Generations of Love

by Wendy Pulford

  Alex rang Sarah’s number again, but still no reply. He paced up and down the room, trying to think what to do for the best. Should he ring Richmond on the off-chance? No, better not to admit to a problem if there wasn’t one. Was Jack Ellison involved somehow? Had Catherine had some sort of accident, and needed him? There were so many possibilities running around in his mind, none of them good.

  Then an even more disturbing idea came to him, which might explain her slight reserve of late. Had his worst nightmare come true, after all? Was there someone else? But if there was, where could she have met this person? He began to feel sick. He stamped down on the idea as ridiculous, but now it had registered in his brain it kept gnawing away at him.

  He decided to wait another ten minutes and then consider ringing the hospitals and even reporting the matter to his Duty Officer. He was just about to pick up the receiver when he heard the sound of a car door slamming, and ran to the window. A taxi was just pulling away. Catherine was walking up the driveway.

  With various emotions churning around inside him ranging from relief to anger, Alex raced out of the flat and down the main staircase. As Catherine came through the entrance door he caught her by the arm, startling her.

  ‘Where in God’s name have you been? Do you realise what the time is? I’ve been out of my mind wondering where you were.’

  She smiled up at him, amused at his concern, which angered him even more. Didn’t she realise how worried he’d been?

  ‘Oh Alex, I’m glad you’re home, I’ve so much to…’

  ‘I should think you have young lady!’ he interrupted her.

  He was shaking with anger now, and half dragged her upstairs into the flat, where he rounded on her again.

  ‘Suppose you tell me just where you’ve been all this time, and even more important, with whom! It’s nearly seven o’clock. I was home an hour ago. I rang Sarah but there was no reply. I saw your note about Fulham General. I rang them and they told me you had left by lunchtime. I was about to start ringing round the hospitals!’

  He was stupefied that Catherine looked so surprised at his fury, as if she was wondering what was wrong.

  ‘Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise it was so late. Anyway, you’re very often late, and I don’t get all worked up.’

  Alex was now beside himself, and shouted at her, ‘You know very well it’s different for me if I’m late home! It’s my job!’

  He should have read the warning signs in Catherine’s flashing eyes, but he was far too angry. She threw her bag and a file of papers on the coffee table and turned on him.

  ‘Oh, of course, I forgot, its quite alright if you’re out and about somewhere to all hours without me knowing where, or with whom! Very convenient to say it’s your job. I have to believe that, don’t I. Are you sure it’s always your job, Alex? There isn’t something you have to tell me? About someone with red lipstick…’

  Alex had no idea what she was talking about.

  ‘Well, two can play at that game!’ The words were now spilling out of Catherine’s mouth in a torrent. ‘I’ve been in the company of someone who has been very kind and attentive and couldn’t do enough for me. I might be going to see him again!’

  Alex felt as if someone had kicked him in the stomach. So it had happened. She had found someone else. He grabbed her by the shoulders.

  ‘You’re my wife, damn you! I’m not letting someone else get their hands on you. Some raw, spotty youth who wouldn’t know the first thing about how to handle you.’

  She went very still under his hands. ‘So that’s how you see it, is it? You know how to “handle me”? I’m your possession, am I, to be moulded into some living art form by the Master? To be kept as a plaything? The obedient wife. Always waiting for you to return, whenever you fancy – and from whom. No doubt your great experience told you that this innocent girl was so besotted with you that she would agree to your every whim.’

  She broke away from him. ‘What was going to happen soon, Alex? Were you going to introduce me to some less savoury ideas of sexual behaviour? You’ve no doubt learnt a lot during your job!’

  He started to raise one arm towards her, and she shrank back.

  ‘First comes the physical violence does it? Well, go on, hit me. See how masterful that makes you feel. Is this how you do things in the East End?’

  Her last remark penetrated down into his inner being, through all the anger in him. The social chasm had opened up between them. It hadn’t seemed to matter, but now he knew better. She had met someone in her own social class, and realised the difference. Well, so be it. To hell with her. Whoever she had found, she could go to him.

  He turned from her, grabbed his coat and strode to the door. ‘You’d better return to your new lover, my dear. I’m sure he’s far more suited to your aristocratic needs. Meanwhile, I’ll seek out my own recreation. Don’t wait up!’

  The door slammed behind him.

  Catherine stared, unseeing, across the empty room. What had just happened? She had come home brimming with happiness and exciting news, and now… this.

  She hadn’t realised how late it was. She could understand that Alex might be worried, but why should he assume that she was with another man? That had confused and shaken her, but what then possessed her to make all those wild statements? And to her horror he had believed them! Why should he assume that she would even want to look at another man? Hadn’t she shown him just how much she loved him?

  Oh God! Catherine wrapped her arms around herself. Nothing could happen now, of all times, please! No, of course not, she told herself. He was angry at the moment but he would soon cool down and in a while he would be back, they would say sorry to each other and he would take her to bed. It would be alright. She could tell him then.

  But time dragged on. By eleven o’clock, as something to do, Catherine made ready for bed. Had she driven him to the one with red lipstick? She tried not to think about them together, but the idea became too vivid as she lay in bed, tears welling up inside her, but struggling to remain calm for the sake of the baby.

  As the hours continued to pass and the dawn light filtered through the window, the sickness inside her was for more than one reason.

  CHAPTER 9

  Alex drove like a maniac for mile after mile. He must be breaking every speed limit in London, he laughed to himself – but the laughter was more like a sob. So this was it, the realisation of all those torments. The knowledge that his world would have to carry on without its centre. That beautiful girl, just turning into an even lovelier woman, would no longer be part of it. The ache inside him was immense. Braking hard, he pulled the Porsche into the kerb. He felt as if he was suffocating. He climbed out and started to walk.

  What had gone wrong? It was almost laughable that it had happened so soon, just a matter of weeks. Everything had seemed perfect. Had he been unreasonable to expect her to be waiting for him each night? If she was unhappy about it, why didn’t she say something? He didn’t mind what she did, as long as he knew she was safe.

  They were good in bed together, even more so now that she was losing her earlier inhibitions. Although, of late, he remembered, she had been a little less enthusiastic. Was that a warning sign? Should he have seen something coming?

  What had she meant, inferring that he might have been having a secret liaison? All that ‘red lipstick’ nonsense. There was no way on earth any woman could interest him after her. If he couldn’t have her, he didn’t want a poor substitute.

  He kept walking, and walking, and after what seemed a lifetime, he rested against a stone balustrade near the river, questions swirling around in his mind, mirroring the dark water below. How had he ever been stupid enough to tell her that she could leave him for another man? He must tell her he wasn’t prepared to let her go at any price… but what would that achieve? It was like imprisoning a bird in a cage, watching it day after day, fluttering
against the bars. His little bird, who he had taught how to fly! No, he couldn’t do that to her. If she would be happier with someone else, he loved her enough to let her go and be happy. Whatever it cost him.

  He sighed. He might hand in his resignation. Start a new life, maybe even in a new country. But who would take over his investigations? Dougie would need some help. Was there someone else the Commissioner could trust to carry on? After all, he wasn’t irreplaceable? It was just that he and Dougie had begun to glimpse the faintest thread in their enquiries of what had been going on; would someone else spot those same clues? Did his duty override his personal problems?

  He was back to the same dilemma he thought he had resolved at the beginning when realising his feelings for Catherine. He had made his decision then and never regretted it for one moment – until tonight! Even if he let her go now, the investigation would bring a daily reminder of her. The way he felt at the moment, he doubted he was strong enough to cope with that. He leant his head on the cold stonework.

  ‘Are you alright, sir?’

  Alex straightened and turned to see a uniformed police officer standing a few feet away.

  He just about managed a smile. ‘Thank you, officer. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything stupid.’ He’d already done that, he thought to himself.

  ‘That’s alright then, sir.’ The officer moved closer.

  Alex could see he was a mature man, not far from retirement.

  ‘Been celebrating, sir?’

  Alex gave a hollow laugh. Celebrating? How did you celebrate the end of a marriage! ‘No, officer. I’m stone cold sober, but I’d like to be very drunk indeed.’

  He turned back to his contemplation of the water, running a hand through his dark hair.

  The officer was near enough to catch the slight glint of the new ring on the man’s hand.

  ‘You know, sir, my old lady and I have had some real corkers of rows over the years. Always talked it through in the end. Someone has misunderstood the other in some way. It’s worth a try.’

  Alex turned back to the other man with a rueful smile. ‘Thank you, officer, for your interest. I take your point, but I’m not sure it will help in this instance.’ He looked up at the lightening sky and sighed. ‘I’d better be on my way though, I’ve a job to go to.’

  ‘Where do you live, sir? Do you have a car?’

  Alex stood up straight. The car! Where on earth had he left the Porsche? Where was he anyway? He knew he was near the river, but where?

  ‘You won’t believe this, but I did have a car tonight. I remember parking it, but I don’t know where. I don’t know where I am now, but I’ll have to walk or get a taxi back to Kennington. Someone will find the car at some time, I suppose.’ With a mirthless laugh he added, ‘What a good headline for tomorrow’s papers, ‘Detective loses own car.’

  The officer looked closer at him. ‘You’re on the force, sir?’

  Alex produced his card and handed it to him.

  The officer sprang into action. He brought out his pad and took down details of the Porsche and where Alex thought he might have left it. ‘For your information, sir, we’re in Southwark. I’m waiting to be picked up. When the car arrives we can go back to the station and set up a search. Someone will spot it. I dare say we can arrange a lift home for you. If I may, sir, I’ll take the liberty of indicating that you had to abandon your vehicle whilst in the course of pursuing a lead. Sounds better, eh?’

  Alex just managed to smile his thanks. He felt cold and numb.

  ‘If you care to leave your car keys at the station, I imagine we could have the car dropped home for you if you like. Someone is sure to fancy a chance to drive a Porsche!’

  True to his word, after a few minutes a police car came to a halt near them. Two police officers alighted and all three conferred together for a moment or two.

  ‘Right, sir, ready to go?’

  Alex straightened up from the wall and headed for the car.

  ‘Thank you, officer, for your assistance.’

  ‘That’s alright, sir. Don’t forget what I said, now.’

  Alex slumped into the back seat. So he was in Southwark. It would have been quite a walk home. Home! Did he think of it like that any more?

  It was a grey dawn, and just starting to rain, when he let himself into the flat. There was no sound. He moved through into the bedroom. He could see the figure in the bed. Was she asleep?

  ‘Catherine?’

  There was no answer, but he was sure she had heard him. He moved closer to the bed. She was lying on her side facing away from him. He walked around the bed and sank down to the floor near her, leaning back against the mattress. He felt ill, and old, and tired. But he had to go through with it.

  Catherine remained still and quiet. She didn’t know what to say or do. She would have to take her lead from him. He was so close to her, sitting on the floor, that she could have reached out and stroked his hair.

  ‘We must talk, Catherine.’

  She turned over and sat up, drawing her knees under her chin, the covers wrapped around her. Alex didn’t move.

  ‘I thought from the beginning that this might happen, but hoped it wouldn’t. If you’ve now found someone else you feel is more suited to your idea of life that you would rather be with, I must let you go. I just want to know that you’re happy. I hope he loves you and takes good care of you. I won’t make a fuss, just let me know what arrangements you want to make and I’ll do my best to oblige. I can’t say fairer than that.’ He paused for a moment and then went on in a whisper. ‘I’ll miss you.’

  Catherine was in tears. He had said he loved her, and now he was prepared to let her go if she wanted someone else – just to make her happy.

  ‘Alex, I don’t want to go.’

  ‘For God’s sake, Catherine, you can’t have both. I’m not prepared to share you!’ He sounded angry again.

  ‘Alex, please listen. There is no one else to go to. I love you. I didn’t mean what I said before. I don’t know why I said it. I was just angry that you assumed because I was late I had been with another man, with no thought that there might have been another reason.’

  Leaping up from the floor he stood beside the bed, looming over her, almost menacing. ‘What on earth did you say all that rubbish for if it wasn’t true!’

  Although afraid of his cold anger, she found herself becoming annoyed again. ‘Because you didn’t give me a chance to explain anything, you just assumed!’

  She could see him trying to keep control. He took a deep breath. ‘Alright. Now’s your chance. Tell me!’

  She had to gather all her courage, and prepare herself for the reaction she knew would come, her happy dreams now shattered.

  ‘I went to the Fulham hospital because I was asked to help in a one-off translation job. I was to be paid for my expenses. On the way back in the taxi I noticed…’ She took a deep breath. ‘I noticed a house for sale. I stopped and looked at it, and I loved it. I went to the estate agent’s, and they took me back to have a look around inside. I loved it even more. With some work it could be a wonderful house. We went back to their office and talked through some financial options…’ She tailed off as she glanced up and saw the look of shock and total disbelief on her husband’s face.

  CHAPTER 10

  Catherine watched as, almost in slow motion, Alex seated himself at the foot of the bed and stared at her, his face pale. When he spoke, it wasn’t with the blistering anger she had expected, but in such a quiet tone that it was all the more unnerving.

  ‘Are you telling me that all… this… has been because of a house!’

  What could she say to explain? Yes, that was part of it, but the rest wasn’t, but she dare not tell him, not now.

  In a small voice she said, ‘Whatever the reason, you still didn’t trust me, did you?’

  He ran a han
d through his hair. ‘I hadn’t expected you not to be here without any idea of where you were. I couldn’t reach Sarah. The hospital hadn’t seen you since lunchtime. I even wondered if you’d gone to Richmond.’

  ‘Alex, you made me promise not to. Do you think I would disobey you?’

  ‘I hoped you wouldn’t, but I was running out of options by then.’ He ran a shaking hand over his face. ‘I was frantic about you being hurt, and I didn’t know how to help you.’

  She could hear the distress, but also the residual anger in his voice.

  ‘Catherine, if you were sitting in an office brimming with telephones all this time, why didn’t you call either my office or here? Didn’t you care that I might be worried?’

  She realised now that this was obvious, but at the time she just hadn’t thought about it. ‘I’m sorry. I should have done that, I know now.’

  He exploded then as his anger poured out, his fists thumping the bed in frustration. ‘God Almighty, Catherine, why do you do these crazy, impulsive things without stopping to think? I’ve been through hell and back tonight. I’ve driven or walked half over London just trying to think it all through. To do the best… for us.’

  Catherine put her head down on her knees. When she saw the house it all seemed so right, at the time. Her heart told her it was meant to be. But now… And he still didn’t know her other news. Then her inner spirit rebelled. She wasn’t going to let him put all the blame on her.

  She lifted up her head. ‘So your lady friend wasn’t available tonight, then?’

  He reached out a hand and she recoiled, thinking she had pushed him too far. With a muttered oath he stood up and walked to the window. He turned back to face her.