You Are My Sunshine: A Novel Of The Holocaust (All My Love Detrick Book 2)

by Roberta Kagan

  One night Isaac walked for almost ten miles to steal extra horse blankets. He explained before he left that he did not want to take them from the barns nearby, lest they come in search of the thieves. All night long Zofia laid awake, listening and wondering if he’d been caught. Nobody else seemed concerned, and she wondered how often he did this sort of thing. But no matter how hard she tried, she could not sleep. Her mind raced with frightening possibilities. By the time Zofia heard Isaac’s footsteps outside the cabin, the sun had begun to rise. She lay squeezing her eyes shut, pretending to be asleep, not wanting him to know how worried she had been about him.

  The door flew open. With her eyes cracked just a little, she watched him lay a huge pile of horse blankets in the corner of the room. He turned quickly to catch her watching him. A broad smile came over his face, and for the first time Zofia noticed that Isaac had dimples.

  “Good morning to you, princess,” he teased. “Your humble servant was out securing your needs for the winter.”

  “Yes, I can see that. Thank you. I’m sure that everyone here thanks you,” she said.

  She sat up, and he sat down beside her.

  “Come on laugh a little. It doesn’t hurt.”

  She smiled.

  “There you go. You look even prettier when you smile.”

  “Oh, Isaac, aren’t you ever serious?”

  “You want I should be serious, huh?”

  “Yes, sometimes I do.”

  “All right then. Winter is on its way and I have to make use of the time I have now, while the weather is still good, to be sure we have enough food and blankets to keep us all from freezing or starving to death.”

  Zofia thought about the coat that Christa had given her long ago. She wished she had it now.

  “What about making fires? We gathered all that wood, won’t that help?”Zofia asked.

  “Yes of course it will, but then again, fires send smoke signals and we have to be careful. We can’t make them too big. In fact, they cannot be much bigger than the ones we use for cooking.”

  “It is going to be rough,” Zofia said. She felt the heat of his body next to hers. He smelled fresh, like the air outside, mingled with a little perspiration. She inhaled deeply, not realizing that she had.

  Isaac saw her face and laughed. “I guess I must smell terrible after that walk last night. I’m going to the pond this afternoon to take a bath.”

  She looked away.

  “And by the way… I brought you a present.”

  She turned her head to meet his eyes.

  “Oh?”

  “It’s not much, but I thought you might like it. Here,” he took a bar of plain brown soap out of his pocket. “Of course, it’s not diamonds, but considering our present situation it was the best I could do. Anyway, when I saw this soap in one of the barns, I thought you might like to have it.”

  Soap was a luxury. And even though it had been used probably on a farm animal, Zofia was genuinely touched. “You thought of me?”

  “Actually, yes, I did. The whole time I was gone.” He put the soap into her hand.

  “Thank you, Isaac. This is very kind of you.”

  He shrugged. “Like I said, it was the best I could do.”

  “Well, it was very nice of you to bring me anything,” she smiled.

  Sarah stirred where she lay across the room and Zofia realized that she was awake and listening.

  “Nothing for me Isaac?” Sarah said.

  “I brought blankets for everyone,” he answered.

  She nodded, her face scrunched in disappointment. Then she stood up stretching. “Well… You should eat something. You’ve been out walking all night.”

  The rest of the group began to awaken.

  “We have some corn meal left from last week. I am going to make some porridge. If you want it, help yourself,” Sarah said, not looking directly at Isaac. She took the kettle and filled it with water, then heaped a handful of meal into the pot. With her back straight and her head high, she walked outside.

  Zofia watched Sarah. She felt bad. Sarah’s feelings for Isaac were obvious to everyone. Zofia did not want to come between them. Yet, when she looked into Isaac’s eyes, when he talked to her in his cavalier style, as if they were living a normal life, not stuck out in a cabin in the forest hiding from the Nazis, he made her feel good and light, sometimes even giddy.

  Over the next several weeks, everyone did what they could to build the stockpile for the winter. They worked hard, well into the night, while the weather was warm enough to do so. For now, they had water, but once the stream froze, they would have to melt the snow over a low fire.

  “I hate the winters,” Shlomie said

  “There is nothing we can do. We must make the best of what we have. I will hunt as much as I can.”

  “Yes, but sometimes the snow gets so high that you cannot even walk.”

  “I’ll manage,” Isaac said.

  “I’m a little scared,” Zofia said

  “Don’t be. I’ll do what I can. I’ve learned to ice fish. That should help too. We’ll get by just fine.” He smiled.

  She smiled back, a little nervous

  Chapter 58

  The winter was brutal. It came on with a blast of frozen air and gusty winds, carrying enough snow to reach up to the middle of Zofia’s calf. The group of survivors stayed in the cabin, all except for Isaac, who insisted on going out to hunt. He was fortunate enough to catch a rabbit. Isaac skinned the rabbit. It was cold and difficult to make a fire, but the group watched as Isaac built a small one and cooked the meat.

  Once the sun went down, it was even colder. Zofia shivered on the bare ground inside of the cabin. The blankets helped, but she never seemed to feel warm. On an exceptionally cold night, Isaac offered her one of his blankets.

  “But everyone has three. If you give me one of yours you’ll freeze,” Zofia said.

  “I’ll be all right, I’m warm blooded.” Isaac smiled and laid the blanket on top of her.

  It did help. She felt warmer. But as she watched Isaac trembling from the cold, her heart broke. Zofia looked over, Rivka and Esther were huddled and sharing their blankets together, and so were Moishe and Ben.

  “Isaac, would you like to come in and share all of our blankets, I mean together? It would be a good way for both of us to stay warm.” It was a bold statement, Zofia knew. And she was glad that it was dark because she knew that her face had turned red. But after all, it was bitter cold, and she meant nothing by it other than that it would help to keep them both warm.

  He cleared his throat.

  She waited in silence. The room was small. She knew that Sarah and Shlomie heard her. No one said a word.

  “Yes,” Isaac said in a soft voice. “That would probably be a good idea.

  “You will be a gentleman?”

  “Zofia, I would never be anything thing else.”

  Clumsily Isaac slid under the blankets beside Zofia. It felt uncomfortable to be so close to him, but the warmth of another body and the additional blankets provided enough heat to keep her from shivering. At first, they lay side by side without speaking. But somewhere before the break of dawn, Zofia drifted off to sleep. She awoke to find Isaac asleep beside her. He’d kept his word. He was a gentleman.

  Sarah could bear to look at Zofia, but when their eyes met, Zofia saw the hurt and disdain in Sarah’s face. She wanted to apologize, but nothing had happened. There was nothing to apologize for, perhaps just the stirring that had begun in her heart.

  Everyone had been right. It was true; food was scarcer in the winter. In fact, the group was close to starvation. Isaac tried to hunt daily, but brought back very little. The streams had frozen. So the men took the axe they’d stolen and went out to break the ice. Zofia waited with the other women, shivering as they sat against the cabin wall. Esther had begun coughing. Her small, slender body hacked until she lay down exhausted. Zofia noticed a bloody cloth that Esther had been spitting into. It was filled with blood-tai
nted mucus. She watched the two young girls, and her heart broke with sadness. It was doubtful that Esther would live much longer. If the Nazis had never taken power, these two young women would be attending parties, school, and dances. Instead, they were struggling for survival. Zofia felt a sense of overwhelming sadness as she watched Rivka pat Esther’s back lovingly.

  It was almost dark when the men returned, their beards and eyelashes coated with tiny icicles. Their bodies shook with the cold, but Isaac held up a few small fish.

  “It was a success!” Isaac said, a smile breaking on his wind-burned face and his voice cracking with cold.

  “Yes, we almost froze to death, but we have some food anyway.” Ben said sinking down on the floor and pulling an extra blanket over his shoulders.

  Isaac began to cut the fish. The snow was so thick, covering a layer of ice, that it prevented them from making a fire.

  “We will have to eat this raw,” Isaac said, slicing the fish thin. Then he burst out laughing. “Zofia, you should see your face.”

  “I’ve never eaten raw fish,” Zofia said.

  “Come over here. Let me give you a piece.”

  She walked over to him. He held a sliver of white slimy flesh in his hand. Even though she was starving, her stomach lurched a little.

  “I don’t know if I can eat that.”

  “Trust me?” Isaac said, smiling.

  Zofia nodded.

  “Open your mouth.”

  She did as he asked.

  He put the sliver of fish in her mouth. At first, she gagged.

  “Think of the wonderful smells when my mother baked bread. Do you remember how they filled the streets?”

  She nodded. Her mind began to embrace the memory.

  “Everyone for miles around rushed in to buy it, as soon as the bread started to bake, because of the smell. Remember?”

  She nodded, and he put another piece of raw fish into her mouth

  “And the cookies… Ah, do you remember the cookies? The ones with the apricot jam? And the strudel? The raisin and vinegar strudel…”

  “Yes, I do,” she said. She’d swallowed the fish.

  “Come on, open up your mouth,” Isaac said, speaking to her as if she were a little girl.

  Zofia opened her mouth, and Isaac put another piece of fish inside.

  This time she swallowed.

  “Think of other food while you are eating this. It will help.” Isaac smiled. Then he put another piece of fish into her mouth.

  She gagged.

  “Challah, think of thick, braided challah on Friday morning for the Sabbath,” he said.

  She nodded.

  When she’d finished eating a few thick pieces of the fish, Zofia looked into Isaac’s smiling eyes. “I want to thank you,” she said.

  “No need,” he answered.

  “You helped me to get that down.”

  “I know. It was hard for me at first too. But the mind is very strong. You can make yourself believe that what you are eating is something else.”

  “It worked.”

  “I’m glad. And I will do what I can to help you anytime you need it,” Isaac said. Their eyes locked. The warmth she saw in his deep brown eyes melted her heart.

  Everyone tried to keep moving as much as possible to avoid freezing to death. They walked in circles around the cabin with blankets wrapped around their shoulders, watching as their breath turned the air white.

  “I know this is hard on you. It’s true that the winters are rough, but if we can survive, we’ll be all right once spring comes. You have to think that spring is just around the corner,” Isaac said. His beard had grown thick.

  “You look like a rabbi,” she teased him.

  “Do I?”

  “No, you look more like a cave man.”

  He laughed, “Now that I can believe.”

  Shlomie watched them, and she saw the loneliness in his eyes. If only she could divide herself and become two people, one for Shlomie and one for Isaac.

  “As terrible as the snow is, it is beautiful. Don’t you agree?” Isaac asked, pulling her attention back to him.

  She gazed out the window. It was like a wonderland that she’d read about in fairy tales long ago - so long ago, in another lifetime.

  “Yes, it’s beautiful. Like a fairy tale, except if you remember in fairy tales, there is always an evil force.’

  “Well, we certainly aren’t lacking there. We have a whole group that is an evil force - in fact an entire country. Germany. Now there is one evil force. They top any monsters in any fairy tales I ever heard,” he said.

  “Do you believe that all German’s are bad?”

  “I do.”

  “They aren’t. I promise you this. I’ve known some very wonderful Germans who aren’t Nazis at all.”

  “I don’t believe it.”

  “You should believe it. I would never lie to you, Isaac.”

  “But look what they have done to us. If they were decent people why couldn’t they stand up to Hitler and stop his madness?”

  “Maybe they were afraid? Maybe they were victims too.”

  “Perhaps.” He nodded.

  “Without even taking much time to think about it, I know at least two wonderful women who are both non-Jews. One is Polish and the other is German. Neither of them were Nazis.”

  “I wouldn’t trust either one.”

  “I’ve had to trust both of them, each of them with something very important to me.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No, I can’t. Not yet.” She thought about Eidel and Katja.

  “Someday you will tell me?”

  “Yes, someday,” There was a spark in Isaac’s eyes that made him different from any man she’d ever known. How could he stay so optimistic against the odds they faced every day? But he did. Yes, someday she would tell him.

  The following morning Esther was dead. Rivka wept silently as the men carried the body of the beautiful young girl out of the cabin and deeper into the forest. No one, mentioned it, but everyone knew that the ground was too hard to bury her. Esther would be eaten by wild animals that were also trying to survive the winter.

  Chapter 59

  “Another filthy camp full of filthy Jews… I thought that when we left Treblinka, I would be sent home to Berlin. Will this black mark that your father put on my name never be erased? How long, Christa? How long must I pay for his crimes?”

  Christa lay in bed, Katja curled up beside her. The sound of her labored breathing filled the room.

  “You have no answer? I tried to telephone Goebbels. He was in a meeting with Otto Detrich, that good for nothing. Do you remember him?”

  “No. I’m sorry, I don’t.”

  “He was a bastard. Anyway, the secretary promised Joseph would return my call. But he hasn’t. I’ve been waiting all day. Do you know why he hasn’t? I’ll tell you why. Because I am considered bad news. To befriend me is to join the traitors. And of course, Joseph wants no part of that. Why would he?”

  Christa shrugged, too weak to answer, too weak to endure another argument. Christa was recovering from a recent heart attack. She’d spent the previous two weeks in a hospital connected to tubes, worried because she’d been forced to leave Katja in Manfred’s care.

  Katja was too young to tell Christa what had happened while she was away. However, since Christa’s return home, she’d noticed that Katja was quiet when Manfred entered a room, and she seemed to make an effort to stay out of his way. Christa was afraid that Manfred had been physically violent with the child; it was so easy for him to lose his temper. Now when Manfred called Katja’s name be it for dinner or otherwise, she trembled and hid under the sheets in her mother’s bed.

  “Look at you. You’ve become an invalid. I am ashamed that my wife is a sickly weakling. As if things are not bad enough…” Manfred stomped around the room, speaking more to himself than to Christa.

  “I’m sorry Manfred, for everything.” Christa said wishing
that Zofia were here. She trusted Zofia, cared for her. If Zofia were here, Christa would devise a plan for her to take Katja and run away. It was a matter of time before Germany would be forced to surrender. When she was born, the doctors had said she would not live long. For a long time, she’d refused to believe them. Now she knew it was true. Her life would be cut short, and who would take care of her child? She could not trust Manfred. Oh Zofia, Zofia, where are you?

  “This house is a filthy mess. I’ll have to get another Jewess to help you around here. I hate having them in the house for so many damn reasons. You realize that they cannot be trusted. They steal, they lie… But still, we need one. Somebody has to do your work.” Manfred left the room in a huff.

  Christa looked away, and gazed out the window. So long ago, she’d loved this man, loved him with all her heart. It was hard to believe that Manfred was the same man she’d married. What had he become? Where was the shyly gentle lover she’d fallen in love with? Gone - power hungry, and gone forever. Tears trickled down her face.

  “Mommy, don’t cry. Please don’t cry,” Katja said. Since Zofia, left Katja, had started to call her Mother. It made her heart ache every time she heard the word. Oh how she had once longed to hear that very word. Now she felt as if she’d made a mistake taking a child she would never live to raise.