty’s is, but I’ll eat just about anything as long as it’s not healthy.
“It’s the best burger you’ll ever have,” Cole declares as they head for the door. “Are you sure you want pickles though? You used to have a phobia of them.”
“A phobia of pickles?”
Jace laughs. “Yeah. When you were five, you got it in your head that pickles were really dead frogs in a jar, and you were terrified to eat them.”
I have no recollection of that at all. “That’s so…weird.”
Not to mention, it makes no sense.
“Tell me about it,” Cole says. “But it was funny as fuck watching you scream at people to stop eating the frogs whenever Mom and Dad took us to a restaurant.”
I bet.
Walter stands up. “I have another appointment, but what do you say I stop by in a few days so we can talk some more?”
“Sure.” I gesture to my bed. “I’ll be here.”
Wondering who the girl I used to be was and what happened to her.
Chapter 6
“Is there anything I can get you?” Sawyer asks. “Anything I can do?”
Aside from bringing my mom back from the dead and locating Liam…nope.
I stare up at the ceiling. “No.”
“How about you let me do your makeup?” she suggests. “Or paint your nails again?”
With the way she keeps bringing up makeup and nails, I’m starting to think I must have been very into that stuff.
“No thanks.” Turning my head, I look at her. “Sawyer?”
“Yeah?”
“Where’s Liam?”
It’s been a week since I found out he’s alive but there’s still no sign of my brother.
The world feels cold and lonely without him.
Like someone shut off the sun.
She frowns. “I—”
Whatever she was going to say fades away when Cole walks into the room.
“Hey.” He gestures to the paper bag with grease stains he’s holding. “I brought you a burger and fries.” He grins. “No pickles.”
“No thanks.”
I close my eyes, silently wishing everyone would leave me alone.
“What’s wrong?”
“She misses Liam,” Sawyer tells him.
More than miss.
I feel like I lost a vital part of myself.
“I’m really tired,” I grind out, hoping they take the hint.
“We’ll let you get some sleep.” Sawyer squeezes my hand. “If you need anything, let us know.”
I need Liam.
* * *
Past…
“Do you t-t-think Mom w-w-went t-t-to Heaven?” Liam whispers into the darkness.
I glare at my brother’s shadowy face. “Of course she went to Heaven. Why would you think otherwise?”
It’s been almost six months since our mom died and the pain isn’t any better.
Sometimes it hurts so bad I force Liam to sleep in my bedroom.
Chase the nightmares away.
“Drew Harrison,” Liam tells me matter-of-factly. “He s-s-said if s-s-someone c-c-commits s-s-suicide they go to Hell.”
“Drew Harrison is an idiot.” I drop my voice to a whisper so only he can hear me. “Besides, Mom didn’t commit suicide.”
Liam’s brows furrow. “Yes, s-s-she—”
“No, she didn’t,” I argue, flicking on the small lamp on my nightstand. “She didn’t want to die that day. She just wanted the pain to end. Big difference.”
There had to be.
Turning on my mattress, he stares up at my bedroom ceiling. “Yeah, I guess you’re r-r-right.” He blows out a heavy breath. “Bianca?”
“Yeah?”
“Who do you think Mark is?”
My heart clenches. “I have no idea.”
And I’m not so sure I want to.
“She s-s-said she loved him,” Liam whispers.
“So.”
Mom was a good person. She loved lots of people.
He gives me a pointed look. “W-w-what about Dad?”
“What about Dad?”
I have no idea what he’s hinting at.
His forehead creases. “W-w-what if Dad w-w-wasn’t the only m-m-man M-m-mom loved?”
Rage grows so thick in my throat it practically chokes me.
Before I can stop myself, I launch my fist into his arm. “Daddy is her husband, dummy.”
“Ouch,” Liam cries out. “T-t-that hurts.”
I punch him again. Harder this time. “Take it back.”
“No.” Scowling, he gets off the bed. “I w-w-want to t-t-tell Dad the t-t-truth.”
A knot of dread coils in my stomach. “You promised.”
Tears cloud his eyes. “And M-m-mom always promised t-t-that s-s-she loved us.” He rams his fist into his chest. “But s-s-she left us. She t-t-tried to k-k-ki—”
I cover his mouth with my hand before he finishes that statement.
“She was sick, Liam. The kind of sick people can’t see because it was in her brain.”
I’ve been researching all sorts of things since the accident.
Trying to figure out what was wrong with her.
Why she felt leaving was the only option.
I don’t understand a lot of it right now, but there was something wrong with my mom’s mind.
It didn’t work like it should, and it made her sad a lot.
So sad nothing could make her happy.
Not even her own children.
“Maybe I’m s-s-sick t-t-too.” He looks down at the floor. “S-s-sometimes I t-t-think about leaving like s-s-she did.”
A ball of hurt seizes my heart, sending everything spiraling.
He can’t.
Liam is the only one who understands.
I start shaking as tears run down my cheeks. “You can’t be serious.”
Sadness flickers in Liam’s eyes, but he doesn’t say a word.
No. He can’t do this.
He’s my favorite person.
“You can’t leave me,” I choke out, my voice coming out like broken glass. “You can’t. You’re my fav—”
In one fell swoop, he wraps his arms around me, hugging me tight.
“I know. I w-w-was being s-s-stupid. I’m s-s-sorry.”
Not good enough.
“Promise me,” I hiss, holding up my pinky finger. “Promise me you’ll stay with me. No matter how bad it gets or how much it hurts.”
I need him to swear we’re in this together. Always.
Relief fills me as he links his pinky with mine. “Promise.”
Chapter 7
The room is dark when I open my eyes and the uneaten tray of food on my tray table tells me I must have slept straight through dinner.
I reach for the new phone Jace got me since mine was destroyed in the accident, but I notice a tall, shadowy figure in my peripheral vision.
“Jesus.”
“H-h-hey.”
I nearly swallow my tongue when I realize. “Holy shit. Liam?”
Despite the pain coursing through my hips and thighs, I sit up in bed.
“You’re here.”
No surprise, the adult version of Liam looks just like his identical twin.
God, there are so many things I want to say, but I have no idea where to begin. It feels like an eternity since I’ve seen him.
“How are y-y-you feeling?” he asks after another moment passes.
“Okay, I guess…considering.” I give him the biggest smile I ca
n muster. “Better now that you’re here.”
“That’s—” He clears his throat. “T-t-that’s good.”
I decide to make small talk to break the ice. “How’s school?”
He shrugs. “Fine.”
He’s a lot less talkative than I remember.
Then again, I’d have no idea what to say to someone who lost their memory either.
“I have something called retrograde amnesia,” I tell him, because I’m not sure what else to talk about.
Concern lines his features. “I k-k-know.”
An awkward silence stretches between us for what feels like forever and I can’t help but wonder why my favorite person suddenly feels like a stranger.
“Are you mad at me?”
I need to know why things feel so strange between us.
Why he won’t look me in the eye.
Why he looks so miserable right now.
Like he hates himself for being here.
Rocking back on his heels, he shoves his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. “No.”
My heart sinks because the Liam I remember was a mush who would have wrapped me up in a big bear hug and assured me everything was fine.
This Liam is detached and distant.
Almost cold.
Like he can’t stand to be near me.
Peering up at him, I study his face.
He has the same sharp features, same ink-black hair, same green eyes, same pale skin with scars…wait a minute.
“Your scars. They’re gone.”
His eyes widen. “I-uh…I used a r-r-really good c-c-cream.”
The sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach intensifies.
I might not remember most things, but I trust my instincts enough to know this feels all wrong.
“Liam?”
“Yeah?”
“Why are you acting so different?”
He crosses his arms. “I’m not acting different.”
Liam looks as surprised as I feel when a sob breaks through the tension.
Everything in my life is upside down, so I don’t know why I expected any less when it came to him.
Maybe it’s because I always thought of him as my constant, and therefore never figured our bond could be broken.
But it is.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. “I’m just really emo—”
The hug comes then, but that feels different too.
“Please don’t cry,” he whispers. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
He sounds so earnest, I’m the one feeling bad now.
“It’s not your fault. My emotions are all over the place lately.” I grab a tissue from the box. “I feel like someone stuck my life in a snow globe and shook it.”
Only instead of creating something enchanting and beautiful…it’s just one big, ugly mess.
“I know everything sucks balls right now.” He kisses the top of my head. “But you are going to be fine.”
I wish I had the bright outlook he does. “I’m not so sure about that.”
“Come on.” He grins. “You’re a Covington, dammit. We’re resilient assholes who survived the worst things imaginable then stood up and asked the universe if that was all they had because they hit like a little bitch.”
I start to laugh…until it hits me.
Not only is he not stuttering anymore, that sounds exactly like something Cole would say.
I stare down at the logo on his t-shirt.
Liam doesn’t like sports, therefore he wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a Patriots t-shirt.
“You’re not Liam.”
Cole has the good grace to look sheepish. “You’re right.” He blows out a breath. “I’m not.”
I close my eyes against the surge of anger streaming through me. “Why the hell would you pretend to be—”
The door opens and the light flicks on.
“Everything okay?” Jace questions, his gaze ping-ponging between us.
Cole tries to speak, but I don’t give him the chance.
“No, it’s not.” I glare at Cole. “Cole tricked me into thinking he was Liam.”
Jace looks like it’s taking every ounce of his strength not to walk over and throttle him. “You did what?” Eyes narrowed, he takes a step closer. “Why the fuck would you do that?”
Muttering a curse, Cole pinches the bridge of his nose. “I was only trying to help—”
“Help? How the fuck is pretending to be Liam going to help her recover?” Jace roars. “I told you we needed to listen to the doctors.”
Well, shit. Jace seems mad enough for the both of us.
However, I don’t need him to fight this battle for me because while I don’t understand why he pretended to be his twin; it’s obvious Cole meant no harm.
I’m about to tell them both to calm down, but Cole grunts, “I know we’re supposed to listen to the doctors, but she was really upset earlier. I thought…I don’t know. I was just trying to give her a little normal before—”
“Before what?” I question, because it’s clear I’ve been left in the dark about something.
Or rather, someone.
“Where’s Liam?”
“Good job, asshole,” Jace mutters before he looks at me. “Everything is fine.”
“Don’t lie to me.” I look at Cole. “Why were you pretending to be Liam?”
Jace shoots him a murderous glare. “Hallway. Now.”
“No,” I snap. “So help me God one of you better tell me wh—”
Pain pulses through my temples. It’s so severe, it renders me breathless.
Something’s wrong.
Jace is saying something, but I don’t hear him.
I’m too scared.
I pound on the tray table. “Let me in!”
* * *
Past…
“What’s going on?” I scream, the fear nearly crippling me.
“Go downstairs and call 911!” Jace yells on the other side of Liam’s bedroom door.
I’m so scared I can barely breathe.
What happened to him?
Heart and stomach full of terror, I run down the staircase on unsteady legs and make a beeline for the phone in the kitchen.
My fingers shake so bad, I drop the phone before punching in the numbers.
“911, what’s your emergency?” some lady on the other line answers.
“I need—” My voice is so jittery I can barely speak.
I clear my throat and try again. “I need an ambulance for my brother.” Remembering the time Mom spent two whole days teaching me our address in case of an emergency, I quickly add, “We live at 101 Royal Manor Lane. Please come quick.”
“Got it. Can you tell me what happened, sweetie?”
Didn’t she hear me before?
“Something is wrong with my brother. He’s twelve.”
“Okay, honey. An ambulance is on the way. Do you know what happened so I can tell the EMTs?”
“I don’t know,” I scream. “No one will tell me. Please hurry.”
I quickly drop the phone and head back upstairs.
I need to see Liam.
I can make him better.
“The ambulance is on the way.” I pound on the door. “Let me in.”
I need to make sure he’s okay.
“Go downstairs,” Jace shouts.
“No.”
There’s no way I’d ever leave him, especially if he’s in pain.
It’s when he needs me the most.
“I want to see Liam.”
“Bianca, go downstairs,” Jace screams again, but his voice doesn’t sound right.
He’s crying.
My stomach falls and sheer panic zips up my spine.
Jace never cries.
“Liam!!” I yell, banging on the door harder. “Liam, come out here!”
I have to see him.
My heart squeezes like a vise and tears clog my vision. “I want to see Liam.”
<
br /> Why won’t they let me see him?
I start kicking the door. “Liam!”
I’m here, Liam.
I’m right here.
Everything’s gonna be okay.
We’re in this together.
The doorknob turns and I don’t waste another second. I push it open with every ounce of strength I have.
Strength that leaves me in one big gust a second later.
This can’t be happening.
This isn’t real.
Five minutes ago, Jace was making him his favorite—pancakes.
And now…
I scream so loud my ears ring as I take in his stiff, blue-tinged body lying on the floor of his closet.
“Liam!” His name rips out of my vocal cords, burning my insides.
Answer me.
Wake up and answer me.
But he can’t.
“Dammit,” Jace hisses.
A deep, wide wave of pain spreads throughout my chest, gripping me by the throat until I’m trembling.
He pinky swore.
In one fell swoop, Cole picks me up and heads for the staircase.
I kick and scream the whole way down, not wanting to be away from my favorite person.
Even though he’s no longer here.
“I’m sorry,” Cole whispers.
All I can do is cry. As if my tears and agony alone could bring him back.
But they won’t.
Because Liam broke his promise.
Broke what was left of me.
Chapter 8
Giving me a hopeful smile, Jace squeezes my arm. “We brought you breakfast.”
As if on cue, Cole holds up a paper bag. “Sausage and eggs.”
I close my eyes, willing them to go away.
“It’s been over a week, Jace,” Cole mutters. “She’s not snapping out of this.”
Jace sighs. “I know.”
I draw in a sharp agonizing breath as their footsteps fade, wishing it would wash all the pain away.
He left me without warning.
One second we were waiting for him to join us for breakfast and making plans to go to the mall…and the next he was gone.
Just like our mother.
“Fuck this,” Jace grunts before I hear the footsteps returning to my room. “I’m not losing her too.”
“Go away,” I choke out.
