Enough

by Pacheco, Briana

“I promise I won’t spend too much on you.” He said. I saw him smile.

  “Then how did you get the track for Monday?” I asked.

  A tear slid down my cheek. It’s sweet but still…

  “Did Sean tell you?” He asked. I shook my head.

  “I eavesdropped when I opened the window. I didn’t mean to… That’s just another thing you spent money on me for.” I said.

  “I didn’t spend any money.” He said with a serious face.

  “Then how did you–” I thought about it. Oh, great. “Is it already yours?” He wiped away the stray tear and nodded. “I’m just not use to this.” I said. “So we weren’t going to break any laws? Not fair.” Alex laughed.

  “Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you?” He asked. I smiled. “Besides that.” Smile faded.

  “You know what I want but you just don’t want to.” I said.

  He kissed me. That’s not what I want.

  “Emily, you know your family is home, right?” Alex said.

  “I know. That’s why it’ll be that much better.” I said.

  He moved his hand to my side and shook his head.

  “You’re still hurt.”

  “I can handle it.” I said. I know I can.

  Something in his eyes changed. Fuck…yes…

  He kissed me and slipped his hand under my shirt. I moved in closer to him. He scooted over a bit and leaned on me until he was on my thighs. I winced in pain and he stopped kissing me.

  “I told you.” He said. My mouth dropped for a few seconds. I can’t believe he just teased me only to prove a point. Yeah fucking right. I got off my bed, locked my bedroom door, pressed play on the iHome and turned up the volume. Gizmo looked like he was sleeping at the foot of the bed so I took off my shirt and threw it somewhere.

  “I told you I can handle it.” I said crawling into bed and straddling his lap. I can do this. We can do this. When I brought him to my lips, I felt his warmth spread all over my body. I feel like I’m melting.

  He rolled me over and made sure not to hurt me.

  This is what I wanted.

  ***

  Alex’s arms are wrapped around me as our naked bodies lie in bed covered only in a sheet. Gizmo’s awake and he keeps walking on us, licking skin that’s out in the open. I feel so dirty.

  I leaned into Alex to kiss him when my phone chimed. Tiffany. I hope they don’t come by today. I love them yes but I need some privacy. At least right now. I’m still trying to catch my breath after the time we just had.

  Tiffany: You might be busy, I hope you’re busy!! Do you know if Liam has a gf?? And Soph and Bryan want to know when we’re going to hang out again. Like old times.

  Me: Don’t know to both.

  It’s three o’clock so I have time later to think about this. I put my phone back down and turned to Alex. I was about to say something sexy into his ear when there was a knock on the door. My eyes widened in fear. We’re naked.

  “What is it?” I asked. Now it doesn’t seem very fun to have done this.

  “Mom wants you downstairs in five.” Scarlett said.

  “Okay.” I said.

  “And bring the dog.” She said walking away. Alex kissed me one more time then sat up all while giving me a sexy look. I found my clothes on the floor and put them on. I let my hair down and tried styling it the best I could with my fingers. Mom doesn’t need to see just fucked hair.

  Alex was dressed and held Gizmo out for me.

  “Sometimes you have to listen to what a girl wants.” I said winking.

  “I guess I do.” Alex grabbed his duffel bag and swung it on his shoulder. I turned off the iHome and we headed downstairs. “I have to head to my place and grab a few things.” He said. I opened the front door for him and he pecked my lips before saying, “I love you.” I started blushing. Damn these red cheeks.

  “I love you too.” I can’t help but smile. “You don’t have to come back if you’re busy with…work.” Is it work? All those businesses? It kind of is.

  “I’ll see what I can do.” Alex said.

  I closed the front door and headed into the living room where Mom was sitting on the couch, holding a little blue box. The blue box I got for my birthday.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  “I wanted to talk about Gizmo.” She said taking out his collar and putting it on him. He looks like a stud. A puppy stud.

  “Is there something wrong with him?” I asked holding him closer to me. I just got him…

  “No, nothing. Its just you’re still hurt so I don’t want you straining yourself to take care of him. We can walk him and feed him if you feel like you can’t. We want you to feel better.” Mom said.

  If she only knew what we just did upstairs.

  “If you guys want to you can but Mom I’m feeling better now.” I said.

  “You seem better. Are your friends coming today?”

  “No. Why do you miss them already?” I asked. She smiled.

  “I actually do. It’s been awhile since you had people over like yesterday. Usually everything’s a secret with you… I don’t want to know if there was alcohol involved. If there was, I hope you guys were responsible but please don’t bring it back in the house.” She said giving me a look.

  I nodded. “It was a belated birthday party. It won’t happen again.”

  “I hear you have a tattoo too.” I looked up from Gizmo and found Mom staring at me. “I’m not mad. Maybe just a little. When did you get it?”

  “This summer.” I said. She nodded and rubbed my arm like any Mom would. “Its weird having everyone act nice around me.” I feel like they pity me and feel sorry. I was raped not murdered. I shouldn’t be treated differently.

  “Emily, you’ve been through so much…you need a break.” There was an awkward silence as we stared at each other. Gizmo is the only one whimpering and sniffing around the area, making noise.

  “No one talks about that night.” I finally said. I looked into her caring green eyes. “I don’t know if they’re scared about what happened but I was scared, Mom. They think I was brave for what I did.”

  She gently pulled me in a hug.

  “Talk to them then.” When she pulled away, she gave me a look. “I’m here if you want to talk.” I shook my head.

  “No, not with you. It’s just weird if I talk about it with you.” I said. I need to vent and I need to talk about things she never witnessed. I need the people who were there. Who saw things. Heard things. I need my friends right now.

  “I understand.” She said kissing my head. “I love you, Em.”

  “I love you too, Mom.” I said.

  I thought about the talk me and Alex were having upstairs then.

  “Hey, Mom.” I said.

  “What?”

  “How much did Alex give to you?” She looked down at her hands. “I’m not mad.” I leaned on the couch armrest.

  “Ten…million.” She said softly. I can see why he gave my family the money but it still feels weird to have him give it to them. Us. “I want to give it back but he keeps saying he doesn’t need it. He’s a nice guy but he’s stubborn.”

  We smiled. “Did you tell anyone about it?” She shook her head. “Don’t. Please.”

  “Sure honey. Can I ask why?” I watched Gizmo nudge Mom’s leg.

  “You know how people talk…I don’t want them to say I’m with him because he has money.” I looked up at her. “Or because he gave us money.”

  “Did you talk to him about this?” Mom asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “You’ll find a way around it.” She said. Then I remembered more.

  “Ohmygod, Mom. Remember that fashion show a few years ago?”

  “Yes, how can I forget? You broke some poor boy’s arm.”

  I frowned at her. “I didn’t break his arm.” I said.

  “How do you know that?” I smiled.

  “Because he’s my boyfriend.” I said. Her jaw dropped.

  “His
mother’s Gwen Sawyer?” Mom asked. I nodded. “Really? He mentioned that his family past but he never…wow. Poor thing. I must say his mother is the reason you fell in love with clothes again. After Declan wanted to turn you into a boy, you were so happy to be in that show. It’s funny how the world works.”

  “I know.” I said smiling. I kissed her goodbye then headed into the kitchen and found something delicious in a pan. I ate some and let Gizmo walk around. It’s getting dark out already so I walked back up to my room and grabbed my phone to call Tiffany.

  “Hey girl, what’s up?” She answered.

  “Nothing, I just wanted to tell you–” I heard something in the background. “Where are you?” I asked.

  “I’m with Bryan and Liam.” She said.

  “Oh. I just wanted to tell you we can hang out Monday. Everyone can come.” I said.

  “Are we doing a sleepover again?”

  “I don’t know. Alex has something planned and he said everyone would like it. So pass the word around.” I looked up at my door and my heart started racing. Alex walked in. “Hey, I have to go.”

  “Is Alex there?” She asked.

  “Yeah.” I breathed.

  “Did you guys–”

  “Bye, Tiffany.” She giggled.

  “I’ll take that as a yes. Love you, Em. The guys say hi.”

  “Love you too. I say hi back.” She said something else that I didn’t understand and hung up.

  Alex dropped his bag on the floor and sat on my bed.

  “Not to busy?” I asked. Alex smiled and licked his lips.

  “Not today. I called Sean and told him to get extra cars ready for Monday. I didn’t have to spend money.” He said holding my eyes.

  “Alex…I did some thinking and I can’t change who you are. You grew up this way and I don’t want you to have to hold back. Just…don’t tell me about it. Please.” I said.

  “Sounds fair.” He said smiling. It’s not my fault I never had a rich boyfriend. I’m use to normal dates. I don’t know what can happen now.

  “I have to get over the fact that my boyfriend can take care of himself finically.” I said sitting down beside him. “You’re still Alex. Nothing can change that.” I have to accept it. Accept him. I do.

  Then he kissed me.

  I slipped my fingers into his hand. “Alex, you can come over whenever you want. My family loves you.” I said. His eyebrows furrowed. “One day I will understand how you feel. I want you to be open with me. If you’re lonely at home, come here. We want you here. I want you here.”

  His house is too big. He needs to be around people. And I’m perfectly fine giving up my mom’s place for him to come by. He did let us stay at his. Only I’m not repaying him as a favor. I’m giving him someplace to remember who he is. Family is the most important thing. Alex will never feel left out here. In a way, he’s family.

  If we don’t work out and live separate lives, I want him to know that we cared. Will always care. He lost his family and I won’t let him lose himself.

  He looked down at the floor for a few seconds until he squeezed my hand and looked up at me. “I don’t want to suffocate you.” He said.

  “You won’t.”

  “If you want me to stop coming, I will.” He said.

  I gave him a teasing look. “I never want you to stop coming.” He understands me. He smiled and pulled me into him as he fell back into my bed.

  “You’re amazing.” He said.

  18. Mom

  Sunday! One more day and we go to the track. I know it’s a date Alex planned but we have forever to fulfill dates. Yes, I plan on sticking around. Alex will have to deal with my obsession.

  Gizmo is the perfect puppy. He lies down at the foot of the bed all the time and doesn’t make a peep. Declan walked him because he didn’t want me to get tired. He wants to help out.

  I quietly got off the bed and headed to the shower. It’s only six in the morning and Alex is sound asleep on my bed. Mom made a deal with him, but we amended it when she went to sleep. Alex stays downstairs until everyone goes to bed then I sneak him up here. He doesn’t mind. His house is too lonely.

  I took a while in the shower until my skin was pruny. I wrapped my robe around me and walked into my closet. My laundry’s piling up. I put clean clothes on and grabbed the hamper. I can do this. This basement isn’t all that bad. I was about to walk into the basement when Mom popped up behind me.

  “Honey, I could have taken that for you.” She said.

  “I didn’t think anyone was awake.” I said. She took the hamper from me and made her way down. I followed her and sat on the couch a few feet away from the washer machine. “So did you and Officer Miles go out yet?” I asked. She separated darks, lights and whites. When she was done she shoved a pile in the machine. “I could have done that myself you know.” I said.

  “I know but I want to help and no, we didn’t…exactly. You can call him Garrett.” She took clothes out of the dryer and sat on the couch beside me. I helped fold.

  “Will Garrett be coming around the house more often?” I asked.

  “It’s not weird or anything, right?” Mom asked.

  “Are you kidding? That would be the most normal thing happening around here. And besides he’s a cop, I feel safe when he’s around. You need a man in your life too.”

  “Speaking of men in our life…yesterday you mentioned Alex was your boyfriend, I just want you…just be safe.” I looked away. Oh. God. Mom gave me the sex talk years ago but it’s still weird talking about it with her. I blushed and turned back to her. I was about to say something but she interrupted me. “I was a teenager once. I know what happens behind closed doors.”

  “Mom, I’m more responsible then you think.” I said.

  “I know. And I noticed Alex isn’t downstairs.” She said with a raised eyebrow. “I didn’t hear any moans or beds squeaking so I take that as a good sign.”

  “Mom!” Jesus. I’m blushing and can’t stop. We finished folding everything in an awkward silence.

  “I don’t think I’m use to the fact that all my children are grown up already.” Mom said. It’s weird to think about too. We grow up to fast.

  I leaned in and hugged her. “We still need you so don’t think since we’re getting older, you’re off Mom duty.” I said.

  “I will never stop being a mom. Did I tell you Scar and Dec are going back to school soon?” I shook my head. “They’re not sure if they want to go though…I’m trying to change their minds.” I’m use to having them around but they can’t stay here. They love college. “They’ll get everything figured out after New Years.” New Years is in three days!

  “Did you hear anything about Rachel?” I asked.

  “Yes, she should be home for New Years. She was in really bad shape when she got there. You saved her life, Emily.” She said, her eyes locked on mine.

  “I never asked how you’re doing…about Denise. I know she was your friend from school and close to us–”

  “Denise was close to us but after what happened…no one should have done any of that because of something that happened in the past. Her and her son could have killed you, Rachel and your friends. I’ll miss the friendship we had but I will not mourn her death.” She held my face in her hands. “I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you, Emily. You guys are everything to me.” She kissed my forehead and held onto me for a while.

  Gizmo walked in and sat down in front of us barking. “Do you want to go for a walk?” I asked. He barked. I stood up and faced my mom. “Thank you for getting him. He’s adorable.” She smiled and nodded.

  “I can walk him if you want.” She said.

  “No. I got it but thanks.” I followed Gizmo upstairs, grabbed his leash and a few trash bags from a hook next to the door. I slipped on flip flops and went outside. It’s been awhile since I felt…confident walking outside.

  When we got down the stairs, I felt strange. It’s beautiful out and there wasn’t a peep outside but I s
till feel like someone’s watching me. I turned left at the bottom of the stairs and almost jumped up and down when I saw Ben walking his dog. I limped toward him and called out his name. He stopped and turned around. Gizmo almost flung himself into Ben’s golden retriever.

  “Emily.” Ben bent down to touch Gizmo. Surprisingly Gizmo let him. “I didn’t know you had a dog.” He said.

  “Just got him. Do you mind if we join you?” I asked.

  “I actually enjoy company.” He said, so we continued walking down the block. “What’s the little guy’s name?”

  “Gizmo. That’s Rocco, right?” I cocked my head toward the retriever. He had two when he moved here but one died recently.

  “Yup.” I glanced at Ben looking for any sign of grief. He doesn’t show it. I would have never known he had a sister is Alex didn’t tell me.

  “Ben…Alex told me about your sister. I’m sorry.” I said.

  He was quiet for a while until he glanced at me and smiled. “You sometimes remind me of her. Sarah. It’s not a bad thing.” Oh, thank god.

  “Were you and Alex close back home?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Our sisters were inseparable and we were neighbors so it just happened.” We turned a corner and stopped at a fire hydrant. Dogs and fire hydrants. “I heard you haven’t been in school and then you show up the day before break. What’s that about?” I thought of something to say. I can’t just blurt out I was raped and I was trying to find who did it.

  “I’ve been busy. I’m going back so don’t worry.” I said eyeing the huge smile on his lips. “What?”

  “So…you and Alex?” He asked. Now I smiled.

  “Yeah, me and Alex.”

  “Finally. He wouldn’t shut up about you, no offense.” I stared at him. “He was shy, I was here to vent.” Alex, shy? That doesn’t seem like him. “Trust me, he was a different person. I’ve never seen a girl do that to him.”

  “What would he say?” I asked.

  Ben smirked at me. “That I won’t tell.”

  “Seriously?” Ben nodded. “Why?”

  “Guy code.” I nudged his arm with my right shoulder. Ouch. “How are you?” He said jerking his head to my shoulder.

  “Good.” I said. He knows.