‘Later, Seth!’ I yelled back, and I heard him disappear into the main house with a big swoosh of the sliding door.
CHAPTER
22
After rinsing off, I had the grand idea to take myself out for lunch. Why not? I said to myself in the mirror, while plucking away at my eyebrows. I was already so freaking hungry, and there was a nice little Thai restaurant just a few blocks away that was calling my name.
I put on my jean shorts and a strange-looking pink silky tank top that flared out at the bottom. I checked myself out in the mirror and decided I liked what I saw. And then I did the unthinkable by my lazy tomboy standards, adding a gold bracelet and necklace to complete the look. One of the interesting aspects of being sponsored is the crazy amount of free clothes I get. And not to make anyone jelly or anything, but I’m often traveling with clothes I’ve never worn before, and it’s always a neat surprise to see what I pull out of my suitcase, or on this occasion my wardrobe, for the first time in months.
I could always count on Taylor for some inspo, so I put in my earbuds and opened Pandora, clicking on the Taylor Swift station as I sauntered down the driveway. Into The Woods came on, and hit the spot instantly. I love Taylor as an artist. Her lyrics are so smart while super empowering. It was just what I needed.
The quaint little town of Lennox Head is literally two streets away from the Smarts’ house. It gets crazy-busy during the summer months, attracting people from all over on vacation, as well as people from other parts of Australia who are looking for that coastal lifestyle vibe. Now that the town of Byron Bay had sprawled like it had, Lennox had become the next big pick.
All in all it’s a pretty classy place, which serves the tourism industry well; a walking trail along the beach, shops, cafes, sunshine, beaches, epic surf, upmarket restaurants and then pubs on the main street, giving it pretty decent nightlife. I passed by the gelato shop, only a few doors down from the restaurant, and began to salivate. I had totally forgotten about their insane gelato, and it became evident that I’d need to save some room for dessert. But first, Thai.
The delicious aroma of curry that wafted through the air as I entered Mi Thai had me go from starving to famished in exactly 0.03 seconds. Luckily, it wasn’t busy, so the lady was able to seat me immediately. I could see that she was already talking to me, but by the time I pulled out an earbud, I only caught:
‘...indoor or outdoor?’
‘Outside please,’ I guessed.
She directed me to a table in the front by the street, and I sat down as she poured me a glass of water. When she tried to hand me the lunch special, I politely refused with a slight shake of my head and said, ‘I already know what I want, actually.’
‘Oh sure, go right ahead then.’
‘I’ll have the pad thai, just veggies, and a Thai iced tea, with coconut milk, please.’
‘Would you like tofu with that?’
‘Um, no thanks.’ (So not a fan of the tofu)
‘Cheers,’ the young waitress said smiling as she walked away with the menu.
I leaned back in my chair and stared out onto the street, observing the passers-by. The ocean was right across the street, and stretched for miles; you can pretty much surf anywhere along this beach.
I zoned out, or rather zoned into lala land, and recalled how easily distracted I had become when Seth had hollered at me during our surf session. And how I’d wiped out as a result. Hmm, even though it was a fun session, it had raised some questions in my mind: how will doing what feels good in the moment further my career; how or why did I get so easily distracted while on the wave; and why couldn’t I maintain focus and stay in the zone?
The waitress brought out my iced tea as I was pondering these questions. I took a sip of the sweet and delicious drink, and felt a little less stressed than I had the moment before. I continued to let my mind wander, remembering back to when surfing didn’t have all of this other ‘stuff’ attached to it. I just surfed because I loved surfing. Maybe I needed to go back to the basics and ask myself some simple questions:
Do I still love surfing?
Yes, I love surfing, this has already been established.
Do I like competing?
Yes, I like competing. This, too, has already been established.
Okay, what do I like about competing?
I like getting to travel and surf new places around the world. I like that I get to surf lots of waves in competition with no crowds. I like competing with other awesome chicks who surprise and inspire me. I like getting sponsored, because who doesn’t like free stuff and money to do what they love? And I like feeling a part of something bigger than myself, like in the way that being a pro surfer allows me to inspire others.
Cool. And I know I’ve asked myself these questions before, but c’mon! My life was like a rollercoaster of change right now. Second-guessing and questioning myself seemed to come along with the territory. I had to know with unwavering certainty that I was still eager to be a pro surfer.
The pad thai turned up and I dove into the noodles immediately. But the personal assessment continued.
Now that I know what I like about competing, what is it that I don’t like about competing?
I don’t like the pressure of disappointing my sponsors and myself if I don’t compete well, especially if I don’t compete to my ability. That really bums me out. I don’t like feeling jealous or upset when I compare myself with any of my competitors. I don’t like being obligated to do some of the things my sponsors ask of me, especially when it puts me in a bad mood because it’s not what I want to be doing with my time.
I probably could’ve continued, but that was plenty to work with.
So knowing what I know now, why do I do it? And why do I want to continue to do it? Yes, into the good stuff!
I love inspiring other girls. Being on tour as a pro gives me the opportunity to broaden my reach in that pursuit. And even though I haven’t actually given much attention to my fans in a meaningful way lately (due to being self-absorbed in my own drama), it’s something I’d really like to put some effort into.
Wow! This realization was kind of a big deal, considering I’d avoided people on tour, shied away from interviews or given them minimal effort, and had pretty much abandoned Instagram etc. over the last few months. I had no idea I felt passionate about this! What else?
I admitted that I loved being skilled at a sport as well as being one of the best in my field. It required me to strengthen both my mind and my body, which meant a lot to me. I loved the ocean, its cleansing power, and the fact that it kept me (relatively) sane. Saner than I would be if I didn’t surf, at least! And even though I’m an introvert, I did like meeting new people and traveling. In the end, it’s always awesome to be good at something you love and get paid for it too!
Acknowledging all of this again made me feel so much better. I came back to my physical surroundings, looked down at my plate and noticed that I was only about halfway through my pad thai. I felt satisfied, so I finished my drink and decided to save the remaining noodles for the following day’s lunch. Leftovers in one hand, phone in the other, and Taylor in my ears, I slowly made my way home, passing on the gelato for now.
Now that I’d cleared up any possible hesitations about continuing as a pro, the question still remained: why have I been getting distracted so easily and when did it start? I ventured through my memory bank, combing over my years on tour and reflecting on my biggest wins, my biggest losses, friends and rivals within the field of competitors, happy moments combined with sad ones, connecting with Derek, and then reconnecting with Derek…
I remembered starting to get distracted on the regular in the season after I won the world title. From then on, it felt like all eyes were on me to perform at the same high standard. Which I, of course, expected for myself as well.
And another telling moment was the
first competition I’d bombed after Derek began coaching me. I was so embarrassed, frustrated, and sad that I had disappointed him. And he was sad and disappointed because I hadn’t worked the strategy he’d given me. That was the moment I’d decided he knew better than I did, and that I’d better start doing what he wanted, if I was going to win. He’s my coach now, after all, I remember thinking. It was right then and there that I’d made a new agreement with myself, one where I listened to others first, myself a distant second.
And then it hit me. The answer had suddenly become so damn obvious that I couldn’t believe I hadn’t pinpointed it earlier.
Ho-ly-crap. I haven’t been surfing for me! That’s why I get distracted so easily!
Surfing had become about what other people thought of me. I was no longer doing it for myself. I was doing it to please my coach, to satisfy my sponsors, and to maintain my position as a leader in the rankings. I thought back to the times I had competed poorly and realized that more often than not it was because I’d been stressing about either disappointing someone, or I was spending the heat worried about how my competitor was doing. The focus of my career had gone from having fun and enjoying the run into an experience based around the fear of failure.
Well, this would definitely explain why I was so easily distracted when Seth yelled out at me today. Man, I’ve become so hypersensitive about my external influences that I don’t even know how to stay in the zone when I’m already in the zone!
Ho-ly-crap, ho-ly-crap, ho-ly-crap. Yep, that was definitely it.
I strolled around town for a bit, letting this new info sink in. When I eventually walked around to our street, I saw Sophie’s car pulling into the driveway. She must have just finished her shift.
‘S!’ I yelled as I sprinted down the street, leftovers in hand. ‘What’s up, sista?’
‘Zoelicious!!!’ she belted out in her usual uninhibited manner.
‘OMG, that’s a new one!’ I said laughing. ‘How was your shift?’
‘Nothing spesh, which is always good in my profession.’
‘Right on, of course!’
I opened the door and we went inside, kicking our sandals off just inside the entrance.
‘Hey, I have some leftover pad thai from lunch just now. You want it?’
‘Oh yeah, that’d be sweet, I’m famished!’
She grabbed a fork from the kitchen and I handed her the box.
‘What you been up to today, Zo?’ she asked from her spot on the couch.
‘Oh man, I have a lot of sorting out to do, but it’s all good,’ I replied, joining her.
I didn’t feel like telling her about my big revelation. At least not yet. Nor that I had gone surfing with Seth. Besides, she was busy eating, so we just hung out and chatted nonsense.
CHAPTER
23
That night I pulled out my ‘everything book’. It was time to make a new plan, and just the thought of this excited me, because it had been years since I’d created my own schedule without having to compromise, conform, or sacrifice. It felt good to be on my own, I admitted.
I chucked the pen and notebook on the bed and hopped in. Pulling out my earbuds, I selected Pandora’s Julia and Angus Stone channel, propped my pillows up against the wall, sat back, and closed my eyes.
What are my priorities? I asked myself as the music sang into my mind, soothing me with its sweet and mellow sounds. What feels good to me? I was imagining what my ideal day might look like, when just then I heard the lyric ‘keep it simple, keep it real’ from some random song I didn’t recognize.
Huh? Keep it simple, keep it real? Oh yeah, that’s what I came up with the other day in the park with Teo! Can it really be that easy? I wondered. At that very moment, the lyric repeated ‘keep it simple, keep it real’.
It was quite possible I’d literally turned into a crazy person, but I couldn’t shake the fact that it really felt like Teo was sending me a message through the song… a reminder. And whether or not this was actually true or something I’d made up, either way it was beyond my comprehension. The message spoke to me. And in my commitment to focus on what made me feel good, I had to accept that it was Teo communicating with me through the song.
Just because I can’t see him doesn’t mean he’s not there! I reminded myself.
Alright then, keep it simple and keep it real, that became my guiding principle as I began to write:
Things that feel good:
surfing
mind training – (meditation?)
body training – yoga, agility etc.
spending time with Teo
having fun with S and her fam
working harmoniously with my sponsors
connecting with fans and inspiring others (via social media?)
playtime – (skating?)
eating healthily for optimal energy and nutrition
quiet time and lots of rest
I looked at my top 10 priorities scrawled on the page. I liked them. And the fact they would also be beneficial to my surfing career was a major bonus. It’s funny, I was already doing a good chunk of these things, but now I was going to go about them differently. I wasn’t sure how… but I had to trust, because Teo had taught me I needed to trust, and I trusted him.
I looked at the calendar on my phone to see how much time I had before the first competition of the season at Snapper Rocks. Just over two months. It wasn’t a lot of time to get my act together, and I knew that the other women on tour would be well into pre-season training. Nope, not a lot of time, but where there’s a will, there’s a way.
Just as I put my pen down, I got a text from S. She was hanging with her family upstairs for an impromptu game of ping-pong, and told me to get my ass up there and help her win.
Perfect timing.
‘2 secs! ‘ I replied, leaping out of bed.
As I bounded up the stairs, I heard a lot of commotion. S was yelling at her dad for cheating and Seth was throwing ping-pong balls at his head. Abby was over by the kitchen counter. Her paddle was on the counter and she was holding a glass of wine.
‘Here, take this,’ Abby said to me as she picked up her paddle from the counter with her free hand and handed it to me. ‘I give up on these kooks!’
Abby, as usual, looked bright and sparkly even though she was dressed casually in some white pants and a turquoise singlet.
‘Oh geez, it’s been a while since I’ve played,’ I said as I took the paddle from her. I turned around and Seth flashed me his sweet smile while S yelled at me to get my butt over there.
‘Easy, S, easy!’
‘She doesn’t like to lose,’ Peter replied with a serious tone, though I think he was doing it jokingly.
‘Never have, never will… especially to you dorks!’ she belted out as she tried to wrestle the paddle out of her dad’s hand.
‘I hadn’t noticed!’ I said sarcastically. To which Peter replied ‘Ha! You’re no different, Z!’
We were in hysterics. I was laughing so hard that tears were rolling down my face. Seth served the ball and I could barely see it because my sight was all blurry – but I still managed to hit it across the net as I was wiping my face with my other arm.
‘Ha! Take that!’
We continued to duke it out and I even managed to score a few points, but I was really no match for Peter and Seth. They could hit ’em hard and fast, I tell ya.
‘Sorry Soph, my reflexes are a bit slow at the moment!’ I was laughing but I was also slightly frustrated.
‘Awww, we need to practice. I can’t stand when these guys beat me! I need you to pick up your game, hun!’
‘I know it, S!’
‘Good game, ladies,’ Peter said triumphantly as he high-fived with Seth.
‘Yeah, yeah, good game,’ S mumbled, not meaning it at all.
> Seth looked over at me and gave me a wink. I liked how it made me feel... S and I said goodnight and headed downstairs.
‘Hey Soph, who’s that girl you introduced me to the other night?’
‘Um, that’s Kiko, my mate from work,’ she replied, playing it down.
‘Do you have a crush on her?’ I asked as we entered our place.
‘I might…’ she answered honestly. She wasn’t shy about these things, but still, sometimes it took a minute to share a sentimental truth with others.
‘Nice! Good on ya!’ I replied with enthusiasm.
We both giggled and said g’night on our way into our rooms.
FOLLOW THE FEELGOOD
CHAPTER
24
I laid in bed and listened to S rumble around in the kitchen.
‘4:13am. Ugh.’
I tried to go back to sleep but my mind was already busy with organizing my day, and worrying how I would get everything done. Argh! It was no use. I gave up and decided to just get up and go say hi to Sophie before she left for her shift. I opened my door and trod slowly into the kitchen, giving myself a few extra quiet seconds to mentally prepare for S’s early morning shenanigans.
‘Morning Soph… Oh, er... Hi.’
I was startled. It wasn’t Sophie. There was an awkward pause.
‘Um, hey. Kiko, right?’
‘Oh hey, Zoe.’
She was wearing a white t-shirt with a yellow and green pineapple on and the front. I recognized it immediately.
‘Is that Sophie’s shirt?’ I asked, pulling out a bar stool and leaning on the kitchen counter. It was the first thing that popped into my head, and I had to say something.
‘It is! Pineapples are my fave, so I snagged it from her closet this morning, he he he!’
‘Oh cool. I think I have one of those too. Or at least I did. I lose track. Super comfy, hey?’ In truth, I’d given that shirt to Sophie. She ended up with a lot of my sponsored stuff, because I would get so much clothing that I couldn’t possibly wear it all.
Surfer Girls Kick Ass Page 11
