by Jay Bell
Caesar’s eyes lit up. “In the bedroom?”
Jason nodded. “In the bedroom.”
* * * * *
Jason wrapped two strips of leather around one hand, then two more around the other, feeling like a primitive warrior getting ready for a fight. And in a way, he was going into battle, but he already knew that he was greatly overpowered.
“Okay, you little brats,” he said. “I don’t have much time tonight, so we’re doing this as a group. You want to run. You want to poop. I want to go home and relax. Are we agreed?”
Four heads turned toward him, tails wagging. Jason sighed, already knowing the battle was lost. The second he opened the door, his arms were nearly yanked from their sockets. Jason stumbled around the yard of the animal shelter, being pulled this way and that. Leashes got tangled, a small fight broke out between two of the dogs, and Jason stepped in a fresh pile of crap. For all his trouble, in the end he probably only saved ten minutes.
“Told you it wouldn’t work,” Barbara said when he returned.
“Oh, it worked,” Jason said, still trying to untangle the leashes.
Barbara raised an eyebrow. “So you’d do it again?”
“Never,” Jason admitted. “Nope. Absolutely not.”
“Here.” Barbara reached for the leashes. “Let me get those sorted out. I think someone is here to see you.”
“Really?”
“Well, he asked if you were working tonight.”
Jason resisted grimacing. He had avoided going home after work, simply because he needed a break from Caesar. Living together, even temporarily, felt very premature. Ironic since they had lived together on the first day they had met. Regardless, Jason wanted a little space, so he had turned off his phone, grabbed fast food for dinner, and gone straight to the shelter. In contrast, Caesar had nothing but free time and had probably come looking for him. Jason returned to the public area, where a few people were browsing the animals.
“I’m looking for a housewarming present,” a voice said.
Jason spun around and smiled. William stood just a foot away, smelling like cologne and—Jason sniffed—yes, a hint of chlorine. Sometimes, after Tim had installed the pool, Jason would sit out there and breathe in the smell, just because it always brought him right back to William. He wasn’t the only one sniffing right now. William made a face.
“Oh!” Jason said, lifting his shoe. “I had a little accident. A dog, I mean. Not me. Ha ha! So what are you doing here?”
“Like I said, I’m looking for a housewarming present.”
Jason shook his head. “But how did you know I’d be here?”
William winked. “Just because we’ve been apart four years, doesn’t mean we haven’t spoken. We kept in touch a fair amount, didn’t we?”
“Yeah, of course. It’s just that there’s more than one animal shelter in Austin and—”
“All those text messages you sent me? Every email and letter? I read them all. Multiple times. I never stopped caring about you. My leaving wasn’t about that.”
Jason hesitated. Was he meant to read between the lines? Were they picking up the conversation where dinner had left off?
“So anyway,” William said, “what sort of pet do you think my friend would like? He’s about your age, your size. Just got himself a rockin’ two-bedroom apartment.”
“Hm.” Jason pretended to be thoughtful as they began to stroll. “I’d imagine he likes big dogs. Not really into puppies because they take more effort and they get adopted easily. He’s probably the kind who likes ugly mutts with problems, because he knows they’ll have a hard time finding a home.”
“So something big, ugly, and weird,” William said. “Have anything like that here at the moment?”
Jason stopped. “Honestly, I bet your friend is a little too overwhelmed with all the changes in his life to take on a pet right now.” Besides, Jason already felt like he had a puppy waiting at home, one who definitely needed a lot of care and attention. “It’s a nice idea,” he added. “I’m sure your friend will appreciate the thought.”
“I hope so,” William said. “Hey, I called Kelly the other day.”
Jason felt a pang of jealousy. “Really? How did that go?”
“Fine. He said you guys had lost touch.”
“Yeah,” Jason said. “Sad but true. We actually got along pretty well after you were gone.”
“I heard. Anyway, his photography has really taken off. He has his first exhibition next week, and look—” William pulled out a folded brochure, turned it over, and pointed at the address. He didn’t need to. Jason already recognized the space from the photos. “That’s Tim’s gallery, right?”
“Yeah,” Jason said.
“So do you want to go with me?”
“To the opening?” Jason hesitated. “Is that a good idea? If you’re trying to get back with Kelly…”
William laughed. “No. And even though that bridge has been thoroughly and completely burned, I still want to show my support.”
“Yeah,” Jason said. “Okay. It’ll be good to see him again.”
“I wonder why Tim didn’t mention it to you,” William said.
“Probably didn’t make the connection,” Jason said. “You’d be surprised how many artists try to get their stuff shown at the gallery. It’s getting national attention.”
“Cool. Hey, did he and Ben tie the knot yet?”
“Nope. They haven’t even set a date. They’re too happy or superstitious or who knows what. I think they’re being silly and should get it over with.”
“Hm,” William replied. “Maybe we should have a preacher meet us there one morning, march up to their room, and make them go through with it before they can even get out of bed.”
Jason laughed at the idea. “Yeah, we should! Maybe that would start a new trend. People can get married in bed and consummate the marriage right then and there.”
“Would make being a preacher a lot more interesting.”
Talking to William felt so… good. Such a simple small word, but also precise. Just moments ago, Jason had been exhausted and had dreamed of going home to veg out in front of the television. But now he was reenergized, felt like he could spend the entire evening with William, chatting about whatever came to mind. Jason invited him to walk a few dogs, and as they did so, they left the past where it belonged. Eventually, though, it was time to go.
“You’ll be at the party, right?” Jason asked him.
William nodded. “I’ll be there.”
Jason practically felt high on the drive home. When he strolled into his apartment and saw Caesar sitting on the couch, guitar on his legs as he fumbled at the strings, all Jason could think of was the time William had sat on the corner of his bed, naked expect for the instrument in his lap. What had followed had been one of the best nights of Jason’s life.
“I’m still trying to learn,” Caesar said, handing the guitar to him. “Those lessons you gave me years ago are pretty much useless.”
“Oh sure, blame the teacher,” Jason said, strumming a few quick chords.
Caesar’s eyes lit up. “You look good. Had a nice day at work?”
“Something like that,” Jason said, setting down the guitar and plopping on the couch. “What about you?”
“Still no deposit check,” Caesar said.
“So what did you do?”
“Helped Emma around the house a little. Moved more of my stuff in from the car—”
“Hey, don’t be getting too comfortable!”
“I know, but my suits were getting all crinkled out there.”
“Suits that you’ll be wearing to job interviews?” Jason hinted. “That deposit check won’t last long.”
“I know, I know.”
Caesar toppled over, putting his head on Jason’s lap so he could be petted. Yup, just like having a puppy.
“What are you going to do?” Jason asked. “You have a fresh start now. You can finally chase after your dream.”
“Yeah, why not? You’d be helping people, and it’s about time you started living for yourself.”
“I have a master’s degree in Business Administration,” Caesar said. “From Yale. I’m a little over-qualified to be a paramedic.”
“Geez, fine. So you’re going to do something business-related?”
“That’s where the money is.”
“Okay.” Jason thought about it while he played with Caesar’s hair. “I have a friend, Marcello, who owns a small empire. I’m sure he could find a position for you.”
“Marcello who?” Caesar asked.
“Maltese. Owns a company of the same name. They do all sorts of things. Photography, video, multimedia production. There’s got to be a job there for you.”
Caesar sat up, body tense. “I’d rather find something on my own.”
“Why?” Jason said. “I understand pride and all that, but you could have a job within days. You’ll need the money if—”
“I’ll figure it out,” Caesar said. “Trust me.”
Jason shrugged. “Okay. Fine.”
Caesar made an apologetic face. “I didn’t mean to ruin your good mood,” he said, coming in for a kiss so aggressive that Jason was forced to lie back. This suited Caesar just fine, since he crawled on top of him while still kissing him. A moment later, he wiggled his way between Jason’s legs, putting them over his shoulders.
“I’m not a gymnast,” Jason said, as Caesar pressed down on him.
“But you have other talents,” came the response as Caesar began moving his hips suggestively. “I want to feel close to you.”
Jason held back a sigh. What Caesar wanted was to fuck him. Jason pushed against him with his palms. “Let me up. I feel like I’m being crushed.”
Caesar didn’t move. “Do you love me?”
“This has nothing to do with me loving you or not,” Jason said.
“Just answer the question.”
Jason smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “What happened to taking it slow?”
“Seriously?” said a new voice. “You two are going to gay it up on the couch instead of doing the decent thing and going to your room?”
“Sorry, Emma,” Jason said, pushing Caesar again. This time he finally rolled off.
“It’s fine,” Emma said, walking to the kitchen. “Just don’t complain when you walk in on me eating out some supermodel.”
“Gross,” Jason said.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Caesar replied. “Sounds kind of hot.”
Emma clinked around in the kitchen long enough that the mood was thoroughly killed, which was fine with Jason because he felt more troubled than he did horny. When he got into bed later that night, one question kept repeating in his mind, spoken in Caesar’s voice.
Do you love me?
* * * * *
Handsome women. Pretty women. Thin women, fat women, shy women, loud women. Jason’s apartment was full of women. Emma had apparently invited every woman she had met since moving to Austin, and considering how short a period that was, the results were impressive. Jason’s invite list was much more humble. Barbara from the shelter, Ben and Tim, naturally, and Marcello, who was too busy with a party of his own to attend but had a fruit basket delivered as a housewarming present… along with a big screen TV. Caesar had insisted on setting up the television before the guests arrived, Emma helping him wall-mount it. Right now it was playing a steady stream of music videos in such high definition that it almost bested reality. Jason could probably change the channel to a real estate show, switch on the 3D conversion, and invite drunken guests to step through to the rest of his home.
And then there was William, who stayed discreetly on the opposite side of the room from Jason. Always in plain sight, no matter who he was talking to, but never at Jason’s side or even within earshot. Just as well, since Caesar seemed intent on staying close. Only halfway through the party did Jason find any sort of privacy.
“Beer is running low,” Ben said. “I’ll run to the store to pick some up.”
“Get something good,” Caesar said.
“Of course,” Ben replied. “Miller Lite is still popular, right?”
“Seriously?” Caesar asked. “Microbrewed is better. There are a few local—”
“Come with me,” Ben invited. “I’ll never remember otherwise.”
“Oh. Well, actually—”
“And I’ll need help carrying it all.”
“I’m too drunk to help!” Tim declared.
“And I’m so proud of you,” Ben said, patting his arm. “Come on, Caesar. This party could turn ugly if the lesbians find out the beer is running low.”
“Thank you,” Jason said. “Both of you.”
Caesar grudgingly followed Ben out of the apartment. As soon as they were gone, Tim threw an arm around his shoulder and spoke in perfectly sober tones. “Ben is going to get lost on purpose, so you have a decent amount of time.”
“What?” Jason asked.
“You know how he is. Personally, I like Caesar and still think you should give him a shot, but Ben wants you to talk to William. And why shouldn’t you? It’s your party.”
“Okay,” Jason said. “Thanks.”
Feeling jittery, he made his way across to where William stood. By chance, he wasn’t too far from the bedroom, and after a quick hello, Jason found what he really wanted was seclusion.
“This brings back memories,” William said once they were inside the bedroom and the door was shut. “Although last time we were playing waiter.”
“That’s right,” Jason said with a grin. “Uh, but I didn’t bring you in here—”
“I know,” William assured him. “Those days are behind us. No more cheating.” He sat down on the edge of the bed, Jason joining him. “I’m glad we have a chance to talk. There are things I want to set straight.”
“Okay,” Jason said, feeling nervous.
“Two years ago, when we stopped sleeping together or being affectionate, that wasn’t because I stopped loving you.”
“Then why?” Jason managed.
William kept his gaze forward. “Because I felt like I was holding you back. I was never okay with making you wait four years, but every time I returned to Austin, all I wanted to do was see you and be with you, and I knew that kept you hanging on. So I made the decision to let you go. Properly. And it worked. I knew it would hurt you, but you finally moved on.”
“No, I didn’t,” Jason said. “I didn’t stop loving you. Ever.”
William glanced over and smiled. “That’s different than moving on. We’ll always love each other. That’s how it works. But there’s more I want to say because I’m not a saint. I’m human, and I’ve been with other guys. There were situations I found too tempting, or that I simply wanted. So two years ago, that wasn’t an act of self-sacrifice. I needed that freedom, and I needed you to have it too.”
“I’ve also been with other guys,” Jason said. “After you and before Caesar. Guys who didn’t mean anything to me, and a few who I thought could be something special. But none of them even came close to what you are to me. None of them changed how I feel.”
William nodded as if this made sense. “The guy out there, he’s the one from your past, right? There aren’t too many people named Caesar, so I figured…”
“Yeah. It’s him.”
“Knowing that makes it easier,” William said. “And harder.”
“What do you mean.”
William shook his head. “I’m thinking of leaving Austin.”
“What?” Jason stood and turned around. “Why would you even say that?”
“I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. Coming home felt good, but I guess that old saying is true. You can never go home again.”
“Is this because of me?”
“No,” William said. “This isn’t a childish ultimatum. I get that you and Caesar have a history together. I
t’s a blessing and a curse, because if he was some guy you’d only been with for a few weeks, I’d chase him off in a heartbeat. But he actually means something to you. And you’re happy. I want to be happy too, so I’m exploring my options. That’s all. The Coast Guard was great, and I’m not sure I’m ready to leave it.”
“And Austin doesn’t have a coast that needs guarding,” Jason said numbly.
“That’s right,” William said. “So it’s not your fault. Even if we were together, I’d still have to decide what my future will be.”
Jason sat on the edge of the bed again and sighed. “I don’t want you to go.”
“I know.”
“Isn’t there some sort of civilian job you can take? Ultra-lifeguard or something.”
William laughed. “There are a lot of possibilities. I’d like to keep saving lives, so originally I was thinking of working as an EMT.”
“What, like a paramedic?”
“Yeah. I am one already, technically. I had to get my certification as part of training.”
“For real?” Jason started laughing. “You’re a paramedic?”
“Yes. There’s more to rescuing someone than dragging them out of the water. Why is this funny?”
“It’s not,” Jason said, wiping at his eyes. “I used to know a guy who wanted to be a paramedic, that’s all. You should do it.”
“Think so?”
“Yeah! You won’t always be young enough to jump out of helicopters, right? Sounds like a good choice.” Jason nudged against him. “And by the way, I love how casually you say ‘I’d like to keep saving lives.’”
“Just doing my duty,” William said with an exaggerated Southern accent. Then, more seriously, he added. “When I saved the first guy… You remember that? I texted you.”
“Of course I remember.”
William beamed proudly. “That was such a high. I felt so good, like I had paid back a debt. I don’t know if that makes sense, but anyway, when it was clear the guy was going to make it, I thought of you. If you hadn’t told me to go, that guy might have died. Sure, maybe someone else would have been there in my place, but then again, maybe not. Either way, you made it possible. By letting me chase after my dream, you saved his life too.”
