Malcolm (Book 1, The Redemption Series)

by S. J. West

  I think about God’s questions and realize how crucial Malcolm’s feelings for Lilly are to who he is. Once Malcolm gives his love to someone, it isn’t just a transient event. It's forever.

  “I don’t want to make him forget her,” I admit, not only to God but to myself. “I just want him to stop hiding behind his feelings for her and using them to push me away.”

  “I have no doubt you will be able to make him stop hiding, Anna. He just needs some time to come to terms with what he feels when he’s with you.”

  “Why hasn’t Lilly visited Malcolm like she did me the other night?”

  “Lilly knew Malcolm would have a hard time letting her go. She felt it would be unfair to him for her to come back after her death. We all hoped he would move-on on his own.”

  “He hasn’t,” I tell him. “Not if what I witnessed last night is any indication.”

  “Have faith in your love, Anna. Have faith that it was always meant to be. Not even Malcolm’s memories of Lilly will be able to change that fact. Malcolm will come to understand that in his own time. He simply has to reach a point where he’s able to allow Lilly to be a part of his past and make you his future.”

  “I don’t suppose you know how long that will take?” I ask hopefully.

  God smiles. “If I know you at all, I feel sure it won’t be much longer. You have always been rather tenacious, especially when it comes to something you really want.”

  “You sound like you’ve known me for a long time,” I say, finding it strange the way God talks about my past in Heaven.

  “Like I said, you were one of the first souls ever created. I’ve known you for longer than this Earth has been in existence.”

  “Why did you wait so long to send me here then?”

  “Because it took some time to get things ready for you. It’s just like a good chess game. You have to have all your pieces in place before you bring out your queen. All of my pieces are now in play. It’s simply a matter of whether or not the game can actually be won.”

  “Can’t all games be won?”

  “Not necessarily. Sometimes there are no winners.”

  I hear Malcolm’s heavy footfalls on the back porch outside indicating he’s about to re-enter the room.

  “Keep your faith in your love for Malcolm,” God tells me. “If you need me, simply pray and I will come.”

  God vanishes just as Malcolm moves the makeshift curtains hanging over the broken glass doors.

  “I thought I heard you talking to someone in here,” Malcolm says as he lets the curtains fall back into place behind him, surveying the near empty room.

  “I was,” I say, not seeing any reason to lie. “God came to see me.”

  Malcolm looks surprised at first but then just rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

  “Of course He did. Seems like everyone in Heaven wants to come down and have a little chit chat with you.”

  “I’m sorry I told you about Lilly coming to see me,” I tell him, feeling a need to confess why I did it. “I wanted to hurt you, and it seemed the easiest way. I hope you can forgive me for being so selfish.”

  “You didn’t hurt me,” he says with a heavy sigh. “She did by coming to see you instead of me. And I’m sorry if what I said in the dream hurt you, but it’s the truth, and I don’t want to give you any false hope about the two of us.”

  “I don’t accept that.”

  Malcolm looks confused.

  “I don’t think you have a choice,” he says bluntly.

  “I don’t accept that you can only love one person,” I tell him. “Plus, I have it on good authority that you were made for me to have Malcolm Devereaux. I think the sooner you accept that fact the happier we’ll both be.”

  “Made for you?” Malcolm asks, continuing to look baffled. “You do realize I’m far older than you are, right?”

  “My soul was one of the first ever created,” I tell him. “So, in point of fact, I’m probably older than you think. Possibly even older than you. So, you can try to hide behind your love for Lilly and push me away, but you need to know that…”

  A heavy knock resounds against the front door and echoes throughout the house, effectively interrupting what was supposed to be my confession of love. I had intended to lay all my cards out on the table and not hide anything from Malcolm, but apparently a higher power didn’t think it was the right time.

  Malcolm walks out of the room to the front of the house and opens the door.

  “About time you got here,” Malcolm grouses to whoever knocked.

  “Sorry,” I hear a familiar voice say. “It took me a while to find a safe way out of New York without drawing suspicion.”

  I walk around the corner of the room towards the front of the house and see Jered step over the threshold wearing a heavy, black hooded cloak.

  He smiles at me when our eyes meet, and I feel thankful to see a friendly face.

  Jered’s eyes take in my outfit in one sweeping glance.

  “It looks good on you,” he compliments. “Like you were born to wear it.”

  Before I can even respond, Malcolm asks gruffly, “Did you bring the horses and the other things I asked for?”

  Jered lowers the hood of his black cloak.

  “Yes, everything is outside.”

  “There’s fish cooking on the fire,” Malcolm tells him brusquely. “You and Anna should eat before we leave.”

  Malcolm doesn’t say another word before he walks out the door, slamming it rather harshly behind him.

  Jered returns his gaze to me and looks troubled.

  “What happened?” he asks.

  “Maybe I should tell you everything while we eat,” I say. “I get the feeling Malcolm’s in a hurry to leave.”

  I go on to tell Jered everything about what happened the night before. I also tell him something I haven’t had time to even tell Malcolm.

  “Lucifer came here last night after the hellhound attack.”

  Jered stops eating and leans the skewer his half eaten fish is still on against the side of the fireplace.

  “What did he say to you?”

  “Not much. From what little he did say though, I know he's my biological father, even if he didn't exactly admit to it.”

  Jered’s eyes slide to the floor before meeting mine again.

  “I’m sorry you had to find out like that.”

  “Is that why Malcolm sent me away when I was born?” I ask. “Because I’m the child of the devil himself?”

  “Malcolm and Lucifer have hated each other for eons, Anna. That part of it has nothing to do with you. When your mother fell in love with Lucifer, it broke something inside Malcolm. He felt like he completely failed in his mission to keep the line of descendants safe. I think he’s only now realizing that it was all part of God’s plan. It was an important piece of the puzzle none of us understood until after you took Amon’s seal from him.”

  “When I told Levi I killed Amon,” I say, “he didn’t believe me. He said even my real father couldn’t kill an archangel. Do you know how I was able to do it? Have all the descendants been able to kill archangels?”

  “No, they haven’t. You’re the only person, besides God himself, who has ever been able to destroy an archangel. I’ve been thinking about that since Amon’s death though,” Jered admits. “The only logical explanation I can come up with is the fact that you are the only child of Lucifer and you are a descendant of Michael.”

  “Michael?” I ask, thinking over what I knew of the Bible and what my father taught me. “Archangel Michael?”

  “He was Lilly’s father,” Jered says. “You are one of his descendants too. A connection between what Michael passed on to Lilly and Caylin and what Lucifer passed on to you must have been made when you were conceived. I don’t think I’m over exaggerating when I say you are the most powerful angel and/or human to ever be born, Anna. You’re stronger than any angel I know of and most definitely stronger than any human who has ever existed.”

>   “What does that make me?” I ask, suddenly feeling like I’m having an identity crisis. “I’m not completely human, and I’m not completely an angel.”

  Jered shrugs his shoulders. “You’re something unique. There’s nothing wrong with being different.”

  “God said that my mission to retrieve the seals is also meant to help me accomplish something no one else has been able to do yet. Do you know what he was talking about?”

  Jered pauses to think on what I just said before answering, “No. I can’t say that I do. Did he give you any other hint?”

  “No. That’s all he said.”

  Jered sighs. “Our father has never been very forthcoming when it comes to giving us helpful information. I suppose you’ve figured that much out on your own by now.”

  “Yes, I did. But, I don’t think he means for it to be as aggravating as it is.”

  Jered laughs.

  “No, I don’t think so either, but it always tends to feel that way.”

  Jered’s laughter dies and his expression turns serious.

  “I know what Malcolm said in the dream must have hurt you,” he tells me. “But, I think you’re smart enough to understand he said those things because he’s trying to push you away. I think he’s holding onto his memories of Lilly so hard, especially now, because he’s rebelling against the idea that he can care for someone else just as much as or even more than her. Don’t give up on him, Anna. He needs you more than he realizes or is willing to admit to himself.”

  “I have every intention of fighting for him,” I tell Jered. “God made him for me, at least that’s what he said, and I know it wasn’t a lie. Malcolm is mine, and I’m his.”

  Jered smiles at me and nods his head. “Good. Just keep that in mind when he tries to push you away next time. I have no doubt he’ll keep trying. I just hope he comes to his senses before you get tired of forcing him to face his feelings.”

  We hear the front door open and know that Malcolm has returned. The sound of hard soled shoes walking across the floorboards gets louder as he approaches. I turn my head to see Malcolm walk around the corner and into the room.

  He’s wearing a sleeveless, hooded, long black duster coat. On each arm he has black leather bracers with silver bindings. Underneath the coat, he’s bare chested but wearing black leather pants with silver striped accents across the thighs and a silver buckled belt cinched across his waist. The boots were a matching black leather with thick, heavy soles.

  With the hood of the cloak pulled over his head, Malcolm looks the part of an overlord.

  “We should get going,” Malcolm says to us. “We have a long way to travel today.”

  “Where are we going?” I ask.

  “I need to visit a friend near New Orleans and pick up a package I left with them,” Malcolm says. “We can’t use a public teleporter. Levi would have to be an idiot not to have people watching all of the teleporters in this part of the country after our escape.”

  “Are we going to ride horses all the way to New Orleans?” I ask, mentally calculating where we are versus where I know New Orleans is located.

  “No, that would take too much time,” Malcolm tells me. “But, there are always people willing to do things for a price.”

  “I really don’t like doing business with that man,” Jered says, standing to his feet and offering me a hand up.

  “What man?” I ask, accepting his assistance in standing.

  “He’s a black marketer we do business with on occasion,” Jered tells me. “His name is Bartholomew, and he’s about as trust worthy as a snake.”

  “He can get us to New Orleans today instead of a week from now,” Malcolm argues. “And we need to move the package I stashed before Levi finds it.”

  “What’s in this package that’s so important?” I ask.

  “You don’t need to concern yourself with it,” Malcolm says dismissively. “As soon as I finish helping you retrieve the seals, you and I will be parting ways, and I have no intention of ever seeing you again, Anna. The package will be of no consequence to you after that.”

  Malcolm turns his back to me and heads toward the door without waiting to make sure we’re following him outside.

  I hear Jered sigh beside me, and I turn to look at him.

  “That man is too stubborn for his own good sometimes,” he mutters.

  I look back the way Malcolm disappeared and say, “Don’t worry, Jered. Everything will work out the way it's meant to.”

  “You sound confident.”

  I look back at Jered. “I am confident.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I know in my heart that we're meant to be together. He just needs to stop fighting what he feels for me.”

  “What if he doesn't?”

  “Then I'll let him go.”

  Jered tilts his head like he's confused by what I just said. “Why would you do that?”

  “Because I love him, and I want him to be happy. If his memories of Lilly make him happier than I can, then I don't deserve him. But, I won't let go unless there's no hope, and I don't think I've reached that point yet.”

  “Now I know the bloody fool doesn’t deserve you,” Jered grumbles. “You're far too good for him, Anna.”

  “Malcolm does deserve me,” I say. “He just has to accept the fact that he's earned the right to be happy. I think that's hard for him to believe. He's been so hard on himself for so many years until the mere thought of a happy ending with someone who loves him the way I do has become a foreign concept, an intangible wish he never thought possible.”

  “You're right,” Jered admits with a sigh. “I think Malcolm gave up on finding someone who could even compare to Lilly a long time ago.”

  “I don't want to replace her in his life. She's too important to who he is. I understand that now. I also think his heart is big enough to love us both equally, if not me just a smidge more.”

  Jered smiles. “I think you could make him love you more than just a smidge.”

  “But, that's just it, Jered. I don't want to make him love me.” I look back at where Malcolm disappeared. “I want him to give me his heart all on his own.”

  CHAPTER eighteen

  I just stand and stare dumbfounded at the horse I’ve been assigned. It’s huge. Gargantuan in size in fact. I feel totally intimidated by it because I know underneath its black and white coat beats the heart of a living creature with a mind of its own. The only other real animals I’ve ever seen were the hellhounds, and they seemed far less formidable than the horse pawing at the earth with one of its giant, hairy front legs and snorting at me. At least I knew where I stood with the hellhounds, kill them or die. Apparently, I'm expected to entrust the creature in front of me with my life to provide me safe passage to wherever it is we are going today.

  “Do these things come in a smaller size?” I ask hopefully, looking to Malcolm for an answer as he stands beside his own jet black behemoth, tightening the cinch of its saddle.

  Malcolm looks over at me, and I see one corner of his mouth lift in a reluctant half smile, like what I just said amused him in spite of himself.

  “Just get on,” Malcolm says walking over to me. “She might look formidable, but she’s actually very docile. She’s been trained to just follow behind my horse. You shouldn’t actually have to do anything but stay in the saddle.”

  I look back at the horse and realize I can’t even reach the pommel of the saddle to lift myself into the seat.

  “Can you at least help me get on?” I ask Malcolm.

  Malcolm walks behind me, placing his hands on either side of my waist, easily lifting me with both of his hands by the waist.

  “Put your left foot into the stirrup,” he instructs.

  I do as he says and feel his right hand slide from my side to underneath my bottom as he supports me there to help give me a little added push as I swing my leg around to the other side. The stirrups end up being too long and Malcolm takes a little time to shorten the straps so
I can rest my feet against them. He gently places my left foot into its stirrup and then walks around to place my right one in the stirrup on that side. I feel his hand linger on my calf a little longer than it needs to, like maybe he doesn’t want to stop touching me. But, the moment is fleeting and he walks away without saying a word. I involuntarily sigh my disappointment as I watch him leave my side.

  My discontent must be obvious. When I look over at Jered standing by his own horse, he winks at me, silently giving me some encouragement.

  As we leave the little cottage by the beach, I suddenly have mixed feelings about abandoning it. I want to get started on the mission God sent me to Earth to accomplish. Yet, so much happened inside the little home in such a short period of time. I met Will, my best friend while I was in Heaven and my guardian angel here on Earth. I discovered who my biological father is. And, I met God. How many people get to claim they met the Lord and the devil himself within a few hours of each other?

  I also learned so much about Malcolm when I was inside his dream world. Things I'm glad to know and not glad to know. As my father used to tell me, knowledge is power. I just hope something that I saw in his dreams will help me find a way to make him finally open up to me.

  During the ride, we keep to the forest for the most part. It makes the ride a bit slower, but I suppose the cover provided by the trees keeps us safe from prying eyes and surveillance drones. Malcolm and Jered ride ahead of me quietly speaking to one another for the most part, leaving me to follow behind them. I don’t mind the solitude. It gives me time to think and consider things.

  Like how in the world I’m going to break down the wall Malcolm has built around his heart.

  Not to sound completely immodest, but I know I’m beautiful. Physically, I have all the attributes a man would find attractive. Yet, it doesn’t seem to be enough for Malcolm. He’s probably been living on Earth so long physical beauty doesn’t impress him anymore. I’m smart, but so is he. I wrack my brain for almost an hour trying to think of some way to make him face the connection we share but a solution doesn't readily present itself.