Seth and I sat side by side on the deck, staring out at the darkness.
‘Shall we venture out for a walk?’ Seth said gently as he looked my way. His hair was blowing in the light breeze, so he had to shake his head slightly to get the hair out of his eyes. It was a sexy move, even if unintentional… I’m not sure it was though.
‘Yes, please,’ I said quickly, realizing that there was nothing more holding me back after Sophie’s approval. We walked onto the sand, heading closer to the water.
‘I’m going to miss you, Zoe,’ Seth said, as he looked towards me with that beautiful, glowing smile.
I looked over at him, smiling. ‘Thank you for being such a genuine person, Seth. Guys like you are hard to come by. I’m going to miss you too.’
We continued to walk up the beach in silence, but my thoughts were busy. Seth had become an amazing confidante and friend. I felt like we’d developed a connection that had allowed us to motivate and inspire one another to move forward in our goals and aspirations. The attraction was there the whole time, now that I thought about it and admitted it to myself, but we had let our relationship develop first. That’s what had made the experience between us even more yummy.
‘I have a pressie for you,’ he said as he stopped to face me, pulling something out of his shirt pocket.
‘Really?’ I said, surprised, feeling nervous all of a sudden.
‘It’s just a small reminder to help keep you on track while you’re away on tour.’ And then he put in my hand a stone. It was smooth and flat, about the size of a new stick of surf wax. I could tell that it had something written on it, but it was too dark to see.
‘Oh wait a sec,’ he said as he pulled out his phone from his back pocket and shone the flashlight onto the stone in my palm. I looked down at it to see three words ‘Follow The Feelgood’ painted in green, with a blue wave curled around the words.
‘Seth, this is beautiful! You made this?’ I wasn’t bullshitting, it was gorgeous.
‘Yeah, I just wanted you to remember all the stuff we’ve talked about, and I thought this would be a good thing to put by your bed at night, to remind you. I guess it’s a bit of added weight to drag all over the world, but hey…’
‘No way! I love it so much. It’s perfect!’ I put my arms around him and let my lips touch his neck lightly. As I did, he quickly shoved his phone back in his pocket so that his hands were free to pull me in. His shirt was mostly unbuttoned and the soft skin on his chest was warm and delicious-smelling. I allowed myself to let go a little bit, and embrace the moment, kissing his neck softly, working my way up to his chin, his cheek, and finally, he tilted his head slightly so that his lips met mine.
In this warm, sweet embrace we had finally found our moment. He was so caring as he kissed me, brushing his lips softly on mine, teasing me a little bit before opening his mouth slightly to gently touch my tongue with his own. And then he went deeper in my mouth as he kissed me with a hungry, confident kind of intensity. I loved how he had taken control of the situation. It was hot!
I was slowly moving my hands from his muscular back, towards his chest, lost in the moment. He pulled his head back with what seemed like a sense of relief before saying, ‘Oh my God, Zoe, I’ve wanted to kiss you like this for so long, you have no idea.’ I could feel his heart pounding underneath my hand. I giggled a little bit, and finally admitted, ‘Yeah, I think, me too.’
‘Really? You, umm, don’t show it most of the time. To be honest, I really wasn’t sure.’
‘Well, it just took me a while to admit it to myself, you know? I mean, you’re my best friend’s little brother, so I’ve been a little hesitant to be cool with it.’
‘But you’re cool with it now?’
‘Yeah, I’m cool with it now,’ I replied. ‘I mean, I’m still not sure whether or not it’s a smart idea, he he he! But I, um, don’t think I’d be able to stop myself at this point anyway,’ I said as I looked away, feeling vulnerable.
We held each other closely for a few more moments, until Seth pulled away from me to take my hand in his and guide me back to the house.
The porch lights were on, but the rest of the house was dark. I fumbled around, looking for the light switch just inside the sliding door, but Seth had his hands up my shirt and I was distracted by his touch. I blindly banged into the back of the dining table as he crashed into me from behind, nearly knocking the wind out of me. ‘Ah!’ We were laughing now.
I turned around and he lifted my shirt off. The sensation of his bare chest against mine. And those abs, mmm. His shirt was already mostly undone so I just ripped the last few buttons to peel it off completely. Letting go in this moment made him literally irresistible.
‘Really? You had to tear my shirt?!’ he whispered in my ear, with a playful tone of voice. He picked me up and carried me to the bedroom, placing me down gently before climbing on top of me and rolling us onto our sides. We intertwined our legs and kissed eagerly, excitedly.
‘Wait, wait…’ I said as I stopped him.
‘What’s wrong?’ he said, surprised.
‘I just... I want to see you, but it’s too dark and I can’t see anything!’
‘Oh! Okay cool.’
It was tough to kill the moment, but I really needed to make this small little adjustment. I flicked on the lamp by my bed, found the lighter and lit the candles that had been on the windowsill all summer but that I’d never even thought to use until this moment.
Seth was sitting on the edge of the bed now, watching me fiddle with the candles, and I could feel his eyes on me. I came back to the bed and turned off the lamp. ‘There. Much better, right?’
‘Zoe, I’m so happy to be here with you, like this, right now.’
He grabbed my hands and pulled me in so that I was standing in between his legs. He looked up at me and smiled ever so sweetly that I swear my heart skipped a beat. He began kissing my stomach, using his tongue to gently move up to the space between my breasts, and I heard myself moan with approval. He was tender but confident in his movements. And I willingly received his touch.
We rolled around in the candlelight, enjoying one another throughout the night. Laughter, sweet kisses, conversation, connection. It was magical, mind-blowing. It felt beyond me, beyond us, if that makes sense. Once I let go and allowed myself to give in, it was like another force took over. We became so in sync it was as if we’d become one. It was effortless, beautiful, and I can honestly say that I’ve never experienced anything like it.
CHAPTER
43
I woke up with the sun shining through my window. I was curled up next to Seth, who was completely passed out. My head, awkwardly resting on his chest, was stiff. I lifted it slowly, glancing up at him as I moved, watching as he slept so soundly.
Is this for real? Did this really happen? I thought to myself unbelievingly.
I got up and made us some hot water with lemon, and a couple of pieces of toast with butter and Vegemite, and carried it on a tray back to the room. As I walked in, Seth’s eyes opened.
‘Morning!’ he said sleepily as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.
‘Morning!’
I put the tray down by the foot of the bed while Seth reached over to grab me and pull me in for a hug.
‘OMG, you’re so hot!’ I said, feeling the heat of his skin on my chest.
‘Why, thank you!’
‘No, I mean… Well, that too, but… Argh!’
He was laughing while I continued to stumble on my words, ‘It gets hot in here. Uh, um, you wanna go to the kitchen?’
‘Well, I could probably hang out in here with you all day, but my stomach wants more food!’ he said as he munched on some toast.
We ventured into the kitchen, giggly and pretty perky for two people who’d barely slept.
‘Hey, I didn’t know you could cook?’ I said as I w
atched him throw together an omelette while I made a smoothie with the usual ingredients.
‘There’s probably quite a bit you don’t know about me, Zoe,’ he said smilingly, and I could tell he was throwing some honesty at me.
‘True, I’m sure’ I replied matter-of-factly.
‘And I hope you’ll still want to get to know me even when you’re away.’
‘God, you’re so sweet!’ I said, pleased that he was just so straightforward and not acting awkward at all, considering it was the morning after the night before. You never know how someone might close off after being so open and vulnerable, including me. Just when we were sitting down to eat, Sophie walked in the door. As I heard it open, I froze, looking at Seth, not sure how Soph was going to react.
‘Mmm, that smells delish, what are you...?’
And then she stood there, motionless for a sec. I’m assuming she was putting together the pieces of the puzzle. I sat, waiting for her reaction.
‘Hey sis! There’s some omelette in the pan if you like,’ Seth chirped as he shoved a forkful of egg in his mouth, not seeming to care at all about what his sister might think. I guess he knew her pretty well, because it only took a moment for her to respond.
‘Alright, alright, nice, nice,’ she said as she winked at me, while I still sat tense.
‘Breathe, Zoe, breathe,’ Seth whispered in my ear. I took a deep breath in as he put his hand on my lap, helping me to chill out in a situation that didn’t require any tension at all. It was just my fear trying to trip me up with thoughts; thoughts that apparently weren’t real.
‘Did you two have a nice evening then?’ Sophie said as she helped herself to some eggs and joined us at the table. We just looked at one another and grinned.
‘You know we did, c’mon! What about you?’ He was smart to put the conversation back on her, if only for my sake.
‘Yeah, it was all good! But I had to come back to take The Zozo to the airport, now, didn’t I? Or did I?!’ She looked over and winked at me. A bunch of times. She was being her usual self. And I was relieved.
‘Wow, I can’t believe I’m leaving.’ I said, coming out of my insecure moment. ‘Hey, are you coming with?’ I asked Seth as I took a sip of smoothie.
‘Love to, of course. I want every minute with you before you leave! And then he moved his arm from my lap and put it around my shoulder as he pulled me in to him.
And I almost fell of my stool.
CHAPTER
44
We arrived at the airport, and I was both excited as well as hesitant to catch my flight to Perth for the next comp, the Margaret River Pro.
‘Are you sure you guys can’t come?’ I didn’t want to leave them behind.
‘I wish, babe,’ Sophie said. ‘But hey, you never know. I’ll see how the schedule is looking at work and call you if I can make some changes.’
Seth was pulling my boards off the car at that point, so he didn’t hear me ask about them joining me at Margies.
‘Now Zozo, you take care of yourself, okay? Keep it real for us, and have fun on all your adventures. Oh, and here, everyone from the crew wanted me to give you this,’ she said as she pulled out a card from her bag.
‘They got me a card?’
‘Yeah, you made quite an impression on them. You know how cool it was for a legend like you to hang out with all of us commoners? Ha!’
‘Oh man, c’mon, S! But seriously, they’re all awesome. You have a great crew, and an awesome life here. And S, OMG, Kiko is amazing. I know I said this already but I’m so stoked for you! Don’t screw it up okay?!’
We hugged and said our final goodbyes, and then she turned to go wait in the car, while Seth helped me with the rest of my stuff.
‘Well, Seth,’ I began, ‘I don’t even know what to say, except that you’re like magic!’
He started laughing. ‘Magic?’
‘Yeah, I mean, everything you say, and everything you do, is just, I dunno… You’re like a light, and you carry around all this wisdom. It’s so… well, inspiring.’
He grabbed my hands and spoke, ‘Zoe, I don’t want this to be a goodbye, okay? I want more of us, even though you’re leaving for a while. What do you think?’
‘Umm, yes please!’ I said as I stood on the kerb so that we were a more equal height.
I released my hands from his so that I could wrap my arms around his neck and look at him face to face without having to look up to meet his gaze. And his lips. I kissed him. And kissed him again. I wanted to remember the feeling of his lips, the softness, the love, the passion, and the feelgood. We hugged and held each other and just took a few moments to soak up the energy of our connection.
We said our goodbyes, and with his painted rock in my backpack, I turned and walked into the airport. I wasn’t sure when I’d see him again, but I also wasn’t going to discount the possibility of seeing him sooner rather than later. Well, that’s what I was hoping for, anyway.
Waiting at the gate for my flight, I sat down and once again pulled out my ‘everything book’. My emotions were running in circles and I needed to set myself straight. I wrote.
Wowzers, I’m all over the place! I need to come back to my Self. And I mean my true Self, the one that Teo talks about, where I can shine as bright as he does. That’s where it’ll be possible to fulfil my true potential, and that’s what I want.
Right, so I’ve learned that in order to do that, I need to let go and let the Universe lead the way.
What do I need to let go of?
Fear.
What kind of fear?
Worry, around not connecting with Seth again. He feels so good and I don’t want to lose that.
Sadness and anger, which I feel when I think about Derek, who I still miss sometimes.
Doubt, because while I’m stoked with a second place finish at Snapper, can I do it again? What if that was a fluke? The ladies rip, and I know I have some catching up to do when it comes to adding newer, more challenging moves to my repertoire.
I paused. Hmmm. I can work through this. I’ve got this, I thought to myself as I looked up from the page and let my mind wander. Listen to your heart, not your head, and feel what’s being said. I reminded myself, then glanced back down at the paper, ready to write again.
Everything is working out in my favour. My job is to relax and feel for the flow. ‘Let the ocean move you’ as Teo said. External gratification is a distraction from the awareness that I am complete and whole as I am. I embody the essence of Pure Love.
I don’t know what the future holds, so there’s nothing to control. Be present in the moment. Feeling good is the goal.
And suddenly the book flew out of my hands, as if by an unforeseen force. It landed face down with its pages spread. Picking it up I turned it over to see what page it had landed on. And wouldn’t you know it? It was the page I wrote in, on the plane on my way here from Hawaii, right after I met Teo for the first time.
And there it was, right in front of me. My declaration:
I WILLINGLY RECEIVE ABUNDANCE IN ALL ASPECTS OF MY LIFE, THROUGH THE UNIVERSAL GATEWAY OF MIRACLES AND MAGIC.
I laughed quietly to myself, and in my mind, acknowledged Teo’s presence.
Out of my confusion came clarity, and I now understood what Teo had meant when he said there’s more to life than meets the eye. If these last few months had taught me anything, it was to trust that the Universe has my back, to have faith in the process, to believe in magic…
And more than anything, to follow the feelgood.
EPILOGUE:
This is a lil’ something I wrote at the beginning of my surfing journey. I call it; ‘OCEAN SPEAKS - A SURFER’S MEMOIR’
I was hesitant at first, because I knew that if I decided to be in this relationship I would have to commit to Her 100%.
And I wasn’t su
re I was ready for something that intense.
But the moment I entered Her I was instantly swept away, and knew there was no chance of ever turning back.
She is the Ocean and I am a surfer.
Of course, this doesn’t mean our relationship is perfect.
In times of uncertainty, when it feels like our connection is lost, I’ll consider breaking up with Her.
But then I take a moment to remember the many sweet, divine moments we’ve shared, and I realize that leaving isn’t the answer.
I could never do it.
She is the Ocean and I am a surfer.
This Salty Goddess known as the Ocean is a great teacher who demands respect.
She may be soft and gentle one day, then fierce and raging the next.
But make no mistake about it - She is always in control.
And if I go out for a session and get my butt kicked, I know it’s because I let my ego take over.
That is, I’m distracted by my emotions - with thoughts about the past and concerns about the future - and therefore I’m not focused on the present moment.
I can’t ‘see’ what She is offering because my mind isn’t there, in the moment.
Ultimately it means I am working against Her because I’m working against myself, and that’s how I end up in the wrong place at the wrong time.
On the other hand, when I let go of my thoughts and concerns with the world and the role I play in it, finally the fear washes off of me, allowing the peace to settle in.
In these moments I can connect with Her vibe by feeling her movements and listening to Her guidance.
‘Being’ becomes effortless - and that’s always when the perfect wave lines up right in front of me.
She is my guru, and in this relationship I am learning how to live with more joy and trust in the process of life - to have patience while I accept and love myself at every moment.
Surfer Girls Kick Ass Page 22
