Partridge in the P.E.A.R.

by Skye MacKinnon

  The three men stared at me in surprise.

  “But... L signed the document. The moment we set foot on this ship, we became her property. That’s how the law works. We’re not authorised to reclaim Birch,” my second in command reasoned.

  I let out a hard laugh, even though nothing about this situation was remotely funny. “You’re forgetting one thing. The moment L died, she was no longer able to have property. As the new Captain, ownership automatically transferred to me. And by the damned stars, I certainly didn’t give them permission to take Birch. By the universe, we’re in our right to get him back,” I barked, glad I was well versed in the intergalactic laws of our solar system. “Now why are you all standing there? Get the ship rerouted, transmit a signal, update the system. That is an order. Move!”

  The three men scrambled to their feet and saluted me. Wow, it would take some time to get used to this.

  We all headed to the bridge, leaving the comfort of the command room behind. I mentally patted myself on the back for being firm with my men, instead of drooling all over them. Not my men. The men. They weren’t mine. Well, they were according to the laws of space. But I was trying really hard not to think about that. I wouldn’t be abusing my position like L did. Not even if they were all so delicious.

  I glanced at the three of them. Rowan’s usual playful smile was replaced with a concentrated frown as he rerouted the ship. Hain pushed up his glasses, his eyes flickering dangerously dark underneath them. Cedar’s shirt was still too crisp to my liking, and to my discern, I could only think of one way I wanted to crumple it. Why were they so hot? And why did they all look so good together? Rowan with his casual attitude and lopsided grin, you couldn’t but feel at ease around him. Cedar’s stern face and piercing blue eyes, the serious note in the composition. Hain, dark and mysterious, but with a mischievous twinkle underneath his glasses. But it was an odd sight without Birch nervously running around from one side to the other. It didn’t feel... right.

  In the span of one day, we were two crew members down. The ship was oddly quiet without L’s endless array of annoying questions. Almost eerily quiet. You could actually hear the soft humming of the motors below deck.

  What a difference. I certainly wouldn’t miss her.

  But Birch.... From the four of them, he had always been the kindest to me. Even now that I knew it was actually L who made them behave like such massive dickheads. Now that she was gone, all three of them were definitely much more mellow and a spot warmer.

  It made it all feel more real now that we were turning the P.E.A.R. around to fly to Slaver's Bay. Not that it was an actual bay. It was an entire planet that had become a haven for outlaws and criminals. And bankers, strangely enough. No idea where it got the name from. Maybe some romantic notion of pirates living on an island, watching their ship sway in the harbour. In reality, it was a cesspit that I'd only visited once before.

  It wasn't very far - the pirates (or traders, if you wish) caught us off guard not far from their home planet. The question was, did we want to approach stealthily, or announce our presence? We had no major weapons to speak off, so they could easily blow us out of the sky if they wanted to. But we had no cloaking capability either. Maybe contacting them was the easiest option. If they didn't return Birch to us, we could always try other ways. We needed to get him back, that much was for sure.

  "Hail Slaver's Bay," I commanded and the guys all looked at me in surprise.

  "We're actually going to try and talk to them?" Hain asked, frowning.

  "They are criminals. It won't do any good trying to bargain with them. Not that we have anything to bargain with," Cedar said quietly.

  He was right. We had nothing... except for the supplies for Colony Twelve. But they needed those... right?

  "Ced, bring up our inventory. Let's see if we have anything valuable on board. Something that's not essential for the colony."

  Shooting me another dubious look, Cedar turned around to his console, bringing up a long list on the main screen.

  "Delete anything valued at less than one million stars," I ordered. I hoped that the pirates used the common currency of the Galactic Union. If not, we'd need to find some way to convert it into theirs.

  The list shrunk to about two dozen items. I quickly read through it - most things were essential for the colonists. I wasn't ready to sacrifice their well being for Birch. Not yet, anyway.

  "Look, those whisky bottles... who are they for?"

  "Commander Brown on the Colony. He requested them specifically. Forty-year-old malt from Islay, a Scottish island. Seems to be good stuff."

  I grinned. "I think the Commander will have to do without his whisky. I'm sure he'll agree that rescuing my crew mate is more important than his hangover."

  Hain smirked. "Want me to hail them now?"

  I nodded, gripping the sides of my command chair tightly. "Aye, let's do this."

  The symbol of the P.E.A.R. appeared on our main screen - a large oval shape surrounded by stars - together with a pirate flag. So predictable for them to have that as their call sign. Hopefully they were as moronic as their flag.

  "This is Captain Partridge on the P.E.A.R. calling the command of Slaver's Bay." My voice didn't shake at all and I was immensely grateful for that. I had to present myself as strong and unyielding. And a little ruthless, perhaps.

  A grainy image of an old man appeared on the screen. He was smoking something and I wasn't sure if the haziness of the picture was due to the quality or his puffing.

  "I’m Captain Redbeard, second in command of Slaver's Bay. What do ya want?"

  "I believe you have one of my crew. His name is Birch and he was unlawfully taken from my ship. I would like him returned immediately."

  Redbeard laughed heartily. "Are ya actually posing demands? That's rather cute." He turned to someone outside the picture and made an obscene hand gesture.

  Stay calm, Lucy. Don't let this bastard deter you from your aim.

  "Yes, I am indeed demanding his return. According to Galactic law, it is my right to claim him back. My predecessor did this bargain with you, but she is no longer with us and therefore the contract is null and void."

  Redbeard laughed even harder. "Thank you for providing me such good entertainment, dear girl. Now, piss off."

  I sighed. "I would be willing to trade for him, as a show of goodwill."

  "Yeah? What do ya have that I would want?"

  I pulled up a picture of one of the Scotch bottles onto the screen and sent it to him. His eyes widened slightly before he could hide it. Gotcha. He knew how precious those bottles were.

  "Not interested," he drawled, taking a deep puff of his cigar. "I told ya to piss off. If ya don't, I'll send a little torpedo your way."

  "Okay, we'll leave then. And drink that lovely whisky. My boys have been looking forward to it. Actually, they don't even want their mate back. After one taste of the Scotch, they all but forgot about him."

  "And why shouldn't we just hijack your ship and take it without bargaining?"

  "Well, we might be a small vessel but we have the latest weapons. I dare you to try."

  My bluff was so obvious that I was surprised Redbeard didn't just switch off the vidlink. I would have certainly done so in his position.

  "What's that guy's name again?"

  I smiled inside. "Birch. He was taken from us only a few hours ago, so he should be easy to find."

  Redbeard turned to one of the people around him. "Find that Britch guy."

  "Birch," I corrected. "Like the tree."

  "Ya got a crewmate named after a tree? This is getting more peculiar by the minute."

  I didn't tell him that in fact all four of my colleagues were named after trees. He didn't need to know that rather embarrassing fact. No idea if that was a coincidence or whether my father had consciously chosen them to be on my ship. Not that it had been my ship when I started this mission. But now that L was dead, it was mine, and I was going to look after my crew the bes
t I could.

  "Found him," someone said and a moment later, a half-conscious Birch was dragged in front of the camera. "That him?"

  "Yes," I hissed. "And if you even harm a single hair on him, you will meet my wrath."

  Redbeard laughed again, but this time it was a little less arrogant. "We'll put him in a shuttle as soon as ya send the whisky."

  "No way. I'll send you the bottles as soon as Birch is safe on my ship."

  "Why should we trust you?"

  "I'm not a pirate. That's why."

  He thought for a moment. "Good reason. We'll send him up now."

  Birch was dragged out of the picture again and my heart beat a little faster at seeing a small trickle of blood on his forehead.

  "Cedar, get the med bay ready. We might need it. Rowan, head to the shuttle bay. I'll join you there in a moment. Hain, get those bottles out of storage and put them into one of those autonomous little rockets you like to play with."

  He looked a little ashamed that I knew about his hobby. He didn't realise that I had long since hacked into the camera in the guys' living quarters. Just because I had my own rooms due to being of the opposite sex, didn't mean I wanted to miss out on their banter. And by the stars, the banter was definitely interesting. With L restricting our privileges on the holotables, watching the four of them was the only reality show I could stream on my screen. Shame I only managed to get a visual on the common areas. I could only imagine what went on behind closed doors.

  The image of L helping herself to one of my men flashed through my mind and I shuddered. On second thought, I rather not imagine it.

  “A shuttle left Slaver’s Bay,” Cedar announced, reminding me this was not the right time to be thinking about what they did in their private quarters. What I could be doing in their private quarters. Or what they could be doing in... Stop it, Luce!

  I shook the naughty thoughts out of my head. Saving Birch came first. And then someone else could come second. Maybe the blonde beast in his suit expertly tracking any movements in the galaxy around us. Blasters, that was another inappropriate thought. I should really contain myself.

  With a dry cough, I cleared my throat. “Is Birch on it?” I asked, leaning down on the control panel.

  “According to the tracker, that’s him.”

  The tight grip on my chest loosened a little. I hadn’t realised how tense I’d grown during this whole operation.

  “That’s odd...” Cedar quietly murmured from the side as he rubbed his beard.

  “What is?”

  “I’ve heard gruesome stories about Redbeard. I can’t believe he’s letting Birch go so easily.”

  “That’s a valid point...” I bit my lip, recalling all the stories about Slaver’s Bay and the pirates running it. Never had I heard about anyone successfully negotiating a treaty with them, especially not over any of their “merchandise”.

  “Do you think it’s a trap?” I voiced, glancing at Cedar for support. If Redbeard was up to something dodgy, they could be using Birch as bait. And as much as I wanted him safe, could I risk the safety of the rest?

  I knew Earth men were considered high value, especially at this age. They’d be getting a hefty sum for Birch on his own. And from what I knew from the trade, all four of them together could easily go for the price of a small dwarf planet. Which meant...

  “Cedar, is Birch alone?”

  The blonde nodded, showing me the scan of the shuttle. “He is.”

  “Can you scan for any electronics? Bombs, bugs, or bots?”

  Cedar shook his head, not a strand of hair moving out of place. “I’m afraid not. We rebooted CC and she’s not up to speed yet.”

  Blasters!

  “Can we manually update part of CC’s system? We need to know if they’re sending some unwanted accessories along.”

  “Perhaps?”

  The intercom crackled as I called for Hain. No whisky would be leaving this ship until I had Birch back and made sure they didn’t send any gifts along with him.

  “They’re close,” Cedar muttered, showing how our force field pinged as the shuttle entered our sonar’s reach.

  “Let’s hurry to the docks. Bring the scanner,” I ordered Cedar, deciding we’d better go and manually pull in this shuttle. With CC still locked down from her reboot, we might actually manage to operate this ship the way we wanted.

  Chapter 3

  “WE READY TO OPEN THE dock?” Hain asked, his dark eyes unreadable underneath his glasses. He always seemed close to Birch, he must be equally as antsy to get him safely back on board. In fact, the two other men seemed just as keen to get Birch back.

  With L out of the way, maybe they were finally able to show how much they cared for each other.

  “Captain! Apart from a dusty Plasma Blaster, there was nothing in the weaponry. But I found some newer models in L’s quarters. Well, your quarters. I hope you didn’t mind me going through...”

  I cut Rowan off. “No time for pleasantries, I’m just glad you found some guns. For all I care, you could go through my underwear drawer to find those.”

  A pink blush appeared on his cheeks as he averted his gaze. So cute. I wanted to lick the colour of his face, although that would have likely resulted in him being even more flushed. And me being embarrassed.

  “Two Canyon models and a brand-new X3000 one. Only three though, so one of us is going unarmed,” he sighed, holding up the metal case. “I found them in one of the safes.”

  So that was what L was keeping in there. I always assumed it was filled with liquor. Or a set of adult toys. I wondered if she kept them locked up in case of a mutiny. Thank the stars it was usable weapons instead. But only three of them...

  “Cedar, I want you to stay back in the cockpit. If something happens, I can’t have you getting hurt. Pass the scanner to Hain, please.”

  The blonde nodded, briefly saluted me, and turned on his heels. The door hissed behind him as I punched in the code for the airlock.

  “Rowan and I will take the Canyons. Hain, the X3000 is for you. Let’s prepare for the worst, hope for the best.”

  “What is the worst, Captain?” Rowan asked as he unlocked the safety switch on his blaster. I checked the state of the chamber, pleased to find it fully loaded. Even though I didn’t like violence, having a trusted Canyon in my hand certainly made me feel a lot more secure.

  “I’m thinking a dirty bomb, or maybe a virtual bug to infect CC?” I answered hesitantly, not entirely sure what kind of tactics pirates would use.

  “The shuttle is docking now,” Hain informed.

  “Still no other life form detectable?”

  He showed me the green blinking light on the navigator, indicating a positive identification on Birch’s chip.

  “First airlock disabled.” CC’s voice suddenly boomed through the loading dock. Well, for once she was actually being useful. That was a welcome change.

  I waved at Rowan, wanting him closer. Having them both next to me definitely made me feel safer.

  “Second airlock disabled.”

  My stomach tightened as I heard the familiar hiss from the air pumps. The doors would slide open any moment now.

  This was a bad idea. Every fibre of my body told me so. I was going to regret this, and so were my guys. It had to be a trap. Redbeard didn't seem like a nice guy, not at all. Damn, how did we get into this situation?

  The answer was easy: L. That bitch was still making our lives hell even after she had died.

  Weapons ready to fire, we waited for the click and hiss of the airlock. Moment of truth...

  When the lock was halfway open, Birch shouted, "Get down!". I didn't even think about it, I dropped to the floor and so did the three men around me.

  Something hot whizzed over us and painfully grazed the back of my head. It hurt like hell but I stayed on the floor, making myself as flat as possible.

  "Are you alright?" I called out to no one in particular and three affirmations reached me.

  "Birch!"
I shouted over the hissing sound that continued to race over our heads. "Are you okay?"

  "Yes," a weak groan came from the other side of the airlock. "Just a little busy trying to disarm the bomb."

  "What the stars? There's a bomb?" I wasn't going to panic, no chance.

  "It's set to eject a sleeping gas in about twenty seconds," Birch called, his voice strangely calm. "Better hold your breath in case I don't get this thing under control."

  I exchanged looks with Hain who was lying beside me. This didn't sound good. But Birch was clever. He'd know how to do this.

  Suddenly, the hissing sound stopped and I sighed in relief. My ears had begun to hurt under the constant noise assault.

  "Did you do it?" I asked hesitantly and was rewarded with another weak groan from the pressure chamber.

  "Yeah. I think I might need Cedar now."

  I jumped up and sprinted through the airlock to find Birch leaning against the shuttle entrance, blood trickling down his face. A large black canister was lying next to him; the bomb, most likely.

  "They tried to shoot us with darts," Rowan complained from behind me. "And something else which looks like burned goo."

  "They wanted to incapacitate you so they could take you all instead of just me," Birch explained weakly. "They're on their way now. We need to leave."

  The Captain in me sprung into action.

  "Cedar, I need you to look after Birch and get him to medbay. Rowan, check the space shuttle for any other threats, then set it free. Hain, you're with me, we're going to fly out of here."

  They all scrambled to follow my instructions. I ran back to the bridge, taking the stairs instead of the elevator this time. Hain was close behind, breathing heavily. We all needed a break, but I had a feeling we wouldn't get one in quite a while.

  When we got to the bridge, I immediately sat down in the Captain's chair, bringing up our position on the main screen.

  "Hain, plot a course to the Colony. Try and fly us through a nebula or meteor belt to shake off any pursuers. CC, are you there?"