In other words, calling for help signified an opening of your heart. But instead of maintaining an open heart – through having faith and patience that the Universe will heed your call – you immediately jumped back into your worried thoughts, returning the focus to your head. Doing that blocked you from receiving those messages of the heart.’
‘Oh! Oh! Oh! So, I couldn’t see the butterfly until you pointed it out to me because I was too distracted, even though it was always there?’
‘Exactly.’
‘So the answers are always there, even if we can’t see, or hear, or feel, or know them?’
‘Yes, wonderful, Zoe.’
‘Okay, this makes sense. But a couple of things I still don’t get. Why do you keep saying ‘we’? And how did the butterfly have a message for me? It’s just a butterfly. Isn’t that kinda crazy talk to believe it could communicate with me?’
‘Everything around you – no matter where you are, or what you are doing, or who you are talking to – is both a creation of and a message from God, regardless of its seeming form.’
‘Um, hold on Teo, I’m not sure I understand what you mean when you say God. Do you mean like a guy in the sky, or…?’
This is a challenging word for many, Zoe. When I speak of God, I am referring to the energy of pure love. It is the source from which we are all made. It is your true essence, which means you have unlimited access to it. However, as I’ve mentioned before, you have become more accustomed to the habit of controlling your life, rather than allowing it to be guided by the divine power of love and light, available to all.
‘So you’re here to help me tap into that, er, essence… of, er, pure love?’
‘Yes, Zoe. And when I say ‘we’, you can think of me as one of an unlimited number of angels… a messenger of God. As angels, we don’t have bodies as such. We simply present ourselves to you in form because is it easier for humans to see us this way. In reality, we are extensions of God, the Universe, or Source Energy, which are all words used to describe the same thing. Pure Love.
When people pray to God, or angels, or the Universe, or Jesus, or Buddha, or Jehovah – that is, whomever or whatever symbol represents their belief in a higher power – it means they are open to receiving help from beyond what they can ‘see’. This is faith. And it is wonderful indeed! But humans often quickly become impatient when their call isn’t answered within the time constraints they have placed upon it. In addition, they have often already decided what they want the answer to look like. So if the answer doesn’t arrive in the form or timeframe they expect, they become upset.
And while we are always here in an instant, to answer your call and alleviate your pain, people do not see, hear, feel, or know our presence, because they try to control the outcome. Often, our messages are overlooked. You ask for help, but then you are afraid the answer will be different to what you want it to be. And even though the answer is often different, it’s always much better than you could ever possibly imagine for yourself. Our answers are 100% pure love and perfection. They will make you feel better in the most profound of ways. However, it requires an act of faith to follow the signs. First you must let go of the need to control, and then trust in those answers you receive, as you follow them, one step at a time.’
‘Oh, I think I get it. It’s like that Rolling Stones song, when it goes: “You can’t always get what you want, but […] you get what you need”.’
Teo began to laugh. ‘Yes, it’s very much like that, Zoe.’
‘Okay, got it. So how do I get rid of those thoughts?’
‘You must release the need to control the future by staying present in the moment. Instead of sitting here and planning and organizing what your life will look like in the next hour, or day, or next season, or next year, or 10 years from now, just be here now and enjoy your surroundings. Look at the trees and the sky with wonder, and have gratitude for the beauty of the moment.’
I let his words soak in.
‘So, focus on feeling good, and don’t worry about the future?’
‘Yes.’
‘But how am I supposed to get anything done if I do that?’
Teo’s eyes sparkled as he smiled, and I swear it was like nothing else in the world mattered when I looked into them.
‘Do your best not to worry about that right now, though I know it may feel difficult. This is the process of letting go, by giving yourself permission to lead more with your heart and less with your head. The details will work themselves out in miraculous ways, Zoe. All I want you to be concerned about is how you feel from moment to moment. Acknowledge your thoughts and actions. Then change them into a perspective that will accommodate the sensation of feeling good. Okay?’
‘Ah yes. More positive self-talk. I remember. Yes, okay.’
We sat in silence, and my eyes glanced back over towards the mossy tree stump, but it was no longer there.
‘Teo! The stump!’ I turned to face him… but he too was gone. Damn.
A sense of abandonment rose within me, but then I reminded myself that just because I couldn’t see him didn’t mean he wasn’t there. I clung to this thought for a few more minutes and noticed that it made me feel better; that the sense of abandonment, the scary feeling of aloneness, had dissipated.
It was late afternoon by the time I got home, and I was happy to see that Sophie had returned as well. She was out the back drinking wine with a girl I didn’t recognize. Wait, was she… flirting? Whenever she tones down her naturally boisterous self, she’s doing one of two things. One, giving a pep talk to her lifeguards; or two, trying not to scare off someone she likes.
Option número dos, obviously. So it made complete sense for me to grab a glass and venture out to interrupt their little soirée and see what was going on. I wanted some reprieve from all the crazy encounters I was having… and wine was by far the easiest way to get that.
‘G’day Zozo!’
S clapped her hands in joy the moment she saw me slide open the door.
‘This is Kiko! Kiko, this is my mate, Zoe!’
‘Hey Kiko, nice to meet you!’ I said, reaching over the table to shake her hand. She had a solid handshake, which, to me, was always a good sign of a strong character. At least, that’s what my dad had taught me.
‘Hey Zoe, so nice to finally meet you!’ she replied smilingly.
Soph pulled out a chair, and as if by magic, my glass became half full. We sat in silence, sipping from our glasses, watching people do their thing on the beach; couples and their dogs, kids and their castles, joggers, surfers, and family feuds. It had been a long, strange, and beautiful day, and I was grateful to be where I was in that moment.
Yes, I decided. This is what Teo meant. I felt present. I felt... good.
CHAPTER
21
I slept amazingly well that night.
So well, in fact, that I didn’t peel my eyes open until around 9am, insanely late considering my usual 6am wake-up call. Even so, I continued to lie in bed, relaxing and practicing what Teo had asked, being in the moment, and feeling good.
Now, I have to admit I still wasn’t sure exactly how to conduct my day with this intention in mind, but my first thought was to figure out what I felt like doing. Sounds pretty basic, I know, but this turned out to be quite the mind game for me. There was so much going on in my head that it was hard to follow my heart. I mean, normally I would’ve planned my day the night before, and then woken up early, eager as a beaver to get a headstart on all that I needed to accomplish.
So even this moment, lying in bed and letting my mind wander into what would feel good? Weird.
Well, duh, the answer was surfing! I suppose it should’ve been obvious, but you know, since arriving home, I felt like I was having to repeatedly recognize that surfing was still my joy. Maybe a part of me was still scared that Derek had been right, that surfing w
asn’t what I wanted anymore, that I’d been too afraid to admit it. But no, it wasn’t about my love for surfing or my love for competing. It was about how I was going about them. I had to change my approach. I had to match my thoughts with feelgood actions, just like Teo had said.
I got out of bed and hunted around for a bikini. I found one on the back of my shower door and put it on before cruising out to the back deck where my wetsuit was hanging in the sun. I knew Sophie was at work already, and I was kinda bummed she wasn’t around to come play, but as I was grappling with my wetsuit, Seth came flying down the stairs, beaming with a happiness I knew only from the Smart family.
‘G’day Zoe, how’s it going?’
‘Oh crap, hey!’ I said as I fumbled around, trying to get my arms through the sleeves. ‘You going out for a surf too?’
‘You betcha!’ he said with a youthful exuberance. ‘Wanna come with? I’m just gonna walk up the beach to where it looks like the waves are breaking more consistently.’
I was excited to be my own boss again, to be able pick and choose the waves I wanted to catch, and not worry about the rest.
‘Alright yeah, sounds good, Seth. You’re off today?’
‘Yeah, Zozo, taking it sleazy today,’ he said with a smirk on his face.
I responded, ‘Mmm-hmmm, I’m sure you are buddy.’ But aside from surfing and skating, I actually had no idea what he was doing these days.
We waxed our boards and headed up the beach together.
‘So what’s new, Zoe? How’s life as a pro surfer?’
Something I always liked about Seth was his interest in getting to know people. Even when we were younger and he was just a little grom, I remember that he always quietly observed what was going on around him, to the point we’d often forget he was there. (I mean, who knows what conversations of mine and Soph’s he listened in on). He also had a knack for getting away with pretty much anything, most likely because he knew how to deal with the people around him, probably due to the fact he was so observant.
‘Ah, it has its ups and downs, but it’s pretty amazing. Sometimes it stresses me out, but I guess that’s just part of learning how to play the game, right?’
I wasn’t ready to divulge too much info, and wanted to keep the conversation easygoing.
‘Yeah, that’s kind of how I feel with skateboarding. I’m working on going pro too, you know?’
‘You are? That’s amazing. You must’ve come a long way since the last time I saw you skate then, ha ha!’ I said as I looked over at him, jokingly poking him with my elbow.
‘Aww c’mon, Zo, that was ages ago!’
‘True. I should totally come to the park with you at some point. I haven’t skated in forever. Maybe it’d be good for me.’
‘Yeah cool, that’d be fun.’
About five minutes later we stuck our boards in the sand, put down our towels and gulped back some water in preparation for the session ahead. Seth appeared happy as he looked out at the ocean, and it was hard not to admire his beautiful, white smile. Such a warm soul, I thought. Then he looked straight at me, beaming with excitement before asking if I was ready.
‘You know I am. Let’s do this!’
We put on our leashes and headed to the edge of the ocean. Seth jumped in immediately and was already paddling out to the line-up, while I continued to gaze out at the ocean, taking my time.
I stood where the water washed against my ankles, closed my eyes and asked the angels for a fun session. I wanted to enjoy myself above all else, I felt, but it would be cool to learn something that would help me in competition as well. I thanked them – Teo especially – for their presence in my life. With that, I jumped on my board and paddled out after Seth.
The section we were going to surf was busy, as was to be expected. I took care paddling out, deciding that I wanted to feel out what kind of crowd I was working with before jumping into the middle of the pack (which, from the previous day’s fiasco, you’ll know can get rather feisty). I made my way over to Seth, who was hanging out away from the crowd too. This section of the beach had waves aplenty, so we had options, even though they’re unlikely to form as well as those at the main peak. I sat up on my board once I was a few feet from Seth.
‘You like to ease into the crowd, too?’ I asked.
‘Yeah, I kinda stick to the yummy corners over here. You have to wait for them, but they show up. I’m just not really into crowds. Too much ego over there, aye?’
‘I hear ya,’ I agreed.
A nice set rolled in and a mad scramble between the surfers sitting deepest ensued, with a guy in red boardies claiming the first wave. The second wave came in immediately behind the first and two people dropped in at the same time. The guy without right of way peeled off so the other guy could enjoy the wave that was rightfully his. The third wave rolled in but it was swinging wide, and everyone on the inside was too deep to catch it.
Seth turned towards it and paddled for position. A guy who was sitting deeper stupidly dropped in, but his position was shit and it shut him down, opening the wave up for Seth.
‘Yeah, Seth!’ I yelled as he dropped in. I watched the wave as it moved past me, and finally saw Seth’s head as he reached the peak of the wave and fired off a damn sexy cutback before disappearing again. A few seconds later I saw him exit the wave in the distance with an enthusiastic fist pump.
Wow, he’s so cute...
A couple more set waves came and went as I continued to wait patiently for my turn. Seth had caught his third wave by the time I finally saw a sweet peak starting to form right near me. It had my name on it. I turned and paddled hard to get myself into position, knowing that I needed to get closer inside if I wanted to catch it.
I looked left to make sure I wasn’t going to drop in on anyone, and then went for it. I popped up quickly, riding high on the face of a gem of a wave, going right. And unlike yesterday it opened up beautifully in front of me! Yesssss! I carved a wide bottom turn, engaging my fins with strength and confidence to pick up some speed before driving up to the lip and going for a snap. I dug deep, shifting my weight to my heel and leaned hard, which happened to be right in front of Seth. I wanted to show off by spraying him, but instead I tripped on my rail and took a header.
‘Argh,’ I yelled out.
But then something cool happened! Instead of repeating my pattern of frustration, with the fear of screwing up like this during competition, I relaxed. I reminded myself that it wasn’t during competition. It was here, now, while I was having fun surfing with Seth. And even if it was during competition, why should I let it bum me out? I shouldn’t. I absolutely should not let this stop me from indulging in the sheer joy of surfing! So I popped up with a smile on my face, happy again in an instant, and all due to a simple shift in perspective. I glanced around to make sure the coast was clear of incoming waves. All good. The only waves were the ones being made from the sound of Seth laughing.
‘Sorry mate! My bad!’
I started laughing. ‘No worries! Besides, it’s my bad. I shouldn’t let you distract me so easily!’
Oops. I realize how this could be interpreted, but it was too late to retract the statement and… well, maybe I didn’t care? And maybe… just maybe... it was even a little bit true?
I got back on my board and paddled to catch up to him. When I got there eventually, I was a little out of breath but also pretty excited.
‘Your wave was sick, Seth! Nice one!’
‘Thanks Z, yours too!’
We stayed out for a couple of hours. Seth caught a few nice ones sitting real deep, while I crept in ever so slightly, and only to the place that felt good in the moment. This experience had given me a better understanding of the fact that listening to my heart would help me to be in the moment, because I was honouring what felt good. Content with where I was and what I was doing, I had no need to distract myself w
ith other thoughts.
Today, my heart had wanted: a nice long sleep-in; a fun and easygoing surf sesh; and some quality hangout time with Seth. And while it was all very unexpected, it turned out to be completely in the flow. And even though I still had no idea how this kind of day could benefit my career, I did know that I had to keep doing what Teo had said, and trust the process.
Walking back to the house after our session, Seth had a question about my bottom turn.
‘Zo, how did you maintain your speed when driving up the face of the wave? I’m playing around with where I put my weight, but I’m still losing speed…’
‘Oh, well, you’ve got to distribute your weight evenly at first, and then move the weight onto your toes when you start making the turn. If we’re talking about your frontside… Wait. Hold this,’ I said as I handed him my board. I widened my stance, pretending to be on my board, and began to demonstrate using hand and foot gestures, and body positioning.
‘Ah, I get it. So then I have to push with my back foot as I come off the bottom?’
‘Yep, you got it.’
He handed me my board back and we continued to walk.
‘From what I saw,’ I continued, ‘you could definitely get a little lower on your board so keep those knees bent. But still, you looked pretty damn good. Also, you’re really tall. Almost as tall as your dad?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Well, I’m not as tall as you, so you may have to take that into consideration as well, in terms of how much pressure you put on your board while maintaining your centre of gravity. Know what I mean?’
‘Yeah, totally. It’s a lot like skateboarding, don’t ya think?’
‘Oh yeah, I hadn’t thought about that, but yeah. Man, it’s been a while since I’ve been on a skateboard.’
We made it to the back deck and he continued on up the stairs, yelling back down, ‘Cool Z, see ya later. Thanks for the surf!’
Surfer Girls Kick Ass Page 10
