by Jade, Ashley
I don’t want to talk.
I don’t want to breathe.
I don’t want to live in a world in which he no longer exists.
If God had any compassion, he would have taken me too.
Jace crosses his arms. “No.”
Cole matches his stance. “Make us.”
Their stubbornness would almost be comical if my heart didn’t feel like someone took a blowtorch to it.
“He left me,” I whisper, a fresh wave of agony swelling in my chest.
He knew I couldn’t survive without him.
He knew I wouldn’t make it on my own.
“He left all of us,” Cole bites out, towering over me.
Cole’s always been a moody jerk, but right now he’s pissing me off more than usual.
I glare at him. “Go away.”
“Cole’s right,” Jace interjects and the pain reflecting in his eyes mirrors my own. “But as much as it hurts, you have to find a way to go on.”
How?
How the hell do you go on living when the two most important people in your life are dead?
How do you wake up to face a brand-new day without the constant reminder of everything you lost?
How do you move past all the pain?
Easy. You don’t.
Because time doesn’t heal all wounds.
It just leaves you with scars.
“I can’t.” I don’t bother wiping the tear that slides down my cheek. “I don’t have a reason to.”
Not anymore.
I have no mom, no Liam…and the only memories I have cause me a heart full of what feels like non-stop suffering.
A loud crash makes me jump.
“Fuck you,” Jace bites out, seething with anger.
“I—”
He punches his chest with his fist. “You have us, Bianca. You still have us.”
Something uncomfortable churns in my belly.
Guilt, I realize.
Because the heartbroken look on his face tells me how much what I said hurt him.
I notice Cole’s wounded expression and inwardly flinch. Hurt them both.
“I know how much you miss them.” Cole shrugs helplessly. “But Jace and I…we’re still here. That has to count for something, right?”
Regret and shame tangle in my chest. I never meant to make them feel like they didn’t matter.
“I’m sorry.”
Even though losing Mom and Liam hurts like hell, I have two very important reasons to try and put one step in front of the other and pull myself together.
“Don’t be sorry,” Jace says. “Just be here with us.” His gaze ping-pongs between Cole and me. “Because even though they’re gone, we’re still a family.”
Nodding, Cole turns his focus on me. “Look, I’m not gonna stand here and promise to be a perfect brother like Liam was and Jace is. But I’ll do whatever it takes to help you through this. Deal?”
I tilt my chin to meet his gaze. “Deal.”
“Good.” He gestures to the bag containing my breakfast. “Now eat that before it gets cold.”
I look at Jace. “Is he always so bossy?”
His lips twitch. “Yup.” He takes the breakfast sandwich out of the bag and places it on my meal tray. “He gets it from me. Now eat.”
I’m torn between wanting to laugh and wanting to hug them.
I peer up at my brothers. We stopped saying it after Mom died, but I really need them to know how I feel. That despite my heartbreak over losing Liam, I’m still grateful they’re here and they’re both equally important to me.
“I love you.”
Surprise crosses over Jace’s face before he recovers. “Love you, too.”
“Damn, baby sis.” Cole rolls his eyes. “This amnesia has turned you soft as fuck.”
I rip off a piece of the sandwich and throw it at him. “Asshole.”
His grin is all teeth. “Yeah, but you love me anyway.”
I do.
I take a hearty bite of my food then wipe my mouth with a napkin. “Thank you for—”
“Someone’s feeling better today,” the nurse chirps from the doorway. She gestures to the wheelchair in front of her. “Feel like going for a stroll in this thing?”
Given I’ve been confined to a bed for almost six weeks, it sounds like heaven.
I couldn’t hold back my smile if I tried. “Absolutely.”
I’m so excited about leaving, I attempt to stand up on my own. Unfortunately, my legs feel like spaghetti and I stumble instead.
“Woah,” Jace says, rushing to catch me before I bust my ass. “Take it easy, killer.”
Cole comes around to the opposite side of me. “You good now, Bambi?”
My mind says yes, but my body vehemently disagrees.
I shake my head. “I can’t. It’s too soon.”
Jace isn’t having it. “No, it’s not. You got this.”
Cole tightens his grip on my arm. “And we got you.”
I know.
“Okay,” I relent. “Let’s do this.”
Chapter 9
“Are you sure you don’t want any hel—”
I close the bathroom door before Sawyer can finish her sentence. It’s not that I’m not grateful for her offer to help, I just want to be able to go to the bathroom in peace for once. And thanks to starting physical therapy, I’ve been upgraded to crutches which means I finally can.
If all goes well, hopefully I’ll be discharged soon.
I’m hobbling over to the toilet when I catch my reflection in the mirror and freeze.
Holy shit.
Even though my brain has finally accepted the fact that I’m eighteen and not eight, I haven’t given much thought to what I might look like.
“Woah.”
Steadying one crutch against the sink, I touch the glass, just to make sure I’m not hallucinating.
Long dark hair, tan skin, big brown eyes, high cheekbones, a slightly upturned nose, and full lips.
The last recollection I have of my appearance, I was the epitome of awkward looking…but now?
Now, I look just like her.
Turning my head ever so slightly, I peer at the scar running down the side of my neck. It’s about four inches in length and stops at my collarbone. The fading pink color tells me it must be new.
I vaguely recall the doctor telling me I went through the windshield during the accident and a shard of glass got lodged in my neck, missing my carotid artery by less than a centimeter.
Sucking in a breath, I lift up my shirt, inspecting the scar on my lower abdomen. The one that cost me a kidney thanks to a piece of shrapnel during the accident with my mom. Not only does it appear smaller than I remember, it’s faded quite a bit.
But it’s still a glaring reminder of the day my mother tried to kill me.
Shoving that thought down and turning my focus to something positive, I raise my shirt higher, checking out the merchandise.
My boobs aren’t ginormous or anything, but I’m definitely not disappointed with what mother nature gave me.
I want to examine the rest of my body, but my bladder starts protesting my little peep show so I take care of business before I shuffle back to my hospital room.
I walk in on my dad, brothers, Sawyer, and my doctor having what looks to be a pretty heated discussion.
Oh, boy.
“You’re never home,” Jace barks at our dad. “There’s no way you can take care of her.”
As much as I hate hearing them argue, Jace has a point. Amnesia or not, there is one thing I definitively remember most about my father.
His absence.
That said, he’s really been stepping up his game lately and has been visiting me a lot.
Dad juts his chin. “I can take some time off work.”
Crossing his arms, Jace stares him down. “No. She’s staying with me and Dylan at our apartment. This way we can watch over her.”
I’m tempted to remind him that I’m not a child, b
ut I know Jace’s heart is in the right place and he’s only looking out for me.
Dad’s visibly irate now. “Last I checked, I was the father here, Jace.”
Jace snorts. “Only when it’s convenient—”
“Stop!” I shout, because I honestly can’t stand another second of this.
Everyone turns to look my way.
“Hello, Bianca,” Dr. Jones greets me and there’s no mistaking the pity in his eyes. “We were just discussing plans for your upcoming discharge.”
Normally I’d be happy about the news, but not when it’s causing my family to fight like this.
I glare at Dad and Jace. “Can we do it without fighting?”
Sawyer gives me a sympathetic smile. “Bianca’s right. Fighting isn’t what she needs right now, and it’s not going to make anything better. In fact, why don’t we ask her what she wants and where she’d like to stay.”
“Can I stay with you?” I joke, although part of me is being serious.
I know Jace loves Dylan, but something about her rubs me the wrong way and I’m not sure why. Needless to say, the prospect of living with her isn’t exactly something I’m looking forward to.
Sawyer looks at Cole. “I mean, we do have a pull-out couch in our apartment.”
Cole’s brows lift. “Yeah.” His eyes meet mine. “You can stay with us if you want—”
“She’s staying with me and Dylan,” Jace cuts in. “Our apartment has an extra bedroom.”
“A bedroom she has absolutely no recollection of ever being in.” Dad turns to Dr. Jones. “You said earlier that being in her typical surroundings might help with her amnesia, correct?”
Dr. Jones nods. “Yes, although it doesn’t necessarily guarantee she’ll get her memory back.”
“But being in her own home gives her the best chance of that happening, right?”
Another nod. “It certainly wouldn’t be a bad thing.”
Dad looks at Jace. “Then it’s settled. Bianca’s coming home.”
Jace grinds his teeth so hard I’m surprised they don’t turn into dust. “You sure that’s going to be okay with Nadia?”
He spits her name out like it’s rancid food.
“Nadia?” I repeat, looking between them. “Who’s Nadia?”
“Dad’s fiancée,” Cole mutters, his nose turning up in disgust.
Oh.
“I didn’t…I had no idea.”
I’m honestly not sure what to say or how I should feel about this.
I mean, I want my dad to be happy and it’s been ten years since Mom died, so it’s not like I would have expected him to put his love life on hold or anything.
But part of me—a huge part—can’t help but feel a pang of overwhelming sadness.
She should be here.
Correction—they should be here.
“We got engaged a couple of months ago,” Dad explains. “And Nadia isn’t living at the house yet. Although I would like her to move in soon so she can help me take care—”
“Over my dead fucking body, old man,” Jace growls. “No way in hell am I letting your mistress play pretend mom to my baby sister. Besides, you know as well as I do that shit would never fly if Bianca was in her right state of mind.”
I can’t help but flinch at his words.
Guilt colors Jace’s expression. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I just…even though you can’t remember things, Cole and I do. Trust me, letting Nadia play stepmom isn’t something you’d want.” He blows out a heavy breath. “I’m just trying to look out for you.”
I know he is.
“He’s right,” Cole adds, backing him up. “You don’t trust a lot of people, Bianca.” He looks at Dad. “Hell, the only thing any of us know about Nadia is that she’s the whore you used to sneak out of the house after your little booty call was over.”
Well, damn. That was…harsh.
“Colton,” Sawyer hisses. “Stop being an asshole.”
“Nadia was never my booty call, and she’s certainly not a whore,” Dad seethes. “And the only reason you three don’t know anything about my fiancée is because you all refuse to be around her.”
As much as it pains me to agree, he has a point. It doesn’t really sound like we’ve made any move to get to know this woman Dad’s marrying at all.
Although truth be told, if my choices are living with Jace and Dylan versus Dad and this Nadia woman, I have to go with my gut.
I look at my father. “I wouldn’t be opposed to meeting Nadia one day.” My stare snags on Jace. “But as long as the offer still stands, I’d prefer to live with you and Dylan.”
Living with Jace is way more comfortable than living with a woman I can’t recall ever meeting and my dad who I don’t know much about either.
Jace smiles. “Good. Because Dylan and I really want you—”
“Hold on,” Dad interjects, as if he’s pondering something. “How about we compromise?”
I’m game. “Compromise sounds good.”
Jace doesn’t share my enthusiasm. “What kind of compromise?”
Dad strokes his chin. “There are seven bedrooms at home, which means there is more than enough room for everyone.” He looks around at all of us. “Why don’t you and Cole move back in?” He clears his throat. “Of course you’re welcome to invite Sawyer and Dylan as well.”
Jace’s nostrils flare. “Are you out of your damn min—”
“It’s not a bad idea,” I cut in.
Not only do I love the notion of spending more time with my family and Sawyer, being at home might help fix my memory like Dr. Jones said.
Unfortunately, Jace is quick to shut it down. “It’s a terrible idea, Bianca. I know you don’t remember, but there’s a reason I moved out shortly after I graduated high school.”
My face falls. “Oh.”
My disappointment must be tangible because he sighs. “But I want to give you the best chance for recovery, so I’ll do it.” He glares at Dad. “Under two conditions.”
Dad’s sigh is expansive. “What’s that?”
“One—I’m doing this for Bianca, not you, so don’t think this fixes shit between us. And two—Nadia isn’t moving into Mom’s house while we’re there.”
I can tell Dad wants to argue, but he’s a smart man and for once puts his children first. “She won’t move in until after the wedding. You have my word.”
Cole looks at Sawyer. “You down for a temporary address change, Bible Thumper?”
She tugs her lower lip between her teeth. “I don’t know.”
“Please,” I beg, even though I probably have no right to. “I can’t remember our friendship, but something tells me I’d really like having you around.” I flutter my fingers. “I’ll even let you paint my nails.”
I feel a closeness to the girl I can’t really explain. Plus, she has a really good aura.
At that, she laughs, folding like a cheap lawn chair. “Okay, fine. If you really want me there…I’ll do it.”
Dropping my crutches, I throw my arms around her. “You’re the best.”
She freezes briefly before hugging me back. “Oh. Um…this is…nice.”
Cole laughs. “Told you she turned soft.”
And just like that, the nagging feeling in my gut is back with a vengeance.
Who the hell is Bianca Covington?
Chapter 10
My eyes are wide as I take everything in. “This is my bedroom?”
It’s a lot different from what I remember.
Back when I was eight, stuffed animals and dolls filled the large space.
Now it’s…books, hair tools, nail polish, makeup, shoes, and what looks like a gigantic walk-in closet.
Darting my gaze around, I can’t help but notice the pink three-mirrored vanity in the far corner.
Everything in my room is a various shade of purple. Except that.
“It was Mom’s,” Cole says as if answering my unspoken question.
That makes sense.
Pink was her favorite color.
It used to be mine, too.
As if remembering the happy times, Jace’s face lights up. “She loved that thing. I remember the excitement on her face when Dad gifted it to her one year for Christmas. It was an ant—”
“Antique from France,” I finish for him as the memory floats through my head. “I used to love watching her apply her lipstick in the morning.”
She was always so careful. So precise.
So perfect.
And I wanted nothing more than to be just like her.
Hobbling over to my queen-size bed, I touch the silky purple bedspread.
Ten years ago, I had a comforter with unicorns on it.
Now everything’s different.
Even the walls which are now painted purple.
Adjusting my crutches, I stagger over to my closet.
I try to open it, but it’s stuck.
“Here,” Jace says, handing me a remote.
A remote-controlled door for a closet? “Why in the world would I need this?”
Cole barks out a laugh. “You didn’t want anyone stealing your clothes.”
I can see why the moment it slides open.
Holy shit.
Even to the untrained eye, there’s no hiding the fact that everything in here is very expensive and very designer.
It’s also very skimpy and attention-grabbing.
Well, everything except for the five crisp white button-down shirts and plaid skirts.
“Is that my school uniform?”
I’m really hoping they say yes because they’re the only normal outfits in here.
“Yeah,” Jace answers. “You ready for your big day tomorrow?”
Not even close.
Evidently, I’m a senior at Royal Hearts Academy.
I was worried I’d have to repeat the year given I missed the first two months of school, but my dad assured me he talked to the principal and as long as I maintain my excellent grades, I’ll be allowed to finish the year and graduate with the rest of my class.
Jace and Cole let it slip that talked to the principal was code for writing the school a check.
Either way, I’m glad my absence and accident won’t impact me graduating on time.
Although I am nervous about having to explain to everyone that I have amnesia.
