Walk of Shame

by Gregory, O. L.

  He smiled. "You would have said that no matter which one had grabbed you."

  I returned the smile. "Yes, but I mean it more with you," I said with a wink.

  "Okay," he pulled in the oars, laid them along the side, slid off his seat, folded down the seat back, pulled a lever, and slid the whole seat to the end of the boat. "Now you," he said with a gesture towards my seat.

  Amused, I slid off and fumbled my way through repeating his actions on my seat.

  "Okay, now sit back up on that folded chair," he instructed as he started unrolling a length of foam and then laid a couple sleeping bags over it before placing two pillows on the floor of the boat.

  I grinned down at the sight.

  "What?" he asked.

  "I'm just trying to figure out if we're stargazing, or if I'm about to rack up a first for myself."

  That got a full smile from him. "Don't tempt me to tempt you, because I'd do it in a heartbeat."

  I let my eyes connect with his. "Ah, then we must be out here to stargaze." I slid back down off my seat and picked a side to stretch out on.

  He laughed and lay down beside me and I turned to snuggle into his side before gazing upward. "We're a little early for all the stars. We'll have to give the planet a few more minutes to keep spinning around," he said.

  I turned back to him, reached a hand over to turn his face toward mine, then lifted up on an elbow to lean over him and kiss him once. "Oh, damn," I said before kissing him again. "What could we possibly come up with to do while we wait?"

  He lifted up to kiss me, then turned us so that he was leaning over me. "You are a little temptress," he whispered in his southern drawl, before I pulled him down to me.

  Hands got a little unruly before we came up for air and realized that the night sky was on full display for us.

  "Maybe, in a month or so, we can make that first happen for you," Jared whispered after about twenty minutes of staring into the sky and discussing thoughts about aliens and other habitable planets out there.

  "Well, if this boat keeps up its gentle rocking with the waves, it's gonna happen tonight."

  He turned his head to look at me with raised eyebrows. "It happens that easily for you?"

  I smiled into the darkness, fully aware of the soft chuckle that came from the crew boat floating about twenty feet away, still listening to our conversation through their headsets. "I've never been one to have any difficulty with it."

  "Well, yeah, but... We're not talking about the same thing, are we?"

  I giggled at him. "I'm talking about falling asleep and spending the night right here, floating around in the boat."

  He snorted. "Oh, hell. We could do that. The other guys can't get mad, we're out here in full view of cameras and anyone else who paddled through the dark."

  "You just want to be able to brag about it."

  "Hey, that's just a side benefit to it. And I have to admit, I've never done it, either. The idea is interesting, and I don't know why."

  I laughed and snuggled in a bit closer. "I guess if production doesn't like it, they can come out here and fetch us themselves."

  He wrapped his arm around me a little snugger. "So, because now I have to know, have you ever... in a rowboat?"

  "You don't really want to know that."

  "Yeah, I do. I want to know what kind of girl I have to look forward to," he teased.

  I smiled into the dark and let out a single chuckle under my breath. "Yes, I have."

  "Really? How'd that go?"

  "Cramped. His seats didn't slide back out of the way like this one's do."

  He laughed. "Poor girl. Were you at least on top?"

  "Hell, no. I was on the bottom, getting my head banged into the built-in bench seat."

  He laughed a little harder. "Oh, no!"

  "I got a splinter in my ass, too."

  His laughter echoed across the lake. "Sounds like he was completely unprepared."

  "We were sixteen. Prepared was making sure you had a condom that wasn't expired."

  "Oh, Lord," he said, still laughing, "yes, it was." He calmed down as we fell silent, but moments later, he broke the silence. "How'd you get the splinter out?"

  I grinned. "That's what having a little sister is for."

  "Ha! Poor Chloe."

  "Poor Chloe, my ass. I had to pay her twenty dollars to do it, and another thirty to keep her mouth shut after I told her how I got it. If I had been older, I'd have known enough to lie to her about it."

  "Sounds like you two had a lot of fun growing up."

  I grinned. "I got my money back two years later."

  He was already laughing. "How?"

  "She snuck off to make out in the woods with a guy our Mom hated. And while she was out there, she got a tick that I had to remove for her because she couldn't see it well enough to get it off herself."

  "Was it on her ass?"

  "No, the underside of her boob."

  "I feel so sorry for your Dad, having to raise the two of you." He nuzzled my neck, nipped at my earlobe, and whispered, "Naughty little girls."

  I moaned and shifted under him to find his lips with mine.

  "You won't get a splinter from my boat," he whispered against my mouth.

  "Don't tempt me."

  Wednesday

  "What the hell is this?" Liam's voice boomed across the water, followed by the distinct sound of Phillip's chuckle.

  Reluctantly, I opened my eyes to find that I was turned on my side, cuddled against Jared, with one hand on the floor between us and the other laying on Jared's chest. I sat up, careful to not rock the boat too much and wake up Jared, and looked around. Last night's camera crew was still drifting in their boat, not thirty feet away from us, looking bleary-eyed. I tried to feel bad about that, but it didn't work. Liam and Phillip were closing in the distance between us. "What time is it?" I called out.

  "Almost nine," Phillip answered. "We were wondering if you had anything on the agenda for the day, but then we realized that none of us knew where you even were."

  "And then," Liam added, "we realized that Jared was the only one of the guys missing."

  "That's when Mike said that we should probably track you two down and see what's going on, before we egged his rig," Phillip said.

  Jared kept his eyes closed and stayed horizontal, but he let a smile spread across his face.

  "Well, I'm still fully dressed. Hell, I even slept in my bra. And we were chaperoned all night," I said with a nod in the direction of the crew boat. "I don't think anything needs to be egged."

  "All right," Liam agreed. "But if a wrapper or a condom falls out of anybody's pocket, all bets are off."

  I grinned, but then I turned suspicious. "How did you know that I wasn't in my bed?"

  "Because, Goldie was still running around outside," Liam answered.

  "Oh, my God!" How had I forgotten about her? I was going to have to get used to taking care of her again. We weren't on the gated lot anymore.

  "She's fine. We think she slept under your rig. We fed her," Liam said.

  "I'm a crappy mother," I muttered.

  "It's okay," Jared said, finally making his presence known. "You practice with a dog so you don't screw up a kid later."

  I reached down and slapped his leg. "Not funny."

  Liam and Phillip chuckled.

  "Did you have plans for the day?" Liam asked.

  "Nope."

  "Well, good. Head back to shore, get something to eat, maybe change your clothes if you want, then you're all mine," Liam said with a sparkle in his eyes. Then he turned to the camera crew. "You two will have to trade off with the other crew, after being up all night out here, you won't be safe where we're going."

  Jared sighed and sat up to start rowing while I just stared at Liam, wondering what was in store for me.

  We pulled the boats up onshore and I went in search of Chloe. "Why didn't you let Goldie inside last night to sleep?" I asked when I found her hosing off my indoor-outdoor carpetin
g that she'd laid out, under my awning.

  "Because Goldie has decided that she's ticked off with me and wouldn't come in last night."

  "Why?"

  "I cooked a hot dog over the fire for her last night. When it was done, I flung it off the skewer. It hit the ground and bounced up. She caught it and gobbled it down. Her tongue got burnt because she didn't sniff it first and let it cool."

  "Is she all right?"

  "Yeah, a medic checked her out. They took a picture of her tongue and sent it to a vet. She's fine, we gave her tons of ice water and I gave her one of those baby aspirin you keep on hand for her."

  "She's been around all kinds of people for weeks and there's never been a problem. You're here one night and you break her. You're a bad doggy-aunt."

  "Yeah, but I tried to fix her, that has to count for something."

  I rolled my eyes and grabbed a bowl of fresh fruit salad that catering had provided. I ate on my way inside the fifth wheel to grab a shower, confident that wardrobe would find something date appropriate for me to put on when I came out.

  I knew I was in for it when they put me in tight-fitting athletic gear.

  I stepped down out of my rig and landed my eyes on Liam. "Is today some sort of payback?"

  He grinned. "Yes, and I have everyone's blessing to put you through your paces."

  I laughed. "I'm sure you do."

  He turned to Chloe and winked. "You wanna come tag-along?"

  Chloe shook her head. "No, thank you, Mountain Man. I'll keep my feet on solid ground."

  Liam grinned at me. "Mountain Man?"

  "That's how I keep all you people straight," Chloe said, reclaiming his attention. She held up a hand and started ticking off fingers, "There's Mountain Man, Park Guy, Swamp Thing, Animal Dude, Photo Booth," then held up the thumb on her opposite hand, "and the Cook."

  "Hey," Phillip said, grinning from ear to ear, "I'm on the list twice."

  "Photo Booth?" Stephen repeated at the same time.

  Chloe looked down at her hands and then did a mental head-count of the guys. "Shit." She looked at Phillip, "I thought you were the cook."

  "I am," he said. "I'm also the animal dude."

  "I thought she got rid of the animal dude." She turned to me. "Were there two animal guys?"

  "No. There was Music Man, Dino Digger, and Driver Guy."

  "But I thought Phillip was a chef or something."

  I tried to hide my smile, but it wasn't working. "No. He isn't a cook. It's that he can cook. So can Liam."

  "The Park Guy! Doesn't he work with the animals living in the parks?"

  "Uh, no," Mike said. "I build bridges over rivers and tunnels through mountains. I scout out roadway paths through mountain chains and lay out trails. I work in construction."

  Chloe turned from Mike to me. "See? This is why I wanted you to send me pictures of everybody."

  "I thought you had a chart you were keeping track of them on," I said.

  She sighed. "I'm going to have to pull it out and see where I went wrong."

  I turned from her to the guys. "She really is intelligent, I swear."

  They smiled.

  "I can't keep who they are, who they work for, what they do, and what their interests are all in my head," she muttered.

  "She's a visual learner," I told them. "Anything you say to her goes in one ear and out the other. Just ask our parents."

  "Shut up," she said.

  I turned back to her and grew serious. "What are you going to do today?"

  "Well, first, I'm going to sit down with the guys and redo my chart," she quipped. "Then, since I didn't get to talk with Jared last night, he and I are going to go for a little walk."

  "Did you weed anybody out for me, yet?" I asked.

  She rolled her eyes and gave me an exasperated look. "Let's make sure my opinions are going to the right guys first, before I tell you who it is I don't like for you, okay?"

  I smiled. "Okay." I started to walk away from her, but then looked back over my shoulder to tease her one last time. "You do know that the one with the Scottish accent came from Scotland and the one with the southern accent is from the south, right?"

  The look she shot me was loaded with daggers. "Shut. Up."

  Phillip turned to her and extended a hand toward her. "I'm Phillip from the Philippines."

  Mike extended his hand out to her. "And I'm Michael from the Michappines."

  She showed no facial response to them, just turned around and started walking toward the lake.

  "They're lying, you know," Stephen called out to her.

  She paused in her walking.

  "Phillip is from Philadelphia," he said.

  She lifted a hand over her head and gave us all the middle finger.

  I let out the chuckle I'd been holding in and moved to take Liam's hand as we walked over to an SUV.

  Liam got in next to me, still laughing.

  The driver pulled away from the area that we'd taken over and headed down a dirt road.

  "You knew I called you Mountain Man," I told him.

  "Well, yeah. But I didn't know you had spread the word about it," he said with a smile.

  I tilted my head back against the headrest and turned to him with a grin. "Do you know what I thought that first night I met you and found out you worked in the mountains?"

  His blue eyes sparkled in reaction to my flirty tone. A devilish grin flashed across his face as the sun shone on his red hair from the rear window, looking so freaking handsome that it was almost a crime. "What?"

  "That you were as big as a Himalaya," I whispered. I let my eyes sweep over him as I reached down and unbuckled my seatbelt. "And then I thought," I moved into his lap, straddling him, and let my lips fall just short of his, "I've always wanted to climb a Himalaya." Then I let my lips touch his, cupped his face in my hands, and put some effort into the kiss.

  His hands drew up my back and he pulled me closer to him.

  We ignored the camera pointed at us and continued kissing for several minutes, until the tire hit a hole in the road, jarring my lips off his. He landed a kiss on my nose before letting me get back into my own seat.

  I clicked the seatbelt into place and let out a happy sigh.

  He looked at me from the corner of his eye and chuckled.

  We hit another pothole and I sat up to take a look around at where we were. "Are we about to do some wilderness survival exercise?"

  "No."

  "They're not going to drop us somewhere in the park and we have to find our way out?"

  "No."

  "Then what are we going to do?"

  He leaned over and gave me a peck on the mouth. "You'll see."

  Ten minutes later, I was looking up at the sheer face of a mountain while people were getting themselves and their equipment into position.

  "So, Mountain Man wants to go mountain climbing. Isn't that a little predictable?" I asked, turning to him.

  He shrugged in contrast to the smile he was wearing. "You said you wanted to get to know more about what we all do, since you'll be living on location."

  I looked back up at the rock face. "I need a bottle of water."

  "If you'd rather, we can walk around and hike up the side. Then we can just repel down."

  "Pfft. No. You want to climb, we climb." I walked over to the base, propped a foot on the wall, and started stretching.

  One of the production members brought a bottle of water over and handed it to me.

  "Thank you," I told them. I unscrewed the cap and downed the water.

  "What are you doing?" Liam asked.

  "Hydrating and stretching. It's called, 'not getting a muscle cramp a hundred feet off the ground'."

  He smiled. "Been there, done that?"

  I returned his smile as I shifted to stretch my other leg. "Not my first rodeo, my friend."

  He grinned and took the empty bottle out of my hands to toss to a waiting crewmember.

  Guides came over to us with safety gea
r and Liam took the stuff from them. We had a ball strapping each other into it all. The guides double-checked the fit and buckle closures before we clipped onto the ropes that were strung down the face of the mountain.

  We returned to our campsites three hours later. I grabbed two half-frozen water bottles out of the nearest cooler and lay down on a picnic table bench. I lifted the top of the front of my shirt and slid a bottle underneath, between my boobs. I held the other one against the back of my neck.

  Stephen looked on with amused confusion. "Are those sweat stains on your shirt?"

  "You know how your arm pits sweat?" I asked.

  "Yeah."

  "Well, I didn't think to put deodorant under my boobs this morning."

  "You mean like, boob pits?" Liam teased.

  "They sweat?" Stephen asked, still not comprehending.

  "They float, too," Chloe added as she came out of my RV, holding a bottle of soda.

  "They float?" Stephen asked. "How did I not know about this?"

  "Hey," I said. "I didn't know until a few years ago that a guy's nether regions shrink in cold water."

  "Wait," Chloe said with wide eyes. "It shrinks?"

  "Like a turtle pulling its head into its shell," I said.

  "What!?"

  "Funniest damn thing I think I've ever seen."

  Four of the guys were laughing at Chloe's expression. Stephen was still reeling, "Did you guys all know about boob sweat?" he asked.

  "I worked a summer in the Poconos with two women, where the humidity is ridiculous. They had marks on their shirts all the time," Liam said.

  "My sister works her ass off outside," Jared said.

  "I worked with female soldiers in the middle of the desert," Mike answered.

  Phillip shrugged his shoulders. "I was married."

  Cooled down enough to function again, I sat up and pulled the bottle out from under my shirt. I downed another bottle of water, then got up to go take my second shower of the day. Production wanted to make up the pretty, pretty princess from scratch again before I moved on with my day.

  "What is up with this outfit?" I asked the MA.

  "You're going out again," she answered.