You Are My Sunshine: A Novel Of The Holocaust (All My Love Detrick Book 2)

by Roberta Kagan

  “Has my father been in an accident? Is he…”

  “Christa” He cleared his throat. “Your father has been arrested by the Gestapo for hiding Jews in the attic of his office building. When did you last speak to your mother?”

  “Over an hour ago, I told her I would call her back as soon as you came home.”

  “She has probably been arrested. She is most likely already at headquarters for questioning.”

  “Mama? For what?”

  “It is really your father they are after. They know he committed this crime. But I believe your mother will probably be released after questioning.”

  “Can you help Papa? Please? You must Manfred. You have lots of important friends. Do something…” She began shaking him, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. Her face was blotchy and he could he see that she was terrified.

  He shook his head. His shoulders slumped. “I can’t do anything. I tried. The only thing I can do now, at this point is to try and save your mother, you and myself.”

  “And Papa?”

  “I’m sorry.” He looked away

  “Sorry?” she raised her voice both in pitch and in volume. “Manfred, please! Manfred, he is my father.”

  “He is a traitor. Look what he has done to me, to us? How dare he put all of us in this position! Whatever happens to him, he deserves.”

  “And what will that be Manfred?” She asked her voice cracking “What will that be?” She grabbed him spinning him towards her.

  “I don’t know,” he said, turning away again. “But whatever it is, he deserves it.”

  For the first time since they were, married Manfred and Christa slept apart. He went to the guest room, where he sat up trying to devise some sort of plan, and she lay in their bed staring at the ceiling until the sun rose.

  By morning, Manfred felt as if he might collapse with exhaustion. He walked slowly to the kitchen. The baby was in her high chair, playing with a toy. Christa did not turn to look at him as he entered. She filled a pot with water for coffee, and then cut two thick slices of bread for his toast. Watching her do this everyday, common act almost brought tears to his eyes. He wanted to get up and take her into his arms, to beg her forgiveness. The last person on this earth he would ever want to hurt was his beloved Christa. Everything he did he had done for her, to woo her, to win her, to build their lives together. But now, should he refuse to carry out the dreadful task Goebbels demanded of him, they would all be sent to a camp. Even Christa, delicate Christa… She would die in if she were exposed to the harsh conditions of a work camp. He must do as Goebbels asked. But how could he ever make her understand?

  Gingerly, he walked up behind her and put his arms around her small waist. “I’m sorry,” he said.

  She turned around. “Me too.” There were tears in her eyes.

  He kissed her.

  “Then you will help Papa?” She asked.

  “Christa, if I could help him I would, but I can’t he has destroyed himself and if we don’t turn away from him he will take all of us right down with him. I can’t bear the thought of you in a camp.”

  “They would do that to us? To you? After you have been such a loyal Party member?”

  “The Nazi Party is hard to explain. It is filled with treachery. Goebbels is my friend, yes, but I still must be careful. Everyone is always a suspect. If they can prove that I knew about your father’s activates, we are all doomed.”

  “But you didn’t”

  “That doesn’t matter, Christa. If they think that I am taking his side, in any way, all of us will be finished.”

  “I don’t care if they fire you. I would rather that you cleaned the streets than worked for a man who would not stand by you when you need him.”

  “Silly girl, I wish that were all there was too it. The Nazi officials will do far more than that. They may even execute all of us. You don’t realize what they are capable of,” he said, wanting to shake her until she saw the truth.

  “So what will they do to Mama and Papa? Dear God, Manfred, did you know they were so terrible?”

  “What difference does it make what I knew or what I didn’t know? All I know is that your father has proven himself a traitor to the Party and now we must all pay a dear price.”

  She struggled away from him. “Who were the Jews he was hiding?”

  “I don’t have any idea. What difference does it make? A Jew is a Jew. And you don’t hide Jews from the government. It’s against the law. Your father broke the law.”

  “I think I know who it was. Dr. Shulman.”

  “So what difference does that make to us? Why should I give a damn about Dr. Shulman? He’s a Jew, and that makes him a problem”

  “Because he saved my life when I was just a little girl. I have a heart condition. If it weren’t for him I would have been dead long ago.”

  She picked up a dish towel and began wiping the counter.

  “Christa, I am sorry. I understand why your father did what he did. But you must understand that if we don’t turn away from him there will be no way out for us. If he must go down, then at least you and your mother will be saved. It is better than nothing.”

  She hung her head and wept.

  Manfred grabbed his coat off the coat rack. He couldn’t bear to be in that house any longer. He’d get something to eat at the restaurant next door to his office.

  “Please Christa, try to understand. I am going in to work now. Let me do what I can. I will check on your mother and call you as soon as I know anything.”

  “Don’t let them hurt her, Manfred. Please. Oh, dear God!” she cried. “My Papa! My sweet, gentle Papa!”

  Manfred left as quickly as possible closing the door behind him.

  Chapter 45

  When he arrived at the office, his coworkers, usually so eager to win his friendship, were cool but polite. But more importantly, Joseph Goebbels did not extend his usual luncheon invitation. Manfred sat in his office working quietly, feeling disconnected from the world in which he’d grown so comfortable. He could muster no appetite for his afternoon meal. As the day progressed, his resentment towards Dr. Henkener grew. All that he’d built, all that he’d strived for, seemed to be sifting through his fingertips like sand at the ocean, and through no fault of his own. Damn his father-in-law, no matter what Manfred tried to do, this crack in the foundation of his character would strangle his former rise to success. He’d been drawing with a charcoal pencil and didn’t realize that he’d broken it in two. Right at this very moment, he could kill Dr Henkener with his bare hands. Everything was gone in a single, careless moment. What a fool Henkener had proved to be. If not for Christa, it would be a sheer pleasure to make him pay for what he’d done. Manfred imagined standing over his father-in-law and kicking him, then choking the very life from the man.

  At the end of the day Manfred waited, hoping Joseph Goebbels would call him into his office for an after-hours sip of schnapps, a common occurrence. But Goebbels never asked.

  Manfred walked into his house to find his mother-in-law and his wife huddled together waiting for him. The baby sat on a blanket in the middle of the floor, playing with a stuffed rabbit. As soon as he put his briefcase on the dining room table, Christa ran to him. She threw her arms around him.

  “Have you heard any news about Papa?”

  He stood staring at her, his arms at his side. “I told you, we won’t hear anything about your father. He is dead to us.”

  “Manfred, please, you have so many friends, you must do something to help him. I’m begging you.”

  “Christa, I can’t help him. And furthermore, now we are all in trouble. I will be lucky if I can save the three of us. Your father was selfish and inconsiderate. What he did has put our entire family in jeopardy.” Manfred’s voice harsh and unforgiving.

  Katja began to cry. Mrs. Henkener reached down lifted the child into her arms. Still Katja cried.

  “Manfred, you mean to say that we will never see Thomas again?” Mrs. Henkener
asked.

  “Yes, that is exactly what I am telling you.”

  “Oh, God! My husband!” Heidi Henkener got up from the sofa and handed the baby to her daughter. She walked towards he son in law, her arms outstretched and pleading. “Manfred is there nothing at all…”

  “No, there is nothing to be done. I’m sorry.” He said and walked into his bedroom. Then he sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands squeezing his temples forcefully as he listened to the weeping coming from the living room.

  Chapter 46

  For over an hour past curfew, Zofia walked the forbidden streets. Dovid’s love for her would destroy him, and all because of Koppel’s jealousy. Her feelings for Dovid were not love, but he was a good friend, and she could not help but be touched by his gentle soul. In fact, she might have married him. It amazed her that he loved her as much as he did. And now it broke her heart to know that he sat imprisoned on a train on the way to some horrific destination, and all because he’d given her his heart and soul. She felt physically ill. And because of Dovids fragile nature, it was doubtful that he could endure what awaited him. She was angry at Koppel, so angry she could kill him, and angry at herself, angry at the world. Helpless, she wrapped her arms around herself, and looked up at the sky. IF only she could do something to save Dovid. But what? She wished she could go to Koppel and, plunge a knife deep into his chest. A shiver ran down her spine and she trembled. What had she become? A murderess?

  At least Eidel was safe, far away from the Ghetto. Thank God for Helen for taking her, and for Karl Abdenstern for getting her out. At least her child would know peace, even if she would not.

  To go home and try to rest was futile. Even though he had the power to destroy her, she must confront Koppel.

  The cold air rushed at her as she ran to the building where Koppel lived. Her cheeks stained with tears, her face wind burned, and her nose running from the chill.

  Koppel answered the door to his apartment in his undershorts and white undershirt. With his disheveled hair, it appeared as if he’d been asleep.

  “To what do I owe this pleasure?” He said half smiling.

  Zofia burst through the door. “What did you do?”

  “Hold on a minute, you little spit fire. What do you mean what did I do?” His mood instantly changed.

  “You know what I mean. Where is Dovid?”

  “Oh, your boyfriend?” he asked, closing the door behind her and sitting down on a chair. “You mean the one who you were unfaithful to me with? You little ingrate, I got rid of him”

  “Koppel, did you think we were in a serious relationship, that I was not keeping company with anyone else? Nothing I ever said could have made you believe that. Now just look what you have done, Koppel, you’ve sentenced an innocent man to God only knows what kind of torture.” Her voice cracked as she watched him sitting there unmoved. “But then again, I should have expected as much from a weasel like you. You’re a coward Koppel, nothing but a coward. How can you call yourself a man, when you can so easily sell your own people to save yourself? You disgust me.”

  Something she said touched a nerve. He stood up, grabbed her arm squeezing hard, and jerked her in front of him. Then he pointed his finger right in her face and said “Listen to me, you are lucky I like you, or your sweet little ass would be on the next transport. Don’t push me, Zofia. I’m warning you.”

  “And what you do you think, Koppel? Do you think that you’re different from the rest of us? You’re a Jew, nothing but a Jew, just like all the rest of us. When the Nazis are done with you, you’ll go to the same place your sending all the rest. The only difference is that you won’t be able to turn to God for help.”

  “There is no God, Zofia. Haven’t you realized that yet? Look around you, the starvation, the sickness, the death… And the Jews are supposed to be God’s chosen people. Chosen for what? If you consider everything around you, you can’t continue to believe God. You can’t believe in anything but yourself.”

  “You’re a cruel and terrible man Koppel. But you’ll see. You will be cursed. I know it. You will pay for your actions, for your treatment of others.”

  “Shut up Zofia. Shut up now.” He slammed her against the wall. She hit the side of her face on a shelf and her teeth felt as if they had loosened in her gums.

  “Are you afraid my words have a ring of truth to them?” she said glaring at him.

  He looked into her eyes, which burned with hatred and accusation.

  “You test me, you bitch. Get out of here. Get out right now, and never come back. I never want to see you again.”

  He grabbed her arm again and she winced at the pain. Then he opened the door and threw her out into the street. She fell on the sidewalk skinning her knee and elbow.

  “Never come near me again. You hear me? NEVER!” He slammed the door.

  Zofia lay on the sidewalk, trembling. Her arm and her knee hurt. She reached up and touched her cheek. It was tender and aching. There would be a dark purple bruise by morning.

  She got to her feet and realized her stockings had torn when she fell. Straightening her clothes, she began to walk home. Guilt haunted her. If Dovid died, she would never forgive herself. Not that she would ever know. How would she know? People got on those transports and were never heard from again. Knowing Koppel’s cruel streak and abuse of power, she should have kept her distance from Dovid. Was she so stupid that she’d not known it must end this way?

  When she got home, Zofia was grateful to find Fruma and Gitel asleep. Quietly, she cleaned the blood from her injuries, then lay down on her cot. Although her body ached with exhaustion, she could not sleep. Her mind continued to race.

  It came as no surprise to Zofia. In fact, she was expecting it: the knock on the door in the middle of the night. The deep voice bellowing, “Gestapo!, Open the door!”

  But what did come as a surprise was that Zofia expected they would only come for her. She was wrong. Again, she must shoulder the burden of guilt. Those who loved her would suffer for her harsh words to Koppel. Zofia felt the tears rain down upon her cheeks, but it was not for herself that she cried. Again, she’d brought suffering to those who loved her. Zofia went first. Then she watched Gitel and Fruma as the men pushed them into the back seat of the waiting automobile. Once they were inside, with the doors locked, the three women sat in silence as the car headed towards the transport station. The dawn broke just as they arrived at the cattle cars. Nazi SS stood around the lines of people. They carried guns, pointed and ready to kill. Women holding babies, men bent with age, young and old, male and female, some crying, others stone faced… They all just standing, waiting, hoping, praying, and wondering where they were headed.

  Zofia looked around her, sickened at the scene. Two women sat at a table handing out single slices of bread with jam to placate the people as they entered the cattle car. Hordes of those nearly starving waited in line for the food. They then followed like sheep as they were pushed into the closed cattle cars. In the corner sat Koppel, eating and watching. When Zofia’s eyes met his, he smiled, and she swore she had come face to face with the Devil. Because he’d touched her in that way, her body now repulsed her. Never before had she felt such hatred for another living thing. If she had another night alone with him in his bed, she would wait until he fell asleep, then she would take a kitchen knife and plunge it deep into his black heart.

  “Mach shnell!” a guard yelled at Zofia, causing her to realize she’d been standing and staring. He gave her a shove and she fell forward into the line. Fruma put her hand out and took Zofia into the fold of her arm. Gitel held up on the other side. And the three friends entered the boxcar.

  Once the cattle car was filled wall-to-wall, standing-room only, with wretched, frightened people, a guard slammed the door, obliterating all light. Darkness hovered over them like a shroud. The smell of fear, mingled with vomit, filled the air as the train rattled into motion. A baby wailed in its mother’s arms. Its piercing cries sent shivers through Zofia
as she tried not to think of Eidel. For days, the train chugged along the track. The smell of human excrement from a small pail in the corner overpowered Zofia. It caused many of the prisoners to vomit, which only added to the stench. Several times Zofia felt as if she might faint. No fresh air entered the stifling-hot train car that felt like a casket already buried. Bathed in sweat, Zofia leaned against the back wall. She had never been so thirsty. Her throat felt sore and gravelly, like sandpaper. How long it had been since they left Warsaw? Two days? Three? That was the last time she’d had a sip of water.

  After a time, the baby who had been, crying grew silent. Zofia knew it was dead. Thank God, Eidel was not there. At least, somewhere, Eidel was safe.

  When the sun shone, a ray of light would sometimes trickle through the slats of wood. If she had kept track, she would have been able to determine the passing of time, but she did not. On occasion she fell asleep, and the days passed to night, and then to day again. Still the train rambled along noisily on the track to hell.

  Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, the train jolted to a halt. Thrown forward, the passengers fell upon each other, as their hearts trembled with the terror of what might be waiting outside the door.

  From inside, Zofia could hear the Nazi guards yelling and commanding as they opened each train car.

  “You, to the left, you to the right,” she heard, but she had no idea what it meant. Left ? Right?

  Then came a loud clanging as the lock released and the train door opened. After so many days in darkness, the light hurt Zofia’s eyes. Her limbs felt numb from lack of movement. She stood paralyzed, dizzy, looking around her.

  She never saw the guard as he came up behind her hitting her across the back with a club.

  “Move! Schnell! Get in line.”

  The pain shot through her, as she fell forward. He raised the club to strike her again and she quickly got into the line. Fruma came up behind her with Gitel.

  “My God, there you are. We’ve been looking everywhere for you. I was frantic.”