by Jay Bell
Tim looked embarrassed and shrugged. “I asked the guy to marry me and shortly afterwards, my psychotic ex-boyfriend showed up to gun us down.”
“You’re silly,” Jason said. “Does Ben feel this way too?”
“A little, yeah. Almost losing me brought back some bad memories for him, so I feel like we’re waiting for the dust to settle. Make sure the coast is clear.”
“I would have thought nearly dying would make you even more desperate to tie the knot,” Jason said. “Do it before it’s too late, that sort of thing.”
Tim laughed. “Maybe that’s how we should be looking at it. Or maybe we’re just too damn happy with the way things are. Speaking of which, are you really going apartment-hunting tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Jason said, “and this time I won’t let you talk me out of it.”
“It’s just that I had this idea about turning the garage into a guest house and—”
“No,” Jason said. “If it were up to you guys, I’d still be here when you’re old and gray.”
“Hey, someone has to change our diapers.” Then more seriously, Tim added, “I like a big family. I didn’t have one growing up, so it’s nice.”
“It is,” Jason admitted. “Maybe you and Ben should adopt.”
“Believe me,” Tim said. “We’ve been talking about it a lot lately.”
Jason’s head whipped up. “Really? Like a little kid?”
“Michelle suggested something along those lines.” Tim shrugged and finished his beer. “You want another one?”
“No,” Jason said. “I think I’ll call it a night.”
He went upstairs to his room, head spinning with all they had spoken about. A little brother or sister? Ben and Tim never marrying? Caesar being desperate for another chance? Jason checked his phone, as he so often did, and for once there was a text message waiting for him. Not from William, of course, but from Caesar.
Some guy came up to my car and tried to put the moves on me.
Jason snorted and texted him back. Are you with him now?
A minute later, Caesar responded. No. I told him that I already have a guy from my past who wants to take it really slow. Took forever to explain. If only there were some sort of convenient title…
Jason sat on the edge of his bed. What would you suggest?
The phone rang a second later, Jason answering it right away.
“Boyfriend,” Caesar said on the other line. “I want to be your boyfriend.”
Jason glanced out the back window where Tim was reclining, hands behind his head. Maybe he was thinking of a time when he had wanted nothing more than another chance to prove how amazing he and Ben could be together.
“Boyfriend,” Jason said, as if trying the word on for size. “Has a nice ring to it.”
“Yeah?” Caesar asked, sounding excited.
Jason smiled. “Yeah.”
* * * * *
The last cardboard box having been shoved into the moving truck, Jason took a step back, wiped the sweat from his brow, and allowed himself a moment of satisfaction. One life, all nicely packed up and ready to go. Part of him felt like a thief, since the truck was full of Ben and Tim’s furniture, but that hadn’t been his idea. Ben had walked around the house earlier in the week, making excuses to give him everything he could possibly need.
“Oh, we were going to buy a new couch anyway. You’ll be doing us a favor if you take this one.” Or “We need a kitchen table that seats more than four. We can’t always have dinner parties in the backyard.” Soon Jason had to start coordinating with Emma, who was going through a similar process in Houston. Otherwise they would have ended up with two of everything.
Jason hopped up on the truck bed and was trying to get the rear door closed when a voice called out.
“You forgot one!”
Jason poked his head around the side of the truck and noticed a box near the rear tire, but it was soon forgotten when a bike pulled up and skidded to a halt. On it, grinning and covered in sweat, was the most beautiful man he’d ever seen. Sure, maybe Marcello had never offered him a modeling contract and maybe heads didn’t turn when he walked down the street, but Jason’s body reacted to his appearance in countless ways. Increased pulse, weak legs, dry mouth, and most of all, a yearning that almost brought him to tears.
William swung off his bike, placed it on the ground, and hurried to pick up the wayward box. Then he held it up to him. Jason stared a second longer before he put his hands on it, but he didn’t pull it away. Nor did William let go. In this way they were connected, which was more than they had allowed themselves in the past two years.
“Moving?” William asked.
“Very,” Jason said. Then he blinked. “I mean, yes.” He adjusted his grip on the box, taking it from William’s hands and placing it on top of a stack. Then he turned back around. “Home for a visit?”
William shook his head, still smiling up at him. “Home for good.”
Jason almost fell out of the truck. Before that could happen, he sat down, legs hanging over the edge. “You’re moving home?”
William nodded. Then reconsidered. “More accurately, I moved home already. I’m back.”
“No more Coast Guard?” Jason asked. He didn’t mean for his voice to sound so rusty or for his stupid eyes to water, but he felt like a man who had been given his freedom after years of false imprisonment.
“I’m considering my options,” William said, “but no more active duty. I decide what I want to do now. Please tell me you aren’t moving away from Austin.”
“No!” Jason said. “I finally got my own place in town. With Emma, actually.”
“Emma?” William took a step back. “Wow. Is she—”
“Eighteen,” Jason said, nodding his understanding. “Time flies by. She’s starting college in the fall.”
“Wow,” William said again. “How long was I gone?”
“Four years!” Jason said with a mad chuckle. “I can’t believe you’re back!”
“Feels like a dream, doesn’t it?”
They looked at each other for a moment. William was still fit, his muscles appearing much harder than they used to. This, along with his buzzed hair, made Jason wonder if he would still feel soft in bed, if holding him would feel as good as it once had.
“So,” William said. “What’s going on in your life?”
Jason understood the question. At least he thought he did. William wanted to know if he was single. Jason struggled to answer. How could he explain that he had waited, that his heart had been loyal for years, even though William never asked him to be? Then the past had returned, and the last three weeks hadn’t been lonely. Well, the last few days had been, since Caesar had returned to Connecticut to pack up his own life.
“Ready to go?” Tim asked, appearing from the house. “Oh, hey! Look who’s here!”
William tore his eyes from Jason and smiled at Tim, who asked him all the obvious questions, like if he was done with service and what he planned on doing next. The commotion eventually attracted Ben, and the happy greetings happened all over again. Jason remained passive during all of this, watching one of his biggest dreams come true, but being unable to reap the benefits. That was okay, because Caesar was great. Jason was really happy. Besides, William probably had someone, so everything was fine. Really.
William offered to help with the move, and soon Jason was smooshed in between him and Tim as they drove across town. Tim kept asking questions about his service, William answering with stories. They were entertaining too, at least the ones Jason managed to concentrate on when he wasn’t overwhelmed by racing thoughts and confused feelings. Once they arrived, he gave a surreal tour of his new home, a two-bedroom apartment on the top floor of a completely average complex. Nothing fancy, but it had a balcony and a nice kitchen. The two bedrooms were on opposite sides, allowing privacy, and each had a private bathroom. He was looking forward to living there.
Then they started moving in. Sometimes Jason and Wil
liam would pass each other on trips to and from the truck. When they needed to bring in heavier furniture, Tim and William teamed up, since they were the strongest. By evening when they were finished and sitting exhausted on the living room floor, it felt like the most normal thing in the world that William should be there. Jason could almost imagine that they had just moved in together, gotten a place of their own after so many years of dating and seeing each other regularly. But that wasn’t the case.
“I’m starving,” Tim said. “Let’s order a pizza.”
“Better call Ben first,” Jason said. “He might have fixed something for us.”
“Good idea.” Tim got to his feet, wincing and groaning a few times before stepping outside to make a call.
William and Jason eyed each other a moment before laughing. Jason had no idea why. Maybe they did it to relieve tension.
“I wish we were at your old place,” William said. “I’d like to hose off out back again.”
Jason grinned. “They have these new things called showers, you know. Very cutting edge. There’s one here. Two, in fact.”
“Sounds amazing,” William said. “We should try it out.” When he saw the panicked response this caused, he added. “Not together, of course. That is unless… We have a lot of catching up to do, verbally, because I don’t even know what your situation is.”
“My situation?”
William nodded. “I noticed you’re not moving in with another guy.”
“Oh.” Jason swallowed. “There is someone, actually.”
“That’s great!” William said with a smile. “That’s what I wanted for you.”
“What you wanted?” Jason repeated.
Tim opened the front door. “Everyone, into the truck! There’s lasagna waiting for us! I just hope he made two, because I swear I could eat one all by myself.” He looked puzzled when neither of them moved. Then he seemed to figure it out. “Oh. Sorry, boys, but Benjamin is going to have hurt feelings if we don’t show. Especially since this is your last night with us, Jason.”
He nodded his understanding. “We’ll catch up later.”
“Right,” William said. “Of course.”
The mood was more somber on the way back. Once they were home again, William asked to take a quick shower. Tim went to do the same in the master bedroom. Jason waited upstairs for his turn, leaning against the hallway wall and listening to the muted sound of artificial rain. If nothing stood in their way, would he be in there with William now, giggling as they soaped each other up? Frustrated, Jason went to his old room and checked his phone. Caesar had written again.
How’s the move going?
All done, Jason wrote. Went fine. You?
Should be there late tomorrow. Miss you. Can’t wait to rumble in the jungle.
Jason laughed, his body reacting. Maybe he was just sexually frustrated. Hurry hurry, he texted back.
I will. Love you.
Jason hesitated. Then he responded with the push of two buttons. :) A lame smiley. Hopefully that would buy him some time, because despite his body knowing what he wanted, right now his heart felt like it was rocking back and forth in a padded cell. He distracted himself next by answering Emma’s texts. She was packed and ready to make the drive tomorrow. That meant more unloading, the thought alone causing Jason’s back to ache.
“Shower’s all yours,” Tim said, cruising down the hallway toward dinner.
Tossing aside the phone, Jason exhaled, then got cleaned up. He was the last one at the table. Tim was already eating, offering a shrug of apology. The others had waited for Jason. Ben had shiny eyes, like he couldn’t believe how grown up Jason was or something. Putting on a brave smile for him, Jason focused on the food, praising it and making excited conversation about his new place. Inside, he began to seethe. Why had William shown up, gotten flirtatious, then acted like Jason being with another man was all part of his plan? Was he masking hurt feelings? Or did he really want Jason to move on emotionally? Maybe William had only been hoping for a hookup and was relieved that Jason didn’t expect a relationship. If so…
“What the hell!” Jason said, letting his fork clatter to the plate. He looked up at William, who sat across from him. “You wanted me to be with another guy? How could you even say that?”
William glanced selfconsciously at Ben and Tim, but he answered anyway. “I didn’t want you waiting for me. I wanted you to have your freedom.”
“Why?” Jason asked. “What’s the use? Did you really think that would stop me from loving you?”
“Eventually,” William said.
“Really?” Jason asked in disbelief. “Simple as that? Well, I don’t work that way. Maybe you do. Took you about two years to stop caring about me, didn’t it? That’s when it really ended.”
William looked away instead of responding.
“Maybe we should give them some privacy,” Ben said, standing up.
“I’m not done eating!” Tim protested.
“It’s okay,” William said. “I should head back home. My mom will be getting worried. She hates it when I ride my bike at night.”
“We can give you a ride,” Ben offered.
“No, really. It’s fine. Thank you for dinner. It was wonderful seeing you again. All of you.”
Jason glanced up. William was looking at him, of course, his face as gentle as it always was. This took some of the steam from his hissing emotions, but he still didn’t say anything as William left. The table was quiet when he had gone, except for a squelching sound coming from the pan as Tim helped himself to another piece of lasagna as silently as possible.
“Sorry,” he whispered, slopping it onto his plate.
“It’s fine,” Jason said. “Everyone should keep eating. I didn’t mean to ruin dinner.”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” Ben said. “At least not yet. It’s not too late.”
Jason eyed him a second longer before hopping to his feet and rushing out of the room. He ran down the front drive, catching up with William just before he reached the main road.
“Wait,” he panted. “Please! I’m sorry.”
William stopped and stood, fists gripping the handlebars. “I’m the one who should be sorry.”
“No,” Jason said. “Let’s just forget everything, okay? That was no way to welcome you back. Let’s just move on.”
William was quiet for a moment. “I really do have to get home.”
Jason didn’t want him to leave, especially without knowing when he’d see him again. “We’re having a housewarming party,” he said. “This Saturday. We can make it a homecoming party too.”
“Do I have to wear a corsage?” William asked, some humor returning to his voice.
Jason grinned. “Not that sort of homecoming. It’ll be a welcome home party for you. Saturday. Seven o’clock. Please.”
William nodded. “I’ll be there.”
Jason watched him pedal away into the dark before he turned around and slowly began walking to the house. William was back. He should be happy right now, but instead his heart ached. Is this what moving on felt like?
Chapter Thirty-one
Between his day job and volunteering at the shelter, Jason didn’t have much time for unpacking. The apartment would have been a disaster if not for Emma, who not only tore through cardboard boxes, but was revealing a natural talent for home improvement.
“I’m a lesbian,” she said proudly one night as she cobbled together her bed frame. “I’ll probably graduate from college just to become a plumber.”
Every night when Jason returned to the apartment, he found the place feeling more and more like home. He and Emma were having a great time too, staying up late and talking. Maybe the apartment was fairly average, but to him it felt like a slice of paradise. Mostly.
Just a little past midnight on Wednesday, the doorbell rang. Emma was busy in the kitchen, trying to fix a broken cabinet, so Jason went to answer the door. Caesar stood there, holding the last thing in the world that Jaso
n wanted to see—another cardboard box.
“Did you get my texts?” Caesar asked.
“No,” Jason said.
Caesar lifted the box to make sure he could see it. “Can I come in? This thing is heavy.”
“Yeah, of course.” Jason stepped aside, confused by what was going on.
“I got kicked out of the hotel,” Caesar said.
“What?”
“I know. It’s terrible. My car is a total mess. I had to throw everything in there at the last minute. I didn’t want to leave any electronics out there, so…” Caesar set down the box. Then he strode over to Jason and kissed him. “What would I do without you?”
“I have no idea,” Jason said. “Why did they kick you out?”
Caesar sighed, sat on the couch, and rubbed his forehead. “I told you I had a little money saved up?”
Jason nodded. “Yeah. So?”
“Well, when I said little, I meant it. I’m bone dry.”
Jason shook his head. “But you’ve been looking for an apartment.”
“Because I expected to get the deposit back from the old place by now. That would be enough for two months rent and then some. They couldn’t cut me a check when I moved out, but they said I’d have it within a week. Meanwhile, the storage unit I rented maxed out my credit card… I just need a place to stay until I get my deposit back.”
“Okay,” Jason said. “No big deal.”
Caesar grinned and held out his arms. “Come here, baby.”
Jason rolled his eyes and smiled. “I need to get to bed. I have work first thing in the morning.”
“Bed is exactly what I had in mind,” Caesar said.
“I need to sleep,” Jason said. “Every minute counts. Trust me.”
Caesar frowned. “Are we okay?”
“Yeah, of course!”
“It’s just that ever since I got back into town… Or ever since Mr. Coast Guard showed up, things have been a little chilly.”
Jason snorted. “Are you jealous? The almighty Caesar is worried he can’t compete?”
“You tell me.”
“It has nothing to do with William. Seriously.” Jason offered his hand. “Come on, you big baby. I’ll prove it to you.”
