Her Forbidden Rockstar: A Forbidden Rockers Novel

by Robinson, Sarah

  “I can’t,” he said simply, hanging his head, feeling ashamed. Caroline felt tears welling up in her eyes and a knot building in her chest. Her body went numb and she began to shake, she wasn’t sure if it was because she was about to cry or if she was furious at his response.

  “Get out,” she spoke softly, trying to hide the shaking in her voice. Her knees were pulled tighter against her chest and pressed her eyes on them, hiding her tears from view.

  Logan squeezed her leg softly, kissed her forehead, then stood up. He adjusted his shirt and walked toward her bedroom door. He paused in the doorway and looked back at her. She refused to look up at him.

  “Caroline, please. Don’t throw us away. You know there is something here. I’m sorry that I can’t explain better,” Logan said softly, his hand against the door post.

  She didn’t respond. She knew if she opened her mouth, she would start crying. Instead, she sat there looking down at her feet, concentrating very hard on keeping the tears hidden from him. She didn’t want to show him the effect he had on her. Logan stood there for another moment, but realized he wasn’t going to hear what he wanted form her. He hung his head and shook it, glancing at her one more time and then walking out. A few moments later, Caroline heard the front door open and close. She stopped holding her breath and let the tears drip down her cheeks.

  She sobbed until she could finally get her breathing back under control. She laid back in bed, stretching herself out, and staring up at the ceiling. She couldn’t cry anymore, there was nothing left in her. Breathing deeply, she allowed herself to just lay there quietly, soothing herself in silence. Her thoughts were far from quiet as she tried to wrap her mind around the last hour of activities. Logan Clay had just been in her apartment. One of the most famous rock stars of her generation had not only been standing in her living room, but had pretty much confessed his love for her.

  Okay, she knew she was getting ahead of herself. He didn’t say he loved her, but it felt that way. He had kissed her. Logan Clay had just been in her bed! Kissing her! She felt like she had just woken up from a dream, maybe it never actually happened. It just was so unbelievable.

  Caroline was nothing special, at least that is what she always told herself. She wasn’t a celebrity. She had never met a celebrity before Logan. Her family was rich, but she lived a pretty average life. Despite all that, she had just been kissing one of Hollywood’s most famous bachelors. Sighing, she rolled off the bed and sat on the edge. Grabbing her phone off the bedside table, she dialed Aralia’s number. The moment Aralia answered the phone, Caroline chimed in without giving her a chance to talk.

  “Aralia, we are going out. Put on your glitter stilettos, because this is going to be an insane night we will never remember,” Caroline’s tone was serious, but she chuckled as she hung up the phone, still not letting Aralia talk.

  She immediately walked over to her closet and started pulling things out, tossing them on the bed. It was a Sunday, but she didn’t care. Tonight was going to be a party night. It was early afternoon at this point, but she knew of several good weekend happy hours to get the evening started.

  After a few more minutes, Caroline found an assortment of clothes that she liked. She had picked out a short silver skirt that hit her mid-thigh and showed off a lot of leg. Her top was sheer and a light pink color, that was light and flowing. A tighter camisole underneath showed off her curves under the sheer top. Her hair was freshly washed, blown into soft curls down her shoulders. Her shoes were pink stilettos that gave her an extra five inches and lifted her in all the right places.

  Caroline gave herself the once over in the floor length mirror in her bathroom, twirling around. Smiling, she was pleased with herself, even brazenly thinking that Logan was really missing out tonight. Her emotions were continuously bouncing between being angry at him to missing him, wishing her fantasy could come true. Caroline sighed at herself in the mirror, tossed her hair over her shoulder, and walked out of the bathroom.

  Logan is not crossing my mind again tonight. She made a vow to herself.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Caroline opened her eyes, trying to figure out what the sharp, piercing sound was. She was staring at her bedroom ceiling and turned her head to the side to look at the clock. She grimaced as she realized her head was pounding. The simple motion of turning her head felt like marbles were rattling around her skull. She squinted at the clock until it finally came into focus. When it did, her eyes flew open and she jumped straight out of bed.

  “CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!” Caroline kept repeating to herself, shouting, as she rushed around her bedroom, throwing her stuff in a bag and changing clothes rapidly.

  Her clock said that it was almost eleven in the morning, which was over two hours past the time that she was supposed to have been at work. Caroline had still been wearing her party outfit from last night. Her makeup was a bit smeared and way over the top for business casual. Her hair was pointing in every direction, except the right one. She was mentally kicking herself for being so stupid for going out on a Sunday night and drink so much.

  The night had been great though, she couldn’t deny that. There was a point in the evening that everything became spotty in her memory, but up until that point, she clearly remembered that they had really enjoyed themselves. She even remembered dancing with several different men last night, and possibly even a little more. She and Aralia had done shots of tequila multiple times throughout the night, which is probably why she had gotten drunk so quickly. On most night out, she was a wine or beer kind of girl, but last night had been all about the hard liquor.

  Caroline finished getting dressed for work and rushed out of her bedroom. She was looking around for her purse in the kitchen when she heard a noise coming from the living room. She poked her head around the corner to peak into the living room. Aralia was sprawled out across the couch, one leg and arm hanging off. Aralia worked nights, so Caroline wasn’t going to bother waking her up. However, she saw her purse sticking out from under her friend. She tiptoed over and pulled the handles out from underneath Aralia, but it wouldn’t budge.

  Caroline gave it a harder tug and it finally slid out, pushing Aralia to the side slightly. She paused for a second to see if that had woken her friend, but Aralia just moaned and continued snoring softly. Caroline went back into the kitchen groaned at the clock. She opened her purse to find her phone, letting out a nervous sigh when she saw 4 missed calls from work. She quickly texted her boss to apologize and say that she was on her way, then headed straight out the door for work.

  Normally, Caroline would have stopped at the coffee shop for her morning coffee, but she was too late today to treat herself to anything. There was also a nagging voice in the back of her mind telling her she wasn’t ready to walk into the place she had met Logan only one week ago. She briskly walked past the shop, rushing to get to work. She couldn’t believe how much in her life had changed over the last week. She had never been a hopeless romantic, she had never even been in love before. She had been in a few good relationships, but they all had stemmed out of friendships. While that attraction had been there, she had never fallen head over heels and been out of control of her emotions.

  As Caroline walked up to the doors for her work, she felt a tear in her eye and quickly wiped it away. She felt like she had been crying way too much recently. Time to get to work and put away any silly thoughts of some romantic fairytale, she told herself. She walked through the doors and braced herself for the fallout that she was inevitably walking into for being so late. Time to get back to life, time to get back to the real world.

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  Logan didn’t work the average Monday through Friday, nine to five schedule. Every day was different, depending on if he had a concert that evening, was traveling for a tour, doing an interview, sound check, recording, or whatever else was on his plate for the day. That was why he loved being a singer though, because there was never a dull moment.

  He knew he could never su
rvive a cubicle job, because his soul was rock and roll. He thought in musical notes and dreamed in lyrics. Lately his dreams had only been of one thing. He dreamed of the woman he had spent hours painting last week, remembering every detail of her face as he brushed her into the canvas.

  Monday morning had come and gone, but Logan was still lying in bed. He had been awake for hours, but just kept staring at the ceiling. His bedroom was a dark red color with velvet drapes and a large four poster bed draped in even more velvet. He hated the decor in this room, in most of the apartment actually. Gina had designed it all. She loved the dramatic and the over the top look.

  Every time he looked at that crushed velvet, he felt irritated with her. He felt that same feeling today, but it was mixed with something new, something deeper than annoyance. Logan had always been an easy going guy. He got along with everyone and went with the flow. He didn’t create friction, because he never cared enough to be in that situation. He kept his feelings to himself. He was private and guarded, the only time his real feelings came out was through his music.

  Yet he hadn’t been guarded yesterday. His mind replayed his interaction with Caroline and he felt a aching swelling in his chest. He swallowed and took a deep breath, pushing the pain away. He didn’t want to feel it anymore, he didn’t want to feel anything. He got himself out of bed, walking over to the window, and pushing the curtains open.

  His easel was in the corner of the room, he grabbed it and dragged it over to the window. He picked out a clean canvas and some paints from a table near the corner. His bedroom was big and sectioned into multiple areas. There was the section with their bed and closet, then the bathroom and changing area, and then a lounging area. He had changed the lounging area into an art room, which was the only area of his penthouse that Gina had let him have. He had to fight her for it, because she wanted to always control everything.

  Logan picked up a brush and dipped it in some paint. He gazed out the window to find some inspiration over the city’s building tops. Finding nothing interesting, he started painting what was on his mind instead. He imagined Caroline sitting in her window, sketching that old woman on the bench. He began to draw her, as if he was outside her window looking in.

  Time started to go by quickly as he got into the painting, really focusing on the window and its trim, trying to not accentuate the woman inside the window. He had drawn her out but hadn’t painted her yet. He was avoiding her, not consciously thinking about it, but he was definitely taking more time than was necessary painting a window surround. Logan wasn’t paying attention to anything but what he was painting, so he was startled when he felt someone slip their arms around his waist.

  “Hey, baby,” Gina’s sultry voice whispered into his ear. His jaw tightened with tension as he continued painting, attempting to ignore her.

  “What’s up?” he responded dully.

  “Well, shit. Someone is being cranky today,” Gina teased, slightly annoyed, and let go of him. She gave his back a little shove, causing him to take a step forward to balance himself, then turn around to look at her.

  “What the hell, Gina?” Logan growled, angrily.

  “It’s almost six o’clock. You have sound check in two hours. You need to start getting ready, because we have to leave soon. What are you even doing in here all by yourself? You could be preparing instead,” Gina began to lecture him as she normally did.

  “I wanted some time to relax, Gina. I practiced plenty. I just did Madison Square Garden two days ago, remember? I think I can handle tonight’s small party,” Logan quipped and went back to painting.

  He had a job at a private party for a rich wall street event that was paying him a ridiculous sum of money, especially for a Monday night. Tomorrow, he had to be on a national talk show almost before the sun would be up. He lived quite a busy life, but he was an adult and could take care of his own schedule. Gina seemed to think he couldn’t even walk without her guidance.

  “Fine, Logan. Just leave everything to chance. Can you at least hurry up and get dressed? We need to get going. We have a packed week. I’ve scheduled a bunch of interviews on talk shows the next three mornings to promote the tour this weekend, ending in a bigger talk show on Friday. Plus, we need to pack everything up to leave.” Gina was looking down at her phone, rambling off a to-do list.

  Logan tuned her out and put down his paint brush, then walked over to the closet to change, while she followed him around, talking incessantly. He changed into some leather pants and a loose fitted top, ran mousse through his hair and tousled it, and finally pulled on some black army boots. He didn’t like dressing that way generally, but Gina was his manager and insisted that this needed to be his image since it was a very rock star style outfit. He was more of a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy, with maybe a buttoned shirt left open at most.

  Logan had a six month long tour about to start this Friday that spanned America and then went international. It had been scheduled for a while, but Sunday morning he had been ready to cancel it. He didn’t want to leave New York City anymore. After how poorly yesterday went with Caroline, everything was different. Logan wanted nothing more than to leave this city and completely forget about the last week. The prospect of going on a six month long trip with Gina by his side every second was a nightmare, but somehow still the easier choice than facing reminders of Caroline everywhere.

  Until he had met Caroline, he hadn’t really invested anything real into his life, he hadn’t invested anything real into himself. He kept his emotions hidden in his music and art instead. Sighing, he finished getting dressed and headed out of the penthouse to go to the event for the night. Gina never went to smaller events, she said they weren’t worth her time. That meant he liked those the best, because he enjoyed being able to hear his own thoughts.

  She would spend the night at home planning more appearances for him as usual. She was a very hands-on manager, even though that is not what she had planned in life. The two had met at an open mike night before he had become famous. She was like an addictive drug to him and just was suddenly his whole life, controlling him with her intoxicating sexuality. They just had an instant sexual attraction and he traveled with her to New York to sign a record deal with her father’s company. She had just finished business school when they first met, but after they came together, she decided that it was her mission in life to make Logan famous. Through a lot of hard work, she got his music out there and he quickly took off to the top of Hollywood’s A-List.

  If he was being honest with himself, he had to admit that it had been an amazing journey becoming Logan Clay, the Rockstar. He liked the fame, he loved his music, and he enjoyed the luxurious lifestyle. The truth was that he owed all of that to Gina. He owed her that and so much more. She had given up everything for him, her entire future. She may be frustrating and controlling, but he had to appreciate everything she had done and still did for him. She had saved him and his family, he owed her more than he could ever repay. No matter why their romance had fizzled, he still knew that she given him gifts that changed his life forever. But that is a story for another day. He couldn’t help feeling guilty that he had fallen so deeply for another woman.

  He took up painting around the same time that their romance fizzled. His inspiration and emotions that had once been invested in her, had to be hidden and rerouted into his paints. Accidentally, he had learned that not only did he greatly enjoy art, but he was very talented at it as well. Gina did not approve though, saying it was a waste of his time. He still got to paint recreationally every once in a while, so but he didn’t get to put the time into it he really wanted to.

  Logan wasn’t sure when the romance between Gina and him had fizzled exactly, but he just knew that it wasn’t there anymore. When they met, they were both young and fresh faced with little life experience. He was the unknown Logan Clay and she was the recent college graduate, Gina Vile. They were about enjoying life to the fullest. Now, it seemed like Gina was all about the fame and money. Logan couldn�
��t complain, he loved those things too. The issue was that he resented that those materialistic things had taken the place of their romance, and subsequently, their love. The more and more fame that Gina tasted, the less time she had for him. She spent more time with Logan Clay the Rockstar, then Logan, her boyfriend.

  Even with all their struggles, Gina didn’t deserve him being unfaithful. He knew that he had overstepped yesterday, to the point that he hadn’t even known he was capable of. He had never been that type of man, a player. Even as a celebrity who was made to look like a womanizer in every tabloid, he was never that personality in real life. He had always been a monogamous man, infidelity was out of the question. But then yesterday happened. He sat back in his seat in the town car on the way to the event and sighed, feeling the guilt wash over him. He closed his eyes, but could only see Caroline.

  This was going to be a long week.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  The show was small, but it went well and Logan was headed back to his penthouse, slumped in the back of his town car, taking a nap. Shows were physically demanding and Logan hadn’t been sleeping very well, so it wasn’t hard for him to drift off to the vibrations of the car. It didn’t take too long to get back to his building, Logan was awoken by his driver opening the back door for him.

  Logan thanked Jackson, shaking his hand as he got out. Jackson had worked for him for many years and the two were close friends, even though Jackson was his employee. In fact, Jackson was probably the only person in his daily life who really knew him and Logan trusted him to keep it to himself. Jackson didn’t ever spread gossip or rumors, but rather listened and acted as a confidant for Logan. The two sometimes had long conversations about life while Jackson drove, or whatever was on their minds.