The Stainless Steel Rat Joins the Circus ssr-11

by Harry Harrison

  A bed, a sink with a single faucet, a lidless toilet. A food dispenser. Spartan and harsh. My anger chilled into a hard knot of resolve. Chaise was going to pay for this, pay a great deal. And not in money.

  “Let us leave,” she said, picking up her purse and turning towards the stairs. “And as soon as we can, I would like a large refreshing drink and some good food. All they left me was that machine full of dehydrated meals. Absolute slop. I was even ashamed to feed it to our sweet Gloriana.” Gloriana grunted when she heard her name-her vocabulary grew daily-and then put her attention back to carefully climbing the narrow steps. We followed her out of the underground bunker.

  “Daylight!” Angelina said. “How delightful. Now you must tell me what has happened in the outside world, while I have been incarcerated in this dungeon.”

  Bolivar had been busy on the phone, so that when we emerged from the house James was already pulling up the drive in his car. Another blissful reunion and we were in the car and away. While I brought her up to date, James drove us to a shaded mall. He parked as far as he could from the other vehicles, so children could not see me and get nightmares, then he hoofed it to the nearest take-away. Unhappily it was a MacAlpo outlet. But this did not seem to bother Angelina who wolfed down a Double-Doberman as I talked. Gloriana snuffled as she pigged down her double fried potatoes.

  “And that is about it. The bonds are safely hidden until I feel like going for them. I don’t think Chaise even knows I’m gone yet. Now that we have both escaped Kaia’s clutches we must make detailed plans of what we should do next.”

  “I agree,” she agreed. “As long as it involves grievous bodily harm to himself and his surly associate.”

  “Igor’s in the hospital, that’s where James was. He saw my face and had a heart attack. If he had anything to do with Iba’s murder you can easily understand why. He must have thought I was the dead man walking. How is he?”

  James shrugged. “He was going into surgery when I left. The doctor said that he is strong, and young, and that should help. I don’t think that we will have to worry about him for some time yet. Meanwhile look here-I got these newspapers at the hospital. The mysterious fire is front page news. And they are still investigating the sabotage of the electricity cables in Swartzlegen.” We read the reports, all except James who was sent back for more food. Between us we had missed an awful lot of meals.

  Once sated we gave thought to the future.

  “I have a great suggestion,” James said, licking the last of the juice from his Dachs-burger off his fingers and trying not to bark. “Dad, even when that fake scar is peeled off your face, it is not going to look too great. It is turning an interesting black-and-blue already. And I think Mom has had the worst of it, locked in that cell not knowing what was happening. Which is why I suggest that you both head back to the holiday world of Elysium and let Bolivar and me pick up the pieces here.”

  “Second that,” Bolivar said, looking up from the newspaper for an instant, before diving back into it.

  “Sweet of you to offer,” Angelina said. “But I have one or two things to take care of before I leave.”

  “Me too. Like picking up those bearer bonds.”

  “No,” Angelina said firmly. “We are not broke-and it is just not worth the– risk. I have the strongest feeling that we should turn our backs and walk away from this one. After fixing Kaia’s clock of course.”

  I noticed that Bolivar hadn’t joined the conversation. He had obviously found his perusal of the papers more interesting. I was about to ask him about it when he wadded the sheets into a ball and said, with some enthusiasm: “Got it!”

  Which, as you might imagine, drew our instant attention.

  “I know what Chaise is up to and what is behind this entire affair.”

  Attention squared now.

  “My brief but interesting career as a banker has now reached its zenith. And shall be put to a good use before I return to lunar research. The pieces are all falling into place. To understand just what is happening we must go right back to the beginning, when Chaise made the Stainless Steel Rat an offer he couldn’t refuse.”

  “I could have refused it if I had wanted to.”

  Angelina raised one quizzical and lovely eyebrow at that. “You? Refuse four million credits a day?”

  “Well, you must admit, it had certain attractions.”

  “Chaise knew exactly what he was doing-he is an interstellar conman of the first degree. Good conmen always let the suckers talk themselves into doing what the confidence trickster wants them to do. First the money, then the data bank searches, then the discovery that all evidence pointed to Bolshoi’s Big Top circus and the strongman Puissanto.”

  I nodded rueful agreement. “A perfect con job. We discovered all the facts on our own, things that we thought Chaise could not have known about. We thought that, by ourselves, we had uncovered all the links that pointed to the circus. When in reality he had really planted all these facts himself. He did a rush job and a really detailed search, on the spot, would have revealed that. But of course by the time we discovered that we were being conned I was already on this planet, and skidding down a greasy slope. But why me? What did he have against me, us, the family?”

  “Nothing. But you were essential to the fruition of his plans. Which goes back to the time when he discovered that Bolshoi’s Big Top was coming to Fetorr. The businessmen on this planet are most provincial. They are happy enough to make their profits here and enjoy the bucolic luxuries of life. But not Chaise. He really does have interstellar interests and knows what is going on in the big galaxy out there. I’ll bet that he had some banks or corporations on another planet when the circus came to town there.”

  “Interstellar interests? Planets?” I asked. I still couldn’t understand how the pieces fit together.

  “He knew that the circus was a cover for interstellar investigators. I have the strong feeling that he has tangled with them once before on another planet. So he knew that Puissanto is a Galactic Inspector of Taxes. And Gar Goyle an organizer for GUU, the Galactic Union Union. I did a little digging and uncovered that Belissima, the dancing acrobat, is with FBI. The Forensic Bureau of Investigation. So Chaise knew that bad times were on the way for tax evaders, nonunion businesses, profit skimmers, crooks, privileged information investors-in short any company with dodgy bookkeeping, or any individuals who kept double sets of books. Trouble was coming-and he was going to profit by that information. The first thing he had to do was make things worse. That’s where the Stainless Steel Rat came in. First you had to be there to be blamed for the crimes that Chaise did on his own—“

  “And then I was forced to go on and commit more crimes myself. A conman conned,” I said with some bitterness. And blinked. “But I still don’t see how he profited by all this. Yes, he got to keep the money he stole from his own bank. But the rest-“

  “Just look at the financial pages,” Bolivar said, smoothing out the crinkled sheets. “Read these headlines. ‘STOCK FALLS AS UNION LOCKOUT CONTINUES.’ And this ‘INVESTORS FEAR SHARP DROP IN GILTS’-those are government bonds. ‘DERIVATIVE MARKET BOOMING.’ And this I particularly like, ‘FEARING RUN BANK CLOSES FOR LONG WEEKEND.’ And that’s Kaia’s own bank. By doing that he started a panic and a run, not stopped it.”

  “I used to know what a run on a bank was,” I admitted. “But …”

  “But they don’t happen much any more because of galactic interbank controls-which apparently don’t exist here. You must remember that banks do not keep all of their assets in cash. Usually only a fixed percentage. The rest is out on loan to earn the interest that keeps banks in business. So if people get feeling insecure and they go to their bank in large numbers to take out their deposits-the bank doesn’t have enough cash for them all. If the run continues the bank goes bust.”

  I still didn’t see it. “What can he gain by starting a run on his own bank? What if it goes bust?”

  “It won’t. I imagine he has transfe
rred all the cash he will need from his other holdings. But panic spreads like the plague. Other banks will have runs on them as well, and won’t be able to bail themselves out. Next thing will be that the stock market will start getting worried, investors will begin to get hysterical, and all of that will lead to a single and inescapable event. Read this.” He passed me the paper, tapped the headline in question.

  “‘WEAKENED FETORR CREDIT HITS NEW LOW.’ New low against what?”

  “The Interstellar Credit. When we first came to this planet they were at par, that is they were worth exactly the same amount. Now, with all the financial upsets, the Fetorr credit is down seventeen points. Which means you can buy a hundred of the local credits with eighty-three Galactic Credits.”

  The lightbulb finally lit. “You told me something that meant nothing to me at the time. Not only does he own banksbut he has a brokerage firm as well!”

  “I hear the words,” Angelina said, “but I am afraid that I don’t see the results that you financial geniuses seem to be so excited about.”

  “It is so simple it is almost too simple,” James said. “He watched the economy start on the downhill course-and helped it along by giving it a push. More than once. First the disastrous robberies, then the power failure, which might have been the final straw. Now he will sell short and buy the credits back at a lower price.”

  “He’s buying fixtures!” Angelina said as we all nodded like crazy, like puppets all strung together. “He is betting all of his money that the Fetorr Credit will fall further still. And when it does, it may wreck the economy-but he will make billions!”

  “Exactly so,” Bolivar our financial genius said, wiping his hands together with glee. “So now that we know his gamewe outplay him. Clean him out. Hit him where it really hurts.”

  “In his wallet,” Angelina said. “But while we are cleaning out his assets let us not leave sight of some personal grudges.” She lightly touched my bandaged face. “You boys get the money. I’ll get the man.”

  There was a new excitement in the air as we drove back to the copter, took wing to Fetorrscoria. Even Gloriana seemed to be enjoying her first-ever flight. As the others elated, made plans, counted soon-to-be-acquired riches, planned vengeance, I began to be depressed. The boys didn’t notice my silence but Angelina did. She look worried.

  “Do you want some painkiller? Are those bruises acting up?

  “No-but I could really use some liquid painkiller to dispel depression. I have been tracking down a single convoluted train of thought, and have reluctantly arrived at a single repellent conclusion. Bolivar?” He turned his head. “How long will it take you to put together your monetary trap for Chaise?”

  “A day, two days at the most. Why?”

  “Because, unhappily, it means that I am going to have to return to my incarceration in the warehouse. If he finds that I have escaped, and can pin him for robbery and murder, there is a good chance he will cut and run.”

  No one had a ready answer for this one.

  “I can’t let you,” Angelina finally said.

  “I am afraid that I must do it. But there will be no danger. I’ll eat and drink well before I go there, only put on the cuffs when he comes to the warehouse. In fact I think that I am going to enjoy this. The biter bit, the conman conned. If we do this right he won’t have a clue as to what is going down.”

  Chapter 26

  Bolivar had called Chaise before we went to the warehouse, but his secretary said he was too busy to come to the phone. I’ll bet he was! It is not every day that one breaks the bank of the national economy. The copterport in Fetorrscoria had a restaurant with a secluded little bar attached. We found a table and placed our orders while Bolivar checked the copter back in. The strictly nonalcoholic MoggyCola at MacAlpo’s had left a bad taste in my mouth. Which was quickly washed away by a double Rotgutt on the rocks. For a rare instance Angelina joined me in one as well, before switching to white wine.

  “We need a plan and a checklist,” I said as I pressed the order button for another round. James laid his palmtop computer on the table and made the entries as I listed them.

  “A makeup kit to restore my face to its former bashed self when we take these bandages off. Some new handcuffsas well as a new cot to replace the one Bolivar destroyed.”

  “And one of those little eavesdropping bugs,” Angelina said. “So when Chaise shows up we can listen in. James, I want you and your credit card to come shopping with me. I must outfit myself from the skin out.”

  “And we are going to need an awful lot of money to invest,” Bolivar said, joining us at the table. “I can handle the currency purchases and futures—but only if I have the funds.”

  “That’s where the Banco Cuerpo Especial comes in,” I said. “Which is of course owned outright by the Special Corps… If you have any trouble squeezing out enough credits, get on to Inskipp to authorize the funds. Feel free to use my name.”

  Bolivar took a cab to the bank, while James took our shopping list. Angelina and I stayed in the warm security of the bar to await his return. I ordered another drink.

  “After we take Chaise to the cleaners,” I said, “I am looking forward to a good long break in the sunshine.”

  “So am I-for starters. But I am looking forward to a far longer one than that.”

  “Meaning what?”

  “Meaning I think, that at our age, we ought to lead a quieter existence.”

  “What! Leave show business?”

  “Yes. Leave show business, as well as all the monkey business that has kept us occupied down through the years. I’ll hang up my guns if you’ll hang up your lockpick.”

  I laughed-then saw that she was deadly serious. I contemplated a future in the sun in my rocking chair. Or wheelchair … “It would be, well, you might say, perhaps slightly … boring.’ ,

  .,Nonsense. We could travel, there are plenty of planets we haven’t visited, meals we haven’t eaten-“

  “Drink we haven’t drunk!”

  “Now you are getting into the spirit of things.” Her happy smile faded. “I don’t complain, Jim, you know that’s not like me. But I had plenty of time to think about the future, locked away by myself in that terrible room. It was, well, an experience I would not like to repeat.”

  “Being cuffed to that bed and left to maybe die of thirst made me feel the same way.”

  “That is exactly what I mean. We should never place ourselves in this kind of position again. You think about it.”

  “I will, I promise. Just as soon as we have taken Chaise to the cleaners.”

  “Of course. We’ll tie this one up. Then walk away without looking back.”

  James appeared in the doorway and waved. Gloriana woke up and stretched. We went to join him. Holding hands, which felt very good indeed.

  I will admit to feeling some hints of apprehension when we drew up before the warehouse. We waited outside until James had swept up all the bugs inside and put them in his insulated bag. Nor was I wildly enthusiastic when the cuffs clicked back on my wrists. Angelina was not happy either as she applied the makeup to my crunched face. Which looked even more crunched by the time she was through. She admired her handiwork, then frowned.

  “James, I’ve changed my mind about having the shopping trip now. I’ll take a cab to the hotel where you and Bolivar are staying. I’ll have a long bubble bath and a rest. Let Gloriana have a bath too-we both need one. I want you to stay close by in case anything goes wrong here. I want us to forget Chaise and the money, revenge, the whole works, if it means putting your father in any kind of danger. Do you understand?”

  “Loud and clear. I’ll be nearby with my ear glued to the output of our pickup bug, but out of sight of the warehouse. We’ll keep in touch with this.” He held up what looked like a grain of rice. “Fits inside the ear and cannot be seen. Twoway talking, state of the art.” He passed it over and I plugged it in.

  Angelina had done a wonder job with the makeup, bringing my face back t
o the ruined condition it had been in earlier. When they were all done James unwrapped the various bugs and listening devices that Chaise has planted. Angelina blew me a silent kiss as they left.

  Depression hit-but so did all the drinks-and I was asleep in seconds.

  After a timeless period of rather repellent dreams I awoke as a voice whispered in my ear. Where the tiny and invisible communicator was located.

  “Looks like Kaia’s car coming towards the warehouse,”

  James said.

  “What time is it?” I shaped the words with my mouth, not speaking aloud but breathing in the lightest of whispers. James could make out what I was saying.

  “Almost dawn. He sure put in a long day at the bank “

  “And we know why. Stay in contact.”

  “You bet. ”

  In an emergency I could open the handcuffs; I hoped that I would not have to. If I played along, just for a short time more, our counterplot against his plot would surely work. I heard the outer door open and close. Then the footsteps approaching the door. A rattle on the knob as he opened it. I turned to look.

  “Getting thirsty, Jim?” Chaise said. His eyes were surrounded by darkened shadows. Working night and day on his crooked schemes. But he still had enough energy left for some gratuitous sadism. I didn’t answer, but tried a dry cough instead.

  “You are going to get those bearer bonds for me?”

  “Water …”

  “Of course.”

  He returned with a mug of water. Held it out to me-then poured it onto the floor. I was all method acting now, gasping and mewling. He liked that.

  “The bonds?”

  “I’ll … get them…” Cracking and husking of course.

  A half a cup of tepid water was my reward. Just enough to keep me alive if I really had gone without. He looked at me coldly.

  “I don’t believe you,” he said. “Jim diGriz does not give in that easily. I am going to be busy the next few days. So I think that we will wait for next week’s delivery to pick up the bonds.” I fell back and gasped dryly, which made him smile.