Kill Switch

by Penelope Douglas

  “Kai?”

  I shook my head once again.

  Will shook his head, too, sounding amused as he finished his beer. “Jesus.”

  “Marko Bryson,” I said, eyeing the guy on the patio behind her.

  He stood with a group of people, no shirt on, and a half-full bottle of Fireball in his hand. Arion looked behind her, seeing him for herself, and turned back to me.

  “He has a girlfriend,” she said under her breath.

  “That’s what makes it hot.”

  I’d already watched plenty of people have sex in my short lifetime. All the men hanging around my father’s house and the whores they kept. The secret lives of the mothers and fathers in this town. The girls who ruled the underworld of our decadent little school just as much as the guys did.

  Yeah, I’d seen some shit.

  But now… Stronger, harder, more. Always more.

  “But I want you,” she protested.

  “And I want you to like what I like.”

  She stared up at me, the wheels turning in her head, but she closed her mouth and didn’t argue further.

  She could leave. She could say no. It wouldn’t break my heart, and she knew that. But she also knew if she said no, that would be the end of it. I wouldn’t want her otherwise, and I certainly wouldn’t make her my first girlfriend if she didn’t accept everything I was about. I wasn’t going to change.

  “Someone will find out,” she finally said.

  And I couldn’t help but tilt my lips in a little smile. It was the last protest. Her final attempt to find an excuse out of it. Or a reason to give in.

  “He won’t say no to you,” I told her.

  It was always subtle, but I could see when it happened. The last argument dying in her eyes like it did with anyone I played with.

  She started to open her mouth to agree, but then her eyes shot up, above me. “What?” she barked, and I realized there was someone standing behind me.

  “Arion, can you help me find the snow village in the basement?”

  Snow village? That voice.

  I closed my eyes, the little hairs on my neck rising.

  Winter. She was home, after all.

  “What? Now?” Arion whined. “Have Mom help you when she gets back.”

  Get the fuck out of the pool and get her what she wants.

  “I don’t know why you want it.” Arion took my beer again. “It’s not even Halloween yet, and you can’t see the damn thing anyway. What’s the point?”

  Bitch.

  But even as my aggravation with Arion Ashby rose, the skin on my back warmed, knowing Winter was right there behind me.

  And even if I tried, I couldn’t think of anything else right now.

  What was I about to do to her sister just to get that same, exact feeling?

  How did she get out here anyway, and how did she find her sister? I wanted to turn around, but I just stayed planted, listening.

  “It has music,” Winter said, her tone growing defensive. “I like it, so what do you care?”

  But Arion didn’t answer, and after a moment, her gaze dropped back down to me. Winter must’ve walked off.

  Now that I knew she was home, any lukewarm interest I was able to muster for Arion had all but disappeared.

  It has music. I like it.

  I didn’t know if I felt responsible for the fact that she now only had four senses by which to experience the world, but it was a strange feeling to want to protect someone from others when I knew I’d be worse for her health than anyone.

  I nudged Arion off and turned around, hopping out of the pool. Walking over to the table, I grabbed a fresh towel and glanced around, finding Winter near the pool house. Her hand was hooked around the arm of another girl about her age. That must’ve been how she made her way out here and found her sister.

  Girls swarmed around her, and she looked overwhelmed but happy. Her mouth changed a lot, showing that she was a little nervous with all the commotion, the music, the people in her backyard… Folding her lips between her teeth, pursing it to one side, various hesitant but sweet smiles… She wasn’t used to this at all.

  What kind of parties did she have at her blind school in Canada? And why the fuck did he send her all the way to Canada, as if she’d needed to be buried behind the curtain of some foreign country, so everyone would just forget about their less-than-perfect daughter? A wealthy family like hers could afford tutors for her to stay home if they thought regular school was too much. And if not, there were schools in the city.

  Hooking the towel around my neck, I sat down at the table, instantly patting my shorts out of habit.

  “Fuck,” I muttered.

  I needed to find a cigarette.

  “Get your sister a sweatshirt,” I heard Kai say to someone. “Everyone can see through her shirt.”

  I shook my head, about to laugh.

  “So don’t look at her tits,” Arion replied as she reached over the table to grab a towel. “She’s a kid.”

  Sister.

  Arion’s sister. I looked over, seeing Winter nodding to something someone was saying as her eyes lingered, unfocused toward the mid-section of the person in front of her.

  She was barefoot in jeans and a white, ribbed tank top, a little stretched out and worn like she just did not care, but her face was clean of makeup, lips a natural dark pink and the barest remnants of curl left in her blonde ponytail as it draped past her shoulders. She was perfect.

  A smile pulled at my lips, but I stopped myself and took a deep breath.

  And that’s when I noticed the outline of her breasts through the fabric. The faint curves of the half-circles and then the points, more prominent with the chill in the air tonight. I darted my gaze left and right, noticing one group of guys looking over at her, speaking amongst themselves and laughing in unison at whatever was said.

  Dumb fucks.

  Kai picked his sweatshirt up off his chair and tossed it to Arion. “Do it now,” he commanded.

  And from the tone and the look on his face, he wouldn’t allow her to disobey.

  “Fine,” she spat out and got up.

  But I grabbed the sweatshirt and yanked it out of her hand, throwing it back on the table.

  Kai glared at me.

  “She’s fine,” I told him, more as an order rather than a statement.

  He rose up out of his chair, the hint of disdain on his face as he picked up the hoodie. “Not every woman in this world will be for your personal amusement,” he bit out, staring down at me. “Someday one of them will be your kid, and you’re gonna damn well worry when she’s drawing the wrong kind of attention.”

  “You teach your daughter to hide in everyone else’s world,” I shot back, “and I’ll teach mine everyone else exists in hers. Go fuck yourself, and leave the kid alone.”

  I wasn’t sure where the hell I was coming from, because if Banks walked out of our room like that, I’d lose my shit. But with Winter…

  Nothing she did would be wrong. It was their fault for looking.

  He straightened, breathing hard but not blinking.

  And grabbing the sweatshirt again, he turned around and headed toward Winter.

  Fucker.

  Kai and I weren’t friends. We were brothers. In every way except biological. Whether we liked each other or not, we were family, and we had each other’s backs.

  But that didn’t mean we liked each other, either.

  He was the noble one. The voice of reason in our little group, and while I sometimes envied his happy house, I knew there would be a time when he’d have two choices—and he wouldn’t choose me.

  Noticing Arion still next to me, I looked up at her. “What are you waiting for?”

  Her lips tightened into a line, knowing I was referring to Marko Bryson, and finally, she walked off, either to get to work on him or tell me to piss off and to get back to her friends. Either way, I didn’t care. I just wanted her gone.

  I turned my eyes back on Kai, watchi
ng as he approached Winter and the girls around her parting to let him in.

  Winter’s smile faltered as he leaned in and she listened to whatever he was saying. She pulled back a little, her spine straightening and her head bowing in embarrassment.

  My fingers closed into a fist.

  Then he took her hand and held the sweatshirt up to it, so she could take it and put it on.

  But much to my surprise, she shook her head and waved him off, adding a small smile for good measure. Instead, she reached out to touch the brick column of the pool house, using it to feel her way as she left.

  He watched after her, threw a look at me, and I just shook my head at him. She wouldn’t cover up, but now she was leaving the party good and humiliated. Great job, asshole.

  He threw the sweatshirt back over to the table, and I turned my eyes over to her, watching her trail the perimeter with her hand grazing the hedge line. How long did it take her to map out a new place in her head? She seemed pretty self-sufficient. Even at school already. Of course, she’d be familiar with her home the most. If she followed the hedges around the corner, they would take her all the way back up to the house.

  Standing up, I took Kai’s hoodie and walked, making sure to go slowly as I slipped away from the party and down the small incline, away from the noise and eyes.

  Winter walked along the line, rustling the green leaves as she brushed past them on her way back to the house, and I pulled on the sweatshirt, masking my scent as I dove through an opening in the line to the other side of the hedges.

  I slowed to a walk, my heart suddenly hammering as I saw the white of her shirt through the leaves, not one foot away from me. I put out my hand, following hers where it grazed the leaves on the other side.

  I closed my eyes for a moment, walking with her and following the path with my hand as I heard the blood pump in my ears. My head started to float a little, and the world seemed to tilt under my feet.

  I opened my eyes, still walking with her although she didn’t know.

  It was annoying, the loss of equilibrium when I closed my eyes, but I was sure it was far scarier than I realized. I would never know what it was like to be her, because I could always open my eyes.

  “Where is he?” someone breathed out. “He wanted to watch this, didn’t he?”

  “I don’t know if—” Arion’s voice turned muffled, like she was being kissed, and I darted my eyes up to see her and Marko ahead of us, between two trees.

  He bent Arion over just slightly and squeezed her tits. On the other side of the hedges, Winter had stopped, her body unmoving as she no doubt heard what I heard.

  “Take off your top,” I heard Marko order, but I wasn’t looking at him. I lingered back, finding a glimpse of Winter’s face through the leaves and watching the unreadable look on her face.

  It was a mixture of curiosity and fear, but I wasn’t sure which one she felt more of. How long would she stay?

  “So glad I didn’t bring Abby tonight,” Marko said. “I needed to get off on something new.”

  Arion whimpered and moans filled the air around us, and I saw Winter’s mouth drop open a little like she was about to run for the hills or break out in a laugh.

  “We have to hurry. I don’t want to get caught.”

  “Lick me,” Marko told her. “Get me hard, Ari.”

  Winter’s eyes widened, probably realizing it was her sister, and then I heard a zipper...

  “Ah, yeah,” Marko groaned. “Fuck. Swallow that shit, baby. Nice and deep.”

  Winter’s jaw clenched, and she stalked off a few steps and then broke into a run, back to the house.

  I quirked a smile. Well, well, well…

  I slipped through an opening in the hedges, pulled up my hood, and followed her slowly as she headed back up to the dark, empty house, away from the noise and crowd of the party.

  She scared easily.

  Oh, good.

  Winter

  Seven Years Ago

  I shivered, swallowing the bad taste in my mouth. What the hell was she doing?

  I rushed up the hedge line to the bricks, turned right, my hand grazing the bushes at my thighs, and then turned left, running up to the back door. I twisted the handle, pushed through, and slammed it behind me, locking it.

  Bile rose in my throat. Why would my sister do that? And at a party and in the woods? Jesus.

  I didn’t know she had a boyfriend. She hadn’t mentioned him since I’d returned home. What the hell?

  I brought my hand up to my mouth, still freaked out by what I’d heard.

  Did that happen a lot? Would other people be going at it on our lawn all night? I gagged, a little grossed out.

  Maybe if I’d been here the past five years, in an average environment, it wouldn’t have been such a shock, but damn. Outside of movies and YouTube and the occasional late-night convo with my friends in our dorm in Montreal, I’d never witnessed anything close to that. It didn’t sound very…like romantic or anything.

  Hope she had the good sense to be safe, at least.

  Walking through the kitchen, I trailed down the hall, around the bannister, and up the stairs. The music still pounded outside, but it was a distant and dull thrumming now, and while I had kind of wanted to stay at the party, I’d already decided to leave even before I’d heard Arion and her boyfriend going at it in the brush.

  Embarrassment rose to my cheeks, remembering the guy that came up to me a few minutes ago. You’re a little visible through your shirt, he’d stuttered in my ear.

  He wasn’t unkind about it, but it was still embarrassing.

  I resisted the urge to fold my arms over my chest, but instead tried to be casual about it and act like it wasn’t a big deal. I’d felt my nipples even through my bras from time to time. It couldn’t always be helped.

  It was nice how he’d offered me the sweatshirt, though. Sweet, really.

  I found my way to my room and swung the door closed a little, just in case Arion came in with her boyfriend. I’d locked the doors downstairs to keep the party outside, but Arion knew where the key was hidden when she wanted in.

  I tore off my tank top and pulled on a sports bra, putting my top back on when I was done. I almost always wore bras since I didn’t have the genetics to be as small as some dancers, but I wasn’t that big, either, given the diet and training I still put myself through.

  And the one time I didn’t, someone said something. Awesome.

  I grabbed my pointe shoes on my bureau, but then stopped and put them back, deciding against them, and felt for my slippers instead. Opening my door, I left the room and pulled my phone out of my back pocket. Leaning just barely into the bannister for support as I walked, I tapped the top of my screen, the voice-over reading the time.

  “Ten-thirty,” it said in a computerized male voice.

  Arion would be down at the pool for hours yet. Plenty of time.

  I walked toward the stairs, but the floorboards somewhere behind me suddenly creaked, and I stopped, turning my head.

  “Arion?” I asked.

  I hadn’t heard her come in.

  “Arion, are you here?” I called out again, louder this time.

  Did I hear that right?

  But it was silent now. No response. No more creaks. My heart started to pump harder, though, and I listened for a moment, my brain going through every possible scenario of what that could’ve been.

  We didn’t have pets.

  My parents were gone.

  I was the only one in the house.

  The wind, maybe?

  I clutched my phone, my thumb nervously rubbing over the corner of the screen. “Phone,” the voice-over said as I accidently hit the app there. I startled, picking up my foot.

  As I did, though, the floor creaked again, and I hesitated a moment before putting my foot back down on the same spot.

  The floor creaked under me once again. Right at the spot I was stepping.

  Was that me then? I turned my head behind me,
perking my ear for any sounds. I could’ve sworn the sound came from the floorboards behind me.

  I put my foot down again, the old hardwood floors in our antique home creaking under my weight as I trailed down the stairs and into the mini ballroom.

  It was fine. I just came inside, and all the doors were locked.

  I walked into the large room, counting the strides and picturing it in my mind from my memories as a kid. A whole wall of large windows sat to my left, facing the front of the house, and it was adorned with long, cobalt blue drapes, I remembered. The dark wood floor always flickered with the glow of the electric candles coming from the massive chandelier above, and I still remembered the white fireplace against the far wall where I got to decorate the mantel every Christmas.

  Or my mom would let me decorate it, and then she’d come and “fix” everything how she wanted it when I wasn’t looking.

  I pulled on my ballet slippers, my feet too sore to put up with the pointe shoes tonight, and picked up the remote for the small stereo system I had set up by the wall.

  Clicking to the second track, I found “Nothing Else Matters” by Apocalyptica and increased the volume to drown out the music outside before tossing the remote and my phone on the table.

  I walked around the square dance floor, marked by my sandpaper stickers still there, worn and dulled, after years of holidays and visits home when I practiced. When my parents had large dinners, there would be tables and chairs brought in and placed around the dance floor, but the room was all but empty at the moment. I could probably make my rehearsal space larger, given that there was no furniture to bump into.

  The music started, and I walked the perimeter, counting my steps and bobbing my head to the strum of the cello. The beat teased one, two, three, four, and five, and I matched my steps to it as the other instruments kicked in, and I vaulted up onto my toes and swung around in a circle.

  My arms shot out, my wrists bent and my fingers splayed, as I bowed my head and moved, just going with it as I let the music crawl inside and take over.

  Yes.

  The familiar flip hit my stomach, and I spun and stepped, swayed and dipped around the dance floor, feeling the energy of the music course under my skin.