Walk of Shame

by Gregory, O. L.

  Later, when we were back in the car, he turned to me. "Can I spoil your dinner plans to prove something to you?"

  "What is it with you guys and taking charge this week?"

  "We're upping our game."

  "Okay. If you want to feed me some other way, I'm in."

  He started texting production and the driver turned our car back towards the compound a few moments later. He kept right on texting until we reached the gates, then took my hand when we got out and led me back to my cottage. There was all manner of ingredients laid out on the island.

  "I know Phillip has come over and cooked for you before, so this idea has already been done. But, you like to make mention of how you appreciate a man who can cook. And I can cook. I have a few specialties, but I thought I'd stick to something tried and true," he declared.

  "Awesome. I'd love to sample your cooking."

  Later, after we'd joked and carried on in the kitchen as he went about making dinner, we sat at the dining room table with plates full of chicken parmesan.

  "I want to take you home with me," he said. "I want to show you what I see in the swamp. I think doing it in the relative safety of the animal sanctuary we run would be better than hands-on in the swamp. But maybe getting you on a boat ride through the swamp might help you start to see the beauty in it, too."

  "Maybe we can start with the plant life and work our way up to the animals. I can totally deal with the gorgeous plants that grow and bloom out there."

  He flashed a smile. "That sounds like a plan."

  I smiled back at him from across the table. I decided to treat his profession like I had RVing, back in the beginning. Living on the road sounds all exotic and exciting, but there were definite downsides to it. Things like having to empty your sewage tank, and not having a secure enough connection, that caused you to have it leak and splash onto your shoes and pants, or worse, your bare legs. Dealing with sponge baths for a few days, only to still run out of clean water while boondocking. Having your home be stranded along the side of the road because your vehicle broke down and had to be towed to a garage. These were the things you had to deal with and overlook, in order to enjoy all the good things about the lifestyle.

  My approach to the swamp was going to have to be the same way. The only problem was that I was working backwards. With RVing, I thought of all the good things first, making the bad things seem tolerable. With this, I was aware of all the bad things first, which made the good things seem as though they didn't exist. I was going to have to figure out how to turn my thinking around, if Jared was to have a fair chance at being with me at the end of this.

  I was under no disillusion that the problem between us wasn't our problem. It was mine. I'm the one that had the hang up with his job.

  "So, if we were to end up together," I said, "what percentage of our time do you think we could spend away from the swamp and sanctuary?"

  "You mean parked somewhere else, doing your changing scenery thing?"

  "Yeah. Is all your time tied up? Or can I still enjoy the travel and scenery that inspires me?"

  "Well, the sanctuary business slows to a crawl during the winter because the animals are cold-blooded and there isn't much in the way of entertainment for visitors once the animals stop moving. The fieldwork slows way down, as well." He ran a hand through his hair. "And I think I could probably save a lot of my paper and computer work for the winter, too. I imagine we can do a fair amount of travel then. And we can take an extra day or two traveling between the sanctuary and whatever field assignment I'm working on at the time."

  "So, we can work something out."

  "If we both give a bit, yes. We can work something out."

  I let that roll around in my mind as I turned my attention to the quality of the meal he'd put on the table for me. "This is really good."

  "Mm-hmm," he said with a smile brightening his face. "So do I get the bonus points for cooking?"

  Laughter burst from me. "Maybe. Do you know how to cook more than one dish?"

  "Absolutely."

  "Then I think some extra points can be arranged."

  Our easy banter continued throughout the meal and I found myself smiling more often than not. Time spent with Jared was always a good thing.

  Thursday

  "So," Mike asked on the next morning's run, "any head's up on what the group date will be like today?"

  I smiled to myself. "You think you have everything all figured out, don't you?"

  "Not really. I didn't see the bowl trick coming."

  "I didn't know how else to choose. Everyone here has had a one-on-one. I could have just pulled names from the bowl on my own, off-camera, and passed the decision off as my own, but I wanted to be upfront with everybody."

  "It amazes me that you can't decide at this point."

  "It amazes me how amazing the five of you are. I made quick work of narrowing down the field, to the point of making it difficult for the network to put together a full season. I've cut this whole process by three weeks. There should still be eight guys here. And if there were, I'd have three more weeks of easy cuts to make before being put in the position I'm in right now. And maybe by then I'd have a clearer picture of who would get booted next."

  "You could have picked the two you like the most, to see if more time only brought out your like for them more, or squashed it. Or, you could have picked the two you like the least to compare them."

  I stopped running. "I've used both those strategies in the past, and they've served me well. But, see, here's the thing; I don't know who I like more than others. Every moment I spend with you guys, I like each of you more. I can't decide. I cannot get it together. Quite frankly, whichever guy I spend that day with becomes my new favorite. You guys just keep rotating around on the list. I thought Stephen was on the bottom, I really did. But, turns out he was only on the bottom because I hadn't been spending as much time with him as I was with the rest of you."

  He gave me a hard look and started running again.

  I picked the pace back up and caught up with him. "You don't get to be mad at me over this."

  "I'm not mad," he said.

  I glanced over at him a few times, trying to judge his expression. "You're jealous."

  "You're damned right I'm jealous. I have to watch you go off with these other guys, week after week. And I was glad I got one of the first one-on-one dates, I really was. But it's been weeks of knowing that you wanted to rotate through the guys, and give them all a fair shot. I understood that. But I have also noticed the fact that the guys who get the most time with you, more often than not, are the ones you smile the brightest for. It's why I started running with you. I wanted some of those smiles directed at me again."

  "I've spent more time with you than with anybody else."

  "I know it. I've seen to it. I've put in a lot of effort to sneak over as many mornings as I can."

  "And you don't feel like I've put in equal effort?"

  "No, that's not what I'm saying." He stopped running and sighed. "Look, I like working out with you. I enjoyed our little snuggle session the other day. I feel like I screwed up that first date and I've done my best to make up for it. I just, I had hoped that I would have gotten a chance to try a date with you again. And you've done nothing wrong. You have a right to handle this however you have to handle it, in order to make your choice at the end."

  "So you're pissed at the situation, again."

  "Yeah. And I should thank you for shortening this ordeal for all of us. It's just that I know you like all five of us. And since you don't know what order to put us in, and you tend to favor the ones you spend the most time with, and I wasn't on a one-on-one..."

  "You're worried about going home."

  "Em, as much as watching you go off with each of them drives me nuts, the thought of you ending up with someone else at the end is driving me insane. I want you. I don't say it, but I freaking love every little bit I find out about you. I like your attitude on life, your sarcastic s
ense of humor, and your dedication to a project. I want to be with you at the end of this. I want to take you exploring in the national parks system and I want you to park me someplace spectacular between assignments. I want to share my life with you."

  I let out the breath I'd been holding since he'd started talking. And since I couldn't tell him that I wanted all those same things, too, without thinking that I thought virtually the same thing with other guys here, I gave him a flirty smile. "You know, I'm a package deal."

  He smiled. "I just might like Goldie more than I like you."

  "I find that hard to believe. That little tramp's been sleeping in a different bed every night."

  "Well, yeah. But when she's with you, she makes you feel like you're the only one."

  I burst out laughing. "I gotta go get showered and changed. I'll see you back at the house."

  I caught them at the tail end of breakfast when I walked into the room where production had corralled them together. I set the bowl back on the coffee table.

  That got their attention.

  "No group date this week?" Phillip asked.

  "Nope, I've done plenty of group dates. The game has changed. I told you that. I have feelings for each of you, real feelings. I don't need to spend group time getting to know you anymore. I need private time, away from the others, to explore my feelings and focus my attention on each of you, so I can make the best decision possible. So, I'm boycotting group dates from here on out."

  "Well, all right then," Liam said. "What's today's adventure?"

  "Rose Bowl Flea Market. It's supposed to be huge. I like to wander around flea markets and see what treasures there are to be found. The items people are selling can spur on all kinds of conversations. And whoever comes with me had better wear sneakers. If it's as big as I've read about, we'll be there all day."

  "Well," Jared said as he leaned forward, "guess it's my turn to pick a name." He reached in, read it, and turned to Mike. "You're up."

  Mike stood, shaking his head at himself. "I'm ready to go."

  I said goodbye to the other guys and walked out to the driveway with Mike.

  "I just keep jumping the gun, don't I?"

  "Yeah, you do. But it's all right. It just means that you know what you want."

  "I'm sorry."

  "Don't apologize. I'm the one not telling you everything. I swear, if we do end up together, I'm not like this in real life, playing my cards so close to the vest. But right now, I can't tell you my thoughts and reasons behind my actions ahead of time, it would give you an unfair advantage."

  "Which I already have because of all the extra time I'm spending with you."

  "Exactly."

  He opened the car door and waved me in before running around to the other side and getting in. "Okay. I have to learn to rein my insecurities in. This whole thing was more than I bargained for. You're more than I bargained for."

  I smiled. "All the more reason for us to go and enjoy this date. We can't ditch the cameras, but we can ditch the house and the guys for a couple of hours."

  He chuckled. "All five of us have decided we'd rather sleep in our rigs, in our own space, but production won't let us. We're all ready to ditch the house. It's nice and all, but being in such close proximity to all the other guys your girl is dating starts to screw with your head."

  "You guys were all getting along."

  "We still are, but it's forced. You leave with someone and everyone else is quiet for the rest of the afternoon. We used to carry on, go play basketball, hang out, but now everyone just kind of keeps to themselves until the other guy gets back."

  "So just because you're the only one who voiced the jealousy doesn't mean you all aren't feeling it."

  "Yep. As much as you're feeling it for the five of us, it pains me to say that all five are feeling it for you."

  I looked out at the passing scenery. "You know what I miss?"

  "What's that?"

  "Quiet days where all I have to worry about is getting some writing done. I mean, I'm used to being on the go, taking phone calls, doing activities to write about, working the tables at a convention. But there were quiet days in between, and I'm in need of some of those."

  "I miss not being in a city. I miss the scenery of the parks. I miss running along a trail instead of a track."

  We pulled into the parking lot of the flea market and we left talk of the house and show behind. For hours, we lost ourselves in browsing one stand after another, after another. And we discovered that you could tell a lot about a person by watching which stands they choose to stop at.

  Mike seemed to have an addiction to sunglasses, baseball caps, and pocketknives. He stopped at multiple stands to check out the merchandise, telling me that his job necessitated all three, even though I'd never seen him with a hat or a knife since meeting him.

  He realized that I had an addiction to sticky notes, nail polish, and stopping to appreciate someone's creativity. He found out I'm a browser, not so much a buyer. I respected the limited quarters of my fifth wheel and tried not to clutter it up too much because it just made packing up to change locations that much more difficult. But, that said, I liked to take pictures of absolutely everything that interested me. Pictures were cheap and took up no physical space.

  "Did you have plans for our dinner?" Mike asked.

  "No. My dinner plans have been changed twice now. But if you have nothing up your sleeve, maybe we can finally go to that Italian restaurant I've been trying to get to."

  "Well, if you wouldn't mind, I do have a little something up my sleeve."

  I smiled. "I don't mind."

  "I did a little talking and arranging when they pulled me aside for a mini-interview, while you were looking at the paintings on the logs."

  "Nice. So where are we headed?"

  "To a marina. We have to take a boat to get there."

  We rode in the car to the marina, where Mike impressed me by taking the helm of the small boat the producers had rented. And given the varying locations of his job, I shouldn't have been surprised that Mike drove the boat like a pro and navigated us to an island.

  "This island is privately owned," Mike called out over the sound of the engine and wind. "The owner rents it out to couples, families, groups, and such. Indie movies have been shot here. A few major motion pictures have filmed scenes here. Celebrities rent it to get away, without being too far away. The island is ours until noon tomorrow."

  I glanced back at the camera crew. "I don't have eighteen hours," I called back over to him.

  He shook his head. "I know. But the rental only runs overnights. We don't have to stay until then."

  "Got'cha."

  "We just don't have to be in a hurry to leave, is all I'm saying." He navigated to the other side of the island and a small house came into view. "Dinner is inside, waiting for us."

  He docked the boat and we spent a few minutes checking out our immediate surroundings.

  He pointed to the beachfront balcony porch on the house. "I say we carry our dinner up there and watch the sunset."

  I looked up to where he was pointing. "I think you have yourself a deal. Isn't dinner going to get cold while waiting for sunset?"

  "They packaged it up to be reheated, and a member from the production catering staff is in the kitchen handling it."

  "Nice."

  "All we have to worry about right now is enjoying the peace and quiet."

  We walked up along the beach, and then hiked inland to check out the limited vegetation and lay of the land. It was fun, it was quiet, and while we had to deal with microphone packages being strapped to us, the camera guys managed to stay back, since we were just exploring, bantering, and chatting.

  It was the most relaxed I'd felt since this whole thing started. I didn't feel like I was here for some purpose. And I think that had to do with the sheer lack of people crawling around the property. There were seven on the island, including the two of us, and the island was just big enough that you didn't mind
their presence.

  By the time dinner was reheated and we went up to the balcony, I was in a much calmer frame of mind. "This was a truly excellent idea, thank you."

  "Believe me, it's been my pleasure. And, since you've been trying to get to that restaurant for the past two nights, I had the restaurant make us up small servings of five of their most popular entrees. So we have a little buffet going on here."

  "Awesome."

  We dug in and filled our plates. Reheated or no, the food was delicious, and the view of the sunset was spectacular.

  "So, kids," Mike started.

  My head turned towards him. "Kids? Sure, let's have some."

  He smiled. "We can get a huge tent, set up a table or two inside, run an extension cord, and make that a portable office, once we need to have two bedrooms."

  "Awesome! And they make portable climate control systems for tents, so summer and winter won't make you want to die."

  "Exactly. And when I'm at a point in the project that I don't have to have an office area, we'll fold up the tables and let the kids use it as a playroom on rainy days."

  I smiled. "How many?"

  "Two. I liked having a lot of siblings while growing up, but more than two just becomes impractical with our lifestyle. I don't want anyone to slip past us and then we spend hours trying to track them down in a park."

  "And we need to have more than one so they can have a buddy to adventure with."

  "Yeah. Having only one when we won't be stationary long enough to make and keep friends is just cruel."

  "Are there others you regularly work with that bring their kids to the parks with them?"

  "Sure. But it's not always the exact same group of guys. Plus, I can't guarantee compatible ages. I don't know who will or will not have kids when we do."

  "Still though, it would be good that they'll have other kids they know onsite."

  "There are a few singles that work the circuit, but there are some others that bring their families along. And still others who do half and half, the family comes depending on the area we're working in."